Limericks Bill reads three news-related limericks... What's Ursine, Brush With Fame, The Theory of Relativity
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Limericks

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Limericks

Limericks

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924 or you can click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at Tanglewood in Lenox, Mass., on September 1. Also, check out the How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian tell you how to be slightly less awkward when talking to other people on the elevator - slightly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

CORRIE JAMES: Hello, this is Corrie James.

SAGAL: Hey, Corrie James. How are you?

JAMES: I'm very well, and I'm calling you from Easton, Md.

SAGAL: Easton, Md.

JAMES: Yeah, on the eastern shore of the Chesapeake Bay.

SAGAL: You have a very distinct voice. I can say that on brief acquaintance.

JAMES: Well, thank you, I think.

SAGAL: Do you talk for a living?

JAMES: I do.

SAGAL: Oh, what do you do?

JAMES: I narrate audiobooks.

SAGAL: You narrate audiobooks?

JAMES: I do.

SAGAL: That's awesome.

JAMES: Oh, thank you.

SAGAL: Do you specialize in a particular genre?

JAMES: No, I get all sorts of things - fiction, nonfiction, biography and quite a lot of romance novels.

SAGAL: Oh, do you really?

JAMES: I do. Yes.

SAGAL: Do you have to do, like, the sexy scenes?

JAMES: Yes.

SAGAL: Oh.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

LUKE BURBANK: Is there any book you couldn't do, you think? Like, could you do "Art Of The Deal" by Donald Trump?

(LAUGHTER)

JAMES: I - I'll have a go.

SAGAL: Yeah. Corrie, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in the last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Are you ready to play?

JAMES: I am, thank you.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: As snowstorms thaw out and get drizzly, our ursine affairs get real sizzly. Bears shaggy and brown come up north to get down. And this polar bear mates with a...

JAMES: Grizzly.

SAGAL: Yes indeed, a grizzly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Reports of grizzly bears and polar bears mating are becoming more common because the melting Arctic is forcing polar bears to inhabit more grizzly territory. The scientific term for the phenomenon is called a flexible mating choice.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That is now the most popular characteristic listed on bear Tinder profiles.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Actually, we're kidding - bears use a special dating app. It's called MaulR (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

ROY BLOUNT JR.: Could you give us a reading of a romantic meeting between a grizzly and a polar bear?

(LAUGHTER)

JAMES: (Imitating bears).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Basically, grizzlies - grizzlies, like to - we presume mate with grizzlies. That's why we have grizzly bears. They're mating with polar bears 'cause they have to. It's basically, bear goggles.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

BURBANK: I love...

BLOUNT JR.: Oh my.

BURBANK: I love the idea that there's, like, grizzlies in the stream, you know, they're hanging out, they're eating salmon. And then, the days getting longer and now it's night and then almost everyone's gone and there's just one polar bear left.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURBANK: All right, you'll do.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Wait, in defense of polar bears, polar bears are beautiful bears. I would even hazard to say that they are prettier than grizzly bears.

BLOUNT JR.: When you started saying I would even...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We were wondering how you tore your dress, Roxanne.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is the thing, so you're like, grizzly bears - they're scary. Polar bears are scary. Their hybrids must be terrifying. But scientists call these bears pizzly bears or polizzlies or this is true pizzly-grizzlies.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So remember that as you're being torn apart by this beast. Ha ha, you're a pizzly-grizzly, that's funny.

BURBANK: You know there is some lady somewhere that sells purebred pizzlies and there's a two-year waiting list.

SAGAL: You know it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

JAMES: OK.

KURTIS: I'm putting my toothpaste on, hush. This website is going to crush. It's a dizzying site, if I'm doing it right. I live stream my mouth as I...

JAMES: Brush.

KURTIS: Brush.

SAGAL: Yes, as you brush.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Chewbacca mom is not the only one lighting the world on fire with live streaming. Now you can broadcast the inside of your mouth as you brush your teeth. The toothbrush is called Prophix. It let's you see what's going on when you brush your teeth from a little camera inside. It's like Katie Couric's televised colonoscopy but for the whole in your face.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT JR.: God.

ROBERTS: You had to use that analogy.

SAGAL: Yeah I did.

ROBERTS: Yeah. Yeah.

BURBANK: This is designed as a dental tool because presumably, if you can see what you're actually doing inside your mouth...

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURBANK: ...You'll do a better job...

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURBANK: ...at the brushing.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BLOUNT JR.: But you also think oh, God.

SAGAL: Nobody wants to see the inside of your mouth.

BURBANK: But have people actually taken to streaming this yet?

SAGAL: I don't know. I hope not.

BURBANK: Because I can tell you if somebody set that up, there would be hundreds of thousands of viewers.

SAGAL: Really?

BURBANK: Yeah, and they'd mostly be German.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Any weirdness going on on the internet, there's a lot of Germans that want to watch it.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

JAMES: OK.

KURTIS: Your ideal I do not match too snugly. So go ahead, condescend smugly. I'm the best you can do, and you know I'll stay true. So choose me, although I am...

JAMES: Ugly.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Well, you're something.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A new study this week found that our satisfaction with our romantic partners is directly related to how they compare to the people around us - right? So how attractive you find somebody depends on what else you have to look at. So this theory is called...

BLOUNT JR.: Like, if you're in jail that would be...

SAGAL: What?

BLOUNT JR.: In jail that would be a big factor.

SAGAL: Yeah, exactly.

BURBANK: Or if you're a polar bear.

SAGAL: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What if global warming brings those bear hybrids down to isolated settlements in Alaska? We'll start seeing grizzly-pizzly Jeffs.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Corrie do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Corrie got the trifecta. Corrie, you're very good, 3-and-0.

JAMES: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you, Corrie, pleasure to hear your voice.

(APPLAUSE)

JAMES: Thank you.

SAGAL: Take care.

JAMES: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "IF YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY")

JIMMY SOUL: (Singing) If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view, get that ugly girl to marry you. If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.

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