OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:
Our next contestants are Chris Calogero and Katie Chew.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: Did both of you hang out in malls as kids or teenagers? Chris?
CHRIS CALOGERO: I didn't really hang out in malls. I lived in, like, a really small town. We used to just drive around...
EISENBERG: (Laughter) Right?
CALOGERO: ...And just do stuff. Like one time, we actually - we went to Dunkin' Donuts after they closed. They throw away all the donuts, so we just grabbed them all out of the dumpster from the garbage bag and brought them home. That's the kind of stuff we used to do where I grew up.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: And then you ate those doughnuts - dumpster doughnuts?
CALOGERO: Yeah, we each ate, like, two and then we're like, oh, what are we going to do with all these doughnuts?
(LAUGHTER)
CALOGERO: And then my friend had to throw them away. But, like, in our town, it was, like, a limit on, like, how much you could put in the garbage can. You had to put, like, a 15 pound sticker, so it took him, like, three weeks to throw out all the doughnuts.
EISENBERG: They had to slowly ration out the doughnut garbage?
CALOGERO: Yeah, yeah, his dad had to, like, hump doughnuts out to the curb for, like, three weeks.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: It's like you guys are living in some sort of doughnut prison. You have to put one in your pocket and walk out somewhere and discard it slowly.
CALOGERO: Yeah, yeah. We set some on fire, you know.
EISENBERG: How about you, Katie, do you have a Dunkin' Donuts dumpster story or were you just hanging out at a mall?
KATIE CHEW: I pretty much regret all of my decisions in malls now. I spent all my time in Limited Too and Claire's so.
(CHEERING)
EISENBERG: Oh, yeah.
CHEW: It's really cheap jewelry instead...
EISENBERG: Yep.
CHEW: ...All over my car, I guess.
EISENBERG: But to be fair, all the stuff that you bought at Limited and whatever is now in a dumpster.
CHEW: In the dumpster - yeah, exactly.
EISENBERG: Yeah, exactly.
CHEW: It's there. It's there as well, yeah.
JONATHAN COULTON: Everything ends up at the same place.
CHEW: Yeah, after about a week and a half, it was all gone.
EISENBERG: Yeah, this game is called A Store by Any Other Name. We're going to head to the mall, not the dumpster - I'm sorry -with nothing more than a debit card and a thesaurus. So we are going to read you clues in which the name of a popular retailer has been replaced with a synonym for the real store name. Let's go to our puzzle guru Art Chung for an example.
ART CHUNG: I'm running short on 1969 logo sweaters and khakis I guess I'll go to that cavernous chasm. That would be the Gap.
EISENBERG: See, yeah? Cool, right? And the winner will move on to our final round at the end of the show. Here we go. I hear the new Air Jordans are out. We got to get to that hoof cabinet.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
EISENBERG: Chris.
CALOGERO: Foot Locker.
EISENBERG: Exactly.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: I would be going to lady hoof cabinet, by the way.
(LAUGHTER)
COULTON: That's the most unappealing store name I've ever heard, lady hoof cabinet.
(Laughter)
EISENBERG: It's where all the ladies shop. Ahoy, 'tis time to buy some inexpensive jeans and tees. For this purpose, I shall visit geriatric armada.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
EISENBERG: Katie.
CHEW: Old Navy.
EISENBERG: Exactly.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: My goal is to pick up some toothpaste, laundry detergent, underwear and nail polish. I'll just aim for that bull's-eye.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
EISENBERG: Chris.
CALOGERO: Target.
EISENBERG: Exactly.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: Quick tip, never wear a red shirt and then go shop at Target. I need a new mobile device. I better get to dash quickly.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
EISENBERG: Chris.
CALOGERO: Sprint.
EISENBERG: Yes.
CALOGERO: Oh, boy.
EISENBERG: I know.
CALOGERO: That was on-the-fly.
EISENBERG: Yep.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: But you made it happen. You made it happen. Hey, look, it's another 20-percent-off coupon for a piece of furniture to sleep on, a large container to fill with water and something further ahead.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
EISENBERG: Chris.
CALOGERO: Bed Bath & Beyond?
EISENBERG: Yes.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: And this is your last clue. You'll find dudes catching football games on all those flat-screen TVs over at most excellent exchange of money for goods.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
EISENBERG: Katie.
CHEW: Best Buy.
EISENBERG: Best Buy, yeah.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: It's a way better name...
COULTON: Yeah, it is.
EISENBERG: ...Way better name. They should have gone with that one. Puzzle guru Art Chung, how did our contestants do?
CHUNG: Well, Chris doesn't need to go to the mall anymore. Congratulations, you're our winner.
(APPLAUSE)
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