OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:
Welcome back to ASK ME ANOTHER, NPR's hour of puzzles, word games and trivia. I'm Ophira Eisenberg and with me is our house musician, Jonathan Coulton, and our puzzle guru, Art Chung. Let's welcome our next two contestants, Ben Moosher and Isabella Batts.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: Ben, Isabella, hi.
BEN MOOSHER: Hey.
ISABELLA BATTS: Hi.
EISENBERG: Good to have you here. If you could put a message in a bottle, any message, perhaps to the future you, what would you put, Ben?
MOOSHER: I would probably, like, write something in the voice of a pirate or, like, draw a treasure map. And some little boy or girl will find it and probably be really excited and happy about it.
EISENBERG: And what would it lead to, Ben?
(LAUGHTER)
MOOSHER: I don't know, a quest. I mean, it's not exactly - what you get at the end of it, it's the going on the quest.
EISENBERG: Oh, it's...
(LAUGHTER)
JONATHAN COULTON: I'll remember that at the end of this game, Ben.
EISENBERG: So it's a lesson more than a treasure. I like the idea of teaching someone disappointment.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: Isabella, what do you think?
BATTS: Yeah, as a little kid, I always wanted to find a message in a bottle and I never did.
EISENBERG: Yeah.
BATTS: And now as an adult I know that if you just throw a message in a bottle, you know, from the beach at Coney Island or something, it's not going to go actually that far. It's probably just going to come back to the same place.
EISENBERG: Possibly.
BATTS: But I would also I guess choose to mislead a child by writing, like, an old timey letter from a faraway land and hoping that some kid finds it and starts inventing a mystery in their head.
EISENBERG: Would you pull out the old calligraphy pen?
BATTS: Oh, yeah.
EISENBERG: Yeah, it's a good idea, right?
BATTS: Nice touch.
EISENBERG: Thanks.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: We're going to work on this one weekend together.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: So this game is called This In A Bottle, and I assume that means Jonathan is about to destroy a beautiful ballad.
COULTON: I'm going to sing "Time In A Bottle" by Jim Croce with clues about stuff you find in bottles other than time.
(LAUGHTER)
COULTON: And you will have to tell me what I'm singing about. So there are at least five other things besides time that can be found in bottles. And they are in the song. Are you ready?
BATTS: Sure.
MOOSHER: Sure.
COULTON: Sure, yeah, why not? (Singing) If I could save this in a bottle, the first thing that I'd like to do is mix it with vodka and pour in a highball with ice, a screwdriver for you.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
COULTON: Ben.
MOOSHER: Orange juice.
COULTON: Orange juice, yeah.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: A mug is also acceptable as something you could pour it in.
COULTON: You could - sure, you could put a screwdriver in a mug.
EISENBERG: Sure.
COULTON: Yeah, that's fine.
EISENBERG: Or just pour it in the carton of orange juice.
COULTON: You can make it right in your mouth if you want.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: And then your face gets all screwed up, right? Yeah, that's why it's called that.
COULTON: (Singing) If I want my scalp to be freshened and have my hair smelling so sweet, I'd start with a lather, then I would rinse it, and then I would surely repeat.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
COULTON: Ben.
MOOSHER: Conditioner or shampoo.
COULTON: Shampoo is correct. That's what we were looking for, yes.
(APPLAUSE)
COULTON: (Singing) Well, there never seems to be enough time to plan the perfect homicide, but I found it. It disinfects and takes out stains. It made a decent poison when he downed it
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
COULTON: Ben.
MOOSHER: Bleach.
COULTON: Bleach is correct.
(APPLAUSE)
COULTON: Very quick to answer, Ben.
EISENBERG: Sort of like a confession wrapped in that game.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: This is never enough time to plan the perfect homicide. I'm glad you pointed that out.
COULTON: I guess it's something I keep meaning to get to, but I just always run out of time to do it.
EISENBERG: There's emails and Twitter.
COULTON: Right, that's true. If I spent less time on social media, I could probably have more time for murdering people.
(LAUGHTER)
COULTON: Oh, well.
EISENBERG: Think about it.
COULTON: I will. (Singing) If I had to choose my true favorite of all in the condiment queue, I'd pick this tomato-based jam of viscosity. Yes, I put it on hot dogs, too.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
COULTON: Isabella.
BATTS: Ketchup.
COULTON: Ketchup is correct.
(APPLAUSE)
COULTON: (Singing) Well, like Hemingway, Lautrec and Van Gogh, I'm going to drink the spirit called green fairy. Will it make me hallucinate 'cause many countries banned it? They were wary.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
COULTON: Ben.
MOOSHER: Absinthe.
COULTON: Absinthe, you got it.
(APPLAUSE)
COULTON: (Singing) If I had the time for a hobby, I'd grab tweezers, wood and some glue and build a wee clipper, a sloop or a schooner, insert, add a cork, then I'm through.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
COULTON: Ben.
MOOSHER: A ship.
COULTON: A ship, yes, ship in a bottle.
(APPLAUSE)
COULTON: (Singing) Well, I never seem to have enough luck, so letting out this magic dude is auspicious. I've been around enough to know to use my last wish wishing for more wishes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
COULTON: Isabella.
BATTS: A genie.
COULTON: A genie, you got it.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: I like how we just pretended that was a real thing. Hey, here's how you deal with a genie, everybody...
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: ...Just for your next genie or plumber encounter.
(LAUGHTER)
COULTON: Puzzle guru Art Chung, how did our contestants do?
ART CHUNG: It was a battle of the buzzers and, Ben, congratulations, you're moving on to the final round.
(APPLAUSE)
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