Saint Umped St-umped? Not these contestants! In this game, words that start with S-T become saints.
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Saint Umped

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Saint Umped

Saint Umped

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OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Want our next special guest to play for you? Follow ASK ME ANOTHER on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.

My next two contestants will play a game where we make up new saints. My favorite saint is St. Germain. Whoo.

(APPLAUSE)

JONATHAN COULTON: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: Let's meet our contestants. First up, Sheila Oliveri, you once wrote a funny newspaper column on the hazards of marriage and raising three alien creatures.

SHEILA OLIVERI: I did.

EISENBERG: Hello.

OLIVERI: Hi.

EISENBERG: When you ring in, we're going to hear this.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Sheila, tell me more about this column you wrote, an example of something you wrote about.

OLIVERI: I wrote about my husband and my three alien creatures that I also call my sons. You know, it didn't go over well with some of the family members.

(LAUGHTER)

OLIVERI: Not my husband - I mean, my husband got to OK everything before I...

EISENBERG: Sure.

OLIVERI: ...Sent it in, you know? But he has a sister. And every time a new one would be published, she'd like, oh, my gosh. I can't believe you said that. You said he can't pee into the toilet. And I said, no, I didn't say that.

(LAUGHTER)

OLIVERI: I said that he and all three male progeny seem to have questionable aim.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

COULTON: It takes a while to learn, that's all.

AMANDA PRICE: (Laughter).

OLIVERI: Not that long.

EISENBERG: Yeah, some people never master it. Your opponent is Amanda Price. You're a grad student at Washington University studying seismology. Hello.

PRICE: Hello.

EISENBERG: When you ring in, we'll hear this.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Amanda, seismology, the study of earthquakes - seems like a growth industry.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Yeah.

PRICE: More and more every day.

EISENBERG: How did you get interested in that particular discipline?

PRICE: Well, so I'm not from St. Louis. I'm actually from California. And growing up, we had a few of them. I mean...

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: And did you move here because you wanted to, I mean, just get away from that?

PRICE: No, actually, I really enjoy earthquakes.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Yeah, OK, sure.

PRICE: I look at the Mariana subduction zone, which is in the western Pacific, which most people only know as the deepest part of the ocean. But I get to travel a lot because we do a lot of fieldwork. And one of the places was Antarctica, which is one of the coolest places to go to, most literally and figuratively.

EISENBERG: Yeah, sure.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: OK. Remember, Sheila and Amanda, whoever has more points after two games will go on to our final round. Let's go to your first game. St. Louis is named for King Louis IX of France, who is the only French king to be made a saint - not even Louis Vuitton.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: In this game, we're inventing new saints by taking words and phrases starting with the letters S-T and changing those letters to the word saint.

COULTON: For example, if we said it's the patron saint of a shop where you buy rock containing valuable minerals, you would answer St. Ore. So you take the word store, as clued by shop, and change it to St. Ore...

PRICE: OK (laughter).

COULTON: ...Meaning rock containing valuable minerals.

UNIDENTIFIED AUDIENCE: Aw (ph).

COULTON: No, it's totally fun, you guys. It's really fun.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: We're all going to be fine.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: OK, here we go. It's the saint of an iron and carbon alloy that's also a slippery, snake-like fish.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Amanda.

PRICE: St. Eel.

EISENBERG: That is right, steel - St. Eel.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: It's the saint for one of the 50 American political regions represented by two federal senators and someone who consumed food.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Amanda.

PRICE: St. Ate.

COULTON: St. Ate for state. That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: That's a good saint, St. Ate.

COULTON: St. Ate.

EISENBERG: That's the one you want to be.

COULTON: Your only job is to have eaten a lot of things.

EISENBERG: Exactly, and they're like, well done, religious experience.

COULTON: Taken care of.

EISENBERG: It's the saint of two violinists, a violist and a cellist all who wear finger bling.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Sheila.

OLIVERI: St. Ring Quartet.

EISENBERG: There you go. Yes indeed, Sheila.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: It's the patron saint of being afraid to perform for an audience and being afraid of getting old.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Sheila.

OLIVERI: St. Age Fright.

COULTON: Yeah, you got it. That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: I feel like that clue sounds like something someone said to me at a Sephora while selling me makeup...

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: ...Was like, yes, yes, yes. It's the saint of someone you don't know who lives in Texas, loves karate and is named Walker.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Sheila.

OLIVERI: St. Ranger - Texas Ranger.

EISENBERG: St. Ranger - stranger, yes, that is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: So great game. Sheila is in the lead.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

EISENBERG: Does our show make you feel retroactively less alone in high school? Then you should be a contestant on the show. Go to amatickets.org. When we come back, someone will go home a winner, and someone will be fed to a Clydesdale.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I'm Ophira Eisenberg, and this is ASK ME ANOTHER from NPR.

(APPLAUSE)

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