Limericks Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Betcha Can't Drink Just One, Crush Puppies, and Frequent Debriefing.
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Limericks

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Limericks

Limericks

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org, where you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And if you want to play along right now, just ask your Alexa or Google Home to open the Wait Wait Quiz, and you can play our new interactive game on your smart speaker. Play it again and again to prove to your friends and family how smart you are. And you might even win a prize.

Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

DANIELLE: Hi. This is Danielle (ph) from Atlanta, Ga.

SAGAL: Hey, Danielle. How are you?

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: People here are applauding, which is great. I don't know the answer to this. Is there a rivalry between Atlanta and Savannah, the two largest cities of Georgia?

DANIELLE: Of course not. Everything else in between is Alabama, so we have to stick together.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Danielle, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in just two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

DANIELLE: Yeah.

SAGAL: All right. Let's do it for the pride of Georgia. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: A grease stain is worse than a crack, so we'll market a simple life hack. Just crunch up your chips, tip the bag to your lips and voila - it's a one-handed...

DANIELLE: Snack.

SAGAL: Snack - that's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This is a problem we've all got that needed to be solved. You're fist-deep into a bag of Cheetos, and you get a text. And you try to reply, and the next thing you know, your thousand-dollar smartphone is so greasy, it gets acne.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, good news - a snack company in Japan has created a product called One Hand Chips. Instead of grabbing a handful of chips with your fingers, with One Hand Chips, you just tip a cup filled with hundreds of chip bits to your lips, and you kind of drink them down.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's the best way to make sure you end up with neither any grease spots or human dignity.

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: It's called a Pringles can.

PETER GROSZ: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: But are the chips really small?

SAGAL: Yeah. The idea is, like, they're small enough so that they can flow gently into your mouth but presumably large enough so you're not just eating dust. That would be a problem.

GROSZ: So then do you have, like, a bag of soda to drink with your can of chips?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, yeah.

ROCCA: Why not just mix the chips with soda?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I was about to say that's disgusting, but you know that's going to be on sale next week.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: With each little step that accrues, I will feel that I win when I lose. My footwear will show when the calories go. I am tracking my weight with my...

DANIELLE: Shoes.

SAGAL: Yes, shoes.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: You're good at this.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Google, we are told, is developing a new pair of smart shoes that will tell you if you need to lose weight, taking the place of the technology we've all been using - dumb pants.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They call them smart shoes. They're really judgmental shoes.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Right - smart-ass shoes.

SAGAL: And, of course, it's worse. There're two of them. They talk to each other.

GROSZ: Well, they're like your parents.

SAGAL: Trust us - your weight is the least of your problems.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Are they just, like, oh, ow, ow? No, no. It's fine. You're not too heavy. Oh, ow.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your final limerick.

KURTIS: For six months, they'll give you some wonder care, but with washing, they soon tear asunder there. My hard-working briefs need frequent relief. It is time to replace all my...

DANIELLE: Underwear.

SAGAL: Underwear...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Apparently - and this came as a shock to me - keeping your underwear around until, one day, it naturally biodegrades is not...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...The most sanitary idea. I thought it was ecologically conscious. We should be throwing them out every six months. Not six years...

ROCCA: Wow.

SAGAL: ...Six months, right when you've started getting to know each other.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This advice, by the way...

GROSZ: Yeah.

SAGAL: ...Is from Good Housekeeping.

GROSZ: It's not the underwear counsel?

SAGAL: No. But we know that Good Housekeeping is in the pocket of big brief...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Or, as big brief likes to be called, extra-large brief.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Oh, wow. So briefs should only be worn briefly.

SAGAL: Exactly. That's why they're called briefs.

ROCCA: That's why they're called briefs.

SAGAL: Exactly.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: I view this entirely from the if you got hit by a bus, and they took you...

GROSZ: Oh, yeah.

ROBERTS: ...To the hospital...

SAGAL: The classic....

ROCCA: Right.

ROBERTS: ...Would your...

SAGAL: ...Mother's advice.

ROBERTS: Would you be proud of the underwear you are wearing? Yes.

GROSZ: That would not be your biggest worry at that moment.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: You know...

GROSZ: You'll never walk again. That's fine. What did you guys think of the back of my underwear?

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Danielle do?

KURTIS: Danielle, you got them all right. Congratulations.

SAGAL: Danielle, thank you so much for playing.

DANIELLE: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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