Panel Questions Cyber Shoulder, Tinder Tutor, Tickula.
NPR logo

Panel Questions

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/610558704/610656795" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript
Panel Questions

Panel Questions

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/610558704/610656795" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript

BILL KURTIS, HOST:

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis. You're right. We're playing this week with Alonzo Bodden, Janelle James and Helen Hong. And here again is the man, your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill's limericks are a real rhyme against humanity. It's the listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Alonzo, The Wall Street Journal reports that the vast majority of information stolen from our mobile devices is not done by Russian hackers or any online workers but by whom?

ALONZO BODDEN: You're not talking about, like, Amazon when they just - you think about something, and they send you ads for it.

SAGAL: No, no. It's - that's...

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Because I don't know how they do that.

SAGAL: That's pretty creepy.

BODDEN: Open Wi-Fi?

SAGAL: No, even less high-tech than that.

BODDEN: They ask you for it?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Almost - they often are standing right next to you.

BODDEN: Oh, people just looking over your shoulder.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: That is the greatest security risk, people just looking over your shoulder.

HELEN HONG: What?

SAGAL: According to a study by German researchers, 97 percent of people have been involved in phone snooping. Now, I know that because a guy in front of me in the L train was reading the study on his phone.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Well, Peter, I didn't know that 'cause I'm tall. I don't get many people looking over my shoulder.

JANELLE JAMES: Oh.

SAGAL: That's true.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Some of us don't have that advantage. That's true.

BODDEN: That's a Helen Hong question.

HONG: I'm 5 feet tall. Everybody's looking over my shoulder.

JAMES: Yeah.

SAGAL: Wall Street Journal - we're all so crowded, and we're all staring at our phones. The Wall Street Journal reports a lot of times people - they're emailing somebody, and the person behind them will say, oh, I know that guy. Tell them I say hello. Some organizations are warning people to be more careful with their screens. They're even selling devices to sort of hide them.

JAMES: Of course they are (laughter).

SAGAL: The other defense if you don't want to get, like, a screen blocker is just when you notice someone snooping over your shoulder just Google something like, is my Ebola infectious?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Helen, this week The New York Times profiled a new career that didn't exist just a few years ago. People are making hefty hourly fees coaching people on how to do what?

HONG: Hefty hourly fees coaching people - can I get a hint?

SAGAL: Yeah, they want OkCupid to be more than OK for you.

HONG: Oh, online dating.

SAGAL: Yes, they're online dating coaches.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: If you feel that you are wasting your time and money trying to date online, your solution - waste more time and money with an online coach for online dating.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: There are new companies. They are called Relationship Hero or The Worthy One or Look; You're Not Getting Any Younger.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They charge hourly fees for consultation and will set, like, a $1,000 fee for an online course on how to talk you through online dating problems like how to decipher a cryptic text message, building a better OkCupid profile or carbon dating that guy's Tinder photo.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: I would be so good at being this type of coach.

SAGAL: You think? Because you could actually do this.

HONG: Yeah, because I do so much online dating.

SAGAL: And what, Helen, have you learned?

HONG: If - like, don't let your first approach be, hey.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Stop it with the hey. Like, no girl likes that.

SAGAL: Do girls - I'm sorry. Guys do that.

HONG: Guys just write, hey.

BODDEN: Are these coaches, like, five teenage girls? Because whenever one of them gets a text, the whole group has to figure out, what did he mean, what did he say, and this and that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, pretty much. Reading about it, it sounds like they're being, especially for women, sort of professional girlfriends. You can call them and go, oh, my God. I had this date with him. And he seemed, like, really weird. But it seemed OK...

JAMES: There's no women paying for this. Get out of here.

SAGAL: Really?

(LAUGHTER)

JAMES: No.

BODDEN: I don't know any guys who would pay for it, though. Like, what are they going to teach a guy? Oh, use a real picture. Like that's going to happen.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Or put your actual height.

SAGAL: Does that happen a lot as well, Helen?

HONG: Oh my, God. It's the No. 1 thing guys lie about, is their height. And it's, like, you don't think I'm going to show up and see how tall you are?

(LAUGHTER)

JAMES: This is going to be primarily sit-down date, so...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It'd be funny if you show up and they're already sitting there. Have a seat, Helen. Well, do you want to get up and go somewhere?

JAMES: Nope.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Janelle, there is a new kind of tick spreading across the United States. And if it bites you, it might turn you into what?

JAMES: If it bites you, it might turn you into...

SAGAL: Yes, this has happened to people. I'll give you a hint. Just imagine a zombie stumbling toward you saying tofurkey, tofurkey.

JAMES: A vegan? No.

SAGAL: Well, close enough. It will turn you into a vegetarian.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This is amazing and true.

JAMES: What?

SAGAL: When a lone star tick bites you, you might well become allergic to meat. It's unfair that something that eats you prevents you from eating anything else.

JAMES: Oh, no, a hipster tick.

SAGAL: Yeah, exactly.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You can tell that these are special ticks that turn you into vegetarians because, A, they have a little marking on their back, and also they have no sense of humor about it.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: How much are these ticks at Whole Foods?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A lot.

BODDEN: These are obviously California liberal ticks.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Exactly.

BODDEN: Can we get one for Mitt Romney so he can stop eating hot dogs?

(APPLAUSE, SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

Copyright © 2018 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.