Panelist Questions Now Hiring! Apple vs Windows, Alexa is mocking you.
NPR logo

Panelist Questions

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/592577036/592589513" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript
Panelist Questions

Panelist Questions

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/592577036/592589513" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Faith Salie, Tara Clancy and Alonzo Bodden. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks, everybody. In just a minute, Bill goes the museum to gaze at his favorite Edvard Munch painting, The Scrhyme (ph)...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...In our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, it's time for a new game that we're calling...

KURTIS: Now Hiring.

SAGAL: So the Trump economy is heating up. It's a great time to look for a new job, maybe even get out of the country. If you're in the market for a new gig, we're going to tell you the job requirements that have been posted for very real jobs that are now available somewhere in the world. Guess the job. You get a point. Your resume goes to the top of the pile. You ready to go?

FAITH SALIE: Sure.

SAGAL: All right. Here we go. Alonzo, first job opening is in Vancouver, Canada. Applicants must be able to, quote, "walk and turn" and "stand on one leg." Is the job A, a stand-in for the flamingo at the Vancouver Zoo, or B, a professional drinker on whom the police can try out their sobriety tests?

ALONZO BODDEN: Oh, it would have to be a professional drinker.

SAGAL: You're right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The police...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Will give the person three shots of hard liquor, and then they'll watch them walk around and try to recite the alphabet backwards.

Faith, in California, there's a job that requires that you have aerobic fitness and a willingness to work in bare feet. Is it A, the McRoskey Mattress Company's professional bouncer, who jumps on mattresses to test them, or B, Reebok's staff stinker, who's required to walk ten miles without socks in prototype shoes to test their stink retention?

SALIE: Oh, that's tough. I'm going to - oh, that's hard. You don't give hints on this, do you?

SAGAL: Oh, no. It's supposed to go really, really quickly.

SALIE: Yeah, sorry.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: One of those lightning games. We zip through it.

SALIE: Mattress.

SAGAL: Yes. They bounce a hundred times...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...On each mattress in a very organized pattern to test it.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Tara, the next job opening requires aviation...

TARA CLANCY: A.

SAGAL: What?

CLANCY: You said to go fast.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I like your spirit, Tara. The next opening requires aviation experience and a positive attitude. Is it A, Southwest Airlines' professional apologizer, who will get on the phone with angry passengers to tell them, we're sorry, or B, Skydive USA's morale assistant, who jumps out of a plane alongside novices and yells encouraging phrases like, we're not going to die.

(LAUGHTER)

CLANCY: A.

SAGAL: You're right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. It was the apologizer. Could've given it to you before.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Now, panel, onto some of the rest of the week's news.

Tara, you may have heard about this brand-new, $5 billion Apple headquarters building in California. It's hyper-modern, super fancy. There's this problem. Many of the employees there have injured themselves by doing what?

CLANCY: Many - I haven't heard about this at all. You started with, you may have heard. I haven't heard. They may injure themselves by, you know, walking into something while looking at their phones, like the rest of us.

SAGAL: That's exactly right.

(APPLAUSE)

CLANCY: Whoa, baby.

SAGAL: Although what makes it interesting is that they're specifically walking into the glass walls because they cannot see them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The new Apple headquarters is this futuristic building. It looks like a giant transparent spaceship. And it's got the latest environmental technology over there. It's got wood harvested at the optimum time of the year. And ow, damn it. I did it again.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The glass walls, apparently, are so perfectly clear that employees keep conking themselves in the head walking into them, and then they can't get medical care at the headquarters because they all forgot to get AppleCare for their faces.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: So when they walk into the walls, if they crack the glass, do they have to buy a new phone or take it in to get somebody to fix it? You Break, We Fix just comes out and fixes the building.

SAGAL: The worst thing is, like, you know, if there is any justice in this world, they're going to say, OK, we need to fix this - this problem with the building. And they're going to go to the engineers, and they're going to say, I'm sorry. The building's out-of-date. You're going to need to buy a new building.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Tara, one more for you. Amazon has announced they're working on a solution to a problem affecting Alexa devices worldwide. These various devices are spontaneously doing what?

CLANCY: Laughing.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CLANCY: Boom.

(LAUGHTER)

CLANCY: I remember this one.

SAGAL: You heard about this?

CLANCY: I heard about this one. I did. I did.

SAGAL: I'm going to try not to say Alexa because when I say Alexa, people get mad at me because when I say Alexa, their Alexas go off, so...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'll say Echo. Their Echoes have been spontaneously laughing all around the world. Nobody knows why. Maybe - we knew someday the machines would become self-aware. We did not know that they would become super high.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "I LOVE TO LAUGH")

ED WYNN: (Singing as Uncle Albert) I love to laugh loud and long and clear. I love to laugh. It's getting worse every year.

Copyright © 2018 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.