Limericks Bill reads three news-related limericks...Buy The Friendly Skies, Smooth Move, Feel the Peal
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Limericks

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Limericks

Limericks

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the gamer where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the contact us link on our website, which is waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at Tanglewood, out in Lenox, Mass., on September 1.

AMY DICKINSON: What?

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Yeah, it's Tanglewood. It's nice.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Also, check out our How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian explain how AC/DC might someday save your life. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

LINDA HERMAN: Hello?

SAGAL: Hey, who's this?

HERMAN: This is Linda Herman. I'm calling from Cleveland Heights, Ohio.

SAGAL: Cleveland Heights? It's like Cleveland but higher. I've been there.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What do you do there?

HERMAN: I am a prosecuting attorney.

SAGAL: No kidding?

(LAUGHTER)

HERMAN: Why is that funny (laughter)?

SAGAL: I'm going to say this, I don't know a lot of prosecutors, but you seem very nice.

MO ROCCA: And she seems very...

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: She seems very happy with her job.

SAGAL: Yeah. Do you have, like, a prosecutor voice that you need to use when you're presenting evidence and condemning somebody?

HERMAN: Actually, I do. And it's sort of the same as my mommy voice.

SAGAL: Oh, can I hear it?

HERMAN: I don't know if I can do it impromptu. You have to do something to piss me off.

DICKINSON: Well, we are...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, give me a few minutes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We'll see what we can do.

HERMAN: (Laughter) All right.

SAGAL: Welcome to the show, Linda. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Are you ready to play?

HERMAN: I am ready, sir.

SAGAL: All right, here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: For the armrest I hate to compete. Elbows tucked, yet I still cannot eat. But my app can compile empty windows and aisles. For a fee, I'll be changing my...

HERMAN: Seat?

SAGAL: Right, your seat.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: There is a new app...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Called Seateroo. It's like Airbnb for airplane seats. You can get out of your middle seat by buying somebody else's seat in the aisle.

ROCCA: Wow.

SAGAL: It's just like that app Kangaroo, where you can get out of your middle seat by buying a spot in the mucousy (ph) pouch of a marsupial.

ROCCA: Wait, does that mean that that person in the aisle or window then has to move into your middle seat?

SAGAL: Yeah.

ROCCA: So is it sort of like in the Civil War when you fought someone - paid someone to fight for you?

SAGAL: A little bit like that, yeah.

DICKINSON: You want to see where the babies are, I'm just saying.

SAGAL: Yes. You know what would be a great thing to do...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Get on the plane with your own screaming baby, buy somebody else's seat.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They switch with you, it's their problem.

DICKINSON: They get the baby.

ROCCA: Oh, great, great...

DICKINSON: Yeah.

ROCCA: ...Great.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I still think you should put the baby in the overhead.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: With signs of age, my face is sprinkled. A smile leaves my brow to chin crinkled. So I'll paint on some skin that's incredibly thin. And my face will no longer look...

HERMAN: Wrinkled.

SAGAL: Right...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Wrinkled.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: Smart prosecutor.

SAGAL: Scientists at MIT and Harvard have come up with a special varnish for your face to get rid of wrinkles. If you've ever weatherproofed a deck, it works the same way.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Oh yeah.

SAGAL: You sand it first - no, you put on this clear solution, and it kind of dries and tightens everything like a varnish. But it's temporary - be aware of this - so if you're on a date, you might want to skip dessert before your face melts.

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: So what...

DICKINSON: Wait, you know what else does that?

SAGAL: What?

DICKINSON: Scotch tape - not that I've tried - and also glue - Elmer's glue.

SAGAL: Elmer's glue?

DICKINSON: It just dries on - you know, you've put it on your hands.

SAGAL: Yeah.

DICKINSON: It dries and it tightens up...

SAGAL: Yeah.

DICKINSON: That's probably what it is. It's just glue.

ROCCA: But isn't that going to make you look crinklier if you have a film of Elmer's glue on you?

DICKINSON: I don't think you do a lot of expressing probably...

SAGAL: Yeah.

DICKINSON: ...While you're wearing the...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, I wouldn't put on glue because it's like yeah, I kissed her good night and I was stuck there for two hours.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Well, what's the difference between this and make-up? It's just more like...

SAGAL: This apparently gets rid of your wrinkles. You put it on, it goes zip and it tightens up and your wrinkles go away. And then your date leaves and it melts and you come back and she says oh, I was just here with your daughter. I...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Where did she go?

GROSZ: You can't have any candlelight dinners because the candle...

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: ...Would melt your face.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: This old rope workout does the job well. For my weight gain, this is the death knell. I end my gym search by joining a church. Like the Hunchback, I'm ringing the...

HERMAN: Bell.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Bell it is.

SAGAL: A church group in England...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Believes it can attract younger parishioners by touting the health benefits of ringing the church bells. This makes sense. We've all seen "The Hunchback Of Notre Dame." That guy was ripped.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Especially that one muscle on his back.

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: It was, like, super ripped.

SAGAL: Probably should work the other side...

GROSZ: Yeah.

SAGAL: ...For a while, don't you think?

GROSZ: Or switch the...

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: One delt (ph) is really...

SAGAL: Yes.

GROSZ: ...Huge...

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: ...(Unintelligible)...

DICKINSON: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Bill, how did Linda do on our quiz?

KURTIS: The prosecutor won - 3 and 0.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Linda.

HERMAN: Thank you. It was fun.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

HERMAN: Bye-bye.

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