Panelist Questions Singles Market, Instrument Of Theft.

Panelist Questions

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KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Mo Rocca, Tom Bodett and Helen Hong. And here, again, is your host at the Bushnell in Hartford, Conn., Peter Sagal.


Thank you, Bill.


SAGAL: Thank you so much. In just a minute, Bill appoints the first ever secretary of rhyme, Limer-Rex (ph) Tillerson.


SAGAL: The Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Helen, forget dating apps. According to a recent article published in The Wall Street Journal, more and more young couples are meeting where?

HELEN HONG: In Lyfts and Ubers.

SAGAL: No, although I'm sure they are, but that's not what The Wall Street Journal wrote about.

HONG: OK. Can I have a hint?

SAGAL: Yes. Clean up in aisle 3. Hook up in aisle 4.

HONG: At the grocery store?

SAGAL: Yes, at the grocery store.


SAGAL: Why not? It's literally a meat market.


SAGAL: One woman explained why it's great to meet people at the supermarket. She said, quote, "you get a chance to talk. There's another task to focus on. You're not worried about impressing the other person." See?

HONG: That's true. I always - I hell it up when I go to Trader Joe's, for sure.


HONG: Yeah. I wear a push-up bra and the whole nine.

SAGAL: Really?

HONG: Yeah. And I just hang out, like, by the dairy.

MO ROCCA: By the dairy?

HONG: Yes.

ROCCA: I'm looking for a couple of milk jugs.


ROCCA: No, actually I am - literally.

SAGAL: I know. I understand. Yeah. You can't go too desperate. There's nothing worse than going to the checkout and grabbing an impulse boyfriend from the rack they have there.


TOM BODETT: Yeah, they say don't go shopping hungry. That's...


HONG: Yeah.

SAGAL: Helen, there's a crime spree sweeping the nation. People are stealing what in order to resell them?

HONG: I need a hint.

SAGAL: Make sure you get the real thing because you don't want to cut with a sousaphone or French horn.

HONG: Like, wind instrument?

SAGAL: A specific brass instrument.

HONG: Trumpets?

SAGAL: Well, actually, the reason this is so surprising is these things are really hard to slip under your coat and run out.


HONG: Tubas.

SAGAL: Yes. Tubas.

HONG: What?


SAGAL: There is a tuba theft crime wave sweeping the nation. That's why you can't find your tuba.


SAGAL: It really is news that cuts deep for everyone who was last in line to pick an instrument for band.


SAGAL: Tuba thefts are rampant.

HONG: Really?

SAGAL: Tubas are being reported stolen from band rooms, garages, music venues, presumably for their high resale value, or because of the rise in prominent public figures who need music to underline their enormous fails (imitates tuba).

ROCCA: Oh, right. That's what the tuba's for.


BODETT: Is it just, like, for the scrap metal, I wonder? I mean, that's a lot of metal and a big hole.

HONG: Yeah.

SAGAL: I don't know. Presumably, there - but some of these tubas are very expensive, and they're demanding, I guess, you know, big bucks in the black tuba market.

HONG: Yeah. How do you sneak out with a tuba?

SAGAL: I don't know. You could...

HONG: You'd have to be wearing a really big skirt.


SAGAL: You could climb it - you could turn it upside down, climb into it and then start walking away. When everybody looks at you, just tuck down so the tuba's just sitting there on the ground.


ROCCA: I could see a tuba stowing away on a ship.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah. It sort of sticks out there. It just hangs on the deck, and nobody thinks it's...

ROCCA: Yeah.

BODETT: No, I mean, you just take accomplices. You get a guy with a snare drum and another guy with a trombone, and you get the thing. You put on the hat...

HONG: Yeah.

BODETT: ...With the tassel on top. You walk right down the middle of the street with it, everybody moves aside, claps as you go by, and off you go. That's how you do it.


HONG: Genius.

BODETT: Yeah. See?


SAGAL: The crime wave has resulted in a number of brass bands canceling gigs, and a number of former tuba players getting dates for the first time.


SAGAL: People are saying, I could never appreciate you for what you were because the view was blocked by that enormous honking thing.

HONG: I feel like you could just do the tuba noise with your own mouth, like, (imitates tuba).


HONG: Right? I did it just then.

SAGAL: You did. I couldn't tell the difference. I thought you had a tuba.

HONG: Right?


SAGAL: It was amazing.


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