'Wait Wait' for October 7, 2023: With Solicitor General Elizabeth Prelogar
JENNIFER MILLS, BYLINE: The following program was taped in front of an audience of real, live people.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I don't mansplain, I anchormansplain. I'm Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Later on, we are going to be talking to one of the most interesting people in America, Elizabeth Prelogar, who went from being - this is true - Miss Idaho to being the solicitor general of the United States...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...Who represents the government in the Supreme Court. Now, fortunately for her, for the talent portion of her beauty competitions, she argued with the judges.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: But now it's your turn to approach the bench by calling 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
ANDY: Hello. It's Andy (ph) from Arden, N.C.
SAGAL: Hey, Andy. What do you do down there?
ANDY: So I'm actually a storm chaser who makes documentary films about storms.
SAGAL: You are not.
ANDY: I am.
SAGAL: Really? So it's just like in the movie "Twister." You hop into your van and you chase those tornadoes across the plains?
ANDY: It's actually more hurricanes that I cover in my parts.
SAGAL: Yeah. I guess if you were waiting for a tornado in the mountains of North Carolina, you wouldn't have a lot to do.
ANDY: (Laughter) It wouldn't be much of a living, no.
SAGAL: Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Andy. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, she's an Emmy-nominated writer and comedian who's currently writing for "Big Mouth" on Netflix. Season 7 is premiering October 20. It's Shantira Jackson.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Next, a comedian who'll be doing standup comedy at the Kennedy Center on November 3 and 4. And his full schedule can be seen at mazjobrani.com. Yes, it is Maz Jobrani.
MAZ JOBRANI: Hi, Andy. How are you?
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: And a humorous whose Substack is Take Another Little Piece Of My Heart Now and someone who is also here celebrating his birthday. It's Roy Blount Jr.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Andy, you are going to play Who's Bill This Time? Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize - any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go?
ANDY: I'm so excited.
SAGAL: All right. Here is your first quote. It is from - at the time - speaker of the House...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...Kevin McCarthy.
KURTIS: "Bring it on."
SAGAL: So that was McCarthy on Monday, daring his party to try and get rid of him. What did his party do on Tuesday?
(LAUGHTER)
ANDY: Promptly got rid of him.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: They got rid of him.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: For the first time in American history, the House of Representatives threw out its own speaker. It was such an exciting time for people who only watch C-SPAN for the fights. Now, you may remember McCarthy had lost 14 straight votes when he was trying to become speaker back in January, but once he had the job, he promised to do anything he could to make his conference happy. So this week, he satisfied all those people who said, can we watch you lose just one more time?
(LAUGHTER)
ROY BLOUNT JR: There was that photograph of McCarthy just nose to nose with Gaetz.
SAGAL: Yeah, Matt Gaetz, his adversary.
BLOUNT: Gaetz. And it looked like McCarthy was saying, listen, you (mumbles) - but, in fact, I'll bet McCarthy was saying, oh, come on. Please. Come on. Come on, Matt. Come on.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Yes. He - his ouster was engineered by Republican Congress perv Matt Gaetz.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So - and it was Gaetz who put McCarthy in the history books. He now has the second-shortest tenure as speaker of the House in American history. The guy with the shortest term died of tuberculosis back in the 19th century. So now it is proven the only thing worse than Matt Gaetz is tuberculosis.
(LAUGHTER)
BLOUNT: The temporary guy is pretty short, too. He had to stand on a box.
SAGAL: He is a tiny - that's true. The guy who took over, because they had this succession plan, the temporary speaker is a guy named Patrick McHenry. And we met him. He had to oversee the vote. And then when the - I don't know - McCarthy was voted out, he slammed that gavel so hard that he was either incredibly angry about the vote or just wanted to get started tenderizing that pork loin.
(LAUGHTER)
JOBRANI: You know, I read an article that says that his - because he doesn't have a lot of power as the pro tempore. So they said he can recess the House and adjourn the chamber. So he's basically a janitor.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
JOBRANI: He's like, all right. Time to go home, guys. Go home.
SAGAL: Yeah. He's got a gavel in one hand and a mop and a bucket in the other. You've never seen this guy. He's very short, and he wears a bow tie. Imagine Tucker Carlson but a leprechaun.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right. Here is your next quote.
KURTIS: "Man, I need to go to the Sphere on shrooms."
SAGAL: That was somebody on Twitter talking about an incredible new concert venue in Las Vegas called Sphere. What shape is it?
(LAUGHTER)
ANDY: A perfect circle.
SAGAL: It is, in fact, a sphere, yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: It is, in fact, the largest spherical object ever built. And I got to say, it's great. It's 30 stories high, if you haven't seen pictures of it. It's got these super-high-resolution video screens that cover both all the outside and the inside of the sphere. And if you can't get to Vegas, just wait. It'll be rolling your way as soon as a stiff wind hits it.
SHANTIRA JACKSON: U2 did a show in there, right?
SAGAL: U2 started a residency.
JACKSON: So they trapped their music into our old iPods, and now they want to trap you in their music in a sphere.
SAGAL: It's kind of true. But it is kind of amazing that they celebrated the opening of this extraordinarily futuristic, high-tech arena with a band whose members are all over 60. The best part of the show was before Bono was able to start the show, he had to ask his grandson how to turn it on.
(LAUGHTER)
JOBRANI: What's the capacity in the sphere? Do we know?
SAGAL: It's in the tens of thousands. It's very large.
BLOUNT: Oh, Lord.
JOBRANI: Moly, that's a big sphere.
SAGAL: It is a big sphere. You really have no idea how big this sphere is.
JOBRANI: Jeez. I mean, I'm a stand-up. Maybe if, like, they built, like - built one, like, a soccer ball size...
SAGAL: Yeah.
JOBRANI: ...That could fit, like, just a couple people. I could fill that.
SAGAL: Maybe you could do, like, one of those, like, big human-sized hamster balls that they have sometimes, just climb on in.
JOBRANI: With one person in there. Do a show for them. Be like...
SAGAL: Yeah, exactly. And you just roll down the hill.
JOBRANI: My own sphere.
SAGAL: Yeah. All right. Your last quote is from a senior White House spokesperson.
KURTIS: He was being playful. And there was no bite, just some slobber.
SAGAL: Maybe there was no bite, but somebody did finally get kicked out of the White House this week for being so, quote, "playful." Who was it?
ANDY: Oh, Commander.
SAGAL: Commander...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: ...The dog.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: It all came to an end this week when the Bidens' 2-year-old German shepherd, Commander, was forced to leave the White House after a frighteningly long record of him biting the staff became public.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Meanwhile, of course, Patrick McHenry has stepped in as interim family pet.
(LAUGHTER)
JOBRANI: So do we know where he goes? He just leaves?
SAGAL: Well, they say he's going to a wonderful Camp David somewhere upstate, where he can play and...
BLOUNT: Bite anybody he wants to.
SAGAL: Bite anybody. He'll love it. There's an irony here because Republicans have been for a year now trying to create a scandal about Hunter Biden when there was another Biden family member actually trying to murder people.
(LAUGHTER)
BLOUNT: He doesn't have a laptop. But if you - they did spill something on the floor, and he lapped it up.
SAGAL: That's true. It's close enough. Close enough. The lapping up from hell.
BLOUNT: I'd like to withdraw that, if I could.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Now, the - what the spokesman that Bill was quoting was talking about was the latest - and I guess it's the last incident. A tourist - this is all true - was at the White House and was like, oh, I'll take a picture. And he looked outside to take a picture, and he happened to catch a picture of Commander biting somebody.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Turns out any picture in the White House, any random photograph will probably have Commander biting somebody, right?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And as you heard, the White House denied what the guy caught in his camera was really a vicious bite. It's actually kind of hard to tell. It could be a playful nip along with a friendly scream and an affectionate spray of blood.
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: Listen. Is this the same groundskeeper who was responsible for listening to Melania and doing what they did to the Rose Garden?
SAGAL: He was just following orders, Shantira.
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: Well, guess what? I remember the Rose Garden, and so does Commander.
SAGAL: Yeah, maybe that was it.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Andy do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Well, he wasn't chasing hurricanes all the time. He was studying this quiz and got it all right.
SAGAL: Congratulations, Andy. Well done.
(APPLAUSE)
ANDY: Thank you.
SAGAL: I'll look for you being blown sideways on the Weather Channel. Take care.
ANDY: Thank you.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "PUPPY LOVE")
PAUL ANKA: (Singing) And they called it puppy love. Oh, I guess they'll never know.
SAGAL: Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Roy, there's a new attraction in Orlando, Fla. And if you're one of the lucky people who gets this, you can get an all-access pass to what?
BLOUNT: To Disney World.
SAGAL: No.
BLOUNT: No.
SAGAL: I said a new attraction.
BLOUNT: A new attraction.
SAGAL: That's been around for years. I'll give you a hint.
BLOUNT: Yeah.
SAGAL: If you get this pass, you can go anywhere and do anything you like except board a flight.
BLOUNT: Mock airport.
SAGAL: No, it's the real airport.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
BLOUNT: Oh.
SAGAL: Technically, it's the existing airport. Yeah. Earlier this month, Orlando introduced the Experience Orlando Airport Visitor's Pass, which - and I will quote the airport - "will allow approved guests to shop, dine or choose your own adventure," unquote. And the choices for your adventure are, of course, amazing. Will you go to Chili's 2...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...Or the exotic, rarely seen Chili's 3?
BLOUNT: Ooh.
(LAUGHTER)
JOBRANI: They're really getting ready for Disney to move out, huh?
SAGAL: Yeah, really. They're just like...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...We got to get something going.
JOBRANI: Let's get some - let's get Banned Book World going.
SAGAL: You may be wondering, why would people want, like, these passes to go to the airport? Well, this was inspired by the opening of the new Terminal C at Orlando Airport, which, according to the airport, again, has a design that, quote, "captures the essence of Central Florida," unquote.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Like, you didn't think they'd ever have real pole dancing at an airport bar.
(LAUGHTER)
BLOUNT: It's probably a great thing because it has all the things you can find outside of an airport, and it costs more.
SAGAL: Exactly. Right. I mean, where else can you have the thrill of buying a bottle of water for $6?
BLOUNT: Yeah.
JACKSON: I'm from Florida.
SAGAL: Yeah.
JACKSON: And this is going to do very well.
SAGAL: You think so?
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: Yes.
SAGAL: People are like, let's go to the airport.
JACKSON: I got an uncle who I'm thinking about right now who will absolutely do this.
SAGAL: Really?
JACKSON: Yeah.
SAGAL: He just likes airports but doesn't, like, go anywhere?
JACKSON: He likes getting a ticket to something.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(SOUNDBITE OF THE GO-GO'S SONG, "VACATION")
SAGAL: Coming up, we play games with the past. It's our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.
KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Roy Blount Jr., Shantira Jackson and Maz Jobrani. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much. It is time once again - thank you, everybody. It's time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our games on the air. Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
SAGAL: Hi, Peter.
MIKE KILLINGER: It's Mike Killinger (ph) from Hanover, N.H.
SAGAL: Oh, Hanover, N.H. I know it well. What do you do there?
KILLINGER: Well, Peter, after 20 years in the software development business, I am now a woodworker, both doing and teaching.
SAGAL: Are you really?
KILLINGER: Yes.
SAGAL: Wow.
KILLINGER: One of the places I teach is at the Hatchpace in Brattleboro, Vt.
SAGAL: Run by our good friend Tom Bodett. It's true. There are only six men in that region, and you all wear flannel shirts, suspenders and make furniture. It's great to hear. Michael, it's nice to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Michael's topic?
KURTIS: How the games begin.
SAGAL: Have you ever stopped to think about how your favorite game actually came to be? Like, when did Checkers change its original name, Dumb Chess? This week, we heard about the rather surprising origin of a very well-known game. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you will win the WAIT WAITer of your choice and your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
KILLINGER: I am ready.
SAGAL: OK. First, let's hear from Maz Jobrani.
JOBRANI: Most people don't know that the fun children's game of duck, duck, goose was originally duck, duck, lion. It was played in ancient Rome by gladiators who would go around in a circle tapping ducks on the head till they built up the courage to tap an actual lion and get chased. Eventually, the lions ate the ducks and a couple of the gladiators, so they had to pivot. They got rid of the lion and brought in a goose. Historian Antonio Maringelli (ph) explains the lions were not very happy getting smacked on the head, so they eat everything and everybody. It was a real mess, all the blood and the guts, plus the dead gladiators - bit of a buzzkill.
So they switched to geese. Although the geese made the game less violent, it turns out that they too could cause some damage. After a few gladiators got smacked in the head by the geese's wing, the game was changed to its modern day iteration, where kids take the place of the animals. Maringelli explains the gladiators, they went on a strike. They say, we don't want to die, and we don't want to get hit in the face - because everyone knows kids never cause any damage.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: The origin of the children's game duck, duck goose was really - dates from the ancient Roman times. Your next story of how a game became comes from Roy Blount Jr.
BLOUNT: It's old fashioned, yet the kids like it - rock, paper, scissors, so functional and yet so innocent. Not so fast. Parents who are concerned about their kids' malleable morals had better give rock, paper, scissors another thought. In a viral TikTok this week, historian Katie Charlwood reported that rock, paper, scissors was invented over 400 years ago by debauched Chinese adults. It was, in fact, a drinking game. And then it spread to Japanese brothels, where it became something even worse. Every time a player lost a round, that player had to remove, as in cut away, scissors. Get it, a piece of clothing? Yep. And paper covering rock. What's rock doing under there?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Rock, paper, scissors, that most innocent of games started as a drinking game and then was popular in brothels. Your last story of a plaything's prominence comes from Shantira Jackson.
JACKSON: You may have heard that the game Monopoly was created in Atlantic City during the Great Depression to teach people about taxes. But new research shows that the Parker Brothers originally released the game in 1934 as a way to placate women after the stock market crash of '29. It was the first time in American history that women spoke openly and adamantly about the fact that they did not think men should be responsible for the money in the household. So rather than actually fighting for women to have bank accounts, to be able to own their own property or really diving into how life-changing it would be to have a universal income of $200 a month, those ideas were put into a board game instead. And women loved pretending to have rights...
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: ...So much so that eventually Monopoly would become the highest-selling board game of all time. But don't you worry. Women eventually got back on track and did get the right to have their own bank accounts - 40 years later in 1974.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: So these are your choices. We found out about the origin, the surprising origin of a game this week. Was it from Maz Jobrani, duck, duck goose was originally an entertainment in the Roman Colosseum, from Roy Blount Jr., rock, paper, scissors was used to, shall we say, get things going in Japanese brothels, or from Shantira Jackson, Monopoly was created to give women a chance to have money and property? Which of these is the real story of a game's origin?
KILLINGER: Well, I do remember seeing a documentary on Monopoly on PBS, and I don't recall them using that as an explanation. So I'm going to go with Roy's rock, paper, scissors description.
SAGAL: All right. So you are going...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...To choose Roy's story of the origin of rock, paper, scissors. Well, to bring you the real answer, we actually spoke to one of the people who actually brought this news to us.
KATIE CHARLWOOD: Originally, rock, paper, scissors started out as a sex game in brothels.
SAGAL: That was Katie Charlwood, host of the history podcast "Who Did What Now," Who reported on the rather salacious origins of rock, paper, scissors this very week. Congratulations. You got it right. Roy was telling the truth. He gets a point. You win our prize, the voice of anyone you might like doing anything you might like on your voicemail. Congratulations.
KILLINGER: Thank you, Peter. Bye.
SAGAL: Bye-bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "ROCK YOUR BODY")
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE: (Singing) I want to rock your body. Please stay. Dance with me.
SAGAL: And now the game where we invite exceptionally accomplished people on to do something exceptionally silly. It's called Not My Job. The United States government, like anybody else, sometimes needs a lawyer, and it has one - a high-ranking officer in the Department of Justice known as the solicitor general, whose job is to argue for the government in court, most importantly the Supreme Court. That office, once occupied by two future Supreme Court justices, is now held by Elizabeth Prelogar, and we are delighted she joins us now. Solicitor general, welcome to WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME!
(APPLAUSE)
ELIZABETH PRELOGAR: Thanks so much, Peter.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: So the first question, I guess, is, is it appropriate to address you as solicitor general or, as I've heard the justices sometimes refer to you, as general? Which is right?
PRELOGAR: So general is the term that I think most people use. There are grammar folks out there who take issue 'cause it's technically the post-positive adjective and not the noun, but I'll take it. I like general.
SAGAL: You like general. We've never interviewed the attorney general, but we have interviewed the surgeon general, and he has a cool uniform with epaulets. Do you?
PRELOGAR: I do not have a uniform quite like that, sadly. In our office, often the attorneys do wear formal dress in the court - mourning suits. I don't wear those because they don't make them for women, but that is the typical dress code for government lawyers in the Supreme Court.
BLOUNT: Well, you're less likely to be bitten by Commander if you don't...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That's true. I'm just hoping - again, I'm not as familiar with the history of people who've held your position as I should be, but I do believe that you were the first person to hold this prestigious and important job who is a former beauty pageant champion.
PRELOGAR: You're probably right about that. I see you have dug deep in my past.
SAGAL: Oh, yes, I have. I feel like I'm, like, revealing your secret identity. Well, yes, I have, Miss Idaho.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: But you were. And it wasn't - you were Miss Idaho, right?
PRELOGAR: I was. I was born and raised in Idaho. I'm a very proud Idahoan, and I was very honored to get to represent my state as Miss Idaho, yes...
SAGAL: Yeah. And...
PRELOGAR: ...Way back in the day.
SAGAL: I'll ask you a couple of questions. Why, as a young woman in Idaho, did you want to do that?
PRELOGAR: So, you know, I have always been drawn to having the chance to do public speaking. And it was an incredible opportunity to get to represent the state. I guess if you want to look at a through line here, I like to go in front of judges. But, you know, ultimately it was a - it was the scholarship money as well. It helped me pay for law school.
SAGAL: When you go back to your home state, do they refer to you as solicitor general or Miss Idaho?
PRELOGAR: General Idaho, I think.
SAGAL: There you go. Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
JOBRANI: General Idaho.
SAGAL: I'm guessing - because I've listened to your arguments and you're very good at your job, I'm guessing that some of the skills that you honed becoming a beauty pageant champion have been useful to you in your current job in front of the Supreme Court. Is that true?
PRELOGAR: Yeah, I think it translates. You have to think on your feet, be comfortable, you know, being on stage in a spotlight. And so I think that it did get me more comfortable with that.
SAGAL: Right. One of your rivals, I believe, in one of the beauty pageants was Vanessa Lachey, who is now the host of "Love Is Blind" on Netflix. Do you ever find yourself wishing you had her job instead?
(LAUGHTER)
PRELOGAR: I would think about trading now and again, sure.
SAGAL: Sure. Absolutely. Does she ever get in touch and, like, you go, girl, or, like, suggest a swap and see if anybody notices?
PRELOGAR: I - sadly I don't think that Vanessa has been tracking, you know, where I am now.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Her loss. All right. So you argue in front of the justices more than any other person in a given term because the U.S. government is often representing a point of view. So when you're arguing in front of the Supreme Court, there's just nine of them, so do you try to appeal to the taste of individual justices? Do you, like, have your staff dig up as much information as possible? What kind of coffee does she like? What's his favorite movie, that sort of thing?
PRELOGAR: So I think the most important thing to do to get ready for argument is to think hard about the issues in your case and try to anticipate the questions.
SAGAL: Right.
PRELOGAR: It's all about just spending the time, thinking about the pressure points, thinking about the concerns the justices are going to have, and then trying to put yourself in a position where you're not surprised by anything they're asking, so you can be really responsive. It's actually why I'm kind of nervous here tonight 'cause I feel like there's a nonzero chance you're going to ask me a question during the game that I won't have anticipated.
(LAUGHTER)
JOBRANI: Oh, wow.
SAGAL: All right. Wait a minute, so now I got to ask, because you always seem so well prepared in front of the Supreme Court, have you been - did you send out your staff saying, I want you to figure out whatever the hell they're going to ask me? I want you to work on all the options. Like, my name is Elizabeth. They're going to ask me about Elizabeth the Great. They're going to ask me about Elizabeth Perkins. I want you all to work - did you do any preparation?
PRELOGAR: So a colleague told me today, he said, I think I've figured it out. They're probably going to ask you something about generals and military or something about courts like tennis courts and basketball courts or maybe about the act of soliciting. And I thought, oh, please, not that.
(LAUGHTER)
PRELOGAR: Did I get it?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, I think it's time to find out, don't you?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Elizabeth Prelogar, as it turns out, we have invited you here to play a game we're calling...
KURTIS: Solicitor General, Meet Solicitor Specific.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So give a bonus to whoever guessed we were going to ask you about solicitation.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You are, of course, the solicitor general. But what do you know about a specific kind of solicitor? And I mean vacuum cleaner salesman.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: We're going to ask you three questions about these door-to-door laborers. Get two right - you win our prize for one of our listeners, any voice they might choose for their voicemail. Bill, who is the solicitor general playing for?
KURTIS: Jeremy Owens of Philadelphia, Pa.
SAGAL: All right. A vacuum company in Minnesota became well-known for their effective sales technique in which the salesmen would come into your house and do what? A, refuse to leave. B, use the vacuum to style the customer's hair. Or C, glue the vacuum to the floor.
PRELOGAR: (Laughter) Wow. One of those is definitely true?
SAGAL: Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
PRELOGAR: I feel like I'm fighting the hypothetical or something. All right. I think it's going to be A.
SAGAL: You're right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: You're right, General. That's true. The salesmen would stay in the customer's - or potential customer's - home demonstrating the $2,000 Kirby vacuum cleaner until the homeowner either just gave in and bought it or, as sometimes happened, called the police.
JOBRANI: Wow.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: One customer just gave the salesman 20 bucks to leave. All right. You got one right. In the early 1990s, the Hoover vacuum company itself, based in the U.K., came up with a sales promotion that almost bankrupted the company. What was it? A, they said they would pay 50 bucks to anyone whose vacuum got jammed up, resulting in customers sticking everything they could think of down their vacuums. B, they offered to give away two trans-Atlantic plane tickets with any purchase. Or C, they offered the first rideable vacuum, which everybody bought so they could use as an inexpensive car, resulting in lawsuits.
PRELOGAR: Wow. All right. I think that one's going to be A again.
SAGAL: They offered 50 bucks to anybody who could jam up their vacuum, so everybody proceeded to jam up their vacuums to get the 50 bucks.
PRELOGAR: OK, maybe it's not that 'cause you're drawing it out.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You are sensitive to nuance.
(LAUGHTER)
PRELOGAR: All right. I think I'm going to go with C.
SAGAL: You're going to go with C, the rideable vacuum? No, actually, it was the two trans-Atlantic plane tickets.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You still have one more chance here. So here we go. Door-to-door vacuum salesmen and the like were so persistent in the 1930s and '40s that you could buy a product meant to keep those salesmen at bay. What was that product? A, a coin-operated doorbell which required the salesman to insert a dime every time they rang it. B, a sticky trap welcome mat which glued the salesman's feet in place, preventing them from entering the house. Or C, an electric salesman prod which was later repurposed for cattle.
PRELOGAR: Wow. OK, this one, I think I'm going to go A unless that one's not right, in which case...
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Wait a minute.
KURTIS: A good lawyer.
SAGAL: Wait a minute. Are you allowed to do that? Are you allowed to say, you know, Your Honor, I would like to advance this argument. And if you don't buy that, I've got another.
(LAUGHTER)
PRELOGAR: I do that all the time.
SAGAL: Do you really?
(LAUGHTER)
PRELOGAR: We are - I have arguments in the alternative up my sleeves.
SAGAL: OK. In case they don't like the first one, you get another one. All right. So you're going to choose A. Is that your choice?
PRELOGAR: I'm going to go with A.
SAGAL: You're right. That's what it was.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: So - and so if you think about it, you know, if you adjust for inflation from the 1930s, every doorbell ring would cost the salesman $2.25. So, you know, it's a bit of a disincentive. Bill, how did the solicitor general do on our quiz?
KURTIS: After polling the court, we declare you a winner with 2 out of 3.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Elizabeth Prelogar is the 48th solicitor general of the United States. Thank you for joining us on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
(APPLAUSE)
KURTIS: Thank you, General. Good job.
PRELOGAR: Thanks so much, Peter. Thanks, everyone.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "CAN'T YOU HEAR ME KNOCKING")
THE ROLLING STONES: (Singing) Can't you hear me knockin' on your window? Can't you hear me knockin' on your door?
SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill reveals the secret to dolphin happiness in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.
KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME! the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Shantira Jackson, Maz Jobrani and Roy Blount Jr. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.
SAGAL: Thank you, Bill.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill orders his filet rhyme-mignon (ph) rare in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Shantira, tensions between China and the West hit yet another high this week with word that China will be withdrawing all their whats from multiple countries.
JACKSON: All their cool stuff.
SAGAL: Well, something very specific, something that they've lent us.
JACKSON: That they've lent us.
SAGAL: Yes, and they're taking them back. We'll give you a hint. This whole thing is a very black-and-white issue, a very adorable, furry, black-and-white issue.
JACKSON: I'm going to be so honest.
SAGAL: Yeah.
JACKSON: I do not know the answer to this.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Apparently that - I'm just going to say that wasn't a revelation. Go on.
JACKSON: And the more that you ask me, the more embarrassing it will be...
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: ...For me.
SAGAL: Right.
JACKSON: So what is black and white and China's taking it back?
SAGAL: Yes.
JOBRANI: And red all over.
JACKSON: A newspaper.
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: They're taking them back from the zoos, where they are now.
JACKSON: Oh, pandas.
SAGAL: Pandas.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Giant pandas.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: The three pandas at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C., are set to be returned to China in December when the current 10-year leasing agreement expires. We should have bought instead of leased. But, you know, we were worried that they'd develop a better model, like an animal that actually does something.
JOBRANI: Usually you withdraw the ambassadors. So were these pandas ambassadors?
SAGAL: No. They're, well, sort of cultural ambassadors. Apparently, China is sort of reacting to these rising diplomatic tensions by taking back all the giant pandas that they have loaned to Western zoos all over the world. One expert calls the move, quote, "punitive panda diplomacy."
JOBRANI: Wow.
SAGAL: It's like - China's like, oh, you want to ban TikTok? We'll take our pandas back.
JACKSON: Do we have to pay a fee if the pandas have a lot of mileage on them?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That's true, when they run miles up (ph). And of course, the cleaning fee, which if you've ever seen a panda, it's pretty serious. I'm not sure this is a punishment. Oh, we no longer have to pay a million dollars a year. That's how much it costs.
JACKSON: For each panda?
SAGAL: For each panda.
JOBRANI: Really?
SAGAL: To, like, borrow an animal that only...
JOBRANI: Wow.
SAGAL: ...Eats one kind of plant and refuses to reproduce.
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: I respect that a lot.
SAGAL: Do you really?
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: Pandas got more rights than me.
SAGAL: Exactly.
JOBRANI: You could take Commander and color him up like a panda and just put him there.
SAGAL: Yeah.
JOBRANI: And just be like, that's our new panda.
SAGAL: Yeah.
JOBRANI: Bites a lot of people.
SAGAL: Yeah. I didn't realize they were so aggressive.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Shantira, it's Paris Fashion Week...
JACKSON: Yes.
SAGAL: ...As I'm sure you know. And some uninvited guests are making an...
JACKSON: Bedbugs.
SAGAL: Yes. You knew already.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
JACKSON: See, I either absolutely know the answer...
SAGAL: But you were, like, on it.
JACKSON: ...Or I don't know at all.
SAGAL: Yes. Bedbugs have infested Paris.
JACKSON: They're everywhere.
SAGAL: They're everywhere in Paris. And during Fashion Week, they're absolutely everywhere. Designers are trying to make the best of it. Prada's hot new look for 2023 is a mattress they found in the alley.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: On the red carpet, they keep asking, so who are you itching?
JOBRANI: So are these French bedbugs? Like, do they go, like (buzzing in French accent).
SAGAL: Oh, yes. No, they are.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Yeah. This is...
JACKSON: They're, like, a hybrid.
SAGAL: This is true. The infestation is so bad, people have posted videos to TikTok of bedbugs on the subway train.
JACKSON: Yeah, they're on the train.
SAGAL: Yeah, in Paris, even the parasites ride the Metro.
JOBRANI: They're smoking cigarettes.
SAGAL: Exactly, little tiny cigarettes...
JOBRANI: (Impersonating French accent) You bite him.
SAGAL: Yes. Yes.
JOBRANI: (Impersonating French accent) No, you go bite.
SAGAL: And under each of their six little legs, there's underarm hair.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And these are - I'm so sorry. These are...
JOBRANI: Do you have French listeners?
SAGAL: I know. Well, not anymore. But these are French bedbugs. You don't have to eradicate them. You just have to wait for them to go on strike.
(LAUGHTER)
BLOUNT: They'll all surrender.
SAGAL: Oh, I knew that was the only joke we hadn't made.
JOBRANI: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LA MARSELLAISE")
EVA BUSCH: (Singing in French).
SAGAL: Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago. Or come see us on the road. We'll be in New York City at Carnegie Hall on December 14 and 15. And the Wait Wait Stand-Up Tour is traveling. It will be in Cincinnati on October 7 and in Indianapolis on October 8. For more touring dates and for tickets to any live WAIT WAIT show, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
JENNIFER: Hi.
SAGAL: Hi. Who's this?
JENNIFER: This is Jennifer calling from Napa, Calif.
SAGAL: Napa, Calif., one of the most beautiful places there is on this Earth. What do you do there?
JENNIFER: Thank you. I am a wellness consultant for nonprofits.
SAGAL: How can you live in Napa and work for a nonprofit?
(LAUGHTER)
JENNIFER: I ask myself that every day.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Jennifer. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?
JENNIFER: I am. Thank you.
SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.
KURTIS: Outdoor eating just gives me the sick ick. It's humid and food gets all slick quick. There are ants, and there's sand. And I can't wash my hands, so I don't think I'll come to your...
JENNIFER: Picnic.
SAGAL: Picnic, yes.
KURTIS: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: According to a microbiologist...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...Picnics greatly increase your chance of foodborne illness. And that is doubly true if you once again insist on making your grandma's famous raw chicken salad sandwiches.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You guys like picnics?
JACKSON: I don't eat at everybody house, so no (laughter).
SAGAL: You don't eat what?
JACKSON: I don't eat at everybody's house. You can't just be trusting potato salad from anywhere.
SAGAL: You're, like, very selective about whose food you will eat?
JACKSON: Absolutely.
SAGAL: Really?
JACKSON: Yeah.
SAGAL: How...
JACKSON: Have you ever been in an office and looked at somebody that works with you, your co-worker, and been like, absolutely not?
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: Will absolutely not eat a casserole from her house. Sometimes, you just know. Be like, you can't even turn in paperwork. You can't cook cake.
(LAUGHTER)
JOBRANI: I'm a little worried. Like, whose houses are you going to?
(LAUGHTER)
JOBRANI: You know who the one person that, like - the guy who would be smoking as he's cooking?
SAGAL: Yeah.
JOBRANI: And, like, the ash is getting to the - you're like (vocalizing). And, you know, he's like, you know what I'm saying? And then the - and you're like, (vocalizing) I don't want to - that guy I didn't like.
SAGAL: Yeah, that guy.
JACKSON: I don't know. I just make my own sandwich (laughter).
SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.
KURTIS: When dolphin pods take to the sky, we do it because brains have been fried. Those fish you call puffers - we use them as huffers. We chew them so we can get...
JENNIFER: Oh, I'm going to go with high.
SAGAL: You are correct.
KURTIS: Perfect.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: High. A new study...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...Tells us that dolphins get high off pufferfish.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Apparently, some species of pufferfish emit a toxin which has psychedelic effects, which isn't that surprising. No one has ever looked at a pufferfish and thought, something normal is going on in there.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And this is the great part. Dolphins have figured out how to provoke the fish into releasing this defensive toxin, and then they all pass the fish around, toking up, right?
(LAUGHTER)
JOBRANI: Do you think they're sitting around going, puff, puff, pass?
SAGAL: Yeah, pretty much.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.
KURTIS: This new beauty trend earns some demerits. It's a diet Bugs Bunny would swear at. So he says with a grin, Doc, you've got orange skin. To get tan, you can't eat pounds of...
JENNIFER: Carrots.
SAGAL: Carrots, yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: There is yet another viral trend...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...On TikTok. And this one tells you that you can, quote, "change your natural undertone" by eating just three large carrots a day. It's what one influencer calls a natural tanner and what doctors call severe skin discoloration.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And it turns out there is some truth to this. If you eat a whole lot of carrots every day, it will change the basic tone of your skin to a kind of sickly yellow color. It's a look that the beauty influencers are calling the Marge Simpson.
(LAUGHTER)
JACKSON: Damn. Good luck, white people.
SAGAL: Yeah, I know.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: I guess it's not your concern.
JACKSON: I got a lot of other stuff to worry about.
SAGAL: That's true.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Jennifer do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Perfect. Perfect score, Jennifer.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Yay. Well done.
JENNIFER: Oh, great. Thank you.
SAGAL: Thank you, Jennifer. Take care.
JENNIFER: Thank you. Bye-bye.
SAGAL: Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players has 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can, each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
KURTIS: Shantira and Maz each have two. Roy has four.
SAGAL: Oh my goodness.
BLOUNT: Oh.
SAGAL: That means that Shantira and Maz are tied. I'm going to arbitrarily choose Maz to go first. Here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Monday, two of the scientists who laid the groundwork for the blank vaccine won the Nobel Prize in medicine.
JOBRANI: COVID.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Wednesday, Kari Lake filed paperwork to run for the Senate in blank.
JOBRANI: Arizona.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a court in Russia sentenced a journalist to almost nine years in prison for protesting the war in blank.
JOBRANI: In Ukraine.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a man in Slovakia was fined after a speed camera on the highway took a picture of blank.
JOBRANI: His happy face as he was going really fast.
SAGAL: His dog behind the wheel of his car.
JOBRANI: Oh.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: On Wednesday, the U.S. won their seventh consecutive world championship title in gymnastics, led by blank.
JOBRANI: Simone Biles.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, the band the Black Eyed Peas settled a copyright infringement case they had filed against the company...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...That makes blank.
JOBRANI: (Vocalizing). The peas?
SAGAL: No. They filed the copyright infringement case against the company that makes Poopsie Slime Surprise toy unicorns.
JOBRANI: What?
SAGAL: The...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The Poopsie Slime Surprise unicorn - it's that toy you feed, and then you wait to see if it poops or pukes slime. And their commercial for this wonderful product featured a parody of the Black Eyed Peas song "My Humps" called "My Poops."
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And the Peas won their lawsuit this week, but we can all agree the real crime was the company not calling the parody song "My Dumps."
JOBRANI: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Maz do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Pretty good. Four right, eight more points - total of 10 puts him in the lead.
SAGAL: All right.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Shantira, you are up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the judge overseeing blank's fraud trial imposed a limited gag order on him.
JACKSON: Trump.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Thursday, mourners gathered at San Francisco City Hall to pay their respects to Senator Blank.
JACKSON: Dianne Feinstine (ph) - Feinstein.
SAGAL: Feinstein, yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, 75,000 employees of Kaiser Permanente started the biggest health care blank in U.S. history.
JACKSON: Strike.
SAGAL: Yes, strike.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Monday, the pope suggested he was open to Catholic blessings for couples who were blank.
JACKSON: Gay.
SAGAL: Yes, same sex.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
JACKSON: Same.
SAGAL: This week, a man in Nebraska is recovering after being hit by a blank while bicycling with his blank.
JACKSON: A bat, a bat that flies.
SAGAL: No, he was hit...
JACKSON: I didn't want it to be a baseball bat. That sounded bad.
SAGAL: No, I appreciate that. OK, I got it now.
JACKSON: (Laughter).
SAGAL: I appreciate the clarification. But the answer was he was hit by a deer while bicycling with his pet parrot.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Would've been worse if it were the other way around. On Thursday, the CDC announced it was no longer printing blank cards.
JACKSON: Vax cards.
SAGAL: Yeah, vax cards.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a married Australian man who wanted to spend the weekend...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...With his mistress managed to do so by blanking.
JACKSON: Dying.
SAGAL: No, by faking his own kidnapping.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The man - he just wanted his, you know, romantic night with his lady friend - sent his wife a text saying he had been kidnapped. And he said that his captors would - and this is true - probably release him the next morning.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And this brilliant plan fell apart when his wife called the police. And the man confessed. And he's been ordered to pay the officers $10,000 in compensation. And he says he will happily pay that as soon as that ransom money comes in.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Shantira do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Shantira, welcome back. You got five right, 10 more points. Total of 12 puts you in the lead.
SAGAL: All right.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: So how many, then, does Roy need to win?
KURTIS: Four to tie, five to win.
SAGAL: All right, Roy, here we go. This is for the game. On Wednesday, the White House announced it was allocating $9 billion towards blank relief.
BLOUNT: Tuition relief.
SAGAL: Close enough.
BLOUNT: Debt.
SAGAL: Student loan. Yeah.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, the trial of Sam Bankman-Fried, the founder of crypto company blank, started in New York.
BLOUNT: Oh, I know this. I had about a million dollars in it.
(LAUGHTER)
BLOUNT: It was called Rip-Off.
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Should've been. It's called FTX.
BLOUNT: That's right.
SAGAL: On Thursday, it was revealed that the Biden administration had waived 26 federal laws to allow the construction of a blank in Texas.
BLOUNT: Oh, some more wall?
SAGAL: Yeah, more wall.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Border wall. This week, a California officer who once won an award for most DUI arrests was arrested for blank.
BLOUNT: Driving under the influence.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Wednesday, actress Julia Ormond filed a lawsuit against disgraced producer blank.
BLOUNT: Harvey Weinstein.
SAGAL: Of course.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Thursday, new data showed that this past month was the blankest September on record.
BLOUNT: Hottest.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: In order to address concerns over using AI to write books...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...Amazon introduced a new rule prohibiting self-published authors from blanking.
BLOUNT: From using AI to write books.
SAGAL: No, they are preventing self-published authors from publishing more than three books per day.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Amazon says they have seen an uptick in suspected AI-written books. So in order to, you know, put a kibosh on that, they've announced that self-published authors - these are the people who publish books to Amazon, just on Amazon as e-books, would only be able to submit a totally not suspicious three books a day.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, did Roy do well enough to win?
KURTIS: Five right, 10 more points. Total of 14 makes him the winner this week.
SAGAL: Congratulations.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Now, panel, who or what will be the Bidens' next pet? Shantira Jackson.
JACKSON: A talking parrot, so we can finally know what the Secret Service agents were saying that made Commander bite them all the time.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Maz Jobrani.
JOBRANI: It will be Kevin McCarthy because he has nothing better to do.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
JOBRANI: And if he misbehaves, they can always kick him out of the house.
SAGAL: Whoa. And Roy Blount, Jr.
BLOUNT: Two mini donkeys. Not too many donkeys - two mini donkeys.
(LAUGHTER)
KURTIS: Well, if any of that happens, we're going to tell you about it here on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
SAGAL: Thank you, Bill Kurtis. Thanks also to Roy Blount, Jr., Shantira Jackson and Maz Jobrani. Thanks to our fabulous audience here...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...At the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago, Ill. Thanks to all of you for listening at home or wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
SAGAL: This is NPR.
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