Limericks Carl reads three news-related limericks: Certain characters refuse 140 characters; a solution to hangovers not involving quitting drinking; and Granny Smith gets a facelift.
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Limericks

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Limericks

Limericks

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PETER SAGAL, Host:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, you can call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link at our website, which is waitwait.npr.org. You can also find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago and our two shows coming up in Miami this February at the Arscht Center for the Performing Arts. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

JESSICA PATE: Hi, this is Jessica calling from Palm Beach, Florida.

SAGAL: Hey, beautiful Palm Beach. Now, are you in Palm Beach or are you in West Palm?

PATE: I'm in North Palm Beach.

SAGAL: North Palm Beach. What do you do there?

PATE: I'm currently working as a manatee observer.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Are you now?

LUKE BURBANK: They're not going to observe themselves.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURBANK: Is it true that the myth of mermaids got started because sailors were actually seeing manatees?

PATE: Yeah, that's true.

SAGAL: After a few months at sea, they look pretty attractive apparently.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, welcome to the show, Jessica. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. Your job, of course, fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks. Do that, you'll be a winner. Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL, Host:

When celebs toss their tweets in the litter, the treat is all sweet and not bitter. To raise funds for a cause, they'll let micro-blogs pause and promise to stay off of?

PATE: Twitter.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: An AIDS research fundraiser was supposed to work like this: celebrities like Lady Gaga stayed away from Twitter starting on Wednesday. And the only thing that could bring them back, donations from the public. The goal: one million dollars. The problem is once the public realized life could be rich and meaningful without momentary updates from Kim Kardashian, they had second thoughts about digital resuscitation.

Late in the week, the charity was way below its goal and organizers are now considering reversing their strategy. Now we're all being asked to donate a million dollars or they will start tweeting again.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: This absolutely happened. This was Alicia Keys' charity, the musician. And when people realized that by not raising the money it would mean Kim Kardashian would stop tweeting, a whole countermovement sprung up to get people to donate money to different AIDS charities.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: Since I drank last night, being a dang rover, I'll invite CU's most helpful gang over. They'll make Bloody Marys, I'll stay sedentary. Together, we'll cure my bad?

PATE: Hangover.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: For $15 a person, cheaper the price, the University of Colorado's Hangover Helpers will come to your dorm, clean up the mess from the night before and bring you, your roommates, and that strange person you don't know in you bed, breakfast.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Co-founder Marc Simons says he started cleaning party houses last year for extra cash and found himself a rich man, despite the bad economy. It turns out he had cornered the market for drunk, lazy people living off their parents.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's been such a success they're expanding their business to include a service where they accompany you on the walk of shame, holding up a curtain in front of you.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: You couldn't pay me enough to clean up someone else's vomited Four Loko.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: I think we got a tip for Mike Rowe.

SAGAL: I think we're ready.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I think you have a point. All right, here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Just as Botox can handle a frown, our drug turns sad fruit upside down. Our enzyme injection makes apple perfection. The fruit will no longer turn?

PATE: Brown.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Whether you are a human being or a super model, beauty fades, unless modern medicine intervenes. The same can now be said for fruit, thanks to a Canadian biotech company hoping to win approval from the USDA for the so-called Botox apple. A standard apple that has been genetically modified so that it never browns. This is good news if you're an apple suffering from vanity and bad news if you're a human being about to bite into an apple that's been around for longer than you have.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Jessica do on our quiz?

KASELL: Jessica had a perfect game, Peter, three correct answers. So Jessica, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, Jessica.

POUNDSTONE: All right.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Tell the manatees we say hello, and thanks for playing.

PATE: Thanks.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

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