'Wait Wait' for March 19, 2022: With Not My Job guest Zazie Beetz
UNIDENTIFIED PERSON, BYLINE: The following program was taped before an audience of no one.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Forget about March Madness. Try some March Kurtis - Bill Kurtis. And here's your host, the man of your dreams. You need to see your therapist about that as soon as possible. It's Peter Sagal.
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. And thanks, once again, to our fake audience. Later on, we're going to be talking to actor Zazie Beetz, who got her first job as a professional actor playing the lead role in Donald Glover's acclaimed show "Atlanta" and has then gone on to starring roles in big comic book blockbusters, among other things. We're hoping to hear all about your rapid and well-deserved rise to the top, so give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.
Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi. You are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
MAGGIE SWITZER: Hi. My name is Maggie Switzer (ph), and I'm calling from Atlanta, Ga.
SAGAL: You're calling from Atlanta, Ga., where we just were. We missed you there. We waited.
SWITZER: I was there. I was in the nosebleed section.
SAGAL: Oh, you were? OK, that's why. We just couldn't see you 'cause you were way up there. What do you do there in Atlanta?
SWITZER: I'm a graduate student studying public health at Emory University.
SAGAL: That is a fine thing to be studying right now.
SWITZER: Thank you.
SAGAL: What should we know about public health that we don't know other than that we generally don't have any?
SWITZER: You know, we might have to wait till I graduate to answer that question.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: OK, yes. It's unfair. It's unfair. You're still studying. It's all right. We'll wait till you graduate. It's all right.
Well, Maggie, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's the author and humorist behind the new Substack "Take Another Little Piece Of My Heart Now" (ph). It's Roy Blount Jr.
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ROY BLOUNT JR: Hey, Maggie. I grew up in Decatur, so I know where you are. Where are you?
(LAUGHTER)
SWITZER: Also near Decatur.
BLOUNT: Oh, good. Oh, good.
SAGAL: Next up, it's a comedian who'll be moderating "Star Trek": Mission Chicago April 8 and 9 and who will be at the San Francisco Punch Line April 27 through the 30. It's Helen Hong.
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HELEN HONG: Hi, Maggie.
SWITZER: Hi.
SAGAL: And finally, a correspondent for "CBS Sunday Morning" and co-author of the New York Times bestselling book "Mobituaries: Great Lives Worth Reliving," it's Mo Rocca.
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MO ROCCA: Hi, Maggie.
SWITZER: Hi, Mo Rocca.
SAGAL: Maggie, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time, of course. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize - any voice from our show you may choose on your voicemail. Ready to go?
SWITZER: Yes.
SAGAL: All right, let's do it. Here is your first quote.
KURTIS: I was pretty surprised we had the power to change time itself.
SAGAL: That was Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky talking about the Senate voting unanimously to make what permanent this week?
SWITZER: Daylight savings time.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Daylight savings time.
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SAGAL: The Senate has passed legislation unanimously to make daylight savings time permanent, which means if it passes the House and is signed into law, we will never set our clocks forward or backward again.
BLOUNT: Well, I thought you just did it - set it backward all the time so we would lose an hour every year and we would get younger and younger.
SAGAL: I like it. Anyway, so this means there'll be more daylight in the winter - or maybe it's more in the summer. Or do you wake up earlier now? If it's 8 and your body thinks it's 9, is that good? Anyway, whatever. It's happening. It's called the Sunshine Protection Act because of all the things that need protection right now, sunshine is clearly the most vulnerable. It goes away when you pull the shade down. Somebody save it.
HONG: Yeah.
ROCCA: And so this is to save sunlight. So can - so are we able to put our sunlight in 401(k)s? Will someone...
SAGAL: Yes.
ROCCA: ...Match our sunlight?
SAGAL: There's no tax - there will be no taxes on sunlight. It'll be awesome. You'll be able to - of course, once you take it out of retirement and use it. You know?
BLOUNT: When I was on the newspaper in Atlanta many, many years ago, they argued about this every year.
SAGAL: Yes.
BLOUNT: They tried to do - and people would say things like, all I know is the cows don't like it.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: I am shocked, Peter, that this is - because it's true, Roy. Like, literally, this topic comes up every single year twice a year, every time we have to change the clock. So what is it about now that suddenly Congress was like, we got to do it?
SAGAL: Well, here's - you raise an interesting question, Helen. This is a Senate which famously can't do anything. How did they do this? Well, the answer is they didn't know they were doing it.
HONG: What?
SAGAL: This is all true. There's this rule in the Senate called unanimous consent. And the idea is something can pass immediately as long as not a single senator objects to it. And that always happens, right? Whenever anybody tries it, some senator says, I object, and it's stopped. This time, no one knew it was happening, so no one objected, and it passed. Some senators - this is all true - are furious about this.
HONG: What?
SAGAL: Tom Cotton, for example, hates this idea, but his staff never told him about it, so he couldn't object.
HONG: What?
SAGAL: He must be so angry that they deprived him of the chance to kill something other people love.
ROCCA: Yeah. No, he missed the vote because he forgot to set his clock forward.
SAGAL: Maybe...
ROCCA: Yes.
SAGAL: Maybe that's what happened and he's just using his staff for an excuse.
ROCCA: But I'm so confused. Does this mean, then, that people - that kids are going to go to school in the dark at 8 a.m.?
SAGAL: It could well mean that.
HONG: Good.
ROCCA: Roy, did you - how far did you walk to school when you were a boy?
BLOUNT: Well, we didn't have miles back then. We had...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Leagues? Did you measure it in leagues?
BLOUNT: Leagues - we walked leagues. I walked 78 leagues every morning.
(LAUGHTER)
BLOUNT: And I would have to get up the night before, and then I would sleep in school. It was crazy.
HONG: (Laughter).
SAGAL: All right, Maggie, your next quote is from a consumer advocate about a change in Charmin toilet paper.
KURTIS: It's a backdoor price increase.
BLOUNT: (Laughter).
SAGAL: What change has Charmin made affecting the back door?
SWITZER: More toilet paper?
SAGAL: No, exactly the opposite. It's a price increase, so they're giving you...
SWITZER: Oh, less toilet paper.
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SAGAL: Less toilet paper.
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SAGAL: Fewer sheets per roll. This is called - there's a name for it - shrinkflation. Instead of raising the price of your product, companies just sell less of it at the same price and hope no one notices. So, for example, Charmin used to be 264 sheets to a roll. They just changed it quietly to 244. They didn't publicize it...
BLOUNT: Whoa.
SAGAL: ...But you just found out at the worst possible time.
HONG: (Laughter).
ROCCA: I'd like to talk to Mr. Whipple about this.
SAGAL: I know. Remember him? Also - and this is true, it could spread throughout the industries - there will be five fewer Doritos in every bag of chips.
HONG: What?
SAGAL: So in the end, I guess you won't need those 20 extra sheets of toilet paper.
HONG: (Laughter).
SAGAL: It all balances out.
BLOUNT: I'm afraid they're going to make the sheets smaller. That - I don't think that would be good.
SAGAL: No, no. That would be bad.
BLOUNT: They're just about right. There are not many things that are available commercially that are just about right. I think a sheet - I don't want to go into it too thoroughly or autobiographically...
HONG: (Laughter).
BLOUNT: ...But it's, you know, it's a handy size. That's all.
ROCCA: Oh, no. I know. A smaller sheet - that would be, like, for little doll hands.
BLOUNT: Yeah. You got...
ROCCA: I don't like that.
BLOUNT: No.
HONG: That would be catastrophic. Are they doing this, Peter, with, like, all kinds of products, like booze and...
SAGAL: Oh, yeah, yeah. For example, Doritos and Charmin - we got those. Crest toothpaste...
HONG: What?
SAGAL: ...Gatorade and Wheat Thins are also downsizing. This is the second time that's happened to that product, the one our parents knew as Wheat Thicks.
HONG: (Laughter).
SAGAL: All right. Maggie, your last quote is about a new $5,000-a-night hotel.
KURTIS: It looks like a suburban junior high school built in the mid-1970s.
SAGAL: Now, that review is about a new hotel in Disney World in which you don't just get a room. You get to live in the world of what movie franchise?
SWITZER: "High School Musical"?
SAGAL: Now, I would pay to live in a high school musical. That would be awesome. Everybody is incredibly attractive, breaks out into song all the time. I would love it. No, it's not "High School Musical," although I completely endorse your thinking.
HONG: It's a huge, iconic film franchise.
SWITZER: Oh, is it "Star Wars" or Marvel?
SAGAL: It is "Star Wars."
KURTIS: Yeah.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)
SAGAL: Wait a minute. Yes, you're all thinking - you just found out there's a "Star Wars"-themed hotel at Disney. Well, beam me up, Scotty.
HONG: (Laughter).
SAGAL: The early reviews of the new "Star Wars": Galactic Starcruiser hotel in Florida are basically, I've got a bad feeling about this. Now, the packages to stay there start at $5,000 a night and they go up to 20,000 for a, quote, "tricked-out suite." It's tricked out if you think not having windows is a trick. None of the rooms have windows. It's basically a hostel, but no one is having sex.
HONG: I - this isn't - this is - I mean, for 5,000 a night, Peter, there better be a hot stormtrooper waiting in the room for me.
SAGAL: Funny that you mention that, Helen, because that is, in fact - well, I don't know if they offer that specifically, but you're not just getting an uncomfortable bed to sleep in. You're getting a two-day experience, during which you sleep in an uncomfortable bed, in which you get to sort of be a part of the "Star Wars" universe, right? And the idea is you're in a participatory kind of escape room adventure with actual professional actors circulating among you being paid to talk to you in Wookiee. I mean...
HONG: Is Darth Vader roaming the halls?
SAGAL: I don't know. There are - all I know is - I mean, there are surprises, but there are stormtroopers. So if you are, as you indicated, somehow sexually attracted to them, Helen, you'll be in luck.
HONG: Yes, yes.
SAGAL: By the way, let's just pause for a second and say, Helen, really?
HONG: Yes.
SAGAL: Stormtroopers?
HONG: I love a man in a uniform.
SAGAL: Even when you can't see his face?
HONG: Yes.
SAGAL: OK.
ROCCA: Especially.
HONG: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: Exactly. Thank you, Mo. Thank you. Yeah, the Mandalorian - hot. What's he look like? No one knows.
ROCCA: The Mandalorian does sound like a hotel - like a Vegas hotel.
SAGAL: It really does.
KURTIS: It does.
SAGAL: Oh, I'm staying at Steve Wynn's Mandalorian. I can see it.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Great poker room over at the Mandalorian.
HONG: (Laughter).
SAGAL: Bill, how did Maggie do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Three in a row - she gets to blast off to hyperspace. Good going, Maggie.
SAGAL: (Laughter) Congratulations on making that jump. Maggie, good luck as you graduate, and then let us know how - what to - how to save public health.
SWITZER: Thank you.
SAGAL: Take care. Bye-bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF JERRY GOLDSMITH, ET AL.'S "STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION MAIN TITLE")
SAGAL: Right now, it's time, panel, for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Roy, Starbucks has launched a new initiative. Within the next few years, they plan to stop offering what?
BLOUNT: Coffee.
SAGAL: No (laughter). That's a big shift in their business model.
BLOUNT: Yeah. I don't think I know the answer. Maybe a hint.
SAGAL: When they finally do this, they're going to be able, also, to cut down those little paper sleeves by 100%.
BLOUNT: Cups - they're not going to have cups?
SAGAL: They're not going to have cups anymore.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)
SAGAL: They're hoping to reduce their waste by 50% by 2030, so Starbucks is trying to phase out their iconic paper cups. From now on, they'll pour the coffee right into your cupped hands.
HONG: (Laughter).
SAGAL: Now, of course, if they were really committed to the environment, they should just tell people to step right up and suck it out of the spigot.
HONG: (Laughter).
ROCCA: It's going to be - no. The concept is it's going to be just like a Catholic Mass, where there will be one chalice for the coffee, and the whole congregation drinks from it.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: They're actually trying several different pilot programs to cut down on cup use. They're going to offer bigger discounts to bringing in your own cup. Or there's this Borrow a Cup program they're trying out in Seattle where a reusable cup costs a dollar that you get back when you return the cup to the store. It's convenient and hygienic, like drinking out of a library book.
HONG: (Laughter).
BLOUNT: When are they going to start this?
SAGAL: I don't know, but they're rolling it out in various pilot programs. I don't know when it gets to where you are.
BLOUNT: I think it's too late.
ROCCA: It's set to - it's actually set to coincide with the beginning of the next pandemic.
BLOUNT: There you go.
SAGAL: There you go. It'll be awesome.
(SOUNDBITE OF ANNA KENDRICK SONG, "CUPS (PITCH PERFECT'S 'WHEN I'M GONE')"
SAGAL: Coming up, our Bluff the Listener game is absolutely not funny. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play and not to laugh. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.
KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Mo Rocca, Helen Hong and Roy Blount Jr. And here again is your host, who is now 3 inches shorter thanks to shrinkflation - Peter Sagal.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)
SAGAL: Thank you, Bill. Right now, it is time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
BERNADETTE: Hi, this is Bernadette (ph). I'm calling from Union, N.J.
SAGAL: Hey, I actually know Union pretty well. I didn't grow up far from there. I grew up in Union County anyway. What do you do there?
BERNADETTE: I'm a music teacher. I have kindergarten through fourth grade.
SAGAL: OK. I habitually make mild fun of everybody who calls in, but I have had a long-standing rule. I do not make fun of primary music schoolteachers because you are magic.
BERNADETTE: Yeah, we're having a grand, old time. We do - we've been in the process of starting recorder karate.
SAGAL: What is recorder karate?
BERNADETTE: It's just a way for me to give them aspirations for learning new songs. Each new song is a belt.
SAGAL: Oh, I see.
HONG: Oh.
SAGAL: The idea is, like, if they learn this, they get a brown belt and a green belt, and like, they work their way up to a black belt.
BERNADETTE: Yes. It's literally just achievements and prizes and not real karate, but they love it.
SAGAL: But inevitably, the boys start hitting each other with the recorders 'cause they're boys, right?
BERNADETTE: Oh (laughter), hopefully not. But we'll see what happens.
SAGAL: OK. All right. Well, good luck with that. Well, Bernadette, it is great to have you with us. You are with us to play our Bluff The Listener game. Bill, what is Bernadette's topic?
KURTIS: This is serious.
SAGAL: Some people insist on being serious even when things are funny. For example, our recent attempt to add new panelist former Treasury Secretary Ben Bernanke is a mistake we will not repeat. Our actual panelists are going to tell you about somebody in the news who is just keeping it serious no matter what you might think. Pick the one telling the truth, and you'll win the WAIT WAITer of your choice on your voicemail. Ready to play?
BERNADETTE: Yes.
SAGAL: All right. First, let's hear from Mo Rocca.
ROCCA: There is nothing funny about a baby dressed up as a banana. That's the message that Kyle Leffler (ph) repeated over and over and over again last Thursday night during a meeting of the Bangor, Maine, city council. There is nothing funny about a baby dressed up as a banana. Leffler's outrage stemmed from the appearance of at least three toddlers dressed as bananas at Bangor's famed Carmen Miranda (ph) Street Fest earlier this month. Miranda had been an exchange student in Bangor during her high school years and saved the life of the town's vicar when he fell through the ice during a game of pond hockey.
Leffler wants to stem what he sees as a dangerous trend. As he explained it, studies show that bananas are the fruit most likely to be begun but not finished. The amount of potassium that's wasted is incalculable. Babies dressed up as bananas only encourages people to reach for a banana without thinking much as the movie "Dog Day Afternoon" encouraged people to buy puppies they really didn't want. And the peels that are discarded on our city streets are a hazard. And no, people slipping on banana peels isn't funny either.
Kyle Leffler's final words as he was being escorted from the council chambers by armed security - and no, I will not put on a mask.
SAGAL: An enraged citizen of Bangor, Maine, insists that babies dressed as bananas is not funny. Your next story of someone with a malfunctioning sense of humor comes from Helen Hong.
HONG: An animal behavior scientist at Missouri State University is fed up with people thinking his research is a joke. Professor Paul Pollo (ph) is conducting a study to, quote, "determine navigational vector intentionality in urban environments amongst Gallus gallus domesticus" or, in layman's terms, why chickens cross the road.
Over the years, Professor Pollo has received snickers, chuckles and even squawks when explaining his research. And he's clucking mad about it. People may think it's funny, but figuring out why they cross a road may help decrease the number of vehicle-chicken interactions, or VCIs. My feathers are ruffled over this foul attitude towards my life's work.
SAGAL: A scientist getting upset that people laugh at his very serious studies of why chickens cross roads. Your last story of the joke going over someone's head comes from Roy Blount Jr.
BLOUNT: People will sometimes make light of these seizures, says an official at the U.S. customs station in El Paso. But there is nothing funny about them. Yes, sir, nothing funny at all about those recent attempts foiled by your office, to your great credit, to smuggle into the U.S. from south of the border 243 pounds of contraband bologna. I get it. I get it. Contraband bologna is unregulated bologna. Of course, it must be seized. A bologna smuggler must pay a price.
It's just that, well, there's a rhythm to the term - contraband bologna, contraband bologna, ba dum ba dum bum - pretty near the same rhythm, in fact, as in "Fascinating Rhythm," Gershwin tune...
HONG: (Laughter).
BLOUNT: Fascinating lunchmeat, ba-dum-ba-dum-bum (ph). Bologna smuggling is a crime. Those who would turn the whole thing into a joke, they would have to force it some way out - is that a bologna you're sitting on or are you glad to see me kind of thing. That doesn't work. It isn't funny. Mexican bologna - who knew?
SAGAL: All right. One of these things is not funny. Is it from Mo Rocca - children dressed up in bananas or at least according to an angry person in Bangor, Maine - from Helen Hong - important, serious scientific studies of why chickens cross the road - or from Roy Blount Jr. - bologna smuggling at the Mexican border? Which of these is something that someone insists is not funny?
BERNADETTE: I think I have to go with the bologna smuggling. I don't know if they have Taylor ham down in Texas.
SAGAL: All right. You have chosen Roy's story of bologna smuggling at the southern border being something that is not funny at all. All right. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone who was up on this story.
AILEEN TEAGUE: Everyone is on the hunt now for potential floods of pork bologna making their way into the United States.
SAGAL: That was Dr. Aileen Teague. She is a professor of international affairs at the Bush School of Texas A&M University. Congratulations, Bernadette. You got it right. You earned a point for Roy.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)
SAGAL: You've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today.
BERNADETTE: Thank you so much for having me.
SAGAL: Take care.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "MY BOLOGNA")
WEIRD AL YANKOVIC: (Singing) Oh, my little hungry one, hungry one, open up a package of my bologna. Oh, I think the toast is done, the toast is done.
SAGAL: And now the game where people who are on the rise plateau just for a moment before continuing on their way. One of the best TV shows of the last five years or so is "Atlanta," a dark comedy, or hilarious drama, written by and starring Donald Glover about a rising rapper and his manager in Atlanta. After two amazing seasons, it just went away. Now, after three years, it's coming back. And we are very excited to have one of the stars of that show, Zazie Beetz, who plays Glover's usually very patient - sometimes - partner. Zazie Beetz, welcome to WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)
ZAZIE BEETZ: Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm very, very honored and excited to be here.
SAGAL: It is a thrill to have you, and we are very excited to have you here. Is it true that "Atlanta" was, like, practically your first job as a professional actor? - because that story goes around.
BEETZ: Yes. I mean, I would say it's my fourth job professionally. So what'd I have? I had one thing where I lost money on it, one thing where I worked on it for a day, one thing where I actually quit my day job because it was a month of work. And then I was actually anticipating to have to find another serving job. While I was on this third movie, I booked "Atlanta."
SAGAL: Wow.
BEETZ: And then that was that. So...
SAGAL: Yeah, there you are. Now, for people who are not fortunate enough to see "Atlanta" - and by the way, you can; it's all on Hulu - can you describe it for people? - because it's kind of odd. I mean, I was just introducing you, and I didn't know what to call it. It's not quite a comedy. It's not quite a drama. It's not a dramedy. Don't insult it that way. What is it?
BEETZ: I honestly still haven't found the perfect logline yet. I would say it is a - gosh. You stumped me.
SAGAL: (Laughter) OK.
BLOUNT: I'll tell you.
ROCCA: Roy is a fan.
SAGAL: Roy, you tell us.
BLOUNT: I grew up in Decatur, just outside Atlanta.
BEETZ: Oh, really?
BLOUNT: And it's my story exactly, the whole thing.
BEETZ: Come up into the industry.
(LAUGHTER)
BLOUNT: No, but I did have a baby very young.
BEETZ: (Laughter).
SAGAL: Yeah.
BLOUNT: So there's that.
SAGAL: Now, just this week, I was sort of doing my, you know, my Zazie Beetz sort of crash course in everything. And in the course of one, I guess, totally, like, 90 minutes, I watched an episode of "Atlanta" focusing on your character in which you try to pass a drug test by squeezing your baby daughter's urine out of diapers.
BEETZ: Yes.
SAGAL: And then that - I immediately transitioned into "Deadpool 2"...
BEETZ: Oh, that's a good one.
SAGAL: ...In which you were the superhero Domino totally kicking ass against massively armed bad guys using your various superpowers. And that's range, is what I'm saying.
BEETZ: (Laughter) Thank you.
SAGAL: Yeah. And so you got to go be a superhero, which - as I guess all successful actors must do now. It's required.
BEETZ: It's the new "Law & Order."
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: It really is. Is that what you guys talk about when you run into each other? Oh, what's your superpower? Oh, well...
BEETZ: (Laughter).
ROCCA: Zazie, is it true that you got your acting superpowers at LaGuardia High, the school from "Fame"?
BEETZ: Yes.
ROCCA: I just have to say that for so many of us - you have to understand - like, growing up, it was, like, a fantasy if you lived outside of New York to be able to go to the "Fame" school, that high school.
BEETZ: It's so funny because honestly, it's like - it's a public school. Like, I don't know of people realize, like, it's - I don't know. I felt like, yes, it was this wonderful opportunity but also really just felt like school.
ROCCA: But it's not just school. They block off the traffic so that you can dance on top of taxicabs and stop traffic.
BEETZ: (Laughter) That's true. Don't all schools do that?
ROCCA: I mean, and you're dancing on the cafeteria table singing "Hot Lunch." I mean, it was impossibly exciting to watch that movie and TV series.
BEETZ: Well, you know, that's - I thought everybody had that, but I guess...
SAGAL: It's just strange. You have - you are known, I am told, and please correct me if I'm wrong, for, like, making your own health products, like your own kombucha...
BEETZ: Yeah. It's so funny. Like, I feel like that's totally become a thing that people ask me about all the time. I just do this at home, like, for fun. I mean, I used to do it to save money because I was like, I want a face mask, but I'm not paying 20 bucks for that. And so I would just make my own stuff. And with the kombucha, I was just interested in that whole fermentation process. And then your scoby basically is like - it's like a pet. Like, you have to take care of it and...
SAGAL: Well, for people who don't know, tell everybody what a scoby is.
ROCCA: Yeah. What is a scoby?
BEETZ: So it's the - it's essentially the, like, bacteria that help - that create the environment that helps...
ROCCA: It's the slime from which kombucha emerges.
SAGAL: Right.
BEETZ: Exactly. But it's actually - like, you can hold it. It's like a little...
HONG: It's like a sourdough starter, but...
BEETZ: Yes.
HONG: ...It's just way grosser.
BEETZ: Exactly. But you can hold it. And it's like a little Jell-O thing. And it's like you have to take care of it, otherwise it dies.
SAGAL: Does yours have a name?
BEETZ: No, I didn't name mine, but she had many children because they keep making layers of news scobies. And you can, like, separate them. And then sometimes there's...
SAGAL: Oh, my God. It's sitting in the corner of your room multiplying?
BEETZ: Yes.
HONG: Yes.
BEETZ: And listen; I have a cat, and I had a scoby. I don't have a scoby anymore.
SAGAL: Do you ever hear it whispering things to you that maybe you don't want to do but it really wants you to do?
BEETZ: My scoby is a very positive scoby, so it only whispers kind and gentle things to me.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: My sister's scoby tried to kill us in the night one time.
SAGAL: You see what I mean? Hey, wait a minute. Here's a question. Since you were already into, like, making this disgusting goo for your friends, when the pandemic started, what new hobbies did you pick up?
BEETZ: What new hobbies - returning text messages. I started...
SAGAL: That's a good half hour every day.
HONG: Rocking in the fetal position.
BEETZ: Yes. I actually did. In two days, I went through 823 unread text messages.
SAGAL: Wow.
HONG: What?
SAGAL: Wow.
HONG: What? You were not up on your texts.
SAGAL: I'm not as popular as you, so I don't have that much of a problem, but when I don't return texts for, say, a week, I just decide it's easier never to speak to that person ever again so they assume I'm dead.
BEETZ: Yeah, that was my approach. And then I was, you know, so lonely during the pandemic.
SAGAL: Well, I'm sure when you texted all your friends at last, your scoby was very proud of you.
BEETZ: Yeah, and a little jealous. She wanted the attention.
SAGAL: Of course. Of course. Well, Zazie Beetz, we are so delighted to talk to you, but we have asked you here to play a game that this time we're calling...
KURTIS: Zazie Beetz, Meet Sassy Beats.
SAGAL: Specifically the beats of longtime Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts, who died last year at the ripe age of 80. Answer two out of three questions about Charlie Watts, and you will win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their voicemail. Bill, who is Zazie playing for?
KURTIS: John Day (ph) of Durham, N.C.
SAGAL: I got to ask. Are you a Rolling Stones fan?
BEETZ: Not enough for this game.
SAGAL: OK. that's - as I often say, ignorance is often the best choice to go into this because just a little knowledge will lead you astray.
BEETZ: (Laughter) Great.
SAGAL: All right. So here's your first question. Charlie Watts had some interesting habits while touring the world for decades with the Rolling Stones.
BEETZ: Yes.
SAGAL: He always did what? A, he saved all the underwear thrown at them on stage, resulting in a collection that filled an entire wing of his house; B, he sketched every single hotel bed he slept in; or, C, he ate in alphabetical order, having apricots for one meal, beats for the next, et cetera - all the way around until he started again.
BEETZ: I hope it's the first one, but I think it's B.
SAGAL: You are right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: It is B. He sketched every single hotel bed he slept in. He had started as an artist, did some early album covers for the Stones. And I don't know why he did that. Next question - that was very good. Charlie Watts, like the other members of the Stones, liked to collect classic and expensive cars, but he did it his own way. How? A, he just collected the same car, the 1978 Dodge Aspen, until he had 106 of them; B, Watts never got his driver's license, so he just put on suits to match the car and sit in the cars in his garage; or C, whenever a bandmate bought a car, he'd get the Matchbox version and then brag about how much money he'd saved.
BEETZ: Oh, that's so sweet. I think it's A, though.
SAGAL: You think it's A, that he just collected 1978 Dodge Aspens.
BEETZ: Yes (laughter).
SAGAL: That's it. That was the only car he was interested in until he had 106 of these identical cars, presumably in different colors, at his estate.
BEETZ: Hopefully.
SAGAL: Yes. No, I'm afraid it was actually B. He never got his driver's license.
BEETZ: To be fair, I got my driver's license three years ago.
SAGAL: Well, you're a New Yorker, right?
ROCCA: That's a New Yorker.
BEETZ: Yes.
SAGAL: Right, so that's a natural New York thing.
BEETZ: (Laughter).
SAGAL: Well, you have one more question. If you get this right...
BEETZ: OK.
SAGAL: ...You win. Once, while the Rolling Stones were on tour, Watts was woken in the middle of the night by a phone call from a very drunk Mick Jagger, demanding my drummer. How did Watts respond? A, he sent him 14 pound of chicken drumsticks via room service; B, he said, I'm sorry, I don't recognize your voice, sir; or, C, he woke up, shaved, dressed in a suit and tie, put on some freshly shined shoes, went up to Jagger's room and punched him in the face, yelling, never call me your drummer again.
BEETZ: Ooh, spicy. I like the spice. Let's go for C.
SAGAL: Oh, very good choice, Zazie. That's, in fact, what happened.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: The story was prominently featured in all of his obits. And what happened then was after he had punched Jagger in the face and said that, he then yelled, and you're my singer, he said.
HONG: Wow.
BEETZ: Nice. There you go.
HONG: I love the fact that he shaved and put on a suit.
SAGAL: He was apparently a man who cared about such things. He was - he cared about such things. He did. Bill, how did Zazie Beets do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Two out of three, and she won.
BEETZ: Yay.
SAGAL: Zazie Beets is starring in "Atlanta," and the new season finally premieres...
BEETZ: March 24.
SAGAL: On FX. Zazie Beets, you are a delight. Thank you so much for joining us on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
BEETZ: Thank you so much. This was so fun.
SAGAL: Take care. Thank you, Zazie. Bye-bye.
BEETZ: Bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "PAPER BOI")
PAPER BOI: (Rapping) Paper Boi, Paper Boi, always about that paper, boy. If you ain't on your grind and you flexing, you's a hater, boy. Paper Boi, Paper Boi.
SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill tells you about the world's worst mac and cheese, or maybe the most delicious. It's the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.
KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Mo Rocca, Roy Blount Jr. and Helen Hong. And here again is your host. And we'd like to issue a correction. When we said he'd lost 3 inches due to shrinkflation, he just took off his heels. It's Peter Sagal.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)
SAGAL: Thanks, Bill. In just a minute, we get sucked into Bill's maelstrom in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Roy, if you're living in Wyoming and you're just tired of the options on Grubhub, there's a new app you can download that will let you do what.
BLOUNT: Grub - so this has to do with food, I guess.
SAGAL: It does - something you want to eat or they want to eat.
BLOUNT: Well, elk. I like to say the word elk. So I'll just - and I know there are elk in...
SAGAL: Elk? Elk? Elk could be one of the things. Yes.
BLOUNT: Ah.
SAGAL: I'll give you a hint. It's less DoorDash and more deer crash.
BLOUNT: Oh, roadkill, elk.
SAGAL: Yes. Roadkill.
BLOUNT: Yeah, sure. Roadkill.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: It is a app that lets you put dibs on any roadkill you see.
BLOUNT: Right.
HONG: What?
SAGAL: Right? Well, I mean, the thing is, is like, if you happen to see roadkill and you're like, oh, I can't pick that up because my car is already filled with dead bodies - I need to drop them off before I pick that one...
HONG: (Laughter).
SAGAL: You can put dibs on it.
HONG: What?
SAGAL: And then, you know, you can get it...
BLOUNT: Put...
SAGAL: ...Bring it home, clean it, cook it up, and bring it to the very last potluck you'll ever be invited to.
BLOUNT: Wow.
SAGAL: Yeah.
HONG: Is it safe to eat roadkill?
SAGAL: Yeah.
BLOUNT: Yeah, as long as you didn't burst the gallbladder. That ruins the meat.
ROCCA: Right. Isn't that right? Yeah. And so you order - it's an app, right? It's sort of, like, seamless, but it's lifeless.
SAGAL: Yeah, exactly.
ROCCA: What's - yeah, OK.
SAGAL: Yeah, very much so. The state was able to develop the app after receiving funding from a vulture capitalist.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: Something tells me this is not going to be taking away business from Postmates. I just - or Grubhub. I just have a feeling that someone who's like, you know what, I'm really in the mood for mac and cheese right now, is not going to be like, I know. I'm going to go catch...
SAGAL: This is Wyoming. Nobody over the age of 5...
BLOUNT: Right.
SAGAL: ...In Wyoming has ever been in the mood for mac and cheese, I think.
HONG: (Laughter).
BLOUNT: If you can't kill it with a car, I don't want to eat it.
HONG: (Laughter).
SAGAL: Helen, Helen, a recent column in the San Francisco Chronicle raised an important question. Is it a good idea to do what to your friends after you host them at a dinner party?
HONG: Make them take leftovers?
SAGAL: No.
HONG: Hug them? I need a hint.
SAGAL: Well, I think everybody agrees that it would be absolutely beyond the pale to include a service charge.
HONG: Charge them a fee for having dinner at your house?
SAGAL: Yes. Give them a bill...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
HONG: What?
SAGAL: ...Essentially. Yes. So the Chronicle laid out the story of one Amber Nelson, a Los Angeles podcaster, who was recently invited to a dinner party. And at the end of the night, the host gave her a bill for $20.
HONG: No.
SAGAL: Yes. And Amber brought wine. Really.
HONG: No.
BLOUNT: Wow.
HONG: But did she bring bad wine? Did she bring, like...
SAGAL: Well, that - maybe it was a penalty, is what you're saying.
HONG: Yeah.
SAGAL: It's possible.
HONG: Like, maybe she brought, like, supermarket, like, $5 chard or something.
SAGAL: We don't know. Amber paid it. She later wanted to go back over to her friend's house to ask what the whole deal was, but she couldn't get a reservation.
BLOUNT: (Laughter).
HONG: Did the friend disclose before - like, when the invites went out? Like, hey...
SAGAL: Well, I have a feeling - no, I have a feeling that she did not do that. Because if she had done that, no one would have showed up at the dinner party.
HONG: Yeah.
SAGAL: Yeah.
HONG: That's whack.
SAGAL: I know.
HONG: That's crazy.
SAGAL: By the way, if you're curious, she served penne alla vodka.
HONG: Oh, that's even worse. That's just pasta.
SAGAL: I know. It's just pasta with tomato sauce and some vodka in it. It's nothing special.
ROCCA: And did Amber tip? Can I ask?
SAGAL: Well, no, but she did get a punch on her friend's house card in her wallet. So just after nine more dinner parties, she gets a discount on the paid parking outside.
HONG: (Laughter).
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "FORGET THE FLOWERS")
JEFF TWEEDY: (Singing) Displayers of affection and all good intentions, why don't you just send me the bill? Don't forget the flowers someday. I know you will.
SAGAL: Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can also find tickets to our upcoming shows August 25 and 26 at Wolf Trap in Northern Virginia, outside under the stars - or the sun, depending on how this daylight saving time thing shakes out.
Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
ERIC: Hi, Peter. This is Eric (ph) from Grand Rapids, Mich.
SAGAL: Hey. How are things in Grand Rapids?
ERIC: Things are very nice. We have a - we're on our, like, third spring by now, so hoping this one sticks.
SAGAL: Yeah, I know. That happens here in the Midwest. They just - it keeps just teasing you, this spring thing. What do you do there?
ERIC: I'm an electrical engineer. I am a small business owner, and I am a amateur board game designer.
SAGAL: You're an amateur board game designer. Let's skip right to that.
ERIC: (Laughter) That's where the fire is.
SAGAL: Yeah. That's where the fire is. Can you describe very briefly - because we don't have enough time to talk about such fascinating things - one of the board games that you have, in fact, designed?
ERIC: Just one that's I published myself. It's a game called House Rules, where basically everyone has a choice in how every round is played. So everyone who's playing the game gets to make the rules.
SAGAL: OK. And that leads to all kinds of vicious fights and divorces and terrible family problems.
ERIC: In the best-case scenario, probably. Yeah.
SAGAL: Yeah, probably. Well, welcome to the show, Eric. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?
ERIC: I'm ready.
SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.
KURTIS: Disney thinks we'd be OK eating sugar full three meals a day. Now noodles and jelly slide down to my belly. It's pasta with PB and...
ERIC: J.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: PB and J. At this month's Disneyland Food and Wine Festival in California, the theme park rocked the culinary world with their new Peanut Butter and Jelly Mac, or, to put it another way, a future stain on a seat at Space Mountain. This avant gross dish is macaroni covered in peanut butter sauce and strawberry jelly, but it's also topped with a brown sugar streusel and, for some reason, strawberry Pop Rocks. It's a great culinary exploration, finally asking the question, why?
ROCCA: So they're mixing mac and cheese with PB and J?
SAGAL: Yeah, they're mixing. It's a sweet macaroni and cheese dish...
HONG: No.
SAGAL: ...With peanut butter and jelly.
HONG: There's no cheese element, right? The cheese...
SAGAL: There's no cheese. No, I didn't - it's not peanut butter mac and cheese. It's just macaroni as a base for a kind of sweet peanut butter and jelly sauce with Pop Rocks and sugar streusel.
HONG: Do we know anyone who's tried this abomination?
SAGAL: Presumably, people out in California have tried it at this food and wine festival, but if any of them have lived to tell the tale, I do not know of it.
BLOUNT: People in California will try anything. That does...
ROCCA: Just get the vaccine instead of this.
HONG: I live in California. I am currently in California, and I will never try that. It sounds nasty.
SAGAL: It does. It does. Here's your next limerick.
KURTIS: Salty snacks seemed just fine, until they weren't. Cook chips longer, and they will be turned. Make them smoky and dark. Give our tastebuds a spark because we connoisseurs like our chips...
ERIC: Why? Burnt.
SAGAL: Burnt, yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: From Cape Cod's Dark Russet Chips or the new Extra Toasty Cheez-Its, burnt chips are the latest, greatest thing in snacking. This is according to a Cheez-Its oven operator who came back 5 minutes late from his smoke break. This trend was started by a Michigan snack company called Better Made, who, this is true, they collected all the rejected chips that were too burned for their regular chips and then put them in their bag and said, these are special rainbow chips. And everybody fell for it. I've never seen a rainbow that's eight shades of brown, though. Pride is going to be so much less festive this year.
HONG: Wait, so you get the fresh bag, you open it, and everything's just charred inside?
SAGAL: Well, yeah, they're not like ash, but they're, like, brown and crispy.
BLOUNT: That would be awful.
SAGAL: Yeah, that'd be terrible. All right, here is your last limerick.
KURTIS: If testosterone you would enhance, give some musical motion a chance. You should learn rhythmic joy from the time you're a boy. You'll be more of a man when you...
ERIC: Dance.
SAGAL: Yeah, dance.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Apparently the cure for toxic masculinity is as easy as five, six, seven, eight - jazz hands, jazz hands. According to researchers in Finland, dancing as a boy can help men grow up to be more sensitive and less likely to engage in harassment as an adult. And it's true. Try and picture a guy catcalling you while he's tap dancing. Can't be done.
HONG: Is it because if you're dancing as a boy, you're - you yourself are getting bullied a little bit?
SAGAL: That might have something to do with it. Or maybe you're more in touch with your feelings. I don't know. But apparently this is a true correlation. And it's true of all male dancers, except that guy who has one move, and it's just, like, a repeated pelvic thrusts with his tongue out and he's staring at you. That's no good.
ROCCA: This is not funny, but I am going to start taking dance classes.
SAGAL: I am amazed that you haven't before, Mo.
HONG: Me, too.
SAGAL: What have you been waiting for?
ROCCA: Well, I just - I don't know. But now is the time. So I'm going to go back to dance class.
HONG: If anyone needs a cure for their toxic masculinity, it's you, Mo. So...
SAGAL: That's - I think of you. I think of you. Somebody says toxic, and they don't even get to masculinity, I say, Mo Rocca. That's me.
HONG: (Laughter).
SAGAL: Bill, how did Eric do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Perfect. Eric racked them up - three in a row. Good going.
SAGAL: Congratulations. Thanks so much for playing our games.
ERIC: Oh, thank you, guys. I had fun.
SAGAL: Take care.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LOSE YOURSELF TO DANCE")
DAFT PUNK: (Singing) Sweat, sweat, sweat. Lose yourself to dance. Come on, come on, come on, come, on, come on, come on. Lose yourself to dance. Come on, come on, come on, come, on, come on, come on. Lose yourself to dance.
SAGAL: Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth 2 points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
KURTIS: Mo has two, and Roy and Helen each have three.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)
SAGAL: So, Mo, you are in second place. You'll be up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank, Mo. In a speech to Congress on Wednesday, Ukrainian President Blank said the U.S. must do more.
ROCCA: Zelenskyy.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Monday, Britain's top court rejected WikiLeaks founder blank's request to overturn his extradition to the U.S.
ROCCA: Julian Assange.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, Donald Trump said that if he runs in 2024, blank will not be his running mate.
ROCCA: Pence.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: After being sentenced for lying to police last week, actor blank was released from jail pending an appeal.
ROCCA: Jussie Smollett.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a Zelenskyy impersonator managed to escape Ukraine with the help of blank.
ROCCA: With the help of the circus.
SAGAL: With the help of a Putin impersonator. This week, Stacey Abrams appeared in an episode of blank, playing the president of Earth.
ROCCA: "Star Trek."
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Best known for his roles in "Broadcast News" and "The Big Chill," Oscar winner blank passed away at the age of 71.
ROCCA: William Hurt.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a man who checked into...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...An Airbnb in Florida and immediately laid down for a nap was shocked when he was awakened by blank.
ROCCA: The person who lived there.
SAGAL: Yes...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: ...Because it was not, in fact, the Airbnb that was next door. The man had arrived pretty late at night, which is why he confused two houses. Still, when he entered the wrong home, he found a nicely made bed with freshly laundered towels laid on top of it. And let's be honest - if you leave clean towels folded on your bed, you are legally now a hotel. Bill, how did Mo do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Mo had seven right for 14 more points. He now has 16 and the lead.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)
SAGAL: Well done, Mo. All right. Let's see. Roy and Helen are tied. Helen, arbitrarily, you're up next. Fill in the blank.
HONG: OK.
SAGAL: On Tuesday, Russia announced its own round of blanks against President Biden and other U.S. officials.
HONG: Sanctions.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Sunday, former President blank confirmed he had tested positive for COVID-19.
HONG: Obama.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Wednesday, a 7.4 magnitude earthquake hit blank, raising fears of a possible tsunami.
HONG: Japan.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Thursday, Disney staff staged walkouts across Florida in response to the state's new blank bill.
HONG: Don't Say Gay.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: After taking two years off of touring, Rod Stewart was spotted this week blanking.
HONG: Touring?
SAGAL: Filling in potholes near his house. On Thursday, Netflix announced it was considering adding a fee for anyone who shares their blanks.
HONG: Their password.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: For the first time in three years, blank rates topped 4%.
HONG: Interest rates.
SAGAL: Specifically mortgage rates, but I'll give it to you.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Health officials are warning...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...Despite what social media influencers might say, drinking blank will not make you look younger.
HONG: Bleach?
SAGAL: No, drinking fish tank cleaner.
HONG: Ew.
SAGAL: Yes, my fish tank looks great for its age, but drinking the anti-fungal dye will not slow the effects of aging. It'll just turn your tongue blue.
HONG: Aw, damn it.
SAGAL: That said, while swallowing the cleaner won't make you live longer, it'll do wonders for the goldfish you swallowed earlier. Bill, how did Helen do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Helen had six right for 12 more points. She now has 15. But remember, Mo still has the lead with 16.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)
SAGAL: All right.
ROCCA: I remember.
SAGAL: He remembers. So how many does Roy need to win?
KURTIS: Seven to win for Roy.
SAGAL: Oh, my gosh. That's a lot, Roy. Here we go.
BLOUNT: I know. I know.
SAGAL: This is for the game. On Tuesday, Pfizer requested authorization for a fourth dose of their blank for seniors.
BLOUNT: Their vaccine.
SAGAL: Right. Their COVID vaccine.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
BLOUNT: COVID.
SAGAL: On Monday, the U.N. secretary-general warned that use of blank weapons was now within the realm of possibility.
BLOUNT: Nuclear.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: According to a new survey, 52% of Americans don't think blank will run for reelection in 2024.
BLOUNT: Biden.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Wednesday, the Federal Reserve began a series of interest rate hikes to help fight blank.
BLOUNT: Inflation.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Speaker Pelosi marked St Patrick's Day by reciting an original poem by blank.
BLOUNT: William Butler Yeats.
SAGAL: No, better - Bono of U2. This week, Amazon closed their $8.5 billion acquisition of movie studio blank.
BLOUNT: MGM.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Following a tirade about Trevor Noah, rapper blank was suspended from Instagram for 24 hours.
BLOUNT: Kanye West.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Sunday, Tom Brady announced...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...He was reversing his decision to retire, which came as great news to everyone but blank.
BLOUNT: To - but the guy who paid $516,000 or something like that for what had been presumed to be the last touchdown pass - the ball used.
SAGAL: Exactly right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: You even got the amount right.
BLOUNT: Woo-hoo.
SAGAL: On Saturday, on last Saturday, a fan and memorabilia collector paid over $500,000 for the last ball Tom Brady threw for a touchdown before his retirement. Then 24 hours later, Brady announced he wasn't actually retiring. When asked how he felt about the whole thing, the owner of the now-worthless football said, honestly, a little deflated.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, did Roy do well enough to win?
KURTIS: He is back with a vengeance. He had seven right...
BLOUNT: I'll be darned.
KURTIS: ...For 14 more points and a total of 17. That means he's this week's champion.
(CHEERING)
SAGAL: Yay, Roy. I love it. You show up here every year or so.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You take it all home. I love it.
BLOUNT: Oh, yeah. I'm going to play with the cats and drink.
SAGAL: There you go.
HONG: (Laughter).
SAGAL: Now, panel, what's the next thing to suffer from shrinkage? Helen Hong.
HONG: People's butts because there's less Doritos in each bag and less Charmin in each roll.
SAGAL: Mo Rocca.
ROCCA: Because we only text and email and no longer talk on the phone, our mouths will get smaller.
SAGAL: And Roy Blount Jr.
BLOUNT: Kanye West's name has already gone from Kanye West to Kanye to Ye, but it could still go down to Y.
(LAUGHTER)
KURTIS: Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)
SAGAL: Thank you, Bill Kurtis. Thanks also to Roy Blount Jr., Helen Hong and Mo Rocca. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
SAGAL: This is NPR.
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