In 'Black Stars,' Xenia Rubinos Memorializes Many Lives In One
RACHEL MARTIN, HOST:
Taking care of a loved one from afar is tough. Xenia Rubinos is a keyboardist from Brooklyn. And when her dad was suffering from Parkinson's disease, she flew to Florida every month to visit. She'd pick up groceries and check in with his caregivers. It was an emotionally wrenching time. But Xenia turned it into a song. It is called "Black Stars." And it's on her new album "Black Terry Cat."
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BLACK STARS")
XENIA RUBINOS: (Singing) You're going to tell him what you want to. You're a million black stars in that fearless night again. You're going to tell him what he wants to. He's a million black stars. And he's going to live a million years.
One of the last times I spoke to my dad, he told me this story about when he was a kid. And it was about him living for a really, really long time. And that was, like, one of the last memories I have of us laughing together because it was such an absurd and funny story. And he seemed like a child telling me about it. So some of that is in that first verse about living forever.
(SOUNDBITE OF XENIA RUBINOS SONG, "BLACK STARS")
RUBINOS: I was also really inspired by the Black Lives Matter movement. And I wanted to say the word black as much as I could in the first couple verses of this song and throughout it. And as I was going back to listen to the lyrics, they started to take on this new meaning to me as I was thinking about all these lives that were lost. And I had heard this back factoid about when you look up at the night sky, you might be seeing the light of these stars that no longer exist, that they've died. But their light is still shining. And I thought that was this kind of perfect definition of what a black star is.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BLACK STARS")
RUBINOS: (Singing) Million black stars in that fearless black night again. He's going to tell you what you want to hear. You're a million black stars in that fearless black night again.
My dad didn't know that I'd written this song inspired by a visit with us. He hadn't heard it, and I didn't tell him about it. But in his last couple weeks, I sang to him every day. And that's something that I hadn't done before actually. I rarely ever sang for my dad. My dad was a huge classical music fan, an opera fan. So for him, modern music was Stravinsky.
So he wasn't a huge fan, I think, of my particular writing style a lot of times (laughter), so I think I was shy to play him my music and to even sing for him. But he would often ask me to sing him his favorite old Cuban songs and ballads. And he would ask me when I was going to record a record of those. And I never did, but I was hoping it would trigger something in his brain and would help him snap out of it.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BLACK STARS")
RUBINOS: (Singing unintelligibly).
Ultimately, I had to make the decision whether or not to keep him on life support. Needless to say, a really intense and traumatic experience for me that totally shifted me off course and changed my life forever. So I think there's a lot of feelings and emotion and thoughts that I don't have the words to describe yet and that maybe I won't ever have the worst to describe, but I think that you can feel in this song.
(SOUNDBITE OF XENIA RUBINOS SONG, "BLACK STARS")
RUBINOS: When I came back and I was trying to sing this record, I just - I felt like I didn't know my own voice. I felt I'd gone through puberty all over again or something. So this last year has just been this new discovery of this other voice that I have now that I think is partly a result of that time that I spent singing to him.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BLACK STARS")
RUBINOS: (Singing) You figure it out. I'll get you to tell me which way to run - which way to run. I'm scared. I'm scared. Blue sky...
MARTIN: Xenia Rubinos, this song "Black Stars" is on her new album "Black Terry Cat." This is WEEKEND EDITION from NPR news. I'm Rachel Martin.
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