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Lightning Fill In The Blank

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now it's time to move on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can, each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Well, Charla has two. Alonzo has three. And Roxanne has three.

SAGAL: So, Charla, that means that you are up first. Are you ready to go?

CHARLA LAURISTON: Always ready.

SAGAL: All right. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the White House announced plans to buy half a million blanks from Pfizer with plans to donate them worldwide.

LAURISTON: Vaccines.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, the Justice Department announced that it had recovered over half of the ransom paid to the group behind the blank cyberattack.

LAURISTON: Russia (laughter)?

SAGAL: Colonial Pipeline. This week, the man who blanked French President Macron was sentenced to four years in prison.

LAURISTON: Slapped.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. According to a recent study, cows who spend more time around humans have blanks.

LAURISTON: Memory? (Laughter) I don't know. I don't know.

SAGAL: No, they have smaller brains.

LAURISTON: (Laughter).

SAGAL: But what cows don't spend time around humans? Are there wild cows?

LAURISTON: Right.

SAGAL: On Tuesday, Chris Harrison, the longtime host of the blank franchise, announced he was stepping down.

LAURISTON: "The Bachelor."

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, Prince blank and Meghan blank announced the arrival of their second child.

LAURISTON: Harry and Markle.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, the Libertarian Party of New Hampshire made headlines after tweeting...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...That blank should be legalized.

LAURISTON: I'm just going to say weed (laughter).

SAGAL: No, they said that child labor should be legalized. Libertarians - you know, they're all about personal freedom. Free markets - yeah. Legal weed - you bet. Child labor - yeah? The tweet, which came from their official account, said legalize child labor and was followed by a thread that basically said, yeah, we meant to tweet this. It's a crazy decision, but it's understandable, seeing as their social media coordinator is a 9-year-old who was totally exhausted from the coal mines.

ALONZO BODDEN: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Bill, how did Charla do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She did pretty good. She got four right for eight more points. She now has 10 and the lead.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: All right. Alonzo, you're going to go next, so you can try to intimidate Roxanne. All right?

BODDEN: Oh, yeah. It's going to happen.

SAGAL: It's going to happen. Here we go, Alonzo. You're up next. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, TC Energy announced they were no longer building the controversial blank pipeline.

BODDEN: Oh, Keystone?

SAGAL: Exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, Vice President Harris and the president of blank met to discuss economic cooperation and border security.

BODDEN: Mexico.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, the Supreme Court ruled that immigrants who receive temporary protected status are ineligible for blanks.

BODDEN: Vaccines?

SAGAL: No, green cards. This week, a soccer game in Poland was interrupted by blank.

BODDEN: Snow?

SAGAL: No, a skydiver making an emergency landing in the middle of the game. On Monday, Gap...

BODDEN: How did I not know that?

SAGAL: I don't know. On Monday, Gap unveiled the first item in their billion-dollar collaboration with rapper blank.

BODDEN: Kanye.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, gymnast blank won her seventh all-around championship title.

BODDEN: Simone Biles.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, The New York Times had to issue a correction after they published a...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Headline that read blank.

BODDEN: Nothing?

SAGAL: No, this headline read "Fields Of Watermelon Found On Mars, Police Say." The full article read, fields of watermelon found on mars, police say. Authorities say rise of fruit aliens to blame for glut of outer space watermelons. The article, which was just a sort of test copy that was meant to - there to try out a system, was pulled after an hour with the explanation, this article was published in error. That Maureen Dowd column - that was intentional.

Bill, how did Alonzo do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, he had four right for eight more points. He now has the lead with 11.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: All right. So how many does Roxanne need to win?

KURTIS: Four to tie, and that means five to win.

SAGAL: Here we go, Roxanne. This is for the game. After talks between the White House and GOP senators collapsed, a group of bipartisan House members unveiled their own blank plan.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Infrastructure.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, a Senate report said intelligence agencies failed to heed warnings about the attack on the blank.

ROBERTS: On the Capitol on January 6.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. This week, President Biden took his first official overseas trip since taking office, aimed at strengthening ties with blank.

ROBERTS: With the U.K. and the rest of Europe.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, the Texas Bar opened an investigation into the state attorney general's lawsuit to overturn the blank.

ROBERTS: To overturn election results?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: To overturn the election.

ROBERTS: Yeah, yeah.

SAGAL: This week, health officials in Philadelphia announced that participants in the blank must still wear a mask.

ROBERTS: In the Naked Bike Ride.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, blank buildup increased despite the pandemic.

ROBERTS: Carbon gas emissions.

SAGAL: Yeah, carbon emissions.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, the boxing match between professional troll Logan Paul and undefeated boxer blank ended without a knockout.

ROBERTS: Floyd Merriweather (ph).

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This...

ROBERTS: Mayweather.

SAGAL: Mayweather, yes. This week, a fashion brand in New York unveiled their newest...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Product, a pair of jeans that make it look like you have blanked.

ROBERTS: That make it look like you've cut them up and then sewed them back together in some strange configuration.

SAGAL: You're thinking too much. It makes it look like you have wet your pants.

ROBERTS: Ooh, oh, oh, oh.

SAGAL: On their website, the company says their wet-look dry-feel line of jeans, quote, "delivers style without the need to feel uncomfortable. They're hand-dyed, ensuring that every pair is one of a kind. We also make hats," unquote.

ROBERTS: Oh, that's so gross.

SAGAL: It is.

ROBERTS: I'm glad I missed that one (laughter).

SAGAL: Sure, they sound ridiculous, but what else do you get for the guy who drinks four cups of coffee a day and recently went blind?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Roxanne do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Well, she did very well - seven right for 14 more points. That means with 17, she is this week's champion. Squeaked one out.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: There you go.

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