OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:
Now let's bring our our VIP. You know him from the long-running television series "Dirty Jobs," and he's the host of CNN's "Somebody's Gotta Do It." It's Mike Rowe.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: So you hosted a show called "Dirty Jobs," but I want to talk about your many jobs. You have had many jobs in your career. For example, I did not know that you sang for the Baltimore Opera.
MIKE ROWE: I did. I did. Back in the '80s in Baltimore, it was very hard to get into the Screen Actors Guild and AFTRA. But AGMA, the union that oversaw the opera - if you could basically fake your way into that, you could pay your membership in the other unions.
EISENBERG: OK, you can't fake your way into opera.
ROWE: Sure you can. Sure you can. You can fake your way in anything.
(LAUGHTER)
ROWE: I mean, look at us.
EISENBERG: That is true. That is true.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: All right, so you scam your way into the Baltimore Opera.
ROWE: I did.
EISENBERG: Then you're hanging out and you decide, oh, you know what I should do, audition for QVC?
ROWE: Well, yes, that happened, but it wasn't quite, quite that - well, you know what, it was that random. It was a Sunday afternoon. And I was just in a repertory company. It's not like I had a real part or anything, so I didn't have to be on stage for about maybe two hours counting the intermission, you know?
So I walked across the street to the Mount Royal Tavern, and I sat down to have a beer and watch a quarter of the football game. But the bartender, a guy I knew forever named Rick, another actor who was spinning his wheels, wasn't watching the football game. He was watching a heavy guy in a shiny suit sell pots and pans, right?
So basically, Rick explains to me that the next morning they're having this open cattle call for auditions in the home shopping world. So I went the next morning down to the Marriott in the Inner Harbor in Baltimore, Md., and talked about a pencil for eight minutes until I got hired.
(APPLAUSE)
ROWE: Fired three times from QVC, by the way.
EISENBERG: Fired...
ROWE: Three times.
EISENBERG: But then rehired.
ROWE: Well, there's an interesting dynamic tension and a touch of what the shrinks might call cognitive dissonance in the home shopping world. You can either be very, very good at the business of selling things and thereby generate a bunch of money or you can be good at getting people to watch. And at 3 in the morning, I was better at getting people to watch the train wreck of my career.
(LAUGHTER)
ROWE: And I saw it as my duty not to disappoint them.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: So then you get this job hosting "Dirty Jobs." And when you're talking dirty jobs, I mean, you did some pretty heinous stuff. I mean, sure, there's window washing, but there's also, what, cow-bladder assembler, shark-repellent tester - that sounds dangerous.
ROWE: Where are you getting this information?
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: Was there any job that you thought, I want to do this full-time, I'm going to do this?
ROWE: You know, I remember farming taro, which is the key ingredient for poi, in one of the Hawaiian Islands. And it was so beautiful and we had so much fun I thought, yeah, I'd come back tomorrow. But I didn't.
(LAUGHTER)
ROWE: The best thing about the job was simply the fact that no two days in a row were the same.
EISENBERG: So as someone that has done it all, what is your job advice to people right now trying to find work?
ROWE: The idea that there's a perfect job is really comforting, but dangerous in the same way that there's a perfect soulmate. The guys I met on "Dirty Jobs" - and the women - by and large, were living proof that the first thing to do is to look around and see where everybody else is headed, and then go in the other direction. The second thing to do is embrace the thing that scares you, frightens you or otherwise makes you blanch.
The third thing to do is to become really, really good at that thing. And then the final thing, the thing that makes really happy people happy, is to figure out a way to love it.
EISENBERG: Right.
ROWE: Even at the height of the recession, right, when unemployment was 13 percent. I'd go in every single state. And when I sat down over a beer with the people who invited me out and asked them the single-hardest thing in their business, everyone said the same thing - finding people willing to learn a skill that's in demand, who show up early, stay late and good-naturedly take a bite of the poop sandwich when it comes around. I'm paraphrasing.
EISENBERG: Yeah.
ROWE: But that's it, right? That's it.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: Mike, would you like to lead a game on our show?
ROWE: Say, that be fantastic.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: Let's meet our next two contestants, Sam Hammersley.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: You are a freestyle rapper at Universal Studios.
SAM HAMMERSLEY: That is correct.
EISENBERG: All right.
HAMMERSLEY: That's a job.
EISENBERG: We also have Kari Schouveller. You are a financial analyst for Disney.
KARI SCHOUVELLER: That is correct.
EISENBERG: How is Disney doing? Are they doing OK?
SCHOUVELLER: Disney is doing very well, yeah.
EISENBERG: They're doing very well?
SCHOUVELLER: (Laughter).
EISENBERG: Now, Mike, as we mentioned, used to sell stuff on the shopping channel QVC. So we're going to call upon your salesman skills in this game. You are going to sell objects to our two contestants as if they were QVC shoppers, except for these objects could be anything. They could be priceless artifacts, landmarks, trash, whatever. Mike, you can say anything you want to sell these products because that is your gift.
ROWE: You realize I was fired three times?
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: You can buzz in as soon as you know, OK? But be careful because if you guess incorrectly, your opponent will get to hear more of Mike's sales pitch and perhaps, get the point.
HAMMERSLEY: All right.
EISENBERG: All right, I'm excited. Here we go. Take it away, Mike.
ROWE: Holy smokes. Look at this collectible in my hands right now. I wish you could feel it because it almost feels as though it's made out of animal skin. Yes, I'm almost certain this is parchment. How unique. What a wonderful thing...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SCHOUVELLER: The U.S. Constitution.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: Kari went with the U.S. Constitution. That is not what we were looking for. Go head, Mike.
ROWE: What a super way to impress your friends by putting this in a tasteful frame and mounting it on the mantle.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
EISENBERG: Sam.
HAMMERSLEY: Sheepskin.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: All right. Mike was talking about the Declaration of Independence.
SCHOUVELLER: I was so close, so close.
EISENBERG: OK, let's go on to the next one.
ROWE: This - as collectibles go - this is heavier than the last one, I'll tell you that. And if I'm not mistaken, I believe it's constructed entirely of silver and a nickel alloy. And it combines form and function, as well. I think you could actually drink out of this. Champagne, I think, would go down nicely.
SCHOUVELLER: The Holy Grail?
EISENBERG: Kari, I like that you're buzzing in early with a good idea but incorrect.
(LAUGHTER)
ROWE: Very enthusiastic.
HAMMERSLEY: Enthusiastic but wrong.
ROWE: Yeah. I see it's engraved with so many names, many of which are misspelled, but that just adds to the character. In past years, this particular collectible has been all over the country - to Chicago and Los Angeles...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
HAMMERSLEY: A traveling chalice.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: We were looking for the Stanley Cup.
(LAUGHTER)
ROWE: But, Sam, I've got to tell you that traveling chalice would look fantastic next to that sheepskin.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: Let's see how you guys do with this next one.
ROWE: What a special day for me. I didn't think I'd ever have a chance to sell one of these. Energy is so important these days, and if you find yourself interested in converting one kind of energy into another kind of energy, this is going to look fantastic in your front lawn.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
EISENBERG: Sam.
HAMMERSLEY: A dehydrator.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: It's interesting that you would think that we would use an answer earlier in the show again later in the show. Incorrect.
ROWE: Unlike a dehydrator or, say, a nuclear reactor, this bit of energy-saving technology goes all the way back to the 1st century. You can even see them today on miniature golf courses. It's the perfect...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
EISENBERG: Kari.
SCHOUVELLER: Is it a windmill?
EISENBERG: Yes, it's a windmill.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: So gratifying, Mike. It's so gratifying.
ROWE: This is why I never sold anything on that damn channel.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: Puzzle guru Art Chung, how did our contestants do?
ART CHUNG: It was a rough start but a great finish. Congratulations Kari, you're moving on to the final round at the end of the show.
(APPLAUSE)
EISENBERG: Mike Rowe, you were an absolute delight. I was so happy to talk to you, and thanks for the job advice because I'm going to go get a skill.
ROWE: I think you're doing just fine...
EISENBERG: Oh, you're the sweetest.
ROWE: ...With whatever this is.
EISENBERG: Whatever it is.
ROWE: I really do. Thanks for having me.
EISENBERG: Thanks again to Mike Rowe, everybody.
(APPLAUSE)
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