Who's Carl This Time? Carl reads three quotes from the weeks news: Earmarks have never been so sexy; TIME Magazine friends Mark Zuckerberg; and farewell to the King.
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Who's Carl This Time?

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Who's Carl This Time?

Who's Carl This Time?

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CARL KASELL, host:

From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell, and here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, host:

Thank you, Carl.

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: Thank you everybody. Thank you so much. We have got a great show for you today, especially because later on we're going to be joined by Alan Menken, the multiple Oscar-winning composer who wrote the songs for the Disney classics "Beauty and the Beast," and "The Little Mermaid," and "Aladdin" and a bunch of others. In his honor, Carl won't just record the voicemail message for today's winners, he'll invite the lucky winners to live with him happily ever after at his palace.

(Soundbite of laughter)

KASELL: Peter, there's room for everyone in my Carl castle.

(Soundbite of laughter)

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: I just want to be part of your world, Carl.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: So get ready to sing the number 1-888-Wait-Wait.

Mr. PETER GROSZ (Comedy Writer/Performer): Turning a little creepy.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know, I know.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: That's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

Ms. LYNN SUDLOW: Hi, my name is Lynn Sudlow. I'm from West Lebanon, New Hampshire.

SAGAL: West Lebanon, that's west of Lebanon, right?

Ms. SUDLOW: Exactly.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: What do you do there?

Ms. SUDLOW: Well, actually, I spend a lot of time in my car because I run an errand and personal assistant service.

SAGAL: An errand and personal assistant service? This means that people call you up to run errands for them?

Ms. SUDLOW: Yes, and basically do all kinds of things that they're just too busy to take care of.

SAGAL: Really? Well who runs your errands?

Ms. SUDLOW: My husband.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: Okay. Well, welcome to the show, Lynn. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, say hello to a comedian writer and performer, Mr. Peter Grosz, right there.

Mr. GROSZ: Hi, Lynn.

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: Next, deputy editor and blogger for the Houston Chronicle, Ms. Kyrie O'Connor is here.

Ms. KYRIE O'CONNOR (Deputy Editor/Blogger, Houston Chronicle): Hi, Lynn.

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: And finally, a writer for HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher," Mr. Adam Felber.

(Soundbite of applause)

Mr. ADAM FELBER (Writer, "Real Time with Bill Maher"): Hello there, Lynn.

Ms. SUDLOW: Hi, Adam.

Mr. FELBER: I might need you to run a lightning round for me later.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: Lynn, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Carl This Time. Carl Kasell, of course, will recreate for you three quotations from the week's news. Your job: correctly identify or explain two of them. Do that and you'll win our prize, Carl's voice on your home answering machine. You ready to go?

Ms. SUDLOW: That's great, yes.

SAGAL: All right, here is your first quote.

KASELL: Recently, porking has gotten way out of control.

SAGAL: That was Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann who we hope...

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: ...was not talking about her private life.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: But about the big budget bill, which by her lights, includes too much of what?

Ms. SUDLOW: Of tax breaks?

SAGAL: No. She enjoys tax breaks.

Ms. SUDLOW: Yeah.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: There's a term for these. They're all against them.

Ms. SUDLOW: Right, right, the earmarks.

SAGAL: The earmarks.

(Soundbite of bell)

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: Representative Bachmann made the remarks about too much "porking" in a written, but clearly not carefully proofread statement. Unlike Sarah Palin, who just makes up words, Bachmann decided to use existing words really inappropriately.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: Ms. Bachmann and other Republicans this week were criticizing the 1.2 trillion dollar omnibus spending bill. And by porking, she meant the 8 billion dollars in earmarks hidden inside it. She has pledged to make sure Congress becomes more transparent, so that if congressmen want to pork, they're going to have to do it in front of the American people.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: And sadly, the biggest porkers are never the ones you want to see porking.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: I'm not actually quite clear on what these senators said when reporters said on this, "Why are you protesting these earmarks, you put them in the bill"?

Mr. GROSZ: And they were like, well that was before the election.

SAGAL: Something like that.

Ms. O'CONNOR: Yeah, they said...

Mr. GROSZ: That was bad me who has the goatee.

Mr. FELBER: Yeah.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. GROSZ: That was my evil twin, Ditch McConnell.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. GROSZ: That dastardly Ditch, always trying to bring money home to Kentucky.

Mr. FELBER: Dare you, Ditch McConnell. I know he's been in my office because there's a cigarette smoking in the ashtray.

SAGAL: All right, here is your next quote.

KASELL: Time Magazine just named its Person of the Year 2007.

SAGAL: That was a tweet from comedian John Hodgeman. He was reacting to Time Magazine's 2010 Person of the Year. Billionaire Mark Zuckerberg, creator of what?

Ms. SUDLOW: Facebook.

SAGAL: Yes.

(Soundbite of bell)

SAGAL: Five years, yes, Facebook.

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: Five years after Facebook was founded, Time Magazine chose its founder as Man of the Year. They've taken some heat for being a little late on this.

Mr. GROSZ: Well, the magazine is called Time.

SAGAL: It's true.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: They wanted to let some go by.

Ms. O'CONNOR: And it is a weekly.

SAGAL: It didn't help that this year's runner up was Eli Whitney for his contributions to the field...

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: Cotton ginning.

Mr. GROSZ: Maybe they think it's 2007 and people are still reading Time Magazine.

SAGAL: It's possible.

Ms. O'CONNOR: Yeah.

(Soundbite of booing)

Mr. FELBER: Too soon.

Ms. O'CONNOR: Too late.

Mr. FELBER: Too soon.

Mr. GROSZ: The flesh of journalism is still warm.

SAGAL: Let's be respectful.

Mr. GROSZ: Yeah.

SAGAL: In their tribute to Zuckerberg, Time points out that Facebook, if it were a country, would be the fourth largest country on earth. But of course, it would also be the most self-involved nation.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: It's primary products would be fake crops, fake mafia hits and a million metric tons a year of embarrassing photos.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. GROSZ: And it would be a country that's in a relationship with another country.

SAGAL: It would be.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: Oh, look, Facebook just poked China.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. GROSZ: Somebody needs to.

Mr. FELBER: I'm not going to comment on this, Peter, I'm just going to give you a thumbs up so I feel like I'm participating.

SAGAL: There you are.

Mr. FELBER: I like this segment. That's as far as I'm going to go.

SAGAL: All right, very good. Here is your last quote.

KASELL: I can't remember the last time I bought a pair of suspenders. A lot of people send them to me. Ryan Seacrest sends me all my jeans.

SAGAL: That was an appropriately random thought from a man...

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: ...who ended his long-running interview show on CNN Thursday night. Who was it?

Ms. SUDLOW: King.

SAGAL: Yes, Larry King. Very good.

(Soundbite of bell)

SAGAL: Yes.

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: The man who pitched more softballs than Jennie Finch, who by the way, is an actual famous softball pitcher.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. FELBER: It always works when you have to explain it.

SAGAL: I know.

Mr. FELBER: Always.

SAGAL: Said farewell to his CNN show this week after his precipitous ratings decline reduced his audience to just his ex-wives and children, which still left him with about 2.3 million viewers a week.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: The departure was kind of sad, because his pleasant hour of whomever he had on, talking about whatever they wanted, has been killed in the ratings by other shows featuring angry people shouting at other people. To his credit, he tried. He tried angry confrontation, but he just ended up shouting compliments. "Barbara Streisand, how do you stay so young? You're beautiful."

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: It didn't fit his style, you know.

Mr. GROSZ: He's going to keep it up, it'll just be in his home now, you know.

Ms. O'CONNOR: His home.

Mr. GROSZ: Rec room, you're on the air. Do you have any questions for Angela Lansbury?

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Lynn do on our quiz?

KASELL: Peter, Lynn had three correct answers. And Lynn, congratulations, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, Lynn.

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: Congratulations.

Mr. FELBER: Lynn from New Lebanon, you're a winner.

Ms. SUDLOW: Thank you all.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

Ms. SUDLOW: Bye-bye.

(Soundbite of music)

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