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KURTIS: NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT, WAIT... DON'T TELL ME - the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Mo Rocca, Alonzo Bodden and Amy Dickinson. And here again is your host at the Schuster Performing Arts Center in Dayton, Ohio, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. In just a minute - in just a minute, Bill's starting to show. It's his third rhyme-ester (ph) in our Listener Limerick Challenge.
AMY DICKINSON: Oh, no.
SAGAL: If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, it is time for a game that we're calling...
KURTIS: I Don't Feel So Good.
SAGAL: As you know, access to health care will soon be a distant, beautiful memory.
SAGAL: So we're going to have to take care of ourselves. Bill is going to describe for you some symptoms of some very real, if newly discovered, diseases and maladies. You guess the condition he's suffering from, you get a point. You ready to do this? Here we go. All right, Mo, this one's for you. Bill, let's hear your symptoms.
KURTIS: My skin is hot and tingly. And my legs are numb. But, boy, am I on fleek.
SAGAL: So Bill is suffering from a real new disease, suffered mainly by hipsters. Is it - A, Mustache Wax-Related Dementia...
SAGAL: ...B, Skinny Pants Syndrome...
SAGAL: ...Or C, Craft Brewer's Yeast Infection?
MO ROCCA: I think that you're wearing skinny pants.
SAGAL: That's right. Skinny pants is right.
SAGAL: People have reported numbness and rashes from wearing their skinny jeans too long. All right, Bill, it's time to tell Amy your symptoms.
KURTIS: There I was at the Eiffel Tower. It smelled like an armpit, and I felt no joie in my vivre.
SAGAL: OK, Bill, thanks. Now we're at war with France.
SAGAL: All right, Amy, what has Bill come down with? Is it A, Tourist Vertigo, dizziness caused by creating your neck upwards all the time; B, Escargot-Terror, a psychosomatic reaction to having just eaten an actual snail or C, Paris Syndrome, shock suffered by tourists who suddenly realize that contrary to the image, Paris is actually quite dirty and disgusting.
DICKINSON: No, I'm going to go with number one because I think I get that.
SAGAL: No, it's actually Paris Syndrome.
SAGAL: Yeah, people go to Paris, they discover that it's actually a real city filled with real people who smell, and they freak out.
SAGAL: For some reason, it's common among Japanese tourists. And they treat...
DICKINSON: What is wrong with people?
SAGAL: They treat about 20 people per year who cannot manage.
SAGAL: They can't walk. They fall on the ground.
DICKINSON: They fall - they're very delicate. That is really amazing. Yeah, no. I don't see Paris as a letdown. I mean, it's no Dayton. You know what I'm saying?
SAGAL: No, well...
ROCCA: Dayton, the Paris of western Ohio.
SAGAL: This last one is for you, Alonzo. Bill, what else is wrong with you?
KURTIS: Something's wrong with my llama. He doesn't want to cuddle anymore.
SAGAL: Alonzo, what very real disorder has come between Bill and his llama?
SAGAL: Is it A, Berserk Llama Syndrome, a llama mistakes its owner for another llama, and it doesn't really like it; B, Excessive L Disorder - llamas are driven mad trying to figure out why they have two L's in their name...
SAGAL: ...Or C, Hump Envy, a depressive state suffered by llamas who spend too much time with camels?
ALONZO BODDEN: Wow, that's a tough one, you know? Just so you know, my llama is well-adjusted and fine.
SAGAL: I'm glad to hear it.
BODDEN: So I'm not sure how to handle these sick llamas, but I'm going to go with A.
SAGAL: You're going to go with A, Berserk Llama Syndrome. You're right. It is a real thing.
SAGAL: So this is a thing. If you raise your llama from birth, the llama will imprint on you. It will think you're its llama mama.
SAGAL: And llamas get very aggressive towards other llamas.
ROCCA: That's really unsettling.
SAGAL: It is.
ROCCA: Are they self-loathing that they don't like other llamas?
SAGAL: Well, they're very aggressive animals.
ROCCA: That's why people should only cuddle with alpacas.
SAGAL: That's true.
BODDEN: I'm just wondering, like, is Berserk Llama a pre-existing condition? Is there a danger of losing coverage under one of these health care plans?
BODDEN: There's nothing worse than a berserk llama in the backyard and no insurance.
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