'Wait Wait' for July 1, 2023: With Not My Job guest Aleeza Ben Shalom
UNIDENTIFIED PERSON, BYLINE: The following program was taped in front of an audience of real-live people.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Rub-a-dub-dub, I'm an anchor man in a tub - Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you all so much.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: We have got a great show for you today. Over the years, we have heard from a surprising number of people who got married after meeting at our show. But we wanted to know what works better - a thirst trap for nerds...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...Or a professional matchmaker. So later on, we're going to be talking to Aleeza Ben Shalom, star of "Jewish Matchmaking" on Netflix, and compare our records. We are looking forward to our first date with you, so give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.
Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME!
CHRIS: Hi, this is Chris (ph) from Rochester.
SAGAL: Rochester?
CHRIS: Minnesota.
SAGAL: Rochester, Minn.
CHRIS: Minnesota.
SAGAL: Of course. OK, yes.
(CHEERING)
CHRIS: Yes. Not New York.
SAGAL: Not New York - 'cause I've been to that part of Minnesota. It's remarkably beautiful. What do you do to enjoy yourself out there?
CHRIS: Yeah. I like to go running a lot. We have a lot of natural trails. And Rochester is actually in part of the country called the Driftless, where there was no glacial activity. So you have quite the variety in the geography around here, so...
SAGAL: Yeah. It is true.
CHRIS: Really nice.
SAGAL: People who think the Midwest is totally flat, go to the Driftless because they have hills 10, 30 feet high. It's really...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: It's impressive. Well, welcome to our show, Christopher (ph). Let me introduce you to our panelists this week. First up, he's a comedian who will be appearing at New York's Dead Rabbit July 11 and CG's Comedy in Bolingbrook July 28 and 29, there's our friend Adam Burke.
ADAM BURKE: Hello, Christopher.
(APPLAUSE)
CHRIS: Hello.
SAGAL: Next, she's a reporter for the style section for The Washington Post. It's Roxanne Roberts.
(APPLAUSE)
ROXANNE ROBERTS: Hi.
SAGAL: And finally, a comedian whose new album, "The Babylon of Berlin," will be out August 3 on all music platforms - it's Brian Babylon.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: So, Chris, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time? Bill Kurtis, of course, is going to start us off with three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize - any voice from our show you might choose for your very own voicemail. Are you ready to play?
CHRIS: I am.
SAGAL: All right. Let's do it then. Your first quote is from Yevgeny Prigozhin, head of something called the Wagner Mercenary Force.
KURTIS: (Impersonating Russian accent) Those who don't give us ammunition will be eaten alive in hell.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Lack of ammunition was just one of the many complaints that Mr. Prigozhin had, making him so unhappy he attempted a coup where?
CHRIS: In Russia.
SAGAL: Yes, in Russia.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Very good. Prigozhin is the leader of this mercenary army fighting for Russia in Ukraine, announced he was fed up with military leadership, and he marched on Moscow. And everybody was so excited. Woo-hoo, a new coup.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Then within a few hours, he just called it off. It didn't even last as long as the latest "Avatar" movie and was somehow even more disappointing.
(LAUGHTER)
BRIAN BABYLON: Can I just say, Peter...
SAGAL: Yeah.
BABYLON: ...Like, the song woo-hoo, it's a new coup, sounds very Little Richard, and we need to make it.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: We need to make woo-hoo, it's a new coup.
SAGAL: Woo-hoo, it's a new coup. Prigozhin is a very odd character. He started out as this cook, believe it or not, who did catering for Putin's events. And then he started a mercenary army to fight his wars. We were wondering, when he was a chef, was he known as a militant? You know, oh, wow, this guy is great. You have to try his Molotov cocktails.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: This sounds...
BURKE: Which is ironic because they sent him back, you know?
SAGAL: Yeah, no...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: It's really - I mean, this is just something - it's something that's very hard for us to imagine - a chef going to mercenary leader. Imagine if Guy Fieri became the warlord of Flavortown.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: This sounds like "Happy Gilmore" or some type of goof - crazy movie, like...
BURKE: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
ROBERTS: No, for me, I'm getting really strong "James Bond" vibes...
BABYLON: Oh, definitely "James Bond."
ROBERTS: ...Because every single Russian general looks like the bad guy...
SAGAL: They all look like...
ROBERTS: ...In a "James Bond" movie.
BABYLON: They look like the kind of guy who tells you about their horrible plans right before they kill you.
SAGAL: Yeah.
BURKE: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
BABYLON: And then they don't kill you.
SAGAL: But here's the funny thing - you're right. There's something about him that's, like, pure movie villain. But in the movies, they fight to the death. What happened in real life was Putin was like, OK, you can go. It's fine. We'll be friends again. And he was allowed to leave Russia to go to Belarus, where - and this is supposedly true - we've heard this - he has moved into, like, the nicest building in Belarus with windows that do not open.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: He says it's fine. He's got no more beef with Putin, and he's looking forward to spending more time with his food tasters.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right. Your next quote is someone on Twitter talking about a famous conspiracy theorist who has become Joe Biden's only Democratic challenger.
KURTIS: If I have to see one more image of him shirtless, I'm going to scoop out my eyes with a melon baller.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: What famous heir to a Democratic political dynasty is so far using his platform to mostly showcase his abs?
CHRIS: Is this Kennedy?
SAGAL: Yes. Robert F. Kennedy Jr...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: ...In fact. Very good.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Now, if you are not yet familiar with RFK Jr., just imagine his father, Robert F. Kennedy, and then just stop because this guy - whoa.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Woo, boy. He is actually polling fairly well against the incumbent President Biden. Pundits say he just seems like somebody you could drink a beer with - except it's not a beer. It's some weird amino acid supplement, and then he challenges you to a pushup contest.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: Why do old guys always do pushup contests? You notice that?
SAGAL: (Laughter) Yes.
BURKE: You know why? - because you're always really close to just, like, falling asleep.
SAGAL: Exactly.
BABYLON: Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So what - the reason he's in the news this week is because, for reasons known only to him, he posted these videos of himself shirtless, only wearing jeans, exercising, doing pushups and bench presses, saying he was getting ready to take on President Biden at the debates because debates apparently now have a swimsuit competition.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: In response - this is a real challenge - President Biden posted his own workout video, and we have no idea where Biden found a Peloton bike with one of those big old-timey wheels in front.
(LAUGHTER)
ROBERTS: Can I say, I found that to be very unattractive.
SAGAL: Really?
ROBERTS: Yeah.
SAGAL: You didn't go for it?
ROBERTS: I did not. And there's a lot of men who think that they look really good naked or without shirts, and somebody needs to disabuse them of this.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: No. That's - no.
(CHEERING)
SAGAL: Yeah.
BABYLON: Hold on. I'll tell you what, Roxanne. Men know our bodies aren't the best, OK? But sometimes, you got to, like, put yourself out there and try to believe in yourself. And that's why we do it.
BURKE: I mean, I'm not really surprised he went topless 'cause it - wasn't he also, like, really anti-vax?
SAGAL: Yeah.
BURKE: And isn't the shirt just a mask for your body, you know?
SAGAL: It's true...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...In a weird way.
All right. Your next quote is from The New York Times, that, this week, described a dining option that's now back after disappearing during the pandemic.
KURTIS: It's a football field's worth of food.
SAGAL: So what is back on the menu? What can you go out and enjoy again?
CHRIS: Football hot dog - foot-long hot dog?
SAGAL: No, no, no. I'll just give it to you 'cause you've already won. Buffets - all-you-can-eat buffets are back, America. After nearly...
(CHEERING)
SAGAL: Oh, they're excited.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: After nearly going under during the pandemic, The New York Times reports that buffets are back. It's been a hard three years, really, for people whose favorite food is a dinner roll six people have already touched.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: But finally, you can head to, say, your local Golden Corral and once again put a slice of pizza directly on top of a scoop of coleslaw.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: Yeah. That's the thing with buffets. You see people's creativity and, like, gastronomic...
SAGAL: Yeah.
BABYLON: ...What's that? - gastronomics and stuff.
SAGAL: Their pairings.
BABYLON: Yeah, pairing of just like - yeah...
BURKE: I think gastroenteritis is what you're...
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: ...Is what you're thinking of.
BABYLON: They pair stuff together.
SAGAL: I am big buffet fan because there's something about the plethora, the options that you can have.
BABYLON: Like, only thing can stop me is me right now.
SAGAL: Exactly.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: And you know what? Last thing about buffets - when I used to go - kind of - for some reason, when I was a kid, I used to think the guy who was in charge of, like, slicing the pot roasts was the...
SAGAL: Yeah. The guy who got to wear the toque. Yeah.
BABYLON: ...With the hat. Like, that dude's doing it.
SAGAL: Yeah.
BURKE: Yeah. And just think, one day that guy is going to be the head of a mercenary army.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...How did Christopher do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Two out of three right. Christopher, that's a win.
SAGAL: Congratulations.
KURTIS: Congratulations.
(APPLAUSE)
CHRIS: Woo.
SAGAL: Woo-hoo. I'll see you up there in the Driftless someday, I hope. Take care.
CHRIS: Absolutely.
SAGAL: Bye-bye.
CHRIS: Thank you.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BIG BUFFET")
TWO SCOOPS COMBO: (Singing) Hey, let's go load up down at the big buffet, big buffet. Everybody in town to the big buffet, big buffet. Plenty to go around...
SAGAL: Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Adam, come 2024, you'll be able to take a vacation on the world's biggest what?
BURKE: Buffet table.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That'd be awesome. I dream of that.
BURKE: Take a vacation on the world's - oh, the world's biggest cruise ship.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Exactly. The world's biggest cruise ship has completed construction and will set sail next year. It's enormous. It sort of dominates the ocean. And written on the stern, in 20-foot-high letters, what could possibly go wrong? The ship is named the Icon of the Seas. Icon, of course, stands for iceberg coming. Oh, no.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: So when I said world's biggest buffet table...
SAGAL: You weren't wrong.
BURKE: ...I was 100% wrong.
BABYLON: Yeah. You were close.
SAGAL: It's enormous. This is enormous. It's so big, it can comfortably hold about 10,000 passengers on 20 decks.
ROBERTS: Did you see a picture of this thing?
SAGAL: It's enormous.
ROBERTS: No, it's enormous. It's like a little skyscraper in the ocean.
SAGAL: It really is.
ROBERTS: And I keep thinking of some giant rogue wave coming across and just kind of tipping it over.
SAGAL: It's so big that not only will it have luxury cabins, it will have a bad neighborhood.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Yeah. Can I get a rent-controlled cabin, please? 'Cause...
ROBERTS: No, but you might - there's about, like, 12 water slides on this.
SAGAL: Yeah.
ROBERTS: The whole top is all water slides.
BABYLON: It better be.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: And just think how cool those water slides are going to be when that giant wave hits it.
SAGAL: Oh, my God.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SEA CRUISE")
FRANKIE FORD: (Singing) Old man rhythm is in my shoes. It's no use to sitting and singing the blues. So be my guest. You got nothing to lose. Won't you let me take you on a sea cruise?
SAGAL: Coming up, our panelists hit the club in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more WAIT, WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.
KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME! the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Brian Babylon, Roxanne Roberts and Adam Burke. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.
SAGAL: Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you all so much.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: It is time for the WAIT WAIT.... DON'T TELL ME! Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi. You are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME!
REENIE: Hi. This is Reenie (ph) from Cincinnati, Ohio.
SAGAL: Hey, Reenie. How are you?
(APPLAUSE)
REENIE: Doing well, thanks. How are you, Peter?
SAGAL: What do you do there in the Queen City?
REENIE: I am a speech language pathologist.
SAGAL: Wow. OK. I tell this story a lot, but I was sent to a speech pathologist when I was a child because I spoke too quickly. And they - she tried to cure me by pairing me with a kid who spoke too slowly.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Do you think that was a wise tactic, speaking as a professional?
REENIE: Peter, I'm not sure that was evidence-based, but maybe I just haven't seen the right evidence.
SAGAL: There you are. That is a great response. Reenie, thank you so much for joining us. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Reenie's topic?
KURTIS: Shorty got low, low, low, low.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Who doesn't love clubbing?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You know, dancing, waiting in lines, trying to get your friend to stop talking to that Russian drug dealer - we've all been there. Well, this week, we learned about an exciting new trend in the nightclub lifestyle. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win the WAIT WAIT-er of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
REENIE: Yes.
SAGAL: OK, Reenie. Let's hear first from Roxanne Roberts.
ROBERTS: What's that sick beat filling dance floors all over the world? Not anything by Taylor Swift or Beyonce. No, the song of the summer is "Hava Nagila," the bouncy Israeli folk song. The staple of every Jewish wedding is suddenly all the rage at bars, sporting events and at the hippest parties where people of all faiths wave napkins and even dance and lift chairs in the air. And, apparently, it works at a Grateful Dead cover band. New Jersey's Brian St. John dropped the tune into his band's recent gig, and the crowd loved it. Quote, "they were a little confused why we were throwing this 100-plus-year-old Jewish song in our Grateful Dead songs, but they started clapping along." Now, he says, it's on his regular playlist. Why not? I will play anything that gets people excited.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right. The hot track at the most exclusive clubs and parties - "Hava Nagila." Your next story of some hubbub in the club-bub (ph) comes from Brian Babylon.
BABYLON: Getting into the hottest, most exclusive clubs can be hard. Maybe your outfit is weird, or your vibe is lame, or you're just too tired to leave the house. But now, thanks to tech wizard Viva Cohen (ph), you can always get into the coolest clubs worldwide, all from the comfort of your couch. With a new app called VI-Please, AI generates pictures and video of you and your mates partying until the sun comes up at any club in the world.
But be careful what you ask for. When schoolteacher Michelle Ruff (ph) was on sick leave, she thought it would be nice to try the app out just for fun. So laying on her couch, looking a mess, she took some selfies, and the app cranked out a lot of cool pics of her dancing, drinking and having a ball. Unfortunately, the pics were so real that two days later, she got an email from her head schoolmaster saying that she was under investigation for taking fake sick leave to travel and party in London. She almost lost her job, but she saved it when she took pictures of the headmaster, uploaded them to VI-Please, and the app showed him images of himself dancing and doing body shots at Club LIV in Miami. Reporting for NPR, this is Brian Babylon, BBC.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: VI-Please, an app that places you inside the most exclusive clubs in the world - or at least it is true insofar as your Instagram goes. Your last story of a hot club scoop comes from Adam Burke.
BURKE: Wander into Dergrossermulton (ph), one of Berlin's most famous dance clubs, and you'll be met by the usual - sweaty young bodies undulating furiously to the crashing sound of hardcore techno. But come midnight, the beats ebb away, the strobe lights dim, and the interior of the venue is filled with the soothing sounds of "Kneading Assistance." That's K-N-E-A-D, a mindfulness and bakery podcast by soft-spoken Brit Bridget Cranfield (ph). (Impersonating German accent) It started off as a prank, says regular Multon DJ Johan Kruger (ph), stage name Krispy Bizkit (ph). (Impersonating German accent) One of the other guys slipped it into my playlist for giggles, but it had an instant cool effect on the dancers.
Indeed, the hourlong program, which features tips for better mental health mixed in with delicious recipes, was a fast hit with most ravers. (Impersonating German accent) It's a perfect, calming break to the music, and I got a great strudel out of it.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Not everyone loves the blend of EDM and CBT, however. (Impersonating German accent) I come here to throw shapes and freak out, says club kid Wagner Kitzler (ph), not improve myself via cake.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: One of these things is happening in the hot clubs of the world, even as we speak. Is it - from Roxanne Roberts, the big new dance number is "Hava Nagila," from Brian Babylon, an app called VI-Please, which allows you to pretend that you got by the velvet rope of any club you might choose, or, from Adam Burke, a nightclub in Berlin breaking up their dancing with an hour of listening to a baking meditation app, and the dancers just love it? Which of these is the real story from clubland?
REENIE: Oh, I am not sure, but I am going to go with Brian's story.
SAGAL: So your choice is Brian's story about that clever app. Well, to give you the real answer, we could do nothing better than bring you this.
(SOUNDBITE OF ALEX M. AND MARC VAN DAMME SONG, "HAVA NAGILA (CLUB REMIX)")
SAGAL: The audience is into it, yeah. They're carrying Bill around in a chair.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That was the "Hava Nagila" club remix by Alex M. and Marc Van Damme, just one of the many club mixes of "Hava Nagila" that is apparently taking the dance floors of the world by storm. I'm so sorry, Reenie, but Brian did fool you, and he does win a point. Thank you so much for playing.
(APPLAUSE)
REENIE: Thank you.
SAGAL: Take care.
BABYLON: Thank you.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LOW")
FLO RIDA AND T-PAIN: (Singing) Shawty had them apple-bottom jeans, boots with the fur...
SAGAL: And now the game where people with unusual jobs try to handle something even more unusual. The game is called Not My Job. Netflix has had a lot of success with their dating shows with gimmicks like isolation chambers and elaborate masks. But eventually, they decided, why not hire a professional? Their newest hit show is called "Jewish Matchmaking" in which professional matchmaker Aleeza Ben Shalom tries to bring joy to Jews, whose maximum level of bliss by long tradition is, eh, not so bad.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Aleeza Ben Shalom, welcome to WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME!
(APPLAUSE)
ALEEZA BEN SHALOM: Thank you.
SAGAL: We have so many questions, but let's just start here. How does one become a professional matchmaker?
BEN SHALOM: Yeah, you know, it's not like any other job. You just say, I'm a professional matchmaker, and, like, you're in. It's really not a problem.
(LAUGHTER)
BEN SHALOM: So you could be one, too.
SAGAL: I - no, let me just say this quite seriously, no, I couldn't be. And I know that 'cause I have tried to set up friends with people, and it's been a disaster. So were you one of those people who were successful at that, and you said, oh, I can do this professionally?
BEN SHALOM: So, yes, and matchmaking goes like this. Ninety-nine percent of the time, everybody fails at matchmaking. It never works. And then, 1% of the time, it works. Oh, my gosh. Mazel tov. You're a match made in heaven (ph).
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You know, now that I think of it, my late mother - blessed be her memory - she fixed up one person in her life, and she never let anybody forget it.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Was it somebody else's idea? Was it somebody who said, you know, Aleeza, you're really good at this. You should do this for a living. Or was it...
BEN SHALOM: I was kind - yeah, I kind of did it as I was growing up. And I knew people, and I was always the go-between. Like, oh, I think there's something here. And they were like, how do you know? And I was like, yeah, I mean, they told me. I see. I know. But then, I just started, actually, as a matchmaker on a dating website where only matchmakers could match people up.
SAGAL: Right.
BEN SHALOM: Yeah.
SAGAL: Well, anybody who watches the TV show "Jewish Matchmaking" gets a sense of your approach and how you do it. Do you sometimes - and I'm not going to say specifically who I'm thinking of. Do you ever look at a person and go, dude, yeah, I - maybe I didn't want to hook anybody up with you?
(LAUGHTER)
BEN SHALOM: Listen, I personally believe that there is somebody out there for everybody, and I look at people with that assumption. I just know that in the blueprint of creation, your person's in this world. And it's like a game of Where's Waldo?
BURKE: I've frequently not found Waldo in those books.
SAGAL: Yeah, I know.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: I have a question, Peter.
SAGAL: Yeah.
BABYLON: Have you ever had an instance where things got, like, super, like, dramatic - and I did air quotes - Like a ex-girlfriend from somebody came, like, listen, girl, don't be trying to set up my man with that new chick, and then, things get real?
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: You know, like, some, like...
SAGAL: I have no idea what you mean.
BABYLON: Like some "Jerry Springer" action like, uh-uh, why you trying to matchmake my ex-boyfriend with this new girl? We're trying to work things out. Get out of here, matchmaker.
BEN SHALOM: Yeah.
BABYLON: We're trying to work things out.
BEN SHALOM: Yeah. So I have something that's called mystery in your history. That's when we kind of look back into our history, and we dig people up, or they dig us up, and then we reevaluate it, and we try it again. But sometimes it comes up a little bit messy because they're already dating somebody that we set them up with and then somebody else comes back. And we're like, no, wait, pause over here. And we have to kind of regain their focus.
SAGAL: I - as it were, I wanted to ask you about this. I understand that you are going to be doing live matchmaking. Explain this. How is this going to work?
BEN SHALOM: OK, so I come in, and I give you a little bit of the Aleeza story. You learn about my personal life - Jewishly how I grew up. You learn about matchmaking and how I got into it - a little bit of comedy thrown in there. I'm not a stand-up comedian yet, but I'm working on it.
(LAUGHTER)
BEN SHALOM: And the people who bring me in for the talks that I do, they pick, randomly, two guys, two girls. We bring them up on stage, and I meet them for the very first time.
SAGAL: Yes.
BEN SHALOM: I train the audience how to be matchmakers.
SAGAL: Right.
BEN SHALOM: And I tell them, lock the door, and nobody's leaving until we set these people up. And I'm not doing it; it's all on you.
SAGAL: OK.
BEN SHALOM: And...
SAGAL: So we've been talking about how you get people together. Do you have any wisdom about how to break up with somebody?
BEN SHALOM: You want to break up with them? How much do you like them?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: But we've all been there. You're in a relationship. You feel it's not working. You know the other person is into it and wants to keep going. You don't. We've all been there. How do you do it? Do you have any, like, wisdom for anybody in that situation?
BURKE: And do you offer this as a service?
SAGAL: Yeah, for example.
(LAUGHTER)
BEN SHALOM: No problem. We got you covered. So the truth is that you probably shouldn't tell them the truth. And the reason is because if you tell them one reason, they're going to convince you why that reason isn't true and you should get back together with them. But it's never one reason.
SAGAL: Right.
BEN SHALOM: So you can't just give them a reason.
SAGAL: Right.
BEN SHALOM: It doesn't work.
BABYLON: What's been working for me, Peter?
SAGAL: What's been working for you, Brian?
BABYLON: ChatGPT, baby.
(LAUGHTER)
BEN SHALOM: Amazing. Amazing.
SAGAL: Really?
BABYLON: Yeah.
BEN SHALOM: Yeah. Yes.
SAGAL: Brian, have you actually said, ChatGPT, tell me how to break up with...
BABYLON: Oh, ChatGPT said - yes, twice.
SAGAL: Really?
BEN SHALOM: Brilliant.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: Yeah.
SAGAL: Eventually, ChatGPT is going to think you're a kind of player, man.
ROBERTS: Hold on.
BABYLON: ChatGPT - you know what I mean.
ROBERTS: Hold on. Did you text the person with the chat thing?
BABYLON: You just copy and paste it, yeah.
ROBERTS: And you text it?
BABYLON: Yeah, yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
ROBERTS: You...
BABYLON: I read it like...
ROBERTS: Wait, wait. You...
BABYLON: ...Good job, robot.
ROBERTS: But you...
SAGAL: Wait a minute. Hold on. Aleeza is agreeing with you. You think this is wise?
BEN SHALOM: I'm in.
SAGAL: OK.
BEN SHALOM: It's so good. You put in, I'm not feeling it, it doesn't work, can you please act as somebody who's single and breaking up and gently let them down?
BABYLON: Yep.
BEN SHALOM: And then, boom, it will give you the perfect thing.
BURKE: Can you have a show after Aleeza's called "Babylon Breakups"?
BABYLON: Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: Yeah, type this.
SAGAL: Netflix, if you're listening...
BABYLON: Yeah.
SAGAL: (Laughter) I'm just imagining there's some woman out there, Brian, who goes, yeah, I thought it was going great, but it turns out he was an artificial intelligence the whole time.
BABYLON: The whole time.
SAGAL: The whole time. Well, Aleeza Ben Shalom, we could talk, obviously, dating with you all day, but we do have work to do. We have invited you here to play a game that we are calling...
KURTIS: (Singing) Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me unmatch.
SAGAL: So you are a professional matchmaker, so what better to ask you about than match unmakers, or divorce lawyers? We're going to ask you three questions about divorce. Answer two questions correctly. You'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their answering machine. Bill, who is Aleeza playing for?
KURTIS: Jen Logan (ph) of Austin, Texas.
SAGAL: All right. Here's your first question. In 2018, Egypt's divorce lawyers noticed a rising epidemic as nearly 17,000 divorce cases listed what as the principal cause? A - arguments about how to load the dishwasher, B - Candy Crush or C - wearing flip-flops and socks.
(LAUGHTER)
BEN SHALOM: You know, on the show, Danny (ph) went out with David (ph), and he wore his sneakers on the jet ski. So I'm going to go with the flip-flops and socks.
SAGAL: All right. So you're going to go with wearing flip-flops and socks. No, it was actually the game Candy Crush.
BURKE: What?
SAGAL: Seventeen thousand couples in Egypt say - when they filed for divorce, saying he or she is spending all their time playing Candy Crush and ignoring me. Well, don't worry. You have two more chances to win. A divorce lawyer could not find a better client than Tommy Manville, who - during his life, early mid-20th century, he got married and divorced 12 times. Why? A - he didn't believe in premarital conversation.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: B - he was a very committed Henry VIII impersonator.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Or C - his family trust gave him $250,000, quote, "when he got married," so he did it 13 times to maximize profits.
BEN SHALOM: These are terrible.
(LAUGHTER)
BEN SHALOM: OK.
ROBERTS: Ask for a hint. Ask for a hint.
UNIDENTIFIED AUDIENCE MEMBERS: C.
BEN SHALOM: What they said.
SAGAL: Yeah, what they said.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: They said C. You're going to choose C?
BEN SHALOM: I would choose C definitely.
SAGAL: That's a - yeah, that's actually what happened.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Tommy Manville...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...Again, very famous as a playboy - whenever he ran short of cash, he would get married. And here, 'cause he was a gentleman, he'd split the 250 with the woman.
(APPLAUSE)
BEN SHALOM: Very funny.
SAGAL: It was a deal - worked out well. All right. Last question - if you get this right, you win our prize for our listener. When a particular British man left his wife, she was so outraged that in the divorce, she demanded what? A - that she keep his last name just so that he had to find a new one.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: B - that she get his prized record collection just so she could smash every one of them or C - that he returned the kidney she had donated to him.
BEN SHALOM: Wow. This is terrible.
(LAUGHTER)
BEN SHALOM: I like my job better.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I have to admit, you picked a happier, if less lucrative profession.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So do you - what are you going to choose?
BEN SHALOM: C - final answer.
SAGAL: It is C, yeah.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: She demanded the kidney back.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: She did not get it, I'll want you all to know. Bill, how did Aleeza Ben Shalom do on our quiz?
KURTIS: It was a marriage made in heaven. Two out of three, and you're a win.
SAGAL: Congratulations...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...You know, as you say. Aleeza Ben Shalom is the star of Netflix's "Jewish Matchmaking." You can learn more about that show and her upcoming tour on her Instagram, which is, of course, @aleezabenshalom. Aleeza, thank you so much for joining us and for your wisdom.
(APPLAUSE)
BEN SHALOM: Thank you.
SAGAL: Take care.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LOVE ON TOP")
BEYONCE: (Singing) Baby, it's you. You're the one I love. You're the one I need. You're the only one I...
SAGAL: In just a minute, we play outside way past our bedtime in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME! from NPR.
KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Brian Babylon, Adam Burke and Roxanne Roberts. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.
SAGAL: Thank you so much.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: In just a minute - thanks, everybody - in just a minute, Bill Kurtis orders his rhyme-tini (ph) shaken, not stirred, in our Listener Limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Roxanne, archaeologists working in Pompeii say they have discovered proof of the earliest known what?
ROBERTS: Pizza.
SAGAL: Yes, Roxanne.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Hey, if you think pizza is better for breakfast the morning after, how about 2,000 years after? Scientists have uncovered evidence of this early ancestor of pizza so old it could have been made by the real Little Caesar.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: So it would have been a pizza, pizza.
SAGAL: Would have been a pizza, pizza. What - it's not an actual pizza. It is a tile mosaic showing a flatbread with a goblet of wine next to it. And then behind it, somebody from New York saying, eh, it's not as good as ours is.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: Oh, this was the - oh, the volcano people.
SAGAL: Yeah, the - Pompeii, you know.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: Yeah. You know, I just realized that. And I was like, they were like, oh, it's almost done - yikes.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: That's good. Yeah. What - do you get it for free because it's 30,000 years late?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Brian, a study published this week found that female dolphins address their offspring using what?
BABYLON: (Imitating dolphin squeaks) Don't do that.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, yes, they speak in dolphin speak - dolphin squeaks. But what kind of dolphin squeaks?
BABYLON: That high-pitch, annoying voice.
SAGAL: Exactly.
BABYLON: Yeah.
SAGAL: Baby talk.
BURKE: Yeah, like...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Dolphins use baby talk.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Researchers found that mother bottlenose dolphins do baby talk, just like we do. They use a higher-pitched squeak than normal when talking to their young. Every dolphin mom in the study was found to address their calves with higher-pitched whistles and also a wider range of whistles, suggesting that there's sort of a dolphin equivalent to both, oh, you're so big. Who's big? You're big. And also Jonathan B. Porpoise, get that plastic out of your mouth right now.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: I have a question. Do they talk to their dogs the same way, too?
SAGAL: That is a really good question. Who's a - maybe - oh, they don't have dogs. They would have, like - I don't know.
BABYLON: Seahorses.
SAGAL: Seahorses - who's a good seahorse?
BURKE: Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're right. Because what I said was ridiculous.
BABYLON: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I'm afraid, Adam, that we just can't accept your thesis here that dolphins have dogs. Adam, brides-to-be don't just need the perfect dress, according to the New York Times. There's a new garment every bride needs now. What is it?
BURKE: Can I get a clue?
SAGAL: Yeah. It's perfect for when, say, the priest throws the rings into the pool, and you have to dive in for them.
BURKE: Oh, is it like a scuba...
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: I don't know. I was - you know what's really sad? I genuinely thought I had the right answer there.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Is it, like, a swimsuit?
SAGAL: It is a swimsuit - a bridal swimsuit. Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Every bride remembers that heartfelt moment when her dad swims her down the aisle.
BURKE: (Laughter).
SAGAL: There's a growing market for bridal swimsuits to be worn at after-parties and honeymoons and even oceanside wedding ceremonies. They're especially useful if you get cold feet and become a swim-away bride.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Wait, so does it have a veil still? Like, how does this work?
SAGAL: Some of them do. Some of them actually sort of have kind of, like - they're all white, of course. And some of them have kind of like a veil-like kind of thing.
BURKE: If you're swimming with a veil on, I would just think you're being attacked by a very lacy jellyfish.
SAGAL: That's true.
(LAUGHTER)
ROBERTS: Do we think this is just yet another iteration of the vast wedding industrial complex?
SAGAL: Yes. I honestly believe it was because they were sitting around in the horrible mansion at the edge of town where the villainous heads of the wedding industrial complex live...
BURKE: At the Wagner Group.
SAGAL: Exactly. Exactly.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: War crimes and weddings.
BURKE: Yeah.
BABYLON: The Wagner Group, yeah.
ROBERTS: (Laughter).
SAGAL: And I'm sure they said, we need something else to sell these people. We've taken all the money we can selling them everything else. What have we got? I got it. Let's make them all buy swimsuits, too.
BURKE: Is it...
SAGAL: Oh, yes. You have to have swimsuits.
BURKE: Is it, or is it a reasonable reaction to rising sea levels?
SAGAL: That's also possible.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "THE SWIMMING SONG")
LOUDON WAINWRIGHT III: (Singing) This summer I swam in the ocean, and I swam in a swimming pool. Salt my wounds, chlorined my eyes. I'm a self-destructive fool. I'm a self-destructive fool.
SAGAL: Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.
You can catch us here most weeks at the beautiful Studebaker Theater in Chicago, or you can see us in Ann Arbor at the Hill Auditorium on both August 31 and September 1 and at the Greek Theater in Los Angeles on September 28. Plus, the WAIT WAIT Stand-Up Tour is coming to Charleston, S.C., on July 14 and Durham, N.C., on July 15, as well as St. Paul and Kansas City in August. Tickets and more information is at nprpresents.org.
Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
LIZ: Hi. This is Liz (ph).
SAGAL: Hey, Liz. How are you?
LIZ: I am great. I'm here in beautiful Minneapolis, Minn.
SAGAL: It is beautiful.
(CHEERING)
SAGAL: Oh. We have a contingent, apparently. What do you do for fun? Because I know Minnesotans love their fun.
(LAUGHTER)
LIZ: Yeah. I do a lot of camping. I do some writing. I teach Irish dance. I just got out of an Irish dance class.
SAGAL: Well, there you go. That's...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: That's what all Minnesotans do, is they teach Irish dance.
BABYLON: You know...
SAGAL: Can I...
LIZ: Pretty much.
BABYLON: ...I saw Michael Flatley's legs, man. They were humongous.
SAGAL: All right. I'm going to ask you...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I'm going to ask you a question. I once read that the Irish step dancing style, where the torso remains still while the legs do all the work, is because the British wouldn't let the Irish do things like dance. So they had to come up with something that if you looked through a window, they'd seem like they were remaining still. Is that true?
LIZ: Well, I have heard that as well, from at least 15 different people.
SAGAL: Really?
LIZ: But I wasn't there, so I cannot...
SAGAL: OK.
LIZ: ...Confirm or deny.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Back to the matter at hand. Well, welcome to the show, Liz. You're going to play our Listener Limerick Challenge. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play?
LIZ: I'm ready.
SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.
KURTIS: Here at Fiat, all colors should slay. They should never make folks feel blase. You should jump and rejoice. So we've narrowed your choice. We no longer make cars that are...
LIZ: Gray.
SAGAL: Gray. Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Fiat has announced...
KURTIS: Gray.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...They will no longer be manufacturing gray cars because they're, quote, "boring," despite the fact that gray is the most popular car color in many countries. It's like they always say - don't give the customer what they want. In fact, shame them for it.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You suck, customers.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Besides, if they want to make more exciting cars, they should find other ways to do it - make them exciting. Fiat - now 1 in 10 explode.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: No, Tesla's already had that slogan, so that's...
SAGAL: Yeah, true. Yeah, that's true.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.
KURTIS: As many a city kid knows, after dusk, outdoor playtime just blows. But now fun is incessant. Our slide's incandescent. We play on a playground that...
LIZ: Glows.
SAGAL: Yes, that glows.
KURTIS: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
KURTIS: Good one.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Developers in a suburb of Dallas broke ground on the country's first-ever glow in the dark playground. Construction started Monday on the 18,000-square-foot playground, which includes a giant climbing structure, obstacle course and zip lines, all of which will glow in the dark, which is great because who hasn't wanted to shake their kids awake at 2 a.m. to watch them fall off the monkey bars?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The park's creators say that it will look cool. It will also help families beat the heat. They can go out at night and play, make it safer to hang out after sunset. The news has parents excited. You know who's even more excited? Moths.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: And skeeters.
SAGAL: Yeah. They'll all be happy about it. All right. Here is your last limerick.
KURTIS: Pepsi hopes that their nozzles will not clog because a condiment mess makes your tot sob. A zesty new taste that we all hate to waste - it's a sauce that we squirt on a...
LIZ: A hot dog.
SAGAL: A hot dog, yeah.
KURTIS: Yeah.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
KURTIS: Yes.
SAGAL: Rejoice, ants of the world - Pepsi has developed a new condiment they're calling Pepsi Colachup, officially opening the seventh seal...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...And ushering in the end times.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: It was created at the Culinary Institute of America and is reportedly "enhanced" - this is a quote - "enhanced with the rich caramel notes and citrusy pop of Pepsi Cola," unquote.
BABYLON: What is this?
SAGAL: Yeah, it's Pepsi-flavored ketchup.
BABYLON: (Laughter).
SAGAL: And apparently Pepsi is supposed to have notes of citrus and caramel. I always thought it just had notes of carbon and brown.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: That's weird. I'm lost for words. I don't - who did that?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I believe the Pepsi Cola Corporation of America. They're like...
ROBERTS: The guy that spilled Pepsi onto his ketchup...
BABYLON: (Laughter).
ROBERTS: ...And then he didn't want to, like - so he just ate it anyway. And he was like, hey, that's not bad.
SAGAL: (Laughter) He just had a very sloppy lunch. And his boss said, what's your idea? I told you I wanted a new idea for a product.
BURKE: (Laughter).
SAGAL: And he looks down at the stain on his shirt, and he goes, hey.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Liz do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Great. You got three in a row. You are the winner.
SAGAL: Congratulations.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Well done, Liz. Congrats so much. Take care.
LIZ: Thank you so much.
SAGAL: Bye-bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "DIP")
DANNY BROWN: (Rapping) Dip, I dip, you dip. Dip, I dip, you dip, I dip. Dip, I dip, you dip.
SAGAL: Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
KURTIS: Adam and Brian are tied with 3. Roxanne has 2.
SAGAL: All right, Roxanne, you're in second/last place, so you'll go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled 6-3 against blank in college admissions.
ROBERTS: Affirmative action.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: As a preview of his presidential campaign, Florida governor blank unveiled a series of potential immigration policies.
ROBERTS: DeSantis.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, several states saw a dip in air quality as smoke from the wildfires in blank blew across the Midwest.
ROBERTS: Canada.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Tuesday, a Senate panel said the FBI missed significant warning signs leading up to the January 6 assault on blank.
ROBERTS: The Capitol.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, tourists in Indonesia were shocked when an orangutan walked into their AirBnB and blanked before taking a soda from their fridge.
ROBERTS: He filled out a survey negatively.
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: He politely washed its hands with soap.
ROBERTS: Oh.
SAGAL: As a heat wave continues to cover the state, the power grid in blank suffered occasional blackouts.
ROBERTS: Texas.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Wednesday, the New York Yankee Domingo German became the 24th pitcher in MLB history to blank.
ROBERTS: Pitch a no-hitter.
SAGAL: Well, throw a perfect game.
ROBERTS: By - yeah, OK.
SAGAL: I'll give it to you.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, guests at a wedding were surprised...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...When the bride and groom asked everyone to blank during the ceremony.
ROBERTS: Ask them to object.
SAGAL: No. Ask them to stand knee-deep in a river. Arguments erupted at this wedding after the bride and groom asked everyone to stand knee-deep in a river while they stayed on dry land.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: People assumed it was for the photographs, but that doesn't explain why everyone who chose fish as their dinner option was just given a net.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Roxanne do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Healthy. Six right, 12 more points - 14 gives her the lead.
SAGAL: All right.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: I'm going to arbitrarily choose Brian to go next. So, Brian, please fill in the blank. On Monday, CNN aired audio of President Trump seemingly showing off a blank.
BABYLON: A classified document.
SAGAL: You bet.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Monday, environmental regulators tested the waters at Yellowstone after a blank carrying hazardous materials derailed.
BABYLON: A train.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, judges in two states blocked bans on transgender care for blanks.
BABYLON: Children?
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, the Indiana chapter of the Moms for Liberty had to apologize after quoting blank on the cover of their newsletter.
BABYLON: Hitler?
SAGAL: Yes, Hitler.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Tuesday, American auto giant blank announced plans to lay off a thousand employees.
BABYLON: General Motors?
SAGAL: No, the other one - Ford. After 20 years without a case in America, health officials reported that five people have been diagnosed with mosquito-borne blank.
BABYLON: Malaria.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a teacher in Italy who was fired after 24 years in the job...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...Told her employer she had a perfectly good explanation for why she blanked.
BABYLON: Why she left the classroom to be Italian.
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: No. For why she didn't come into work for over two decades.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The teacher was completely absent from her class for the first 20 years of her job before complaints from the school district finally got her to show up. She was eventually fired, but she says she had a perfectly good explanation for her absence. When a local paper asked her about it, she said - and this is true - I'd love to show you the documents, but I'm at the beach right now.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Brian do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Five right, 10 more points - very close with a 13, but one behind.
SAGAL: All right. So how many then does Adam Burke need to win?
KURTIS: Six to win.
SAGAL: All right, Adam, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, salvage crews recovered debris from the submersible that imploded in route to the blank.
BURKE: Titanic.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Tuesday, the Supreme Court ruled that states do not have unchecked power to make blank laws.
BURKE: Like, redistricting? Voting laws?
SAGAL: Yeah, election laws.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Following a fatal police shooting, protest broke out across blank.
BURKE: Paris, France.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Tuesday, a New York appeals court ruled that the civil fraud lawsuit against blank could proceed.
BURKE: To Trump?
SAGAL: Yeah.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a Lionel Messi superfan who traveled 1,200 miles to see him play with his new team in Miami was disappointed to discover blank.
BURKE: He was with a different team.
SAGAL: No, that Messi doesn't join the team until July 21. On Wednesday, astrophysicists announced the discovery of a new type of blank wave.
BURKE: Black - oh, like a gravitational...
SAGAL: A gravitational wave, yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: After taking time off to focus on her mental health, gymnastic legend blank announced plans to return to competition on Tuesday.
BURKE: Simone Biles.
SAGAL: That's her.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a woman in West Virginia who walks her dog in the same park every day...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...Announced she would be selling blank.
BURKE: Drugs?
SAGAL: No, the hundred and...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The 155 Frisbees her dog has found in the woods.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Grand Vue Park is an incredibly popular spot for Frisbee golf, which explains why Kelly Mason's dog, Daisy, finds a new Frisbee almost every time they go for a walk there. It's proof that either her dog is amazing at finding lost Frisbees or that people in this part of West Virginia are horrible at disc golf.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, did Adam do well enough to win?
KURTIS: In Chicago, the Irish always win.
(LAUGHTER)
KURTIS: Adam got six right, 12 more points. He won by one - 15.
SAGAL: Oh, yay. Now, panel, which presidential candidate's video is the next to go viral? And why? Brian Babylon.
BABYLON: Mike Pence is going to be caught rapping Eminem while putting hair spray on his hair.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I'd watch that. Roxanne Roberts.
ROBERTS: Chris Christie will take on the winner of the Elon Musk-Mark Zuckerberg cage match.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Adam Burke.
BURKE: Simone Biles will do a TikTok with all the GOP candidates showing them how to correctly flip on whether or not Trump should go to jail.
(LAUGHTER)
KURTIS: Well, if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it right here on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME!
SAGAL: Thank you, Bill Kurtis. Thanks also to Adam Burke, Roxanne Roberts and Brian Babylon. Thanks to all of you for listening. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theater.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: I am Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
SAGAL: This is NPR.
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