Who's Bill This Time Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news: "You're Not-So-Super Bowl Champions," "Hang It Up" and "Non-Bathing Beauties."
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Who's Bill This Time

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Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

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BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Come on in. The water's hot. I'm bub-Bill (ph) bath.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks, everybody. It is really great to be back with you all. Later on we're going to be talking to baseball great Keith Hernandez, who strangely is not in the Hall of Fame. But even more strangely, his mustache is.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But first, this week, Apple held their Worldwide Developers Conference, when they revealed the new objects we must all worship to guarantee a bountiful harvest.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And this happened.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON: Whenever I leave work, I can just say, heading home.

COMPUTER-GENERATED VOICE: Playing KQED Radio.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC, APPLAUSE)

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON: Right?

SAGAL: That's right, world, the iPhone is now so advanced a piece of technology that it will automatically play for you a 20-year-old radio show.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And it got even better because at the end of it, Tim Cook waved his hand, and the entire archive of our show downloaded automatically to everybody's phones and erased all of your This American Life podcasts.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Your iPhone also commands you to call in and play our game, so get on it. The number is 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

A.J. EVANS: Hi, my name is A.J. from Cincinnati.

SAGAL: Hey, A.J., how are you? And how are things in the queen city?

EVANS: Oh, they're great.

SAGAL: Hey, I want to ask a question. I was asking people on Twitter recently about what the most overrated local food specialty is in the United States, and the No. 1 winner was Cincinnati-style chili.

(LAUGHTER)

EVANS: Of course.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I mean - but the point is, what do you think? Cincinnati chili - it's chili that's like spaghetti with chili on it and cheese. What do you think of it?

EVANS: I personally love it. I'm not originally from Cincinnati, and I tried it my first weekend here, and I grew obsessed with it.

SAGAL: Really?

EVANS: Yeah.

SAGAL: So how often do you eat it?

EVANS: Every week.

SAGAL: No. Wow.

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: Are you eating it right now?

EVANS: I'm not eating it right now.

SAGAL: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, we appreciate you being that polite. A.J., let me welcome you to the show. First up, it's the host of the public radio variety show Live Wire, as well as the highly confessional podcast TBTL. It's Luke Burbank.

(APPLAUSE)

LUKE BURBANK: Hi, A.J.

EVANS: Hey, Luke.

SAGAL: Next, she's a senior culture writer at BuzzFeed. She is the cohost of the BuzzFeed podcast Thirst Aid Kit, and she has a play, "Hoard," at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this summer. Welcome back, Bim Adewunmi.

BIM ADEWUNMI: Hi.

(APPLAUSE)

ADEWUNMI: Hello, A.J.

EVANS: Hi there.

SAGAL: And a writer-performer you may have seen recently playing Mike Pence on "The President Show" - it's Peter Grosz.

GROSZ: Hi, A.J.

(APPLAUSE)

EVANS: Hey, Peter.

SAGAL: So welcome to the show, A.J. You're going to start us off, of course, with Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis is going to recreate for you three quotations from the week's news. You know this. Identify two out of three of them - maybe say who it is, maybe explain it. Do that, you'll win our prize - the voice of anyone on this show on your voicemail. Ready to go?

EVANS: Yeah, I'm ready.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first quote.

KURTIS: (Imitating Donald Trump, singing) God bless America...

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: ...(Imitating Donald Trump, singing) And the prairie...

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: ...(Imitating Donald Trump) Uh - uh - well...

SAGAL: So that was the president sort of singing at a big rally he held to celebrate some people who refused to come to it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Who were the people who did not show up?

EVANS: Philadelphia Eagles?

SAGAL: Yes, the Philadelphia...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Eagles.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This week, Donald Trump uninvited the Super Bowl champions from coming to the White House. He said it was because the players wouldn't stand for the national anthem, even though they did. So instead, he held a celebrate America rally about patriotic songs where he mangled a patriotic song.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It was amazing to watch. He clearly just did not know the words, but he was, like, on camera, so he was struggling. He was, like, (singing) from the ocean, to the prairie, to the wreck of Edmund Fitzgerald.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Whatever. He was, like - by the end of it, he was, like, (singing) you're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: What's sad also is that there's footage of him at Barron's birthday party singing "Happy Birthday," and he doesn't know the words to that.

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It turns out - so they had this rally, and the Philly fans were there, and they looked suspiciously unlike Philly fans because they were, like, all wearing jackets and ties and had...

BURBANK: And weren't drunk?

SAGAL: Yeah. Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It turns out they were actually employees of the Republican National Committee. This is true.

(GROANING)

SAGAL: And they all got a memo saying, you have to come out to this rally with the president.

GROSZ: (Laughter).

SAGAL: A reporter...

GROSZ: How is this...

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: How are we not living in a fascist country?

SAGAL: I know. I know.

GROSZ: It is - like, that is only done in fascism.

SAGAL: And a reporter - and before this was clear, he was looking around going, these do not look like Philadelphia Eagles fans. And he's walking around. He's saying, so could you tell me who was the quarterback on the Super Bowl-winning team? And they're, like, I don't know. Six of them he asked...

BURBANK: Reince Priebus.

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: People wonder why he and Kim Jong Un seem like they're going to hit it off.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: They have a lot to talk about...

SAGAL: They really do.

BURBANK: ...When it comes to forcing people to do stuff...

GROSZ: Yeah.

BURBANK: ...They don't want to do in public.

GROSZ: Yeah, I think, like, the Eagles would actually probably show up for Kim Jong Un (laughter).

BURBANK: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Just out of interest.

SAGAL: Yeah, you know? All right. Your next quote, A.J., is a big quote. It's from a big tech announcement this week.

KURTIS: It's like a casino issuing warnings about gambling addiction.

SAGAL: And this is, of course, about the big Apple Developers Conference. That was an app designer, Andrew Dunn. He was referring to a new iPhone feature they just announced at this conference. It's designed to help you do what?

EVANS: Oh, I'm drawing a blank.

SAGAL: It's supposed to help with what people say is one of the most significant problems with iPhones and smartphones.

EVANS: Addiction? I'm not sure.

SAGAL: Yes, exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: It's supposed...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...To help you stop using your phone.

ADEWUNMI: I'm so glad you got there, A.J.

SAGAL: Yes.

ADEWUNMI: I'm so glad.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You pulled it out. This week was the big Apple conference, we've said. Every year, Apple fans show up to listen to the Apple execs talk about the great, new features they're adding to their products, and everybody claps and applauds like they're at a patriotic rally at the White House, and their jobs depend on it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: There's - so now we'll have group FaceTime chats and something called Memoji in which you can send a little cartoon version of yourself wagging your tongue. But there's also something new - a feature called Screen Time. It allows you to track how much time you're spending online and maybe, you know, cut back a little.

BURBANK: That is amazing. I feel like if it told me how much time I spent on it...

SAGAL: Yes.

BURBANK: ...I would probably just say [expletive].

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The weirdest thing - so they were demonstrating this. You know, they've got the big iPhone on the screen, so they're showing you how it works. And the one on the screen - it says, Alice spent two hours and 54 minutes on her phone this week - this week.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Either Alice is a fictional character, or she died Monday morning.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

BURBANK: The program they need is, like - it should be called, like, having dinner setting. And then, if you look down at the phone, it just shoots a strobe light right in your eye.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, A.J. A.J., here is your last quote.

KURTIS: We're changing out of our swimsuits into a whole new era.

SAGAL: That was an organization announcing a big change. What will no longer feature swimsuits?

EVANS: Man.

SAGAL: They're also, as a hint, getting rid of ballgowns.

EVANS: Miss America?

SAGAL: Yes, the Miss America...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Pageant.

EVANS: Hey.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: After years of people saying that it is sexist and humiliating to make woman strut around in high heels and bikinis for money, the Miss America pageant has said no more. No more swimsuit competitions. From now on, women will only be objectified while fully clothed.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Of course, we might be misreading this. They said they're losing the swimsuits. They did not say they're replacing them with anything.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: But also, like - I saw the story, obviously, and I thought, like, well, you're not going to have, like, normal-looking people. It's not going to be, like, hey - it's - welcome size 10 and 12 and up. Like...

SAGAL: Yeah. Well, that's the...

GROSZ: For you gentlemen, that's, like, a normal size...

SAGAL: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: ...Of a person. But, like, it's going to be, like, all very, very attractive young women who just don't have to wear a bathing suit now.

SAGAL: Well, that's the crazy thing - either admit that it's a beauty pageant or forget the whole idea and let anybody who likes, no matter what they look for, compete for the title - in which case it'll just be like a televised job interview with a theme song.

(LAUGHTER)

ADEWUNMI: I'd be into that.

SAGAL: You would be?

ADEWUNMI: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah?

ADEWUNMI: Yeah. I feel like there's not enough about, you know, the humiliation of going forward for a job. What better...

GROSZ: (Laughter).

ADEWUNMI: ...Than to broadcast it...

SAGAL: Right.

ADEWUNMI: ...To give me scores live in front of a, you know, national TV audience?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Sure.

GROSZ: Didn't they say, too, that the women can now - like, they can wear something that they think is comfortable to them...

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: ...That they feel like looks...

SAGAL: Yeah, they're trying to make the...

GROSZ: I bet there's a sneaky woman who's, like, I look pretty good in a bikini. I'm going to wear that.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: I mean, yeah. The real Miss America should be, like, a working mother with five kids who has to take, like, three buses to get to her job or something like that.

ADEWUNMI: Right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: No, no, no...

ADEWUNMI: (Laughter).

GROSZ: Wait, I wasn't finished - in a swimsuit.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: I mean, I'm liberal, but I'm still a guy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did A.J. do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He made us wait for him, but he got a perfect score.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That's great. Congratulations, A.J. Bye-bye.

EVANS: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF DAN HICKS AND THE HOT LICKS' "SURE BEATS ME")

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