The Rites Of Springfield In this game, we imagine that Simpsons characters have moved to a real Springfield somewhere in the United States. Contestants tell us which U.S state we're talking about.
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The Rites Of Springfield

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The Rites Of Springfield

The Rites Of Springfield

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Our next game is called The Rights Of Springfield, and here to play it are But here to play it are Dan O'Shaughnessy and Courtney Slack. Hello.


SALIE: Dan, your parents work for Delta.

O'SHAUGHNESSY: Can I say which one it is? Then yeah, it's Delta.

SALIE: Which Delta plane it is? Dan's parents only fly on a certain Delta jet. So you grew up - what? - flying everywhere for free?

O'SHAUGHNESSY: I just thought it was normal that you flew everywhere when you needed to go places.

SALIE: Are you in, like, the kajillion (ph) miler club?

O'SHAUGHNESSY: No, I'm just in the get-stuck-in-every-possible-city-trying-to-get-home club.

SALIE: And Courtney, you have an interesting geographical tidbit. You live in Amityville.


SALIE: On purpose?

SLACK: Yes, unfortunately.

SALIE: This is where the horror house is.

SLACK: Yes, I live down the block from it.

SALIE: Is it really haunted?

SLACK: No, I've never seen a ghost, green slime, or Ryan Reynolds when he was filming the movie.

JONATHAN COULTON: You didn't even get to see Ryan Reynolds?


COULTON: Oh, that's a rip-off.

SALIE: Does someone live in that house, Courtney?

SLACK: They do.

SALIE: Wow. All right, is there a state that either of you would really like to visit that you haven't yet? Courtney?

SLACK: I've been thinking about it. I really want to go to Louisiana. I've never been to New Orleans, and I really want to visit.

SALIE: I feel that you've been practicing the way to say...

SLACK: ...New Orleans?

SALIE: ...New Orleans. Most of us say New Orleans, New Orleans - New Orleans, you're ready to go. You're halfway there. You're drunk.

SLACK: Right, absolutely.


SALIE: Dan, your parents work for Delta. You've flown probably everywhere. Have you flown over some states?

O'SHAUGHNESSY: A lot. I think I'd like to go back to Minnesota.


SALIE: Why is that?

O'SHAUGHNESSY: Don't applaud yet.

SALIE: Oh why?

O'SHAUGHNESSY: Well, I've only been once and it was because we got stuck trying to go to Thailand on our honeymoon, and instead we ended up in Minneapolis in the winter.

SALIE: On your honeymoon.

O'SHAUGHNESSY: On our honeymoon.

SALIE: Well, it is - isn't that part of the Twin Cities? Did you conceive at least?

COULTON: That's a great question, Faith.

O'SHAUGHNESSY: We just went to the Mall of America.

SALIE: What's wrong with that?

COULTON: It's a great question, I'd like to know.

O'SHAUGHNESSY: Similar things.

SALIE: Minnesota nice - I don't know, you'd think something would happen.


GREG PLISKA: You're certainly not going outside.

COULTON: That's a lot of time indoors.

O'SHAUGHNESSY: They have all those walkways over the streets - the heated walkways between buildings. It's crazy. It's like some bizarre, futuristic city.

SALIE: ...Futuristic. Yeah, we're into the future here tonight.

COULTON: Yeah, we're really into the future. Yeah, we like it. Well, there are more than 35 places named Springfield in America - all of them, I'm sure, wonderful in their own unique and special way. But the most famous Springfield of all is, of course, the fictional one where the TV series "The Simpsons" is set.

SALIE: In this game, we imagine that the characters on "The Simpsons" decide to move to a real Springfield in the United States. You tell us which U.S. state we're talking about, and the winner will move on to our final round at the end of the show. Here we go. Lisa pursues her political ambitions by moving to the state where Springfield is the capital.




SALIE: Excellent. You're a good geography student.


COULTON: Moe packs up his pickled eggs and opens a sports bar in this state's Springfield - the birthplace of basketball and the oldest Springfield in America.



O'SHAUGHNESSY: Massachusetts.

COULTON: Massachusetts, you got it.

SALIE: Otto drives his school bus to this state's Springfield, known as the birthplace of Route 66, where he can enjoy a Yakov Smirnoff show in nearby Branson.




SALIE: Crushed it. Have you been to Branson?

O'SHAUGHNESSY: I've been. It's a weird place, no offense if you're from Branson, but it's a weird...

SALIE: You've been there?


SALIE: Did you go to Branson on purpose?


O'SHAUGHNESSY: I won't answer that.

SALIE: It was his second honeymoon, everybody.

COULTON: "Stuck In Branson On My Second Honeymoon" - it's a good country song.


COULTON: Chef Luigi moves to this state's Springfield, where he sources meat from an industrial butcher shop that was once a Ben & Jerry's ice cream plant.


COULTON: Courtney.

SLACK: Vermont.

COULTON: Vermont, that's right.


SALIE: Bart once again becomes a horse jockey and moves to a Springfield where he can live in the same state as Churchill Downs.




SALIE: You got it.


COULTON: It turns out that Maude Flanders faked her own death to start a new life in this state's Springfield, often mentioned in Little House on the Prairie as the town to which Charles Ingalls would frequently go for his business travels.

SALIE: (Laughter). I think we've already established that this is a sordid place.

PLISKA: Absolutely.

COULTON: It's a very sordid place.

PLISKA: Charles Ingalls - business travels - just a regular business traveler.

SALIE: Where did Pa go this time?

PLISKA: What's he doing out there?

COULTON: Just doing his business in Springfield.

SALIE: Doing his business.

PLISKA: It's also where he went to listen to Prairie Home Companion.

SALIE: Yup (ph).

COULTON: That's true.



O'SHAUGHNESSY: It's a state with Lake Winnebago in it.

COULTON: Can you be more specific?



COULTON: Yes, Minnesota - well done.


SALIE: "Simpsons" creator Matt Groening moves to the state where he was born - to a Springfield just east of Eugene.




SALIE: That is correct.


SALIE: And he - not Dan, but Matt Groening - told Smithsonian magazine it is the one his fictional Springfield is named after. So all those states claiming to be the home of "The Simpsons…"

COULTON: Not actually the home of the Simpsons.

SALIE: …Y'all (ph) just sit down. It's Oregon.

COULTON: Yeah, that's - I'm a little sad to know the mystery's taken away. I liked it better when we didn't know.

SALIE: We can edit it out, Jonathan. Don't worry.

COULTON: Yeah, well now it's too late. Now I know. This is your last clue. Notorious criminal Sideshow Bob gets transferred to Mike Durfee State Prison, located in a Springfield where the number of prisoners exceeds the town's population. Also in the state - Mount Rushmore.



O'SHAUGHNESSY: South Dakota.

COULTON: Yeah, you got it.

SALIE: Wait, there are more prisoners in that city than other non-prisoners?

PLISKA: In all of South Dakota, actually.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

SALIE: That's crazy.

COULTON: Greg Pliska, how did our contestants do in this game?

PLISKA: You know, I want to give a shout-out to Courtney who's up here thinking, so I get the geography game with a guy who's flown everywhere - fine. Thank you, Courtney. And Dan, congratulations, you are moving on to our final round.

COULTON: No matter what Springfield you live in, you can be an ASK ME ANOTHER contestant. Go to, fill out our contestant quiz, and you too could be playing a "Simpsons" game that's not really about "The Simpsons."


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