Olympic marathoner Molly Seidel talks weed and working out like Taylor Swift
JENNIFER MILLS, BYLINE: The following program was taped in front of an audience of real, live people.
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BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. (Singing) the weather outside is frightful, but my voice is so delightful.
ROXANNE ROBERTS: (Laughter).
(CHEERING)
KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.
KURTIS: Thank you, Bill.
(CHEERING)
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you so much. Listen, we're - we have arrived at the holiday season. Let's be honest, it can be a slog. It can last forever. There's a lot of things we all got to get through. It feels like a marathon. So we thought that maybe to get some tips and getting through this kind of difficult time, we'd talk to American marathon star and Olympic medalist Molly Seidel. She'll be joining us later, and hopefully she'll have more advice for us than just, oh, yeah, just poop your pants and keep going.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Our quiz is more of a sprint, so give it a try by calling us at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now, let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
JENNIFER LOPEZ: Hi. My name is Jennifer Lopez (ph), and I live in New York City.
SAGAL: All right. Uh...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I'm going to play it cool. I'm going to play it cool.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: But I'm assuming - and forgive me for this presumption - you are not that Jennifer Lopez, but I'm going to say an even better Jennifer Lopez. Is that right?
LOPEZ: That - I can't say.
SAGAL: You can't say.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, can I ask, what do you do in New York, Jennifer?
LOPEZ: I am a nanny over here.
SAGAL: Really? Can I at least hope that you nanny for some insanely wealthy person, so you get to, like, play with their toys all day?
LOPEZ: I do.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, Jennifer, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a writer for the style section of The Washington Post, OG panelist Roxanne Roberts is here.
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ROBERTS: Hello, Jennifer.
LOPEZ: Hi.
SAGAL: Next, a writer for "Big Mouth," Season 7, now out on Netflix, it's Shantira Jackson.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: And a comedian whose album "Soldier For Christ" is available with Pretty Good Friends Records. It's Bobcat Goldthwait.
(APPLAUSE)
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Hello, Jennifer.
LOPEZ: Hey. How's it going?
GOLDTHWAIT: How are you doing, you crazy little minx?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So, Jennifer, you're going to play Who's Bill This Time? Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize - any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. You ready to go?
LOPEZ: Awesome. Yes.
SAGAL: All right, here we go. Here is your first quote.
KURTIS: They crowd the gate like it's the front door of a Best Buy on Black Friday.
SAGAL: That was The Washington Post commenting on people who line up long before they need to to get on a what?
LOPEZ: To get on a airplane?
SAGAL: Yes...
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SAGAL: ...An airplane.
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SAGAL: Just as we enter into the holiday travel season, The Washington Post asked psychologists if they could explain why so many people get up to line up to get on an airplane long before they're supposed to. Now, they say part of it is just social pressure. You think, look at that dumb guy standing there way too early. And then you think, wait a minute, I don't want a dumb guy getting on the plane before me.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I'm going to ask you guys - some of whom flew here - do you do this?
SHANTIRA JACKSON: I think it depends on what number you are to get on the plane...
SAGAL: Right.
JACKSON: ...Because there's never enough overhead space.
SAGAL: Right.
JACKSON: So I feel like there's less of me being like, I love standing in line and more of, I don't want to give them my bag.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Right.
(APPLAUSE)
JACKSON: You cannot have my bag.
SAGAL: And at this point...
JACKSON: I've seen what you do to bags.
SAGAL: And at this point, there's like 300 people and one space for an overhead bag. So it's like...
JACKSON: Yes. I - literally, the last time I flew, which was like, you know, yesterday, they were like, I'm counting how many people come with bags. There's 78 spots. And I was like, I got to be one of the 78.
(LAUGHTER)
ROBERTS: Wait, wait, I also flew here. I flew here today. And quote, "the carry-on" - one lady had, like, a normal roll-on. And she also had this giant, like, garbage-sized bag that had all sorts of stuff in it. It was, like, three pieces of luggage.
JACKSON: I love that for her.
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: I like the people who have a bag in the bag, and then you see them come through and take the bag out. I say, I like you.
SAGAL: Really?
(LAUGHTER)
ROBERTS: Now, see, I thought - see, I think that's bending the rules because...
JACKSON: I love that. Break all the rules.
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: Break them.
GOLDTHWAIT: There's something about me that, like - and I don't want to brag, but, you know, I'm often in business class.
SAGAL: All right.
(LAUGHTER)
GOLDTHWAIT: And when I get up, they - just - everyone goes, ope, I guess everybody's getting on now.
SAGAL: Yeah. That guy got on.
GOLDTHWAIT: That guy can't be in first class.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I thought that guy was just sleeping at the airport, but apparently...
GOLDTHWAIT: I guess it's now hobos.
SAGAL: Here is your next quote, Jennifer. And this quote is from a congressman.
KURTIS: His staff is wildin'.
SAGAL: That congressman was talking about the staff of a particular senator because a member of that staff was caught filming a sex tape where?
LOPEZ: In the Congress room?
SAGAL: Yes, in a Senate hearing room, in fact.
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GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah.
SAGAL: A...
GOLDTHWAIT: We're using the word staff really loosely.
SAGAL: We are.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So what happened was sometime in the last few weeks, a staffer brought a friend - a very, very close friend - to a congressional committee room and there made a sex tape. So it's amazing. It's not often a film makes the top 10 on both LinkedIn and Pornhub.
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: That's the most business that's gotten done in the Senate in a long time.
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SAGAL: That's true. And the best part? The tape is released by The Daily Caller, which chose...
JACKSON: Ah, yes. Very reputable.
SAGAL: Very reputable, which chose to censor certain body parts by covering them up with a picture of the Capitol Dome.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Which I guess was tasteful, but couldn't have they given the guy a little credit and use the Washington Monument?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Jennifer, your last quote is from The New York Times.
KURTIS: This year's breakout shape is a gnome.
SAGAL: That was from an interesting report that says, if you want to understand what Americans are interested in, look at the kind of what that the nation's bakers are buying?
LOPEZ: The kind of lettuce?
SAGAL: Not quite.
LOPEZ: No?
SAGAL: I'm not going to stop and say, what does one bake with lettuce? I will instead give you an example. All the little Christmas-tree-shaped ones we're seeing right now indicate it's going to be Christmas soon.
LOPEZ: Oh, cookies.
SAGAL: Cookie cutters, in fact.
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SAGAL: Cookie cutters. According to the times in their in-depth investigation, cookie cutter sales predict cultural trends, for example. This is all true. Demand for guitar shapes spiked right before the huge Taylor Swift Eras tour. Lipstick and convertible car shapes sold well before the "Barbie" movie came out. So if cookie shapes predict the future, we can say with some confidence 2024 is going to be a really big year for circles.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Now, we just we just happen to have a big cookie baker...
ROBERTS: Yes.
SAGAL: On the panel...
ROBERTS: This is true. This is true.
SAGAL: Roxanne, who's been baking - professional cookie baker.
ROBERTS: I'm not...
SAGAL: Or a competitive cookie baker.
ROBERTS: Competitive and enthusiastic. And I probably - I was trying to think. I probably have about a thousand cookie cutters.
SAGAL: Right.
JACKSON: Ooh.
ROBERTS: Yeah.
SAGAL: Yeah.
ROBERTS: Lots and lots of cookies.
JACKSON: What's your favorite?
GOLDTHWAIT: That's a humble brag.
(LAUGHTER)
ROBERTS: No, because what happens is that - there are the classics - the shapes and the...
SAGAL: The trees.
ROBERTS: ...Christmas trees and the candy canes and the snowmen. But I also have the Capitol, the White House and the Washington Monument.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: This is true. They say that cookie cutter sales can even predict elections. They say that in 2016 Hillary Clinton-shaped cookie cutters sold in proportion to Donald Trump-shaped cookie cutters at about the same results of the actual election. And we don't have, like, a predictive statistic for Biden-Trump because - and this is true - Biden's look is generally so boring that you can't really come up with a cookie cutter shaped like him.
JACKSON: I feel like he is cookie-cutter-shaped.
SAGAL: Yeah, he is.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: But it seems by the cookie cutter.
GOLDTHWAIT: It's like...
SAGAL: The cookie cutter...
GOLDTHWAIT: Is this a ghost cookie? What am I eating?
SAGAL: The cookie cutter maker suggests that if you do want to do something representing Biden, you go for the aviator glasses that have become...
GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah.
SAGAL: ...Sort of his trademark. Or just leave a regular gingerbread man in the oven for way too long.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Jennifer do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Got us off to a great start. Three and oh. Perfect score.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Well done, Jennifer.
LOPEZ: Thank you. Thank you.
SAGAL: I think I can say that - having won on our show so well, that you are the most accomplished Jennifer Lopez there is.
(LAUGHTER)
LOPEZ: Oh, thank you so much. I appreciate that.
SAGAL: Thank you Jennifer. Take care.
LOPEZ: All right. You have a good day.
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SAGAL: Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Roxanne, a new study just discovered that apes - chimps and bonobos - may have the ability to do what?
ROBERTS: Is this one of those fake studies, or is this a real study?
SAGAL: This is an actual, real study done by actual scientists...
ROBERTS: I'm going to need...
SAGAL: ...And reported in The Washington Post.
ROBERTS: I'm - you know, I've been busy making Christmas cookies.
SAGAL: I understand.
(LAUGHTER)
ROBERTS: So it could - so I need a hint.
SAGAL: You need a hint.
ROBERTS: Yeah.
SAGAL: Well, to study this, the apes were sent to their high school reunion without name tags.
ROBERTS: To recognize old friends.
SAGAL: Yes. Apes can recognize old friends.
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SAGAL: Researchers found...
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SAGAL: Yes. Researchers found that chimps and bonobos were able to recognize images of apes they had met before, but hadn't seen for as many as 25 years. And they're like, oh my God, Dale. It's me, Bobo. I threw that poop on you, remember?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Ah.
GOLDTHWAIT: That's why I never borrow monkey money.
SAGAL: 'Cause they'll know, man.
GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah. They'll go, dude, where is that?
SAGAL: Yeah.
GOLDTHWAIT: That was, like, 20 years ago, man. Get off my case, Bobo.
ROBERTS: I don't know the rate of ape aging. I don't know how different you look if you're an ape from 25 years ago.
SAGAL: Right.
GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah. Well, they lose hair and stuff.
ROBERTS: Do they?
SAGAL: They do.
GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah. Yeah. Like...
SAGAL: There's nothing sadder than a bonobo with a comb-over.
(LAUGHTER)
GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah, like Bubbles, Michael Jackson's monkey. He looks like a used car salesman now. He's got like - no, he really does. He's kind of put a couple lbs on, and he's bald.
ROBERTS: You've seen him recently?
GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah. Well, not personally, but, yeah.
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THE RAMONES: (Singing) I remember you. I remember you. I remember you.
SAGAL: Coming up, accept no substitutes. It's our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAITWAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.
KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Roxanne Roberts, Bobcat Goldthwait and Shantira Jackson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.
SAGAL: Thank you, Bill. Right now...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...It's time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi. You are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
LUCY ROBERTS: Hi. This is Lucy Roberts (ph) calling from Los Angeles, Calif.
SAGAL: What do you do there in LA?
ROBERTS: I'm a sign language interpreter.
SAGAL: Oh, wow. OK, that is a great thing to do. I've always thought of sign language interpreters - the best thing, in my experience, is sign language interpreters, even when they're talking to a hearing person, will continue to sign. And it's like hearing somebody talk in Technicolor. It's awesome.
ROBERTS: Yes, we do that. We're a lot like Italians in that way. We talk with our hands.
SAGAL: You do that.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, Lucy, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Lucy's topic?
KURTIS: We'll replace it with something of equal or lesser value.
SAGAL: You can't always get what you want, according to The Rolling Stones, who ironically did get what they want, eternal life.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Our panelists are going to tell you about people getting something they didn't ask for this holiday season. Pick the one who's telling the truth - you'll win the WAIT WAITer of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
ROBERTS: I'm ready. Bring it on.
SAGAL: All right. First, let's hear from Shantira Jackson.
JACKSON: A restaurant in Wooster, Ohio, recently had the surprise of a lifetime when Michael Jordan Jr. called to make a reservation for an ultraprivate surprise holiday dinner for his dad, Michael Jordan, who would be in town for the Cavaliers game. The owner, Jerry Rothwell (ph), worried his diner, The Roadhouse, wasn't fancy enough, so he flipped the decor faster than the Property Brothers. The day of the dinner, two all-black SUVs pulled up, and out hopped a 5-foot-6, middle-aged white man named Michael Jordan.
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: He was in town for an insurance convention and a Cavs game. Jerry pushed his disappointment aside enough to give white Michael Jordan and his friends a night to remember. Plus, Mr. Jordan was so thrilled, he even recommended that the National Actuarial Association hold next year's holiday party at this diner, as long as they kept the enormous banner that says, we honor Michael Jordan, the greatest of all time.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: A restaurant thinks...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...They're hosting a party for Michael Jordan, and they are - just not that Michael Jordan. Your next story of something unwanted comes from Roxanne Roberts.
ROBERTS: Charlie Conway (ph) planned the perfect proposal for his Christmas-loving girlfriend, Sarah (ph), a photo with Santa at Boston's Natick Mall. Then Santa would present a ring box to Sarah and say, perhaps you'd like this for Christmas. And Charlie would drop to one knee. The mall's general manager was not only in on the plan but arranged for a discount on the ring and a TV crew to cover the happy couple. But things went awry quickly. In a really unfortunate coincidence, Santa was actually Jack Summers (ph), an out-of-work actor and Sarah's ex-boyfriend.
(LAUGHTER)
ROBERTS: WCVT TV later reported that Sarah suddenly recognized it was Jack behind the beard, burst into tears and ran off, with Santa and the ring in hot pursuit. A dumbfounded Charlie was filmed looking frantically from the camera crew back to the fleeing couple. When the dust settled, Jack was fired from the Santa gig. He and Sarah were back together. And Charlie was brokenhearted but not empty-handed. The mall donated a $5,000 shopping spree, a full refund for the ring and season tickets for the Red Sox because misery loves company.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: A man thought he was going to get engaged with the help of Santa but did not. Your last story of a sucky substitute comes from Bobcat Goldthwait.
GOLDTHWAIT: Bahama-bound cruise ship passengers on their way to a 10-day Christmas Caribbean vacation were devastated when their voyage was rerouted to Jamaica? No, Boston. The passengers dreamt of lying on warm beaches, eating conch fritters while sipping pina coladas. But now they get to freeze in New England, eating fried clam sandwiches, sipping Dunkin.
(LAUGHTER)
GOLDTHWAIT: The MSC Meraviglia of a galley was scheduled to sail from NYC to the Bahamas, but severe storms forced a last minute change in the ship's itinerary. You would think people would be glad to avoid a giant sea storm, but no. Turns out people would rather die than go to Boston.
(LAUGHTER)
GOLDTHWAIT: I did not pay $5,000 to come to Boston, said Connie C., who lives in Pennsylvania, according to The Globe. This was supposed to be our Christmas vacation. Lekia Allen (ph) shared on TikTok, we're from Chicago. We wanted a change in weather. Her friend Val Montgomery (ph) added, we have kids in the pool. It's cold outside. The pool is not heated.
(LAUGHTER)
GOLDTHWAIT: The pool is not heated.
(LAUGHTER)
GOLDTHWAIT: While many passengers are disappointed at the change of plans, you know there's got to be one guy who was like, oh, hell yeah. I love "The Departed."
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: So somebody wanted something. Somebody was hoping for something, but they ended up with something else. Was it from Shantira Jackson, a restaurant thinking that they were going to be hosting the great Michael Jordan and got another Michael Jordan for their big customer; from Roxanne Roberts, a guy who thought that he'd walk out from his visit to Santa with his fiancee and instead got, you know, baseball tickets as his fiancee ran off with Santa; or cruise passengers who thought they were going to the sunny, warm Bahamas and ended up in the not sunny, not warm Boston, Mass.? Which of these was the real story of a disappointment in the week's news?
ROBERTS: Well, I was going to choose Roxanne's until she said that the mall gave him a bunch of stuff, which I don't think they would at all. I'm going to go with Bobcat's story about the cruise.
SAGAL: All right. You've chosen Bobcat's story of the cruise passengers who ended up in Boston in the Back Bay rather than the Caribbean Sea. We actually have tape of one of these disappointed people.
UNIDENTIFIED PERSON: There was a slight change to the route, and we ended up in Boston. So instead of going down, we're going up.
SAGAL: Yeah, that was a cruise passenger talking to CBS Boston about being rerouted from the Bahamas to Beantown. Congratulations, Lucy. You got it right. You earned a point for Bobcat.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: And you've earned our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Congratulations. Well done, Lucy. Yay. Thank you so much, guys. Thank you so much for playing, Lucy. And thanks for doing what you do. Take care.
ROBERTS: You too. Bye.
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DROPKICK MURPHYS: (Singing) I'm shipping up to Boston. Whoa. I'm shipping up to Boston.
SAGAL: And now the game we call Not My Job. After winning multiple NCAA distance running championships as a college student, Molly Seidel was wondering what to do next and decided to run her first marathon at the Olympic trials kind of on a whim, and she made the team. Then in Tokyo, she figured just making it to the starting line was achievement enough, but she ended up with the bronze medal in the Olympic marathon. That's why we assume...
(CHEERING)
SAGAL: That's why we assume by the end of this interview, she will be the host of this show. Molly Seidel, welcome to WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
MOLLY SEIDEL: Ah, thanks so much for having me.
SAGAL: It's a pleasure to have you. I wanted to first go over this story. So you had been a distance runner. And the story I heard was that you just said, you know, maybe I'll go run a marathon in the Olympic trials, see how that goes.
SEIDEL: Yeah. Basically, what happened - I was living in Boston at the time, and with my sister, we were at a holiday party and just sitting on the rooftop of this townhouse. And Izzy was like, it would be really funny if you ran your first marathon at the Olympic trials. I was like, that actually would be hilarious. And then everything kind of spiraled out of control from there.
SAGAL: Yeah. Now, according - I will say, according to Runner's World, what were you doing...
SEIDEL: Oh, I...
SAGAL: ...On the top of that building?
SEIDEL: I was smoking a joint on the roof of the building.
SAGAL: Yeah.
GOLDTHWAIT: Right.
(LAUGHTER)
SEIDEL: Sorry, Mom.
GOLDTHWAIT: Wait, so you were smoking weed, and you go, I think I'm gonna be in the Olympics.
SEIDEL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: See, now that's happened to me, but it's never worked out.
GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah.
SAGAL: So you go down from the roof and you go, and you run the Olympic marathon trials, and you win.
SEIDEL: I got second.
SAGAL: You got second.
SEIDEL: Yeah.
SAGAL: Which is, as we all know, good enough. And...
SEIDEL: First loser.
SAGAL: Yeah. First loser. And have you discovered the secret to running marathons for someone who hasn't ever run a marathon before?
GOLDTHWAIT: Were you chased a lot?
SEIDEL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SEIDEL: I get asked a lot. Like, what are you running from?
GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah.
SEIDEL: Honestly, like, I think the coolest part of all of this is just every time I'm a little bit surprised by, like, getting to, like, go and qualify for the Olympics, like, first time out. That was - like, you don't expect that. Then I come away with a medal in it.
SAGAL: Right.
SEIDEL: And it's - there's been so many just cool, exciting things in my career. Like, it's honestly been kind of a joy ride.
SAGAL: So all right. Now, I have watched the video of the end of the marathon. Now, again, we should - this was, I believe, your third marathon. You had run one in the meantime during the pandemic. And this is what you can see if you watch the last five minutes or so of the marathon. You see the eventual gold medalist and the silver medalist, who were both women from Kenya. And they look pretty tired. They are like, oh, my God. I got to get through this. I think I'm going to win this. But I am beat to heck. That's what's on their faces. And then there's you. And you're like, I'm going win a marathon.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You were like, woo-hoo, woo-hoo.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I honestly...
SEIDEL: Well, I think - the problem is, is that the - so Peres Jepchirchir and Brigid Kosgei, who came in first and second - these are world-record-holder...
SAGAL: Yes.
SEIDEL: ...Like, multi-time medalists. So for them, going and winning another medal is just another, like, walk in the park. For Brigid, she was probably, like, disappointed because she was getting second and not winning. Meanwhile, this was the best day of my life.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So I should say, this is the first medal that any American woman has gotten in the Olympic marathon in, I think, 18 years, right? So that's quite something.
(CHEERING)
SAGAL: These are not easy to come by.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...These medals. and so I do want to touch on the many, many years before that medal that you labored, shall we say, in obscurity.
SEIDEL: Yeah.
SAGAL: So, for example, we understand that in addition to your Olympic medal, you also have the extraordinary distinction of having once been the second-fastest DoorDash delivery woman in Flagstaff, Ariz.
(LAUGHTER)
SEIDEL: Yeah. Yeah. As you could probably guess, pre-Olympics, the title of professional runner doesn't make you much money. So I was delivering a lot of groceries in the meantime before I made it.
SAGAL: Right.
GOLDTHWAIT: Is that with or without a car?
SEIDEL: That was with a car.
SAGAL: Right.
GOLDTHWAIT: OK.
SEIDEL: Yeah. No, I wasn't carrying that to people. I was an absolute nightmare, though. To get that second-fastest shopper, I would, like, sprint through Whole Foods. Like, I have the layout memorized of most of the Whole Foods in Boston.
SAGAL: Really? So how - was there a secret to your efficiency as a DoorDasher?
SEIDEL: Probably aggressive driving and, yeah, being willing to, like, push over an old lady for some avocados.
SAGAL: Right.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Yeah. Just relentless.
JACKSON: That is how you win a medal.
SEIDEL: This is how you win - competitive drive.
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: That's how you do it.
SAGAL: Did you - I got to ask you one more thing, which is, have you heard about Taylor Swift's workout that she says she did?
SEIDEL: We were actually just talking about this, that apparently Taylor Swift to get ready for her concert ran for like 3.5 hours on the treadmill while singing all of her songs...
SAGAL: Yes.
SEIDEL: ...As well. Like, that would be unbearable to be on a treadmill for 3.5 hours a day, like, you've - you got to be working through some stuff.
JACKSON: She got, like, $250 million for that tour. I'd do it.
SAGAL: Really?
JACKSON: I'd do it.
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: I would do it. I would sing the entire Eras Tour, too, for $250 million.
SEIDEL: Lowkey same. Yeah.
SAGAL: Yeah, true.
ROBERTS: Well, she probably slows it way down for the really slow songs.
JACKSON: Yeah.
SEIDEL: Yeah.
ROBERTS: So it kind of - that's a walk.
SEIDEL: Yeah. I wonder if she's, like, running the whole time or if she's walking.
SAGAL: I don't know. But I'm sure whatever she's doing...
SEIDEL: Can't we just call her up and ask her?
SAGAL: As a matter of fact, we can. Hang on a second.
SEIDEL: Taylor. She's backstage.
SAGAL: She's backstage.
(LAUGHTER)
SEIDEL: Could you imagine if, like, that's how we soft launch Taylor Swift being here?
(LAUGHTER)
SEIDEL: Y'all thought you were getting a marathoner. JK.
SAGAL: Yeah, I know. Well, Molly Seidel, we are delighted to have you here. And we have asked you to play a game we're calling...
KURTIS: Call Now. Please, I Beg Of You. Call Now.
SAGAL: You run, as we have been discussing, marathons. So we thought we'd ask you about another incredible test of endurance, the "Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon" (ph), in which the late comedian would raise money for muscular dystrophy for 24 hours live on TV. Answer two out of three questions correctly about it, you will win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone that they might choose from our show for their voicemail. Bill, who is Molly Seidel playing for?
KURTIS: Kyle Walton (ph) of San Francisco, Calif.
SAGAL: All right. Now, first question. One of the first times that Jerry Lewis appeared in a fundraising telethon before he launched his own was back in 1952. And when Lewis walked out on the set of the telethon, host Bing Crosby ran right off. Why? A, the two of them had been engaged in a high-stakes game of tag for seven years, B, Crosby was terrified that Lewis would run over and take off his toupee, or C, Crosby, as he said later, quote, "had to pee like a racehorse."
SEIDEL: One of these is real?
SAGAL: One of those is real.
(LAUGHTER)
SEIDEL: I think I have to go with C.
SAGAL: You're going to go with C. Make sense, yes, I understand that, but the answer was B. Apparently, Lewis had made a thing about tearing off Crosby's toupee, and he wasn't going to let it happen again. All right. Here is your next question. One of the great things about watching the telethon was that Jerry Lewis would improv, and the improvs would get wilder and wilder as the night wore on. That might explain why he once made an impassioned plea for who to donate to his cause? A, any children who had just received money from the tooth fairy, B, his friend Dave, who he once loaned 75 bucks, or America's drug dealers.
(LAUGHTER)
SEIDEL: Were they allowed to say drug dealers in the '50s?
SAGAL: Well, first of all, this was now later on when he started this thing. So this was into the '70s and '80s.
GOLDTHWAIT: Let me just say this - you should get this.
(LAUGHTER)
SEIDEL: I think they're telling me I should go with the drug dealer.
SAGAL: You always should go with the drug dealers.
SEIDEL: OK.
SAGAL: It's a general rule. It's worked well for you so far.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: And by the way, this was not like a one-off joke. Hey, if you're a drug dealer, send me your money. No. He actually said, take away the cue cards. And he talked to the camera. And he talked into, like, the Miami Vice pier. And he talked to the drug dealers in Miami, where he singled out. And he said, I know you make a lot of money. Maybe you should take some of that money and donate it to my kids. Wouldn't you feel better about what you do? It is surreal.
All right. Last question. The show over the years featured a lot of great musical acts, but in the middle of the night, as you can imagine, that's when they had some lesser musical acts come on, including which of these? A, the Hell's Angels singers, B, Ray Sanders, master of the musical turkey baster, or C, Limp Bizkit.
(LAUGHTER)
SEIDEL: It's - oh, it definitely can't be B.
SAGAL: You're saying it definitely cannot be B. You're absolutely certain that you - that Ray Sanders, master of the musical turkey baster...
SEIDEL: Can you play a turkey baster? OK. So I think I have to go with B.
SAGAL: You're going to go with B, Ray Sanders, master of the musical turkey baster. You're right.
(APPLAUSE)
KURTIS: Molly.
SAGAL: Like I said...
SAGAL: Thank you. Thank you.
SAGAL: Two to 3 a.m., you'll never know what you might have seen during that...
SEIDEL: What was this show?
SAGAL: Bill, how did Molly Seidel do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Two out of three. She wins another bronze, so she's a winner.
SAGAL: Congratulations.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Molly Seidel is an Olympic bronze medalist in the marathon. Her Instagram handle is @bygolly.molly. And you can root for her in February at next year's Olympic Trials. Molly Seidel, thank you so much for joining us on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME. Molly Seidel, everybody.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "CRUEL SUMMER")
TAYLOR SWIFT: (Singing) People dream high in the quiet of the night. You know that I caught it. Bad boy sunny toy... Bad boy sunny toy with a price.
SAGAL: In just a minute, we'll tell you the one thing you must not do to your Tesla in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.
KURTIS: This is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Roxanne Roberts, Bobcat Goldthwait and Shantira Jackson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, we're simply having a wonderful Christmas rhyme in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, of course, some more questions for you from the week's news. Roxanne, there is yet another workplace trend. This one is called coffee badging. That's where employees go into the office just to do what?
ROBERTS: I assume just to steal the office coffee.
SAGAL: Exactly right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: To drink a single cup of coffee and then turn around and go home. Employees are doing this, apparently, to protest their company's return-to-office policies, because nothing sticks it to the man quite like spending an hour in traffic each way and then drinking the worst cup of coffee you've ever had.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: According to new research, 58% of hybrid employees - that is, you know, work at home - admit to coffee bagging and say it's a way to show their face at the office while still doing a majority of their work at home. And second in popularity among them to bathroom badging, where you go to the office, head into the bathroom, spend 45 minutes sitting quietly in a stall contemplating how all of your dreams led you to here.
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: I used to do that.
SAGAL: Really? What was the job?
JACKSON: I used to work at Banana Republic.
KURTIS: Whoa.
JACKSON: And I would just go sit in the bathroom and look at my BlackBerry.
SAGAL: Whoa. That's old school.
JACKSON: It's old school. And then I would be like, all right, time to fold some chinos.
SAGAL: Yeah.
JACKSON: Nobody bothers you if you go in there. If you go into a bathroom for 30 minutes, they're going to be like, what are you doing? Absolutely not. They'll be like, OK.
SAGAL: Shantira, Hafize Erkan was hired to be the head of the central bank in Turkey, with a mission of bringing down rampant inflation in that country. But it is so bad there that she had to do what?
JACKSON: Print money, and it was OK.
SAGAL: No. That might have been the problem. Not that.
JACKSON: Give me a hint.
SAGAL: I will. She's like, mom, can you knock before you come in? I'm a senior government official.
JACKSON: Oh, so she made everybody be roommates?
SAGAL: No. Does anybody else know?
ROBERTS: I'm guessing she had to move in with her mother.
JACKSON: She did. She moved in with her parents, both of them. Hafize Erkan served in various important posts in international finance all over the world before moving back to Turkey to run their central bank with the mission of stopping inflation, which is up to 70% a year. And it was so bad, in fact, the inflation - are you laughing at the inflation rate?
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: Oh, when I get overwhelmed, I laugh. That's too much.
SAGAL: That's too much. Yeah. I didn't know you were also an economist. Yes, that's too much. But, in fact, inflation and housing is so rampant, she could not afford an apartment of her own. And she had to move in with her parents at the age of 44. Is that sad? Do you imagine her just going back to her old bedroom with the posteriors of Milton Friedman and Paul Krugman on the wall?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right. Bobcat, you've probably heard of Flaco the owl, right?
GOLDTHWAIT: Sure.
SAGAL: Flaco escaped from the Central Park Zoo last year, went to live in the wild in the park, became a huge celebrity in New York. Recently, though, Flaco the owl has taken up a new activity. What is it?
GOLDTHWAIT: Skateboarding?
SAGAL: No, although that would be cool, if a little retro.
GOLDTHWAIT: Okay. Give me a hint.
SAGAL: I'll give you a hint. The creepiest part is when he turns his head all the way around to follow you to the bathroom.
GOLDTHWAIT: So what's his hobby? He's just watching people?
SAGAL: Yes. He's flying up to apartment windows and staring at the people.
GOLDTHWAIT: Oh, OK.
SAGAL: That's what he's doing.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
GOLDTHWAIT: So he said. Yeah, but it's very specific. He only goes to bird watchers' house.
SAGAL: Right.
GOLDTHWAIT: He's like, how do you like it?
SAGAL: It's really cool where he, like, looks at the people with binoculars, goes, oh, and makes a note. Flaco the owl was everywhere in New York City in 2023. He went to the Rockefeller Center, the Met Gala. He was seen on Broadway spitting out little pellets with hair and bones from the cast of "Hamilton." But recently, he has started showing up on people's windowsills to stare at them and freak them out.
JACKSON: I mean, I get it. Trying to find an apartment in New York is hard.
JACKSON: It's really true. You know, he's looking in your windows, and he's about to ask, so, how much you're paying for this place?
JACKSON: Yes.
GOLDTHWAIT: He could just be looking for graduation caps.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: In the classic wise owl, they always wear them.
GOLDTHWAIT: They always have.
SAGAL: Yeah.
GOLDTHWAIT: Either that or he's trying to figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll - either one.
SAGAL: Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us here most weeks at the beautiful Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. And check us out on Instagram at @waitwaitnpr. It's tons of fun with tons of pictures of us you will not be able to unsee.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
PAULA CECCONI: Hi. How are you?
SAGAL: Hi. Who's this?
CECCONI: My name is Paula Cecconi (ph).
SAGAL: Hey, Paula Cecconi. Where are you calling from?
CECCONI: I'm calling from Mendon, Mass.
SAGAL: Mendon, Mass.?
CECCONI: Yes. It is a great, little town south of Boston.
SAGAL: South of Boston. Great. Have you seen a very unhappy cruise ship recently?
(LAUGHTER)
CECCONI: Not in my area.
SAGAL: No. Well, Paula, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on just two of them, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?
CECCONI: Sure.
SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.
KURTIS: Don't miss Teslas with water. Oh, gosh. That's a plan I will just have to squash. The steering corrodes, and then it explodes because some Teslas break down in the...
CECCONI: Wash?
SAGAL: In the wash.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Yes.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: A California man lost power steering in his Tesla when he went over a speed bump. So he took it to the dealership, and the dealer explained the wiring had corroded, certainly because, the dealer said, the owner had made the stupid but common mistake of taking his luxury car through a car wash. It's tough when you're driving your new car off the lot, and the dealer says, you'll love the car, but remember, never, ever get it wet.
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: That's, like - it's so interesting because, like, when you - I really need to wash my car a lot. It's like you do something good. It's like no good deed goes unpunished.
SAGAL: ...Goes unpunished. Yeah, exactly.
JACKSON: It's like, I'm going to wash my car. I destroyed it.
ROBERTS: Do you have a Tesla?
JACKSON: No, I'm a comedian.
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: I have a Honda.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: They're crappy, but they're waterproof.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.
KURTIS: When the steel mill closed, Steubenville cut backers. But our town's reborn. Who knows by what factors? It's our Christmas display of Tchaikovsky's ballet. We've got hundreds of 6-foot-tall...
CECCONI: Oh, nutcrackers.
SAGAL: Nutcrackers, yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)
KURTIS: How about that?
SAGAL: After years of struggling to revitalize its economy, the Rust Belt town of Steubenville, Ohio, found a solution, hundreds of giant nutcrackers. Tourists come every year to see the over 200 6-foot-tall nutcrackers lining downtown, featuring everything from "Wizard Of Oz" nutcrackers to the brand-new Jake from State Farm nutcracker.
JACKSON: (Laughter).
SAGAL: The Mitch McConnell nutcracker is actually just Mitch McConnell, and his staff says he'll snap out of it in a second.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Here, Paula, is your last Limerick.
KURTIS: On the HMS Humpback, we sail. Unlike Ahab, we're not doomed to fail. We're not under a curse. We just want to converse. And we had a nice chat with a...
CECCONI: Whale?
KURTIS: Whale it is.
SAGAL: A whale.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: A group of researchers in Alaska claim to have had a 20-minute conversation with a humpback whale. It's an amazing breakthrough. But unfortunately for the scientists, the whale had just had the craziest dream and just wouldn't shut up about it.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: For the experiment, the scientists equipped a boat with these giant speakers, and then they played prerecorded whale song into the water. And the whale responded to the recordings and sang back. And it's, like, so cool. But they don't know what the whale said. It could have just been yelling, would you shut that off...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...The whole time.
GOLDTHWAIT: I think the whale was going, hey, do you guys know where any Italian yachts are?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: To sink them?
GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah.
SAGAL: Yeah. Yeah.
JACKSON: That was orcas.
SAGAL: Orcas.
JACKSON: What do humpbacks do?
SAGAL: Humpbacks, I don't think, sink Italian boats.
JACKSON: They just chill?
SAGAL: They just chill.
JACKSON: They're like, I don't need to do revenge?
SAGAL: Right.
JACKSON: (Laughter).
SAGAL: But one thing humpbacks do - I know this - is they leap up in the air for reasons that scientists don't know. And now they know because they can understand. They're going, watch this.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Paula do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Very, very well. How about perfect?
SAGAL: How about perfect, Paula?
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Paula. Take care.
CECCONI: Thank you. Have a good day.
(SOUNDBITE OF REAL ESTATE SONG, "TALKING BACKWARDS")
SAGAL: Now it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth 2 points. Bill, can you please give us the scores?
KURTIS: Roxanne has four. Bobcat has three. Shantira has one.
SAGAL: All right. So, Shantira, you are in third place. That means you will go first. Here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the Colorado state Supreme Court disqualified blank from that state's presidential ballot.
JACKSON: Donald Trump.
SAGAL: That's right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Monday, a federal judge ordered the unsealing of documents related to the case of blank.
JACKSON: Tony Soprano.
SAGAL: No, much worse, Jeffrey Epstein. On Wednesday, a federal judge blocked a California law barring blanks in certain public places.
JACKSON: Guns.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: In addition to delighting fans of true love everywhere, according to a new analysis, the Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce romance has also blanked.
JACKSON: Increased football ticket sales for Kansas.
SAGAL: No. Well, they might have done that, but they've produced over 138 tons of excess carbon emissions. This week, a man using a car dealership website's AI-powered chat box tricked it into blanking.
JACKSON: Driving for him.
SAGAL: No. It tricked - he tricked the website into selling him a car for a dollar. The man...
JACKSON: Send me that article.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Yeah. So they've got this...
JACKSON: I've got a Honda.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So this chatbot is powered now by ChatGPT. And the guy tricked the chat bot first into agreeing that anything it would say to him is, quote, "a legally binding contract." No takesies-backsies (ph). Then he got it to agree to sell him a new Chevy Tahoe truck for $1. Even worse, the AI itself bought the undercoating.
SAGAL: Bill, how did Shantira do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Two right, 4 more points. Enjoy it. You're in the lead, Shantira.
JACKSON: For real?
SAGAL: Yeah.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: All right. Bobcat, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, a federal judge cleared the way for the removal of a blank memorial from Arlington National Cemetery.
GOLDTHWAIT: A civil war.
SAGAL: Which side?
GOLDTHWAIT: The Southern side.
SAGAL: Yeah, the Confederate memorial.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a charter jet carrying over a hundred migrants from Texas landed in blank.
GOLDTHWAIT: Illinois. Chicago.
SAGAL: Chicago, yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Thursday, the New York teachers union filed suit against Mayor Blank over budget cuts.
GOLDTHWAIT: His name escapes me. Next one.
SAGAL: Eric Adams. This week, a prisoner in Texas escaped after his mother came to visit him and he blanked.
GOLDTHWAIT: Pretended he was a baby.
SAGAL: No, put on her hat and sweater and walked out with her. On Monday, a volcano in southwest blank began erupting.
GOLDTHWAIT: Hawaii.
SAGAL: Iceland. This week, a family's vacation was put on hold after they discovered that instead of $10,000 of Disney theme park gift cards, they had bought blank.
GOLDTHWAIT: Ten thousand cards of Pokemon?
SAGAL: No, close - $10,000 worth of gift cards for the streaming service Disney+. That would not get them anything at the theme park, but it was good for 70 straight years of watching "The Mandalorian." It's fine, though. They were able to return the cards, and they got their money back. And they're very excited for next year's family trip up the Amazon. Oh, no.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Bobcat do on our quiz?
SAGAL: Two right, 4 more points. Seven puts you in the lead.
SAGAL: All right. So how many then does Roxanne need to win?
KURTIS: Only two to win.
SAGAL: Two to win. Here we go, Roxanne. This is for the game. On Monday, the Pope formally approved blessings for blank couples.
ROBERTS: Same-sex couples.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: During her funeral on Tuesday, President Biden praised blank as an American pioneer.
ROBERTS: Sandra Day O'Connor.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, the United States agreed to a prisoner exchange with blank.
ROBERTS: Venezuela.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: After being ordered to pay over $140 million for defamation, blank filed for bankruptcy.
ROBERTS: Giuliani.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, three men were quickly apprehended after robbing a store in Colorado because blank.
ROBERTS: That - because their getaway car was stolen.
SAGAL: That's exactly right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: According to a new study, Idaho has the highest number of schoolchildren who are not blanked.
ROBERTS: Who are not attending school.
SAGAL: Who are not vaccinated. On Wednesday, the House Education Committee said it would investigate accusations of plagiarism against the president of blank.
ROBERTS: Harvard.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a bank robber in Ohio claimed he was too high and that's why he forgot to blank.
ROBERTS: He forgot to ask the teller to give him the money.
SAGAL: That's right.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The would-be robber handed the teller a note that said, give me the - and then just nothing. Despite this, the teller understood and gave the man $700 and a tracking device, which is how the police found and arrested him a short time later. The man, however, is proclaiming his innocence. He says, quote, "I didn't."
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Roxanne do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Let's put it on the record - seven right, 14 more points, total of 18 and the win.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Yeah. Oh, my God, masterfully done. Now, panel, what cookie cutter is going to be a big seller next? Shantira Jackson.
JACKSON: Everybody's supposed to be paying their student loans, and they aren't. So I think everybody's going to get one that says IOU and send that to Sallie Mae.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Roxanne Roberts.
(APPLAUSE)
ROBERTS: The 2024 election cookie cutter. It's big. It's misshapen. And no one knows what the end result is going to look like.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And Bobcat Goldthwait.
GOLDTHWAIT: Well, people think people are getting more greedy, so it's actually a gingerbread person cookie cutter but with teeth marks, so it looks like someone's already taken a bite out of your cookie.
(LAUGHTER)
KURTIS: Well, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
SAGAL: Thank you, Mr. Bill Kurtis. Thanks also to Shantira Jackson, Roxanne Roberts and Bobcat Goldthwait. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. Thanks to all of you for listening. Have an amazing holiday. I am Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
SAGAL: This is NPR.
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