OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:
Out next game is called Trick Or Tweet, and our contestants are Hattie Taylor and Martha Burzynski.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: Martha, are you active on Twitter?
MARTHA BURZYNSKI: I am.
EISENBERG: Do you follow any celebrities because you need to know what they're up to and how they're tweeting?
BURZYNSKI: Well, there was a Broadway actress who used to take Ambien and then tweet. That was fun.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: Oh, yeah.
BURZYNSKI: It was, like, a fever-dream or - yeah. It was great
EISENBERG: Fantastic, all right. Hattie, are you a tweeter?
HATTIE TAYLOR: I am.
EISENBERG: What's the context of your tweet-verse?
TAYLOR: I mean, I definitely follow celebrities, so sometimes responding to what they say and...
EISENBERG: OK, and why do you follow celebrities?
TAYLOR: Well, it depends on the person. Some people because I'm interested in what they do, if it's a sports player of a team that I like, then there are some people that I follow just to kind of see the crazy that happens...
EISENBERG: Yeah.
TAYLOR: ...Or, like, parody accounts. Like, I follow Gary Busey's mug shot.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: Sure.
TAYLOR: So...
EISENBERG: Well, as we know, Twitter is much more than a horrible time-suck that destroys your productivity. It is an effective way to learn which celebrities are a few characters short of 140 in the brains department - yeah.
JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: Yeah.
EISENBERG: So in this game, Jonathan and I will read you a pair of tweets - one is the real tweet from a famous celebrity, and one we have made up.
COULTON: And you just have to tell us which one is real. But if you guess wrong, your opponent gets the point. So don't buzz indiscriminately, he said sternly.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: Be careful.
COULTON: Suddenly making it not very much fun.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: All right, let's play. Which of these casual observations is a real tweet from Kanye West? Is it - people say Vladimir Putin is dangerous, but trust me, I get his intensity.
COULTON: Or is it - do you know where to find marble conference tables? I'm looking to have a conference, not until I get the table though.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
COULTON: Martha.
BURZYNSKI: The first one.
COULTON: No, I'm sorry, it is the second one. It is the marble conference table tweet.
(LAUGHTER)
COULTON: Both pretty plausible.
EISENBERG: Which of these lofty pronouncements is a real tweet from Donald Trump?
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest and you all know it. So please don't feel stupid or insecure. It's not your fault.
COULTON: Or is it - stop asking me about "Star Wars" versus "Star Trek," both are for nerds and babies. Watch "Goodfellas" like a man.
(LAUGHTER, SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
COULTON: Martha.
BURZYNSKI: It's the first one.
COULTON: It is the first one, losers and haters. That's correct.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: That's how I start all my tweets - hey, losers and haters.
COULTON: Hey, losers and haters.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: Which of these pieces of quality journalism is a real tweet from Katie Couric? If you're looking for a good costume, glue-gun an empty egg carton to a headband and then wear something sexy, including fishnets - eggs over easy.
(LAUGHTER)
COULTON: Or is it this one - for a classy party look, float votive candles in the guest bathroom sink or toilet.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
COULTON: Hattie.
TAYLOR: I want it to be the second one.
COULTON: It is not the second one, I'm sorry.
(LAUGHTER)
COULTON: It was the first one - it's the costume idea - is the real tweet.
EISENBERG: Which of these is a real tweet from actor and star spawn Jaden Smith? You would have to eat five apples today to get the same nutritional value as an apple from 1950 - hashtag #fallow.
COULTON: Or is it this one - you stole your dog from his family, and still he love you anyway - hashtag #loveisbiggerthanspecies.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
COULTON: Martha.
BURZYNSKI: The second one.
COULTON: No, I'm sorry, it's the first one. It's the one about apples.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: They both seem equally...
BURZYNSKI: Plausible, so plausible.
EISENBERG: I know. All right, this is your last clue. Which of these deep thoughts is from pop star and philosopher Britney Spears? Does anyone think global warming is a good thing? I love Lady Gaga. I think she's a really interesting artist.
(LAUGHTER)
COULTON: Or is it - ever fantasize about living in a Wal-Mart? It's got everything, y'all.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
COULTON: Martha.
BURZYNSKI: The second one.
COULTON: No, I'm sorry.
(LAUGHTER)
COULTON: It's the global warming slash Lady Gaga one.
EISENBERG: Yeah. That's the way she tweets, man. She just opens up her head and just shakes everything out.
COULTON: It all comes out.
EISENBERG: Puzzle guru John Chaneski, a lot of hearts were broke in this game.
JOHN CHANESKI: I know, but you know who should feel better is Hattie because she's going to move on to our final round. Way to go Hattie.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: Coming up, we'll do what we do best - rewrite the lyrics of Pat Benatar's "Love Is A Battlefield" to be about actual battlefields. And I hope you're feeling groovy because Bruce Campbell will be joining us, so give me some sugar, baby. I'm Ophira Eisenberg, and you're listening to ASK ME ANOTHER from NPR.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "TILL THE WORLD ENDS")
BRITNEY SPEARS: (Singing) See the sunlight, we ain't stopping, keep on dancing till the world ends.
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