OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:
We're playing games with Shalewa Sharpe and Gastor Almonte. Are you ready for one last game?
SHALEWA SHARPE: Oh, absolutely.
GASTOR ALMONTE: Let's do it.
EISENBERG: OK. So you're in luck because Jonathan Coulton is going to sing you the clues in this game. So a bunch of fast-food restaurants use the word supreme in their menu items.
EISENBERG: And also, everyone loves Diana Ross and the Supremes.
EISENBERG: So we have combined those two wonderful things in a game called Supreme Supremes.
JONATHAN COULTON: Yes. We have changed the lyrics of songs by the Supremes to make them about famous fast-food chains. So just identify the fast-food chain I'm singing about or the title of the original song that I'm parodying. And we should say, technically, not all of these fast-food chains have menu items with the word supreme in them. This is just a tenuous connection that we used as...
COULTON: ...An excuse...
COULTON: ...To do this game.
SHARPE: Fantastic. fantastic.
COULTON: All right. Here we go. And you can work together on this one, so...
(Singing) Got a Crunchwrap Supreme and a Gordita Crunch. Got extra sour cream. That's my hangover brunch. I'm hungover.
ALMONTE: That's a banger.
EISENBERG: (Laughter) That is...
COULTON: Well, indeed.
EISENBERG: ...The greatest well.
SHARPE: That is something.
SHARPE: Gastor, do you know what restaurant that is?
ALMONTE: Of - it speaks to my heart. It's Taco Bell.
COULTON: Taco Bell...
COULTON: ...For sure.
SHARPE: And that song was "Stop In The Name Of Love"?
COULTON: That's right. Yeah.
COULTON: Well done.
SHARPE: All right, all right.
COULTON: Well done. Yeah.
EISENBERG: You know, people complain that everything on the Taco Bell menu is basically the same thing.
SHARPE: Mmm hmm.
EISENBERG: But don't you think that's the genius?
GASTON ALMONTE AND SHALEWA SHARPE: Yeah.
SHARPE: ...The things they - the empire they have built with...
SHARPE: ...Corn chips and tomatoes and a wilty (ph) lettuce...
SHARPE: ...Has been fantastic.
ALMONTE: I love seeing people get mad at Taco Bell. Like, this ain't what I ordered. Anything is what you ordered.
SHARPE: Is what you ordered - exactly.
COULTON: Yes, it is, my friend.
ALMONTE: It's always my fault.
EISENBERG: Yeah. Just take it out of the wrapper and put it in a different wrapper.
COULTON: Yeah. That's right. Just turn it inside out and eat it.
ALMONTE: You're good.
COULTON: That's what you ordered.
ALMONTE: You wanted a spoon or something?
EISENBERG: Exactly. Get out of here. Get out of here.
COULTON: All right. Here's another one. (Singing) Add some Heath and Oreo and PB cups and cookie dough. Then show me its thickness. Flip that Blizzard upside down.
SHARPE: OK. The song is "Keep Me Hanging On."
COULTON: That's right, yeah.
SHARPE: Do you know what restaurant that is, Gastor?
ALMONTE: I want to say Sonic - Dairy Queen.
COULTON: Dairy Queen. Yeah, that's correct.
ALMONTE: OK, cool.
SHARPE: Yeah. A lot of people don't know there are burgers at Dairy Queen.
EISENBERG: I know. Braziers - but they call it the Braizers.
SHARPE: Yeah. Yeah. They painted on the grill lines and everything. Like, it's...
EISENBERG: That right.
COULTON: Yeah. I always thought it's pronounced brassiere. I always found that confusing.
EISENBERG: Well, when you get - what's - when you have two of them, that's when it's a brassiere.
COULTON: Yeah. It's like, why would I get a - why would I get a brassiere at Dairy Queen?
SHARPE: It's another cup to hold all the ice cream. They turn the bra upside down.
EISENBERG: For the milky cups. I'm sorry I made that joke, for the milky cups. I take it out.
COULTON: They're definitely going to take that. Yeah. That is not NPR-friendly.
EISENBERG: It's just biologically true.
COULTON: All right. Here's another one.
COULTON: (Singing) The Double-Double does it for me. And there's a secret menu, you see. The fries are so-so unless they're Animal Style. Get Animal Style.
SHARPE: OK. OK.
COULTON: Shalewa, I appreciate how you are at least 10% offended at the end of each one of these.
SHARPE: No, no, no, because I - right where you stop is when I'm like, oh, yeah. No, this could go on for a while. Oh, wait. No. We've stopped. Also, wait. What happened, you know? Is the song "Come See About Me"?
COULTON: Yeah. You got it.
SHARPE: OK. All right.
COULTON: That's right.
SHARPE: I just need to make sure I know these Supremes songs, or else the spirit of my mother is going to be very upset.
SHARPE: Like, I drilled these into you for your whole childhood.
SHARPE: How are you not knowing any of these song titles? Do you know the restaurant, Gastor?
ALMONTE: Yeah. This is In-N-Out.
COULTON: In-N-Out Burger - that's right.
EISENBERG: Have either of you ever gone to In-N-Out Burger and tried to order anything, like, not on the menu, this whole secret menu idea?
SHARPE: All right, I - oh, boy. At the risk of upsetting the kind of people who get upset when you give your opinion about fast food...
SHARPE: ...I wasn't necessarily - I had a simple cheeseburger and was not impressed. So I was like, why do I want to see what they're doing - what their freestyling if they can't...
EISENBERG: If they can't nail the classic.
SHARPE: ...Nail, like, a basic cheeseburger. And then the fries I thought were not good. I'm just not big on the in, and or out of it.
COULTON: All right. Here's another one. (Singing) Colonel, colonel, where did the bread go? Double Down has chicken where there once was a bun. Also, colonel, colonel, colonel, who's playing you, though? It's been Norm and Reba. It's kind of creepy but fun.
SHARPE: Now, that could be a full song. There are a lot of things...
SHARPE: We have a lot of questions for the colonel, I feel like.
COULTON: A lot to talk about.
SHARPE: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
ALMONTE: Like, you know, I know this is a game, but, like, Jonathan, this is a new career direction...
SHARPE: I mean...
ALMONTE: ...You should consider heavily.
COULTON: Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Just do this exclusively - just do parodies of Supreme songs.
ALMONTE: Listen, man; I want to put it out there. You know, you never know when you find your light in life, you know?
EISENBERG: It's true.
ALMONTE: This is it, you know?
SHARPE: That is true.
ALMONTE: This is your purpose. This is what you were put here for, you know?
ALMONTE: Right here. Your Wikipedia page will say this. Like, yo...
COULTON: Right under controversies.
EISENBERG: Yeah, no. That's my favorite section, personal life and controversies.
SHARPE: So KFC and "Where Did Our Love Go."
COULTON: Yeah, that is correct. Yes.
COULTON: OK. (Singing) And my roommate said you'd take a Frosty and you dip in a fry. Wow, this combo's delicious. Then again, we're really high.
SHARPE: Well, I can say that my sister does not get high, and she loves to dip her fries into her Frosty.
COULTON: Well, there you go. You don't even need...
COULTON: ...Marijuana to enjoy this treat.
SHARPE: You don't even have to. You don't even have to.
EISENBERG: I like mayonnaise. I'm not going to lie. I do like fries and mayonnaise. So it's just, like, the sweeter, smoother version.
COULTON: I don't think that's how they market it. But maybe it's how they should.
SHARPE: Yeah, just the Frosty alone. It is a sweeter, smoother version of mayonnaise.
COULTON: Yeah. Let me ask you a question. Do you like mayonnaise?
EISENBERG: Would you like, like, a whole cup of it if it was sweeter and smoother?
ALMONTE: I'm going to try that tomorrow at the corner store. Yo, Ahk (ph), let me get a Sausalito (ph) cheese. Put some Frosty on the gyro, too.
COULTON: Frosty on a gyro.
SHARPE: Oh, my goodness. So good old Wendy's and...
COULTON: Uh-huh. Wendy's is correct.
SHARPE: Yeah - oh, and "You Can't Hurry Love."
COULTON: Yeah, that's right.
EISENBERG: That's right.
SHARPE: Oh, thank goodness.
ALMONTE: I got my McDonald's to take off 10 cent off of the price of the sundaes because they stopped giving out the little packet of peanuts. And I was like...
COULTON: Oh, yeah.
ALMONTE: And I was, like, you ain't announced that. Like, there was no commercial saying...
ALMONTE: ...Peanut packet ain't coming no more. But I'm still paying previous pricing as if the peanuts are coming.
COULTON: 'Cause you got to go out and buy your own peanuts and crush them up yourself now.
ALMONTE: Exactly. And it's not just money. It's time, you know?
ALMONTE: Crushing peanuts.
COULTON: That's the important thing.
ALMONTE: That's my life now.
ALMONTE: You know?
EISENBERG: And what reason did they give that they just stopped it?
ALMONTE: You know, I was saying this to the local guys. I was, like, listen; I understand y'all got to do business. You're saving, you know? But to me right now, I made the order at the menu assuming peanuts were coming. I'm here...
ALMONTE: ...Expecting peanuts. Not only am I not getting peanuts, all I'm asking is to be compensated not just for the lack of peanuts but for the emotional distress of not having the peanuts and having to explain to my kids why the peanuts that I'm now crushing are far too salty for their sundaes.
ALMONTE: But it's all we got, you know?
EISENBERG: That's all we've got. That's right.
ALMONTE: Real talk, though. McDonald's needs to work on the menu. I get angry because, like, the four nuggets is a dollar.
COULTON: But the 20 piece is $5.29.
ALMONTE: Yeah. I'm like, you know math. Like, you know, you could just add the four for a dollar five times.
ALMONTE: You know, is this like a charge because I'm insisting on the cardboard packaging? Like, why are you doing this to me? I've had this debate many times with the various people at my McDonald's.
COULTON: I really want to go to a fast food restaurant with you and have you make a big stink. I want to see it in person. I think...
SHARPE: No, you don't.
SHARPE: You think you do. You think you do.
ALMONTE: I'm undefeated, Jonathan. I can tell you that.
COULTON: I believe it. It's worth it.
EISENBERG: Well done, once again, is what I have to say to you both. Shalewa Sharpe and Gastor Almonte host the podcast "The War Report." Such a pleasure to have you on again.
SHARPE: Thanks so much.
ALMONTE: Thanks so much for having us.
EISENBERG: Well, thank you.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
EISENBERG: That's our show. ASK ME ANOTHER'S house musician is Jonathan Coulton.
COULTON: Hey, my name anagrams to thou jolt a cannon.
EISENBERG: Our games were written by Carol Lee, Cara Weinberger and senior writers Camilla Franklin and Karen Lurie. ASK ME ANOTHER is produced by Nancy Saechao, James Farber and Rommel Wood, with Gianna Capadona and our intern, Zach St. Clair. Our senior producer is Travis Larchuck. Our senior supervising producer is Rachel Neel. And our bosses' bosses are Steve Nelson and Anya Grundmann. Thanks to a production partner, WNYC. I'm her ripe begonias.
COULTON: Ophira Eisenberg.
EISENBERG: And this was ASK ME ANOTHER from NPR.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
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