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Panel Questions

Panel Questions

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BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. And we're playing this week with Brian Babylon, Tom Papa and Bim Adewunmi. And here, again, is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you so much.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, Bill. Right now, it's time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAITWAIT to play our game on the air.

Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

MICHAEL HOLBERT: Hi, Peter. This is Michael Holbert. And I'm calling from Shelburne Falls, Mass.

SAGAL: Shelburne Falls, Mass. I thought I knew Massachusetts well, but I have no idea where that is.

HOLBERT: It's a little bit west of Greenfield.

SAGAL: All right, well...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Are you just making up town names to frustrate me because I never heard of Greenfield, either? What do you do there?

HOLBERT: I am a musician and performer in a small theater company called the Agile Rascal Bicycle Touring Theatre.

SAGAL: That's great and...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bicycle Touring.

HOLBERT: Yes, we perform original works of theater. And we tour them on bicycles. And we perform for free.

SAGAL: So you said to yourself, you know, it's impossible to make a living in the theater, but let's - it's not hard enough.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Let's make sure that when we show up we'll be sweaty.

TOM PAPA: How are we going to break into the Shelbyville market?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You make it in Shelbyville. Well, then you can move over to Greentown or whatever that town was.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm sorry. Hello, Michael. It's nice to have you with us.

HOLBERT: Thank you very much.

SAGAL: Good to talk to you. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is the topic?

KURTIS: Bullseye.

SAGAL: Darts, that's the game we play in bars mostly because that's definitely the time to be picking you up sharp objects and throwing them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But what's a pastime here is a sport in Great Britain. And in fact, there was a big controversy as they say over there at this year's Grand Slam of Darts tournament. Our panelists are each going to tell you about it. Only one of them is telling the truth. Pick that one. You will win our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?

HOLBERT: Yes, I am.

SAGAL: All right, first, let's hear from Bim Adewunmi.

BIM ADEWUNMI: The world of professional darts, like any other high performance sport, has its fair share of gamesmanship. From well-timed coughing jags to exaggerated sniffling, darts has seen and heard it all. But has it smelled it all? Things escalated this month following allegations of an ill wind, specifically one emanating from the behind of Scottish darts player Gary The Flying Scotsman Anderson.

(LAUGHTER)

ADEWUNMI: In a post-match de-brief after being blown out in a match 10-2...

(LAUGHTER)

ADEWUNMI: ... Wesley Sparky Harms, Anderson's Dutch rival, accused the two-time PDC World Champion of releasing something a little stronger than his signature smooth throw all to gain the upper hand on the oche. Anderson staunchly denied the allegation, instead, turning the accusation back on his rival. I swear on my children's lives that it was not my fault he said. He then breezily relied on the classic, he who smelt it dealt it defense...

(LAUGHTER)

ADEWUNMI: ..Of all of our childhoods. Anderson, the winner, went on to describe the smell eggs, rotten eggs. But he insisted the stink hadn't come from him. Whoever the eye-watering stench came from, it'll take a while to disperse. Harms presumably sporting a mean stink eye...

(LAUGHTER)

ADEWUNMI: ...Told Dutch TV channel RCL 7 it'll take me two nights to lose the smell from my nose.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A gaseous controversy between two players at the Grand Slam of Darts. Your next story of the dart debacle comes from Brian Babylon.

BRIAN BABYLON: Everyone at the International Darts Championship was impressed by one of the first American women to make it to the finals - Dr. Sheree Gurtson (ph) an agricultural chemist professor from the University of Nebraska who was competing while wearing a classic Cornhuskers farmer's overall and plaid shirt with farm girl pigtails. The British tabloids called her Dr. Pippy (ph) long darts.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: The semi-final round started like any other. Dr. Gurtson and her challenger Charles Cook (ph) walked out and shook hands. By the second round, Charles Cook was visibly sweating and also whispering to each dart before he threw them. His last six throws missed the target entirely. Things looked good for the American, but then her behavior also became erratic. She start gazing at each dart, turn them around, touching the point with her thumb and then seemed surprised each time that they were sharp. Finally, the match was called on account of both contestants not being able to continue. Finally, the disorientated Dr. Gurtson admitted to the truth. She laced her hands in a hallucinogenic fraud toxin she made in the lab in order to get an edge on her opponent. Sadly, the antidote she created for herself didn't work as good as she hoped. In her last statement before being disqualified and ordered off the venue, she said sometimes darts go on the target. Sometimes a target comes to you. Sometimes I can hear my own smells. Whew. Go Cornhuskers.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: An American tried to use frog or toad toxins to defeat her opponent, but it backfired. Your last story of some bullseye BS comes from Tom Papa.

PAPA: The 2018 Grand Slam of Darts was not without controversy this year. For the first time in its storied history, the games were the focus of animal rights protesters who are contending that the dart association is promoting animal cruelty by continuing to use the term bullseye.

(LAUGHTER)

PAPA: A crowd of protesters heckled attendees as they entered the building holding up signs that read, stick a dart in your own eye...

(LAUGHTER)

PAPA: ...What did the bull do to you and Trump sucks.

(LAUGHTER)

PAPA: A spokesman for SAFE, the Save Animals From Exploitation, organization said it's time for the dart community to stop using the defenseless bull as its play thing. We went for the fox hunters. We're eliminating the bullseye. And we're coming after the flea circus next.

(LAUGHTER)

PAPA: Jonathan Haskel (ph) the head of the National Dart Guard Association seemed genuinely perplexed by the protests. We've had complaints before but mainly about our drinking and our hygiene. This is a new one to me.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, one of these...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Happened at a major darts tournament in Great Britain. Was it from Bim Adewunmi, one competitor saying that the guy who beat him got a unfair advantage by passing gas? From Brian Babylon, how an American competitor tried to use toad toxin to (laughter) hallucinate her way to a victory? Or, from Tom Papa, how animal rights protesters disrupted the event because they protested the term bullseye? Which of these is the real story of an event at the big darts tournament?

HOLBERT: Well, I think I'm going to go with Bim's.

SAGAL: You're going go with - you think you're going to go with Bim's.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Why are you choosing Bim's?

HOLBERT: Farts are hilarious.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I - all right, you're choosing Bim's story. And to bring you the real story of what happened at this darts tournament, we spoke to a genuine sports journalist.

DES BIELER: There was a really strong smell of fart in the air while he was making a play.

(APPLAUSE)

BIELER: But it was a case of he who spelt it dealt it.

SAGAL: That was Des Bieler. He's a sports reporter for The Washington Post talking to us with great seriousness about the dart farter.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So Michael, you got it right. You are correct. And farts are hilarious. And Bim was telling the truth. You've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

HOLBERT: Thank you. Goodbye.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF J. GELIS BAND SONG, “LOVE STINKS”)

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