Who's Bill This Time Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news...Ted Talk, Slow Bern, Queen B Stings
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Who's Bill This Time

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Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

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BILL KURTIS: From NPR WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me, the NPR news quiz. I'm the fresh prince of Bill air, Bill Kurtis.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. It is great to be back with you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We've got a great show for you today. Listen, in this political moment, people are inclined to say, for obvious reasons, things are crazier than they have ever been. But is that really true? So later on, we're going to ask legendary pioneering journalist Lesley Stahl of CBS about it. Now, she covered the Watergate scandal in the 1970s, the Cannibal Congressman Affair of the '80s and then, of course, in the '90s, the Madonna administration.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So she'll have some perspective. We are interested in your historical perspective. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-wait-wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

JESSICA HUBBOCK: Hi. This is Jessica Hubbock from Chattanooga, Tenn.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Chattanooga?

HUBBOCK: They're quite wonderful - pretty warm, but good otherwise.

SAGAL: What do you do there in Chattanooga?

HUBBOCK: I'm a chemistry teacher.

SAGAL: Oh, wow. And do you enjoy that work?

HUBBOCK: Yeah, we have a really good time. We get a little weird, but, you know, it's chemistry. We get to blow up stuff sometimes, and...

(LAUGHTER)

HUBBOCK: ...It's really a dream job.

SAGAL: It sounds it. That's awesome. I just - I'm very proud I got through this whole little chat without mentioning "Breaking Bad" once.

(LAUGHTER)

HUBBOCK: Yeah, I can't say, you know, I don't hear that all the time, so...

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, let me introduce you to our panel. First up, it's a comedian you can see May 19 in Indianapolis at the White Rabbit Cabaret. It's Adam Burke.

ADAM BURKE: Hello. How are you?

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next up, a contributor to CBS "Sunday Morning" and the host of the PBS show "Science Goes To The Movies" whose new book "Approval Junkie" has just been published by Crown Archetype. It's Faith Salie.

FAITH SALIE: Hi, Jessica.

HUBBOCK: Hello.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And a comedian performing at the Helium Comedy Club in Portland, Ore., on May 5 through the 8, Alonzo Bodden.

ALONZO BODDEN: Hello.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Jessica, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. Correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize, you'll win our prize, scorekeeper emeritus Carl Kasell's voice on your voice mail. Are you ready to do this?

HUBBOCK: Absolutely.

SAGAL: All right. For your first quote, it's former Speaker of the House John Boehner talking about a Republican candidate for president.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Lucifer in the flash.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Speaker Boehner...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...In his use of all diplomatic style...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Was talking about what candidate?

HUBBOCK: Ted Cruz.

SAGAL: Yes, Ted Cruz.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The last week of Sen. Cruz's campaign - this last week was as bad for him as all the prior weeks of his campaign have been for everybody else.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: First, Sen. Cruise declared in alliance with John Kasich to defeat Donald Trump. That lasted about twenty minutes, until Kasich denied there was any alliance.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This, by the way, is exactly what happened with Ted Cruz's first eight girlfriends.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And then, on Tuesday, Ted Cruz got wiped out in the primaries. So like a lot of men who have just been through a humiliating rejection, he took up with the wrong women.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Even though he is not yet the nominee, he picked Carly Fiorina as his running mate. So now we know, in addition to Ted Cruz not ever being president, Carly Fiorina will not ever be vice president.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SALIE: You're a chemistry teacher, Jessica. What do you think of a Carly and Ted's chemistry?

(LAUGHTER)

HUBBOCK: Oh, I think I should go ahead and name who I'm going to have at my Nobel Prize ceremony.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's it. Why not?

HUBBOCK: So yeah.

BURKE: Talk about two inert gases.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: It was amazing. At first, I couldn't stop watching, like...

SAGAL: You're talking about the rally that they had?

SALIE: Where Ted announced...

SAGAL: Yeah.

SALIE: He owned the moment. I mean, I think they both knew they would never be in this position again.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: And at first, it was like, please don't end, please don't end. And then, when she started singing...

SAGAL: That was really amazing.

BODDEN: Yeah.

SALIE: ...It was unbelievable. Please don't end, please don't end. And then, at some point, I was like, this has to stop. Dear God, we are now in the end times.

BURKE: I like the name of the ticket. Cruz-Fiorina sounds like a defunct Italian shipping concern.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: To me it sounds - you know what I thought? I thought it sounded like a very - a very rare but terrible genetic condition.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Like, I'm sorry...

SALIE: You've been tested.

BODDEN: You're suffering.

SAGAL: ...You've been tested, and you came back positive for Cruz/Fiorina.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Right. Don't worry, it'll go away in about two months.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next quote. It is from Ralph Nader.

KURTIS: Why should he drop out?

SAGAL: Who is Mr. Nader, who knows so much about the value of sticking around in an election, encouraging to stay in the race for the Democratic nomination?

HUBBOCK: Bernie Sanders.

SAGAL: Bernie, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Bernie Sanders.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bernie lost four of the five states that voted on Tuesday. He did win Rhode Island, but that's only, like, three people, and one of them is Bernie's niece who's doing woman's studies at Brown.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So in the days after this electoral defeat, the Sanders campaign announced they're laying off hundreds of staffers, including Bernie's hairstylist, who, frankly, was not a good hire.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: I just feel like there are going to be a lot of Bernie babies coming out of this - just people holding each other for comfort now that the campaign's on the wane.

BURKE: And they're going to somehow be the world's oldest babies, yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I want some milk.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: But Bernie...

BURKE: But not 2 percent - not the 2 percent.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now meanwhile, what this means is that Hillary, having pretty much consolidated the nomination, is turning toward the general election, setting her sights on Donald Trump, who has set his sights on her. This week, Trump accused Hillary of playing the woman card. What does that even mean?

BURKE: I think the woman card is in that board game he had, Art of the Deal. And if you pull it, you automatically lose.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Well, I - I have a woman card because I am a woman.

SAGAL: Yes.

SALIE: And when I whip it out, I get 78 cents on the dollar.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your last quote.

KURTIS: He only wants me when I'm not there. He better called Becky with the good hair.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, that was the line that everybody is talking about from a new album called "Lemonade." It was dropped, as they say, by whom?

HUBBOCK: Beyonce.

KURTIS: Beyonce, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Over the over the weekend, Beyonce released "Lemonade," her new, quote, "visual album." That means each song has an elaborate video to go with it. It's all about how Jay-Z allegedly cheated on her.

BURKE: I think - what I like about this is that it puts paid to the idea that someone cheating on you is ever your fault. What more could she have done? She was Beyonce.

SAGAL: Right.

BURKE: Like...

SAGAL: Apparently - this is the thing. Jay-Z apparently cheated on Beyonce, as crazy as that may sound, with somebody who Beyonce calls Becky with the good hair. That explains everything that you were asking about because, sure, you're married to the most gorgeous, glamorous woman on the planet, but that Becky over there - check out those bangs.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: And then, you know, the funniest thing about that is Beyonce's got great hair.

SAGAL: She does.

BODDEN: Right? I mean...

SAGAL: Beyonce has great - fill in the blank.

BODDEN: Let me tell you about the black community, Peter.

SAGAL: Please.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: And to all the white people who just found out Beyonce's black, we're sorry about that.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

BODDEN: But in the black community, Beyonce would be known as having good hair. Like, that - her hair's straight and this and that. Like, you know...

SALIE: So do men of color who date women of color care about their hair?

BODDEN: Oh, no. We don't get into - are you crazy? You don't talk about a black woman's hair.

SALIE: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: I also - I thought the best description - I don't think a police sketch artist would find anyone with - Becky, good hair? That's...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, the Internet...

BODDEN: No, but five sister in the hood - you say find Becky with the good hair, Rachel going to be in trouble.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jessica do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Jessica knows more than chemistry. She got them all right - three.

SAGAL: Well done.

KURTIS: Three and 0.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks for playing, Jessica. And thanks for the good work you do.

HUBBOCK: Absolutely, thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-Bye.

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