Limericks Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Thirst Quencher, Pumpkin Head, and Tree Huggers.
NPR logo

Limericks

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/493395555/493414447" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript
Limericks

Limericks

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/493395555/493414447" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill-In-The-Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call and leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website. It's waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. Or if you prefer, why not our upcoming show in Nashville, Tenn., on November 3?

ADAM FELBER: Wow.

SAGAL: Yes.

Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

ANDREW MICHAEL: Hello. This is Andrew from Louisville, Ky.

SAGAL: Hey. How are things in Louisville?

MICHAEL: Things are great. Super hot, but they're starting to cool down finally.

SAGAL: Finally, finally. Are you a big enjoyer of bourbon being from Louisville?

MICHAEL: I actually am not. And if - this isn't getting broadcast is it?

SAGAL: No, absolutely not.

FELBER: I hope not.

MICHAEL: I'm the only one here who isn't...

SAGAL: Are you really? Are you actually afraid that if your friends and family find out that as a Louisville resident you don't like bourbon they'll run you out of town?

MICHAEL: (Laughter) Yeah, that or they'll throw some sort of bourbon Molotov cocktails in an ironic (unintelligible)...

SAGAL: (Laughter) Yes. Well, welcome to the show, Andrew. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks you will be a winner. Ready to play?

MICHAEL: Yes, I am.

SAGAL: All right, let's hear your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Our electrolytes might do a greater trade if our drinks get organic and tailor-made. The sports drink's appeal is that flavors are real. And the sugar's organic in...

MICHAEL: Gatorade.

SAGAL: Gatorade. Yes.

SAGAL: This week, Gatorade announced it will be offering G-Organic, a healthier version of its colored sugar water. So next time you take a deep drink of Arctic Blitz Gatorade, say, you can be confident it was made the only real, cage-free arctic blitzes (ph).

SAGAL: Actually, it's just made with organic sugar. So congratulations, your adult onset diabetes is now all natural.

LUKE BURBANK: I was, you know, like, I played sports as a kid. And we were really into Gatorade. And I would sort of be reenacting the commercials where you're, like, running and then you're sweating and drinking the Gatorade, it's replacing everything. Now I use it to reward myself if I return, like, five emails in an afternoon.

SAGAL: Really?

BURBANK: It's not as strenuous, the stuff that I need the Gatorade to replenish.

SAGAL: But still, I mean, that took calories. You deserve a Gatorade.

BURBANK: Yeah, thank you.

SAGAL: All right, Andrew, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Fall flavors make up the base of our highlight and eye shadow case. A shade we call pumpkin spice makes every bumpkin nice. A latte to spread on the...

MICHAEL: Face.

SAGAL: Yes...

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Your face. Summer is over, it's coming up on fall.

SAGAL: So put out - put away your white burkinis and get out your pumpkin spice lattes. But for some people, it's not enough to merely drink pumpkin spice lattes. They want to spread it on their eyes, and now you can. For $5, Feather River Body - that's a makeup company - is selling pumpkin spice latte highlighter makeup. The orange powder has flecks of gold sparkle in it to give your face that glittery, Trump-like glow.

SAGAL: But be careful, if you apply too much pumpkin spice latte makeup to your face, teenage white girls will try to lick you.

SAGAL: Here, Andrew, is your last limerick.

KURTIS: This park is a social disease. Adding saplings is bound to displease. They add shade to the park and crime lurks in the dark. So I protest the planting of...

MICHAEL: Trees.

SAGAL: Yes, trees.

SAGAL: Calgary resident Ellen Burgess is taking a stand against big-city developers trying to ruin her favorite park, which they want to do by adding trees to it. She is fighting to preserve the park's natural beauty and those bastards are trying to plant 15 more trees in it. It's not that Mrs. Burgess hates shade or oxygen. She's afraid the trees will, quote - and I'm not kidding - "give people more places to hide," and, quote, "that means more naughty things will be done."

SAGAL: It's a noble crusade. She has her work cut out for her because you know what else you can do naughty things behind? Everything.

BURBANK: Wait until she takes that trip to Italy.

SAGAL: Yeah.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Andrew do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He got every single one right.

SAGAL: Congratulations. That's how it's done.

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Andrew.

MICHAEL: Thank you.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

Copyright © 2016 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.