Panel Round 2 More questions for the panel: The Wheels on the Bus Go Boom, Lumbering Lothario.
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Panel Round 2

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Panel Round 2

Panel Round 2

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BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON’T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Tom Bodett, Paula Poundstone and Peter Grosz. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, you can tell Bill is dreaming because he's in rhyme sleep in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Paula, the CIA recently completed a successful week of training using some school buses they borrowed from a school district in Virginia nearby. They returned the buses in great condition, except they forgot something in one of the buses. What?

PAULA POUNDSTONE: A waterboarding...

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...Chair.

SAGAL: No, I'll give you a hint. To be fair to the CIA, we've all done it. You know the feeling - you lock your car, you walk away. All of a sudden you're like oh no, and you start looking in your pockets. And then the car explodes.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Oh, they left a bomb in there?

SAGAL: They left explosives in the school bus is what they did.

POUNDSTONE: Oh jeez.

SAGAL: So the CIA was training bomb-sniffing dogs, which means they had to use explosives, which they hid in these school buses and let the dogs find. Great. But they kind of forgot one little package of plastic explosive. The dog tried to tell them, but the CIA had fired all their bark translators.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So anyway, the bus was used after the CIA gave it back to drive kids around for two days before a school maintenance worker found the explosives and realized it just wasn't the same brand of plastic explosive that the school district used.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He says nobody was ever in danger because when is the last time anything the CIA did actually worked?

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: They're just probably kids on the school bus like kicking it and, like, shoving each other into it and sticking pencils into it.

SAGAL: It was actually - it was hidden in the engine compartment...

POUNDSTONE: Oh.

SAGAL: ...Which is where they had put it.

GROSZ: It's so much safer.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: That's the other thing is why are they using a school bus...

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah...

GROSZ: ...That they have to give back?

SAGAL: Yeah, wait a minute.

TOM BODETT: They have to use real-world situations. Like, you can get any old unique school bus out of a junkyard. But it won't have the palette or aroma...

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: ...That a real one will.

SAGAL: Most dogs will shy away...

BODETT: The ground-up Doritos, the yogurt...

GROSZ: Yes.

BODETT: ...Of course.

SAGAL: After that a little plastic explosive would seem a blessing.

POUNDSTONE: Honestly.

SAGAL: Peter, 20 years ago, the brown bear population in the Pyrenees was on the verge of extinction.

GROSZ: Yes, I remember.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The conservationists trying to save the brown bears of the Pyrenees brought in a male bear named Pyros to spur reproduction. It worked, but there was one problem. What?

GROSZ: It was a gay bear.

SAGAL: No, he was not gay.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: It's one of those big ones with hair all over him?

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: It was...

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Let's see, it worked but something went wrong.

SAGAL: But - yeah. Well, I'll give you a hint. Pyros the bear loved not wisely but...

GROSZ: Well?

SAGAL: Yes, he did it too well.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Let me explain. Pyros has the following three things in common with NBA great Wilt Chamberlain - he is 7-feet tall, he humps like a madman, and he has a devastating jump shot.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In the 20 years since Pyros the bear showed up, the bear population in the Pyrenees has come back - yay. But 75 percent of the bears are Pyros's offspring, which presents a problem with genetic diversity. So they're talking about...

BODETT: It's the West Virginia of the bear community.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: He said it. I did not, Natasha.

GROSZ: She's not even around.

SAGAL: In case she's still listening, yes.

GROSZ: She's not even around. Oh brother.

POUNDSTONE: Did they only bring one male bear?

SAGAL: Well, the problem is...

POUNDSTONE: What did they think was going to happen?

GROSZ: That's like...

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: It was like "Big Love" in the Pyrenees.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, and...

SAGAL: The problem is that he sort of took over all the female bears and kind of just monopolized them. And now all the offspring are related, which is kind of a problem.

POUNDSTONE: But that's what was going to - if they...

SAGAL: Well, no...

POUNDSTONE: ...Brought in a bear...

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: But it's not like there were...

POUNDSTONE: ...Right?

GROSZ: ...No males. There are other males...

SAGAL: There were no males.

GROSZ: They were weaker males.

SAGAL: They didn't think he would take over.

POUNDSTONE: OK, well then why did they bring him in to begin with? How many males were there before?

GROSZ: This is like - you're like Pyros's, like, defense lawyer...

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: ...At his trial.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Your honor...

(CROSSTALK)

GROSZ: ...My client is a very sexually-attractive bear.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They even sent out a large-animal veterinarian to castrate Pyros, but the vet ended up bearing him two new cubs.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "THE BARE NECESSITIES")

UNIDENTIFIED SINGER: (Singing) Look for the bare necessities, the simple bare necessities. Forget about your worries and your strife. I mean the...

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