PETER GROSZ, Host:
And now, the game where we invite on accomplished people and ask them to do something that barely registers as an accomplishment. You probably know our guest from HBO's "Flight of the Conchords," where she played Mel, the stalker with a heart of gold. She's also a voice in the new FOX animated series "Bob's Burgers" which premiers in the spring. And she's got a new book, "The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex" that has just come out. Please welcome comedienne Kristen Schaal.
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GROSZ: Kristen, welcome to WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!
KRISTEN SCHAAL: Thank you. It's a pleasure.
GROSZ: Good. Now, so tell us about the book, "The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex."
SCHAAL: Well, it's a guide and also it has some erotic short stories.
GROSZ: I notice that...
SCHAAL: And it's funny.
GROSZ: And it's funny. So it's not a serious guide to sex?
SCHAAL: No. If you take it seriously then you're going to have an interesting outcome.
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GROSZ: Speaking of taking it seriously, there's a great photo of you and the other author, Rich Blomquist. The two of you, your author photo on page five or six or whatever it is in the book, can you describe that photo to us?
SCHAAL: Yes. We are in our fuzzy robes, and my robe is slightly open.
GROSZ: That's right. And Rich's robe is slightly open and you can see some of his chest hair.
SCHAAL: Yes.
GROSZ: What can we see in your slightly open robe?
SCHAAL: I think, unfortunately, in this portrait some of my chest hair is showing as well.
GROSZ: Gotcha.
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GROSZ: It is a frightening, frightening picture to look at. Kristen, we have you just over the telephone line and this is radio. And so we're going to just ask you right off the bat, you have a very distinctive interesting voice.
SCHAAL: Thank you.
GROSZ: Yeah, oh, you're welcome. And obviously you've done some voiceover work and you're going to be doing some more. Do you find that your voice is something you're very proud of?
SCHAAL: I guess so. I mean I don't have much to do with it. It just comes out like this.
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GROSZ: Right. So this isn't like some really long character bit that you're doing where you're like, I know, I'll talk like this for 80 years.
SCHAAL: Well, you know, maybe it is, Peter. Maybe on my death bed I'll be like, you fools, you know.
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GROSZ: In your true voice.
SCHAAL: I'm not going to let you know.
GROSZ: Have you always had this voice, or like before you hit puberty did you have a very deep, resonant voice.
SCHAAL: Yeah.
GROSZ: And then it switched over?
SCHAAL: I'm not sure. I've always had the voice that I hear in my own head which is deep and sultry at all times. So I often live in a state of constant shock that what I'm saying that I hear in my head is being met with a completely different reaction. I try not to talk to, like, people over the phone very often because they might...
GROSZ: Uh-oh.
SCHAAL: ...think they're talking to someone younger and less authorative than I actually am.
GROSZ: So we should just...
PAULA POUNDSTONE: Do you get a lot of: Can you go get your mother?
SCHAAL: Yeah, yeah, I've gotten that.
GROSZ: That happens a lot then.
SCHAAL: You know, when I'm talking to my parole officer or whatnot.
GROSZ: Please get your mother. You've had some success in standup, you've had success in voiceover, on camera and now with this book. You have a very varied career. What kind of things do you want to do next would you say?
SCHAAL: Oh, I guess I'd like to be an action hero in a movie.
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SCHAAL: What's so funny?
GROSZ: Charlie just has a different sense of humor.
CHARLIE PIERCE: I would pay so much money for that ticket.
SCHAAL: Thank you. I hope Hollywood's listening.
GROSZ: So you get a lot of interesting roles that seem like they're sort of really good for you. They fit your style and your sense of humor. Do you ever get offered anything that really wasn't right for you at all? Like the lead in "Eat, Pray, Love" or something?
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SCHAAL: No. I remember I went in for an audition a few months ago for "Curb Your Enthusiasm" to play Larry David's lover.
GROSZ: Oh wow.
SCHAAL: Yeah, I walked in there, he took one look at me and he said, no, you would never be my lover.
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GROSZ: Now, is that an insult though?
SCHAAL: No, he was referring to the age difference, I hope.
ROY BLOUNT JR: I think you dodged a bullet there.
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PIERCE: That would curb your enthusiasm right there.
GROSZ: Kristen Schaal, we have invited you here to play a game that we are calling...
CARL KASELL, Host:
What a long strange trip it's been.
GROSZ: Well, many of you probably know that this week marks the 15th anniversary of the death of Jerry Garcia, the guitarist and Sherpa of the Grateful Dead. In honor of Jerry, we're going to ask you three questions about the Grateful Dead. And if you get two out of three right, you're going to win our prize for one of our listeners. Carl, who is Kristen Schaal playing for today?
KASELL: Kristen, you're playing for Cindy Harris of Orange, Massachusetts.
GROSZ: All right.
PIERCE: Hey, I know where Orange, Massachusetts is.
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GROSZ: Yeah?
PIERCE: Yeah, it's the skydiving capital of Massachusetts.
POUNDSTONE: That's right.
PIERCE: It's where everybody goes to skydive. So basically it gets landed on. It's a very impressive place to land on.
GROSZ: It must look beautiful from above.
PIERCE: It does.
GROSZ: From above.
PIERCE: From the ground, eh, not so much.
GROSZ: All right, Kristen, are you ready to play our game?
SCHAAL: Yes.
GROSZ: All right, great. Your first question: the Grateful Dead, of course, were known as much for their lifestyle as for their music. And on one occasion their drummer, Mickey Hart, feared he was too stoned to play. But the band had a solution. What was it? Was it A, they had a roadie stick him to his drum stool with gaffer's tape? B, they convinced him, quote, "the president of the goat people will be very disappointed if you don't play"?
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GROSZ: Or C, they held an intervention with him, in which they explained how his inability to take lots and lots of drugs was hurting the people around him?
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SCHAAL: Wow. I guess I would go with A, because I feel like a roadie would take control in that way. And gaffer's tape solves everything.
GROSZ: It sure does. It's like the duct tape of the band world.
SCHAAL: Yes.
GROSZ: All right, so you're going with A, they had a roadie stick him to his drum stool with gaffer's tape. That's exactly right.
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SCHAAL: Yay.
GROSZ: Very good.
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GROSZ: One down. The roadie taped him to his drum stool.
PIERCE: We were allowed to use answer B only because we got the permission of the president of the goat people.
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GROSZ: Exactly.
SCHAAL: Who is that?
GROSZ: Oh, he's here. We can all see him. All right, the next question.
SCHAAL: Okay.
GROSZ: Grateful Dead merchandising is everywhere, of course, from Jerry Garcia ties to Dancing Bear roach clips. But one idea that someone proposed failed to catch on. What was that idea? Was it A, Touch of Grey Men's Hair Coloring?
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GROSZ: B, Terrapin Station, a theme park that's like a Disneyland for Deadheads? Or C, the "Keep on Truckin' 'Til Mecca" Grateful Dead Quran?
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GROSZ: Which of those was proposed and never got off the ground?
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SCHAAL: Oh, man, this is tough. Their fans spread the globe. You know what, I'm going to go ahead and say C.
GROSZ: C, the "Keep on Truckin' 'Til Mecca" Grateful Dead Quran?
SCHAAL: Yeah.
GROSZ: Unfortunately for you and thankfully for everyone else, that is not correct.
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GROSZ: The correct answer is B, Terrapin Station, the Disneyland for Deadheads.
PIERCE: Oh, geez.
SCHAAL: Okay.
GROSZ: Yes.
PIERCE: I mean, given the nature of Deadheads, you don't have to spend a lot on rides.
GROSZ: Yeah, just show up.
PIERCE: Just a couple of chairs and they'll make their own fun.
GROSZ: Yeah. Yeah, but...
PIERCE: Although the concession stands, let me tell you.
GROSZ: Pretty nice.
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GROSZ: Lots of food...
PIERCE: And the little measuring thing. You've got to be this high to ride this ride.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
GROSZ: Yeah.
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GROSZ: All right, Kristen, this one is for the game. Finally, the influence of the Grateful Dead goes far beyond the hippies that went to their shows as is evidenced by which of these examples? A, Barry Barnes' "Business Strategies of the Grateful Dead" has been a big hit with CEOs on the lecture circuit? B, Grateful Dead magazine, the number one selling quarterly for the growing Green Burial market? Or C, the rapper Gr8ful Fred, spelled with an 8, who famously asked an interviewer, who the bleep is Jerry Garcia?
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GROSZ: Which of those examples shows the Grateful Dead's reach going far beyond their fan base?
SCHAAL: Goodness. I guess I'm going to roll the die and say B.
GROSZ: B?
SCHAAL: Okay. That's a dumb idea.
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GROSZ: Well listen.
SCHAAL: I guess maybe the Gr8ful Fred...
GROSZ: Listen.
SCHAAL: ...is a real dude.
GROSZ: You think Gr8ful Fred is a real dude?
SCHAAL: Okay, C then.
GROSZ: Just to remind you, there was one other choice.
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SCHAAL: Well I think "Business Strategy," I mean Grateful Dead made a ton of money for a lot of people.
GROSZ: They did. That would be a hit on the lecture circuit wouldn't it?
SCHAAL: Yeah.
GROSZ: Okay. So your answer is A then?
SCHAAL: A, okay, A.
GROSZ: Okay.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
GROSZ: All right.
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GROSZ: That's absolutely right.
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SCHAAL: Yay.
GROSZ: Well done.
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GROSZ: Kristen Schaal, all on her own pulled that out in the last second. That was incredible.
PIERCE: You're my kind of host, Grosz, what can I tell you.
GROSZ: All right, Carl, how did Kristen do here?
KASELL: Well, Kristen had two correct answers, Peter.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
KASELL: And that is good enough to win for Cindy Harris. Congratulations, Kristen.
GROSZ: Well done.
SCHAAL: All right. Yippee.
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GROSZ: Great. Kristen, great job.
SCHAAL: Thank you.
GROSZ: You did such a good job. We have one more question for you.
SCHAAL: Okay.
GROSZ: When you talk to children, do you have like a talking to kids' voice? Because, like, when many other people talk to kids they sort of put on a child- like voice and you have this kind of high pitched child-like voice. Do you alter your voice at all or you're just like, this is me?
SCHAAL: Oh, I don't talk to children.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
GROSZ: Well done. Kristen Schaal's new book is, "The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex." It's out now. Kristen Schaal, thank you so much for joining us on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!
SCHAAL: Thank you everyone.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)
GROSZ: Bye-bye.
SCHAAL: Goodbye.
GROSZ: Thank you. Bye, Kristen.
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