'Wait Wait' for March 5, 2022: With Not My Job guest Porsha Williams
UNIDENTIFIED PERSON: The following program was taped in front of an audience of real live people.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
CHIOKE I'ANSON: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Filling in for Bill Kurtis, I'm Chioke I'Anson, and I just got off the midnight train to Georgia.
(APPLAUSE)
I'ANSON: Here is your host, who took the 6 a.m. train to Georgia because it was cheaper, on stage at the Fox Theatre in ATL...
(APPLAUSE)
I'ANSON: ...Peter Sagal.
(APPLAUSE)
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, everybody. Thank you, Chioke. And thank you, actual human beings. It was almost exactly two years ago, March 12, 2020, that we were here on stage at the Fox Theatre in Atlanta, doing our show in an empty auditorium because the nation had decided that with this, quote, "COVID thing," everybody should stay home till it was over, you know, for a couple of weeks.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: We just got the OK to do the show with an audience just this week, but fortunately, we have been waiting backstage the entire time.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Later on, we're going to be talking to Porsha Williams, one of the realest housewives of Atlanta, but first, we want to hear you confess your deepest feelings to the camera, so give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
BRETT: Hi, this is Brett (ph) from Sanford, Maine.
SAGAL: Hey, Brett. How are you? Where is Sanford, Maine?
BRETT: Sanford, Maine, is very southern Maine, like one town inland from Kennebunkport, where all the Bushes hang out.
SAGAL: Well, what do you do there in Sanford?
BRETT: I'm the director of the Sanford Performing Arts Center.
SAGAL: Oh, how very cool.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: We here in Atlanta are once again enjoying live audiences. Are you back to that at your performing arts center?
BRETT: We're back, and I'm actually directing a high school production of "Mamma Mia!" right now, so...
SAGAL: Woo (ph).
FAITH SALIE: Nice.
(APPLAUSE)
BRETT: Yeah. And yeah, we're going to take it on the road to the fabulous Fox in Atlanta.
SAGAL: There you are.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Well, I can say personally, they're a wonderful, generous audience and they have low standards, so you'll have a great time.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right, Brett, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a comedian you can see in Portsmouth, N.H., headlining the 3S Artspace on April 23, and in Richmond, Va., headlining the Sandman Comedy Club from May 19 to the 21 - get all that? - it's Hari Kondabolu.
(APPLAUSE)
BRETT: Hi, Hari.
SAGAL: Next, her one-woman audio play, "Approval Junkie," just released exclusively on Audible this week, it's Atlanta's own Faith Salie.
(APPLAUSE)
SALIE: Hey, Brett.
BRETT: How are you doing, Faith?
SAGAL: And a comedian whose film "Fire Island" comes out June 3 on Hulu, it's Joel Kim Booster.
(APPLAUSE)
BRETT: How's it going, Joel?
SAGAL: So, Brett, welcome to the show. You're going to play who's Chioke this time? Chioke I'Anson is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize - any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
BRETT: Let's do this.
SAGAL: All right. Here is your first quote.
I'ANSON: It's not the time or place to have a crush on him, but...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That was someone on TikTok talking about everybody's new crush, the beleaguered president of what country?
BRETT: Ukraine.
SAGAL: Yes.
BRETT: Volodymyr Zelenskyy.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Russia's invasion of Ukraine has made an international hero of Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, a former actor and comedian. He is uniting his people and bravely fighting off an invading force. We are so glad to read about it. It's great.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Yes, let's hear it for the short, Jewish funny guys. Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: We were so glad to read about a comedian making news for once and it's not Louis C.K.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Now, there are issues you should know with your head of state being a comedian. On the one hand, he's already used to bombing. But...
(LAUGHTER)
JOEL KIM BOOSTER: Oof. Oof.
SALIE: They turn so fast.
SAGAL: I know.
(LAUGHTER)
HARI KONDABOLU: That joke hurt me as a comedian and a citizen of the world.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I'm going to end up in The Hague for that one.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: OK. All right.
SALIE: Have you seen him on "Dancing With The Stars"?
SAGAL: He was. This is true. He was on the Ukrainian "Dancing With The Stars." He won.
SALIE: Yes, he did. He was a blind pirate dancing. He danced in a matador costume. He is everything.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Could someone douse Faith with some cold water?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: But here's the thing. I mean, yes, he's extraordinarily admirable and commendable. Do we have to make him a sex symbol? Do we have to, like, everybody - every politician we admire, we have to get all sexy about?
(CHEERING)
SALIE: (Laughter).
SAGAL: Guys. Guys.
BOOSTER: I really feel like it's kind of like akin to, like, a fight or flight response for people with trauma, you know? Like, it's - things are going so poorly that...
SAGAL: Yeah.
BOOSTER: ...The only thing we can do is get horny.
SAGAL: Right. But seriously, like, remember when everybody was like a Cuomosexual (ph)? Right?
(LAUGHTER)
BOOSTER: Oh, oof.
KONDABOLU: I mean, it depends on the politician. The Cuomo thing, as a New Yorker, I'm like, this is not going to end well. But...
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: You know, I, like everyone else here, had a naughty Bernie Sanders calendar. I mean, I think...
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: ...That's a perfectly normal reaction.
SAGAL: Imagining Bernie being sexy.
KONDABOLU: I know (laughter).
SAGAL: I am asking you to come up and see my etchings. I just...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right, here is your next quote.
I'ANSON: Go get em.
SAGAL: Those were the final words in a big speech by President Biden on Tuesday night, and we're happy to tell you that those words made absolutely no sense at all. We won't ask you to explain him. We'll just ask you - what was the speech?
BRETT: That would be the State of the Union address.
SAGAL: It would be the State of the Union.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Joe Biden delivered his first official State of the Union of his presidency on Tuesday. It was great to get back to something like normal. The State of the Union, of course, is a classic who's who and who's still alive of Washington, D.C.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: A lot of viewers commented that Biden seemed to sort of rush through his speech. Well, who can blame him? All the Republicans are against vaccines now. The longer he stayed, the greater the risk of getting smallpox.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I'm assuming you guys watched because you're patriotic Americans.
SALIE: Yeah.
KONDABOLU: He's the last American who had smallpox.
SAGAL: That's true.
(LAUGHTER)
BOOSTER: Yeah, I don't watch the State of the Union. I do watch the response, though.
SAGAL: Do you really?
BOOSTER: Yeah, I love it. It's always like a rising star psycho, you know?
(LAUGHTER)
BOOSTER: Like, a psycho you've never heard of before - you're like, who is this woman, and why is she amazing? Crazy.
(LAUGHTER)
BOOSTER: But no, you always get a good bit out of it. And it always seems like a villain sort of telegraphing, sort of like giving a speech.
SAGAL: Yeah, like, it always feels like she's going to end by demanding a billion dollars or she'll blow up the world.
BOOSTER: Exactly. Someone is hanging over a tank of sharks...
SAGAL: Yeah.
BOOSTER: Just off-screen.
SAGAL: Yeah. Yeah. So this was a historic speech for a couple of reasons. It was the first time in all of American history that the president has delivered his address in front of two women.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Vice President, Speaker of the House. It was also the first time in all of history that two women have sat behind a man speaking and not rolled their eyes the whole time.
(LAUGHTER)
BOOSTER: I feel like I - sometimes I just - this is not what I wish for Joe Biden, you know? Like...
SAGAL: What do you wish for Joe Biden?
BOOSTER: I wanted him to open up, like, a Cold Stone Creamery or something, you know...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...Like, after becoming vice president. You know, he did his eight years. Like, let the man enjoy ice cream.
SAGAL: I think he'd be happiest being the conductor of one of those little trains in zoos, you know?
BOOSTER: Yes. Exactly the same vibe.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Where he gets to put on a little cap and do the choo-choo thing and drive it - I think he'd love that. All right, here is your last quote.
I'ANSON: I had forgotten how ugly some of you were.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That was a man in Illinois reacting after what mandate was lifted there, among many other places?
BRETT: Oh, the mask mandate.
SAGAL: Yes, mask mandates.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Mask mandates are being lifted across the country, in news celebrated by both Americans and COVID. Basically, we've all just decided we're done. It's been two years. We're done. It's over. The Wall Street Journal reported that people are actually excited to go to, like, conferences and work get-togethers just because they're tired of not seeing people. It's so pathetic. Can you imagine being so desperate for human contact that you fly all the way from Chicago to Atlanta just for a work function?
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SALIE: I think it might be dangerous because the day this week that the school told kids that they could choose whether or not to wear masks, and my son took his off, he lost a tooth immediately. It wasn't even loose that morning. And I think everything's falling apart now.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Was it stuck to the mask, so he took it off and the tooth came with it?
SALIE: Something like that.
SAGAL: That's terrifying. I just want to say, I will not be removing my mask in daily life, unless, of course, nobody else is wearing a mask because I still want to look cool.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Chioke, how did Brett do on our quiz?
I'ANSON: Mamma mia - he got all three right.
SALIE: (Laughter).
SAGAL: Congratulations, Brett.
(APPLAUSE)
BRETT: Wow. Outstanding.
SAGAL: Thanks for playing.
BOOSTER: Amazing, Brett.
SAGAL: Bye-bye.
BRETT: Thank you.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "I'VE JUST SEEN A FACE")
THE BEATLES: (Singing) I've just seen a face I can't forget.
SAGAL: Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Hari, Ketanji Brown Jackson, President Biden's nominee for Supreme Court justice, has prestigious credentials and an impeccable record, but there is one major flaw in her background that could tank her nomination. When she was at Harvard, she did what?
KONDABOLU: She...
BOOSTER: It's awful. It's...
KONDABOLU: Really?
BOOSTER: It's really bad.
KONDABOLU: Like, really bad?
BOOSTER: It's sort of disqualifying.
KONDABOLU: Really?
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: She - oh, she wore a Yale sweatshirt.
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That's not it.
KONDABOLU: No.
SAGAL: Let me give you a hint. Can I have a suggestion of a legal precedent, any precedent?
KONDABOLU: She did stand-up?
SAGAL: Oh, worse.
KONDABOLU: Worse. Improv.
SAGAL: Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: Ew. Oh, man.
SAGAL: Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson was part of this improv group at Harvard. Now, you may be saying out there, what's wrong with that? And you are saying that because you are currently in an improv group.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: There is no other reason you would say that. By the way, don't you feel bad for the word at in the phrase improv at Harvard, just stuck there forever between two complete dorks?
(LAUGHTER)
SALIE: I object to this whole thing...
SAGAL: I know you do.
SALIE: ...Very strongly. Peter...
SAGAL: Now, I want to point out the contrast, though. Senator Mitch McConnell - clearly no background in improv techniques, for example. He's like, I need a Supreme Court justice. Merrick Garland? No.
SALIE: No and. No and no to your next one. That's a yes-and joke for all you improv nerds in the audience.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
BOOSTER: Yeah, I don't get that joke. I was too busy having sex in college.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Coming up, Dr. Spock, we are not (ph) in our Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.
I'ANSON: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Chioke I'Anson, in for Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Joel Kim Booster, Hari Kondabolu and Faith Salie. And here again is your host at the Fox Theater in Atlanta, a man who just called the Georgia secretary of state to get him to change his Wordle score. It's Peter Sagal.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you, Chioke. Right now, it's time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air.
Hi. You are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
TED SMOTHRIDGE: This is Ted Smothridge (ph) from - drumroll - Atlanta, Ga.
SAGAL: Hey.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: And what do you do here in the beautiful city of Atlanta?
SMOTHRIDGE: I'm happily retired for just four years, and for the past year, I've been a volunteer production manager for the Atlanta Philharmonic.
SAGAL: Oh, wow. That's great - the Philharmonic in Atlanta.
SALIE: Classy.
SAGAL: Now, are you a musician yourself?
SMOTHRIDGE: I play - I'm classically trained on saxophone, so there's not much call for that in an orchestra.
SAGAL: And that's a damn shame.
SMOTHRIDGE: I know.
SAGAL: More saxophone in classical music - come on. Make classical music sexier, right?
SMOTHRIDGE: Yeah.
SAGAL: Well, Ted, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Chioke, what is Ted's topic?
I'ANSON: What I Didn't Expect When I Was Expecting.
SAGAL: Now, certain parental challenges you just know are coming - diapers, tantrums of the terrible twos, the living in your basement of the terrible 42s.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: But this week, we heard about a totally unexpected problem a parent is facing. Our panelists are going to tell you about that challenge. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win our prize, the WAIT WAITer of your choice on your voicemail. Ready to do this?
SMOTHRIDGE: Can't wait.
SAGAL: All right. First, let's hear from Hari Kondabolu.
KONDABOLU: Jerry Robinson (ph) sits in his jail cell in upstate New York, awaiting his trial for a variety of white-collar crimes. However, it's not his poor choices he obsesses over, but his 3-year-old son George's (ph) photographic memory. George is one of those very rare children that can remember everything since the moment of their birth. He remembers such details as doctors urging his mom to push and his father throwing up and passing out.
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: During the pandemic, Jerry made a lot of business calls with his baby boy in his lap, calls that George later relayed to investigators. His descriptions were verbatim, almost. For example, Daddy said embezzlement is only a crime if you get caught.
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: Prosecutors say the kid wasn't a pushover, and getting him to talk cost them three packs of Reese's peanut butter cups, but only the ones with actual Reese's Pieces inside the peanut butter. Everyone agreed he was the cutest rat they'd ever worked with.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: A child with photographic memory drops a dime on his embezzling father.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Your next story of a child challenge comes from Faith Salie.
SALIE: Today's parents focus a lot on early literacy, but a surprising study in The Journal of Excessive Parenting (ph) shows that too much pressure from impatient moms and dads to turn their children into bookworms can lead kids to become overly obsessed with grammar. We may be raising a generation of not quite grammar Nazis but grammar Hitler Youth.
(LAUGHTER)
SALIE: Take 7-year-old Gerund Gulden Gibbs (ph), a grammar martinet, which his parents chalked up to his freakishly advanced reading. When all the other kids were into "Don't Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus," we pointed Gerund toward Henry James and talked to him about semicolons, his mom Erin Gulden (ph) says. Yet she confesses that she and her wife had no idea their son's name is a grammar term. We just thought Gerund sounded cool, between you and I, she admits. Between you and me, mom, Gerund adds as he slaps his forehead. Gerund's parents are embarrassed they've accidentally created an impeccable grammar monster and have been trying to teach him to end his sentences with prepositions so he'll have more kids to be friends with.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Too much pressure to read could lead to grammar-obsessed kids like little Gerund. Your last story of a parenting problem comes from Joel Kim Booster.
BOOSTER: While most new parents are preoccupied with all the normal business of raising a child - potty training, diaper changing and various other bathroom-related activities - one Georgia mom is among the hundreds of parents who are dealing with their child's genetically uncombable hair. Locklan Samples, a 1-year-old from Atlanta, Ga., is one of only hundreds of cases of uncombable hair syndrome ever reported. It turns out he doesn't just have the look of Phil Spector.
(LAUGHTER)
BOOSTER: It's a literal genetic condition that makes the hair on young children literally uncombable. Locklan's mother, Katelyn, describes his hair as having the look and feel of a dandelion or that one lamp from IKEA that looks like a dandelion.
(LAUGHTER)
BOOSTER: Katelyn first heard of uncombable hair syndrome when somebody messaged her about it on Instagram. I went into a tailspin, Katelyn said of her initial reaction to the DM, something anyone who's ever received an unsolicited message from a stranger on the internet can relate to. But after finding her son a specialist who could confirm the diagnosis, Katelyn was reassured. The condition is very real but is harmless and usually ends by adolescence, when every other problem starts.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right, so here are your choices. Which of these is a potential challenge of child raising that, well, we hadn't heard about till this week? Was it, from Hari Kondabolu, how a child could have photographic memory and thereby, you know, turn you into the feds; or from Faith Salie, how too much pressure to read can turn your child into a little grammar martinet; or from Joel Kim Booster, the nightmare of uncombable hair syndrome?
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Which of these is the real story?
SMOTHRIDGE: I think I'm going to go with my fellow Georgian, Faith, with the grammar obsession.
SAGAL: So you're going to go with Faith's story about a child named Gerund?
SMOTHRIDGE: Something's telling me you're trying to change my mind.
SAGAL: Who, me? Why would I do that?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I'm strictly neutral.
SMOTHRIDGE: OK. I will change my answer to uncombable hair syndrome. What does the audience think?
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Well, the audience thinks. I have no opinion that I can care to share, but the audience thinks you've made a correct choice. So if you're going to go with that, you're going to go with that?
SMOTHRIDGE: Yes.
SAGAL: All right. Well, we actually spoke to the parent of the child in question.
KATELYN SAMPLES: I posted a photo of him to my Instagram story, and a stranger DMed me and was like, has your son been diagnosed with uncombable hair syndrome?
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: There you go. That was Kate Samples, the mother of - and this is his actual name - Lock Samples.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That's his name - the boy with uncombable hair syndrome. Congratulations. You did get it right. You earned a point for Joel Kim Booster just for telling you the truth. You've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today.
SMOTHRIDGE: Thank you very much. I appreciate it. Take care.
SAGAL: That's great. Thanks for calling.
SMOTHRIDGE: All right. Bye-bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HAIR UP")
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, GWEN STEFANI AND RON FUNCHES: (Singing) Hair up - put your hair in the air. Hair up - flip it, put it - we don't care. Hair up - put your hair in the air. Hair up - flip it, put it - we don't care.
SAGAL: And now the game where we talk to famous people about infamous things. It's called Not My Job. There are no housewives in America realer than "The Real Housewives Of Atlanta" - not only the No. 1 show in that franchise, but one of the most popular reality shows on television. Of that group of smart, savvy squabbling women, there is none more popular than Porsha Williams, who recently left the original show to star in her own spin-off, "Porsha's Family Matters." She also has a new memoir out, and we are delighted that she joins us now. Porsha Williams, welcome to WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
(APPLAUSE)
PORSHA WILLIAMS: Thank you. Thank you for having me.
SAGAL: I'm so glad to have you. I'm going to confess, I am new to the world of "The Real Housewives" thing. I've been in sort of a crash course.
WILLIAMS: OK. OK.
SAGAL: So forgive my ignorance. I'm going to ask you some questions. So, for example, is there - are we being filmed right now?
WILLIAMS: (Laughter) You are not.
SAGAL: We're not being filmed right now?
WILLIAMS: No, you're not. And you said you were new to the reality world. I'm new to the real world.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Yeah.
WILLIAMS: So welcome back to me, to the real world.
SAGAL: We can introduce each other to our various spheres.
WILLIAMS: Yes. Walk me into life.
SAGAL: Yes. So, for example, in the real world, nobody takes you to a side to ask you about how you feel, how your day went because nobody cares.
(LAUGHTER)
WILLIAMS: Oh.
SAGAL: Is that bad?
WILLIAMS: How will I survive?
SAGAL: I don't know.
WILLIAMS: I need you to know my every feeling at every moment. Yes.
SAGAL: OK, now we're getting into it. OK, because here's - so I'm watching the show, and it just so happened that I decided to start early with you. And you're in your divorce lawyer's office. And you are talking about your marriage, which was ending in the most intimate and raw and emotional terms. And you're crying, and it's genuine. And I'm like, how - there's a camera crew right there.
WILLIAMS: I mean, you know, it's like you just forget about them. It's like, you're just living your life at that moment, you know? It's what you sign up for. So it's just - it is what it is.
SAGAL: Did it take a little time to get used to? Were you like...
WILLIAMS: You know what? It did. It definitely did. You know, the first couple of years, I was so nervous in front of the cameras. I would just say anything, you know what I mean?
SAGAL: I am told that that was part of your appeal to the audience.
WILLIAMS: It really was. It was.
(LAUGHTER)
WILLIAMS: You know, they know I thought it was 265 days in the year. You know, they know all my little quirky stuff, you know? But that - those are some of the things that happen with lights, camera, action. And you're brand new.
SAGAL: Yeah.
WILLIAMS: Yeah.
SAGAL: And did you - and was there ever a moment where you said to yourself, oh, man, I wish they weren't filming that? Did you - or is that part of the job, is, like, you're going to be yourself?
WILLIAMS: The whole 10 years.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right. I know you get this question a lot from people like me, but, like, the conflict and the drama, you and the other ladies - is that real? Or do they sort of, like, encourage you to do that?
WILLIAMS: It's real for me.
SAGAL: Oh, yeah.
WILLIAMS: It's real for me. I don't even know. If you plan that you don't like me, I'm still feel like you don't like me. If you tell me to my face, you don't like me, doesn't that mean you don't like me?
(LAUGHTER)
BOOSTER: Well, speaking of this - hi, Porsha.
WILLIAMS: Oh, hi.
BOOSTER: Joel Kim Booster - big fan, seen every episode of your franchise. These people, they don't know what a big deal this is for me.
WILLIAMS: They're not in our world.
BOOSTER: This is like a Make-A-Wish situation for me, OK?
(LAUGHTER)
WILLIAMS: Yes, yes.
BOOSTER: I just - first off, before I get to my question, I have to tell you, watching you over the course of the years on the show has been really, I think, one of the most fascinating arcs of any housewife because you came in, you started out, as Peter said, sort of say anything, a little raw, a little uncooked. And then I think the way you ended your run on the show is so amazing, with all of the work that you did a couple of summers ago with - for civil rights. And I think it's just really amazing. But now I have the real question.
WILLIAMS: OK. What is it?
SAGAL: Here we go.
BOOSTER: OK. So I was on "Watch What Happens" with Kenya several years ago. So I was on with Kenya Moore. For the uninitiated, so most of you in here, it is one of Porsha's greatest nemesis, I would say, Kenya Moore. And I asked her the same question. Do you think you'll ever actually be able to be friends with Kenya? - like, real honest-to-goodness friends.
WILLIAMS: I love Kenya.
(LAUGHTER)
SALIE: Why? Did Kenya say something different to you, Joel?
WILLIAMS: (Laughter).
BOOSTER: This was a couple of years ago. This was a couple of years ago.
WILLIAMS: That was in it? That was in it?
BOOSTER: Yeah, that was - this was in it.
WILLIAMS: You know, when you're in it, you're in it, you know? On the show, we were kind of pitted against each other in a way.
BOOSTER: By people like me, by gay guys like me.
WILLIAMS: (Laughter) But, you know, once you're not in it, I mean, it's like, dang, I'm looking at her like, girl, I hope you survive this year, you know? I hope you make it through because I knew how hard it was, and I made it out.
BOOSTER: Do you think being a mother has sort of changed your perspective on that a little bit?
WILLIAMS: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, well - I mean, I always was the good witch.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That's actually - I mean, you just raised something that's interesting because the shows are so much about drama and bringing everything from daily life to the highest level of importance. Let's say, you know, our show - we're in public radio. It's nice, but let's say we want to hit the big time of, you know...
WILLIAMS: Oh (laughter).
SAGAL: So how - how do you think - what can we do with this show? You've seen it for, now, 20 minutes. What do you think we could do to this show to, like, spice it up to get as popular as you guys are?
WILLIAMS: Oh, my God. All you all need to do - because you all were playing games before I came, right?
SAGAL: Yeah.
WILLIAMS: OK, so the losers just have to throw champagne in the other person's face.
(LAUGHTER)
WILLIAMS: Seriously, that's it. That's the magic.
SAGAL: It really is. We better go that way because the hair pull isn't going to happen, you know?
(LAUGHTER)
WILLIAMS: Yeah, I skipped that one, although I have some hair for you, but...
SAGAL: I know, yes.
WILLIAMS: ...I didn't want to take you there yet.
SAGAL: I don't think - I think - I don't think I'm worthy of one of your wigs, just so you know.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, Porsha Williams, this is really fun, but we have invited you here to play a game that this time we're calling...
CHIOKE I’ANSON: Real Housewife, Meet a Fake Housewife.
WILLIAMS: Oh, this is easy. This was my 10-year career.
SAGAL: OK. Right. Now, you started, famously, as a "Real Housewife." So we thought we'd ask you about some fake housewives on TV.
WILLIAMS: OK.
SAGAL: If you answer two of them correctly, you will win our prize for our listener, one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their voicemail. Chioke, who is Porsha Williams playing for?
I’ANSON: Jacob Sugar (ph) of Atlanta, Ga., who just had his bar mitzvah.
(APPLAUSE)
WILLIAMS: OK, Sugar. Congratulations.
SALIE: Nice. Mazel tov, Sugar.
SAGAL: All right, Porsha, here's your first question. Donna Reed invented the sitcom housewife on "The Donna Reed Show." And then in the '80s, she graciously took over for the ailing Barbara Bel Geddes to play another housewife on "Dallas," OK? Now, when Miss Bel Geddes got better and wanted to come back to her role on the show, Donna Reed did what? Did she, A, personally clean and tidy the dressing room, adding fresh doilies and potpourri; B, did she bake Bel Geddes a welcome back to "Dallas" pie, with a little oil rig on top that pumped out chocolate sauce; or C, did she sue the producers to prevent that sick old lady from getting her job back?
(LAUGHTER)
WILLIAMS: She definitely sued.
SAGAL: Yes. You would know this.
(LAUGHTER)
WILLIAMS: Yes, yes.
SAGAL: That's exactly right. Why even wonder? Yeah, that was a gimme for you.
OK. Here's your next question. In 19 - back in 1952, producers of "I Love Lucy" wanted to incorporate Lucille Ball's actual pregnancy into the show, but the sponsors objected - it was a different time - until the producers agreed to do what? A, have a priest, a minister and a rabbi approve each script for moral perfection - B, an actual stork show up instead of having Lucy go to the hospital - or C, show the moment of the baby's conception, so everybody would be sure it was Ricky's.
(LAUGHTER)
WILLIAMS: OK, the last one was Ricky's idea for sure.
SAGAL: Yes.
WILLIAMS: So it's the second one, a stork.
SAGAL: It's the second one. You think they actually had a stork.
WILLIAMS: Yes. Yes.
SAGAL: I guess it wasn't CGI back then - probably a stuffed stork come and deliver the baby. No, it was actually A.
WILLIAMS: It was A - or a triangle. It's a triangle.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I think this means A. I think they were trying to say A.
WILLIAMS: Triangle. You gave me the wrong answer. What the heck?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You have one per question. If you get this right, you win it all. On the sitcom "Bewitched" - this is in the '60s - Elizabeth Montgomery played both the witch housewife Samantha and also her mischievous cousin Serena. Right? According to Hollywood legend, which of these once happened? A, Montgomery negotiated a separate salary for playing Serena because the studios didn't realize it was just her in a different costume - B, her husband hit on her while she was dressed as Serena, and instead of telling him who she was, she just went off to a motel with him.
WILLIAMS: Oh.
SAGAL: Or C, to do a scene with both characters, she dressed her left side as Samantha, her right as Serena, and just kept spinning in place to do the dialogue.
WILLIAMS: Oh, my God. So one of them is one of them is true.
SAGAL: One of them is true.
SALIE: It might be a triangle.
WILLIAMS: Yeah. I was looking for another triangle.
(LAUGHTER)
WILLIAMS: OK. It's definitely C.
SAGAL: No, it was B. Her husband was like, hello, good looking. And she's like, hello. And they slipped out together. Chioke, how did she do on our quiz?
I'ANSON: Well, with only one answer, right, she did not win. But she did so while being fabulous.
SAGAL: Very well. And that's what's important.
WILLIAMS: Thank you.
SAGAL: That's what's important.
WILLIAMS: Thank you.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Porsha Williams is a star of "Real Housewives Of Atlanta" and the entrepreneur behind a Go Naked hair wigs and Pampered by Porsha sheets. Porsha Williams, thank you so much for joining us on WAIT, WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
WILLIAMS: Thank you.
SAGAL: Porsha Williams, everybody.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "I'M REAL (REMIX)")
JA RULE: (Singing) The way you walk. The way you move. The way you talk.
JENNIFER LOPEZ: (Singing) Cause I'm real.
SAGAL: In just a minute, Chioki reveals a crisis that could forever change the future of our limerick game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more WAIT, WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.
I'ANSON: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Chioke I'Anson, in for Bill Kurtis.
(CHEERING)
I'ANSON: We're playing this week with Joel Kim Booster, Hari Kondabolu and Faith Salie. And here, again, is your host at the Fox Theatre in Atlanta, Ga.
(CHEERING)
I'ANSON: He's less Hotlanta (ph), more Mylanta - Peter Sagal.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you, Chioke. In just a minute, Chioke takes you to the And-rhyme-eda (ph) galaxy in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Joel, if you have been waiting for Apple to shake things up after boring iPhone releases, well, MacRumors - that's a website that's all about, well, Mac rumors - they report Apple is working on new technology that will take the iPhone out of your hand and put it where?
BOOSTER: In your brain.
SAGAL: Almost.
BOOSTER: In your eyes?
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
BOOSTER: Oh, God.
SAGAL: Very good. Imagine all the functionality of an iPhone but in a high-tech contact lens. Also, imagine when you get dust in there and you start rubbing and blinking, and you accidentally send your mom a bunch of nudes.
(LAUGHTER)
BOOSTER: Where did all these pictures of mushrooms come from?
(LAUGHTER)
SALIE: This is a terrible idea.
SAGAL: It really is. Well, maybe there's somebody out there who can't wait to try the eye-iPhone. Or is it both eyes? Is it an eye-eye-iPhone? We don't know.
BOOSTER: Didn't we already do this with Google Glass?
SAGAL: We did. We tried this.
BOOSTER: Yeah.
SAGAL: And Google - I mean, this is an idea so bad, even Google wouldn't pursue it.
BOOSTER: Yeah.
SAGAL: And now Apple is up to it. This is great, though, when this - we have this technology because I, personally, like a lot of you, hate it when I sit down for dinner with my family, and everybody is just staring at their phones. Now everybody will be just leaning back and drooling.
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: What if, at some point - you think Apple - do you think at some point, Apple is going to pull the, like, oh, it's not compatible with your eyeball anymore, so you're going to have to buy a new...
HARI KONDABOLU AND PETER SAGAL: Eyeball.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: They know what they're doing.
SAGAL: They really do.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Hari, forget Tylenol. Next time you get a headache, according to a new study, you should try doing what instead to alleviate the discomfort?
KONDABOLU: You should drink a lot of water.
SAGAL: Nope.
KONDABOLU: You should drink a lot of alcohol.
SAGAL: No, especially not that.
KONDABOLU: OK, you should take anti-depressants.
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: You should breathe.
SAGAL: No. I'll give you a hint.
KONDABOLU: OK.
SAGAL: It's like, oh, your headache and migraine coming on? Get out that old yearbook and take a look at those jeggings we all had.
KONDABOLU: Reminisce.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
KONDABOLU: That's going to lower your headache.
SAGAL: That's the idea.
KONDABOLU: Thinking about the past will make you....
SAGAL: Thinking about the past, specifically trying to think about happy memories, the good old days, if you will. New research shows that reminiscing can actually alleviate headache pain by 10%, which is great. Who hasn't said, oh, I wish this headache would alleviate by exactly 10%?
(LAUGHTER)
BOOSTER: This once again seems like one of those things that is not helpful for, like, gay people or people of color because it's like, oh, I want to remember the past when I was straight? Like....
(LAUGHTER)
BOOSTER: ...That's not fun for me. You know, like, oh, I want to remember when I was the only Asian kid in my high school? That's a blast and a half.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, I think for people like you, you can just remember last weekend.
(LAUGHTER)
BOOSTER: Yeah, no. I mean, that's a struggle, too, for different reasons.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The research subjects also reported a 30% greater likelihood of saying, huh, should I get bangs again?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Faith, this week, scientists and archaeologists painstakingly recreated the world's first ever what?
SALIE: Oh, was this the lady T. rex?
SAGAL: No, not the lady T. rex.
SALIE: No? OK.
(LAUGHTER)
SALIE: I'm going to need a hint.
SAGAL: Yet to be determined by scientists and archaeologists who used to wear them in the family.
SALIE: Masks carved of stone.
SAGAL: No. Gets to wear them in the family is not a phrase you recognize?
SALIE: Gets to wear them in the family? I mean...
KONDABOLU: Like, who wears the blank?
SALIE: Oh, the pants?
SAGAL: Yes, the world's oldest pair of pants.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: The world's oldest pair of pants was discovered on a mummified body known as Turfan Man, was found buried in an ancient cemetery in China decades ago. It consisted these ancient pants of two twill woven like pieces of flexible connecting piece across the crotch and not enough pockets.
(LAUGHTER)
SALIE: If they lasted that long, maybe they were from Forever 21.
SAGAL: Could be.
(LAUGHTER)
SALIE: Wait. I want to...
BOOSTER: No, Forever 21 disintegrates in the wind.
(LAUGHTER)
BOOSTER: So, Peter, I have a question.
SAGAL: Yes, please.
BOOSTER: My question is, what did they do with the guy? Did they reconstruct him too? Because I got to tell you if I was found dead, and they were focused on my pants and not me?
(LAUGHTER)
BOOSTER: Like, I want to know. Like, the pants sound cute, but what about the guy?
SAGAL: Right.
BOOSTER: Like, what did he look like?
SAGAL: See, that's - you and I have such different expectations of how people react to us. My experience if that happened to me - like, oh, they like my pants. I'd be all right with that.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "JEANS ON")
DAVID DUNDAS: (Singing) I pull my blue jeans on. I pull my old blue jeans on.
SAGAL: Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can also find tickets for our upcoming IRL shows at the Harris Theater in Chicago on April 7 and at Shea's Buffalo Theatre in Buffalo, N.Y., on April 28.
Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME!
ANNA: Hello. This is Anna (ph) from Amherst, Mass.
SAGAL: Terrific. Amherst is a beautiful place. What do you do there?
ANNA: Oh, thanks. I work in a farm. I'm a washroom manager, so I help people wash and pack spinach.
SAGAL: You're washing the spinach to sell to Americans because Americans can't stand dirt on their food.
I'ANSON: We're city folks.
SAGAL: Yeah, I get it. I get. Well, Anna, welcome to the show. Chioke I'Anson is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?
ANNA: Yeah.
SAGAL: OK. Here is your first limerick.
I'ANSON: Skipping leg day will now get a pardon. Do some yardwork to make your bod harden. Grab some shears and a hose and start trimming your rose. Go spend some more time in your...
ANNA: Garden.
SAGAL: Garden, yes.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: According to new research, 30 minutes a week of gardening has the same effect on your life as 30 minutes of weightlifting. Either activity improves your lifespan by about 20%, but only one involves decomposing organic matter.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, as long as you avoid going to Planet Fitness.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I guess this is - you work at a farm. Do you find that working on your farm has the same sort of vigorous physical activity as going to the gym?
ANNA: It's way more 'cause I work longer hours than I'd ever spend in the gym.
SAGAL: There you go.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: There you go. It's true. We have it scientifically proved.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.
I'ANSON: As I'm taking my dog for a loop, I will sniff a good whiff when I scoop. To earn a quick buck, I'm collecting his muck. For two months, I'll be smelling his...
ANNA: Poop?
SAGAL: Yes, poop.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: A startup pet food company is offering some lucky person $6,000. All they have to do is smell their dog's poop for two months.
ANNA: What?
SAGAL: This is great news. Great. I've been sniffing my dog's poop for free, but that's because it's been a long pandemic, and I'm desperate for stimulation.
(LAUGHTER)
I'ANSON: Well, Peter, you and I are new fathers.
SAGAL: We are.
I'ANSON: Right? So would you do this? This is in the realm of the things we've had - like, I've been smelling lots of poop for a year and a half.
SAGAL: Yeah, yeah.
I'ANSON: All sorts of different types of poop.
SAGAL: I mean, not only am I a father of a small baby, but also a double dog owner. I have two dogs. And I smell a lot of poop.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: However, I feel it's important to maintain my amateur status.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick, Anna.
I'ANSON: We are landing on desperate times and resort to mere assonance crimes. The name of the game's making words sound the same, but our language has run out of...
ANNA: Rhymes.
SAGAL: Rhymes, yes.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: We're out of rhymes. There are no more rhymes. I'm sorry. Stop rhyming.
ANNA: What?
SAGAL: Apparently, 60,000 new songs are uploaded to Spotify every day, almost equaling the number of racial slurs uploaded by Joe Rogan.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So, according to The Wall Street Journal, all the rhymes have been used. They've all been used up. And rather than sound cliche, stars like Olivia Rodrigo or Dua Lipa or Philip Gotika (ph) are moving away from perfect rhymes like you and true to yeah-sure-that's-close rhymes like calm and ready for mom's spaghetti.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Apparently, modern lyricists value authenticity, and they feel that perfect rhymes make a song feel forced, but I disagree. Songs are for real rhymes. If they're not strong, it sounds wrong.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I'd rather play pingpong with some ding-dong in Hong Kong than listen to a long, wrong song.
(LAUGHTER)
ANNA: Oh, go on.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Chioke, how did Anna do on our quiz?
I'ANSON: Oh, Anna cleaned up.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: She did.
I'ANSON: She got all three right.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Congratulations, Anna.
ANNA: Thanks.
SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.
ANNA: Thank you.
SAGAL: Take care.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "CAN'T BELIEVE IT")
T-PAIN: (Rapping) Put you in the mansion somewhere in Wisconsin. Like I said, ain't nothing to the Pain. We can change that last name. What's happening? 'Cause you look so good.
SAGAL: Now it is time for our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer, as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Chioke, can you give us the scores at this point?
I'ANSON: Joel has two points. Hari has two points. Faith has three points.
SAGAL: Oh my gosh.
(CHEERING)
SAGAL: So Hari and Joel are tied. I'm going to arbitrarily pick Hari to go first, so here we go.
KONDABOLU: We were having such a good time, Peter. Now we have to ruin it with trivia questions.
SAGAL: Here we go, Hari. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the January 6th Committee said that blank may have taken part in a criminal conspiracy to overturn the election.
KONDABOLU: Donald Trump.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Senate Democrats announced Monday that they plan to start the blank confirmation hearings in late March.
KONDABOLU: Supreme Court.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, the Paralympics announced it would ban all competitors from blank.
KONDABOLU: Russia.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Tuesday, Beto O'Rourke won the Democratic gubernatorial primary in blank.
KONDABOLU: Texas.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: According to DNA evidence, the very hungry bear named Hank the Tank who's been ransacking homes in California, is actually blank.
KONDABOLU: Steven Seagal.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: No, it's actually - although I believe that, he's fallen quite a ways. It's actually three very hungry bears that are ransacking homes. On Friday, NASA announced that one of their abandoned rockets had collided with the far side of blank.
KONDABOLU: The moon.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Wednesday, a judge granted Kim Kardashian's request to drop a blank from her name.
KONDABOLU: West.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a report from New Zealand was released...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...Alleging terrible infighting and conflict at the University of Otago's Centre for blank.
KONDABOLU: Colonizer studies.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: No, it is terrible infighting and conflict at the Centre for Peace and Conflict Studies.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: According to the exhaustive report, the Centre for Peace and Conflict Studies has developed, quote, "a toxic and unproductive culture that is paralyzing, isolating and divisive." The centre is not worried about it, though. It's now at work rebranding the program as the perfect place to study conflict firsthand.
Chioke, how did Hari do on our quiz?
I'ANSON: Hari got six right.
SAGAL: Whoa.
I'ANSON: 12 more points. He now has 14 points and the lead.
KONDABOLU: Yay.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: All right. Joel, you're up next.
BOOSTER: Let's go.
SAGAL: All right, Joel, here we go. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Iowa Governor Kim Reynolds gave the GOP response to the blank.
BOOSTER: The State of the Union.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: To help lower gas prices, the U.S. and other world powers announced they'd release 60 million barrels of blank from global reserves.
BOOSTER: Oil.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, Google announced it would require workers to blank in April.
BOOSTER: Go back to the office.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: After the players association rejected a bargaining agreement, the start of the blank season was pushed back.
UNIDENTIFIED AUDIENCE MEMBER: MLB.
BOOSTER: The MLB.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: NBA all-star Jarrett Allen says his teammates and the Cleveland Cavaliers didn't fully accept him until he blanked.
BOOSTER: Until he fouled out of a game.
SAGAL: No, until he got an iPhone and stopped ruining their group chats with his Android phone.
BOOSTER: Oh, that's fair.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The organizers expected thousands of attendees, less than 40 people showed up at the blank protest at the Capitol.
BOOSTER: The anti-vax protests.
SAGAL: Well, yeah, the trucker convoy. I'll give it to you.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, two neighbors in the U.K. are locked in a dispute...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...Because one of their dogs is named blank.
BOOSTER: After the neighbor.
SAGAL: No, the dog is named Boner.
BOOSTER: Oh.
SAGAL: And the dog named Boner has caused a rift between the neighbors because one of them hates hearing the name anytime the dog goes outside. Boner.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: If she thinks that's bad, though, just wait until the dog gets lost and there are signs all over town reading, have you seen our Boner?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Chioke, how did Joel do on our quiz?
I'ANSON: Joel got five right for 10 more points, a total of 12.
BOOSTER: Double digits.
I'ANSON: So Hari still has the lead.
SAGAL: All right, and how many, then, does Faith need to win?
I'ANSON: Faith needs six, six to win.
SAGAL: Faith, this is for the game. On Wednesday, the U.N. General Assembly voted on a resolution to formally condemn blank.
SALIE: Russia.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Monday, Representative Ted Deutch became the 31st Democrat this year to announce he would not blank.
SALIE: Run for office.
SAGAL: Right - or seek reelection.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a New York state judge rejected the attorney general's attempt to dissolve the gun group blank.
SALIE: NRA.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: According to a new study, Pfizer's blank is far less effective in children aged 5 to 12.
SALIE: Vaccination.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SALIE: COVID vaccination.
SAGAL: Right. This week, a right-wing presidential candidate in France was criticized after it was revealed that blank voted for her in the primary.
SALIE: That - Marine Le Pen.
SAGAL: No, that her dog voted for her.
SALIE: Oh.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: On Sunday, Chris Licht...
SALIE: Was it Le Boner (ph)?
SAGAL: Le Boner.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: On Sunday, Chris Licht, the executive producer of "The Late Show With Stephen Colbert," was tapped to take over as president of blank.
SALIE: CNN.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Thursday, researchers found the first evidence of deer-to-human blank transmission.
SALIE: COVID.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: A dad in France trying to keep his kids from going online...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...Accidentally blanked.
SALIE: Sent a mushroom picture to his mother.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: No, took out the internet for the entire town. The man had been using a signal jammer to finally get his teenagers offline, not realizing it was blocking internet and cell service for his whole town. The man faces six months in jail. Of course, upon learning what had happened, the entire town responded, Dad...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Chioke, did Faith do well enough to win?
I'ANSON: Well, she got six right for 12 more points. So with a total of 15 points, Faith is this week's champion.
(CHEERING)
SAGAL: Woot, woot, woot, woot. Woot, woot, woot.
SALIE: Thanks, Peter (laughter).
(CHEERING)
SAGAL: I'm wooting for you. I'm wooting.
SAGAL: Now, panel, what will we do with all of those masks? Joel Kim Booster.
BOOSTER: They'll be used as currency once nuclear war destroys our society as we know it.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Hari Kondabolu.
KONDABOLU: We'll set them all on fire because if recent history has shown us one thing, it's that there is no chance we'll ever need to wear masks again.
(LAIUGHTER)
SAGAL: And Faith Salie.
SALIE: They will be turned into tank tops for ducks.
(LAUGHTER)
I'ANSON: And if we do any of those things, we'll ask you about it on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
(CHEERING)
SAGAL: Thank you, Chioke I'Anson, for filling in when we needed you. Thanks also to Joel Kim Booster, Hari Kondabolu and Faith Salie. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Fox Theatre in Atlanta, who were still standing by to do our show after two years. Thanks to everybody at WABE and GPB. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Fox. You were worth the wait.
(CHEERING)
SAGAL: And thanks to all of you at home for listening. I'm Peter Segal. We'll see you next week.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
I'ANSON: This is NPR.
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