LYNN NEARY, HOST:
How do you like your coffee - black with sugar, lots of milk, no sugar, hazelnut flavored, not so much? Well, how about your iced coffee? Me, I like a lot of ice. I can't stand it when a barista drops a few measly ice cubes into my cup, which melt before I've even finished the coffee. Make that drink really cold, I say. Give me some ice to chew on now.
So I was doubly perplexed when I heard that a woman named Stacy Pincus has filed a class-action suit against Starbucks, claiming the coffee chain is cheating customers by putting too much ice in the iced coffee. Perplexed first because of my aforementioned preference for extra icy drinks, and second because - well, because this is ridiculous, isn't it? Are we such ineffective communicators that these days we can't just say not too much ice, please. Thanks so much. I appreciate that. Or in Starbucks lingo, light ice, please. Last time I looked, the Starbucks baristas were human beings who might just be won over by a polite request accompanied by a smile.
But then I started to wonder, could this excessive ice thing be considered nonfunctional slack fill? Don't know what that is? Let me explain. There's a law that regulates how empty space can fill out a product package, and it's at the center of a class-action suit against the McCormick spice company. You see, McCormick is selling three ounces of pepper and one ounce of air in a package that used to hold four full ounces of pepper. You're not allowed to do that under the non-functional slack fill law. So that complaint has a little more cred in my book. After all, I've gotten pretty annoyed a few times when I've opened a bag of potato chips only to discover it's half empty. As it turns out, that offense is not covered by the law. That slack space is functional. It helps to keep the chips from getting crushed. Confused? Well, that's the law for you.
But back to Starbucks for a moment. I have a much better idea for a class-action suit. I've been buying coffee there for a pretty long time. And every time I have to ask for venti anything, it just doesn't feel right. It's embarrassing and causes me emotional distress. I just want to go back to good old small, medium and large. What's so hard about that? I'm pretty sure I have a lawsuit here. Any lawyers out there? What do you think? There could be some money in it for you.
(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)
UNIDENTIFIED MAN: Money.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "MONEY, MONEY")
LIZA MINNELLI: (Singing) Money makes the world go round, the world go round, the world go round. Money makes the world go round. It makes the world go round. A mark, a yen, a buck or a pound is all that makes the world go round, that clinking clanking sound...
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