Limericks Bill reads three news-related limericks...Snare Drums, Canine Cuddling, Picking Out Jeans
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Limericks

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Limericks

Limericks

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website - waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And you can check out the How To Do Everything podcast. This week, the crew of the Starship Enterprise helps a mother in this century.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON’T TELL ME.

WILL BEISCHEL: Hi, this is Will Beischel calling from Chicago, Ill.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things - wait a minute...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...I was going to ask you how are things in Chicago? But I know because I am here.

BEISCHEL: I know that.

SAGAL: I know. What do you do here?

BEISCHEL: I'm currently a lab manager at Northwestern University in a psychology lab.

SAGAL: Oh, I see. Oh, is this one of those labs that you do, like, those tests on people to find out why they're attracted to each other or that sort of thing - human psychology experiments?

BEISCHEL: A little bit like that. We mostly just show them colored squares and circles.

(LAUGHTER)

FAITH SALIE: Wait, that sounds exactly like my son's nursery school.

(LAUGHTER)

ALONZO BODDEN: Or the NFL draft.

SAGAL: That's right.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, Will...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Will, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

BEISCHEL: Can't wait.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: To legal appeals, I am numb. But to sticks hitting skins I succumb. My taxes I'll pay so they'll just go away. They beat me by pounding a...

BEISCHEL: Draw.

KURTIS: Drum...

SAGAL: Yes, a drum.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Very good. Government officials in the Indian town of Thane know people hate paying taxes, but they know people hate drum circles even more.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So now when you don't pay your taxes, a line of amateur drummers stands outside your house banging until you do. According to The Wall Street Journal, this public shaming works once the drummers drop anchor in front of a house. It takes about five minutes to get the money because no one wants people to think that they are friends with drummers.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: From big great Danes down to wee pugs, we dogs don't like holds that are snug. We're often befuddled that you like to cuddle 'cause dogs really don't want your...

BEISCHEL: Hug.

SAGAL: Yes, hugs.

KURTIS: Hugs, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Psychologist and dog trainer Stanley Coren has written that dogs hate hugs. They evolved in a world in which anything that was trying to hug them was also trying to eat them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So when you hug your dog, they feel the same way you do when your great aunt squeezes you or when Ted Cruz announces you as his running mate.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: So basically dogs are like cats?

SAGAL: No, they're not like cats.

SALIE: See, like...

SAGAL: Dogs are good.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SALIE: Wow. You are going to get so much hate mail...

SAGAL: Oh, they know...

SALIE: ...My friend.

SAGAL: Cats can't write.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Don't worry about it. So if you want to show affection to your dog, don't think what you want - a hug - think what they want - that's right, get down there, hump its leg.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: The fit of my jeans is quite edgy. I'm split like some overcooked veggie. Now fashion is fully a middle-school bully. They give me a permanent...

BEISCHEL: Wedgie.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: If you manage...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...To get through junior high without being bullied, Levi's is ready to fill that hole in your perfect life. Their new line of Wedgie Fit jeans - that is what they are called - are designed to, quote, "showcase your best assets" by giving you a denim wedgie. Yes, these jeans make your butt look big, particularly compared to the narrow locker the genes also stuff you into.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Is this for men or for women?

SAGAL: This is for - definitely for women.

SALIE: Why do we do this?

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM BURKE: Can you tell Levi's that your undercarriage is like dogs, it doesn't like to be hugged?

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: I wonder if it just looks like a wedgie and doesn't feel like a wedgie because a wedgie doesn't feel good.

SAGAL: No, I - yes.

BURKE: Were you advertising these...

BODDEN: Well, maybe you're doing it wrong.

SAGAL: But...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Will do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Will did great - 3 and 0.

SAGAL: Congratulations Will.

BEISCHEL: Thanks.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks for playing, and we'll see you around town.

BEISCHEL: Thanks, it was a joy.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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