Limericks Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Wooly Wonder, Go To The Light and Stinky Clean.
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Limericks

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Limericks

Limericks

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website - waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at Tanglewood in western Massachusetts. That's June 21.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

ZACH SCHULTE: Hi, how are you doing?

SAGAL: I'm doing fine. Who's this?

SCHULTE: This is Zach from Denver.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Denver? I love Denver.

SCHULTE: Yeah, me too.

(LAUGHTER)

MAZ JOBRANI: Is - are you smoking a joint as - are you getting high as you talk to us?

SCHULTE: No, I thought I'd keep my edge.

SAGAL: I think that's important. Zachary, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?

SCHULTE: I am.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: That cloner, me thinks that he scammeth (ph). It's an Arctic rebirth that he planneth (ph). An extinct, woolly beast shall become re-released, and the frost lands are saved by the...

SCHULTE: Woolly mammoth?

SAGAL: Yes, the mammoth.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: That's very good.

SAGAL: I know.

HELEN HONG: That was a hard one.

SAGAL: Good thing you kept your edge. Harvard University scientists have been working on a project to splice preserved woolly mammoth DNA with DNA from a modern elephant and bring back the mammoth. They published some papers this week saying that they're closer to it. They think that these cloned mammoths could then revitalize the Arctic by re-stimulating its natural ecosystem and make the Arctic more terrifying to humans than ever.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The scientists have now projected a two-year plan to resurrect the mammoth...

JOBRANI: Whoa.

SAGAL: ...Which is embarrassing to those of us who take two years to repaint the living room.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: So they're actually going to create, like, actual...

SAGAL: The idea is that they - one day, they will announce the birth of the first mammoth in 25,000 years.

HONG: Wow. But it's spliced with elephant genes.

SAGAL: Yes.

HONG: So it's like an elephantited (ph) mammoth.

SAGAL: Yes. It's a mammoth-elephant hybrid.

HONG: Oh, yeah.

MO ROCCA: It's like a mammoth-doodle.

SAGAL: Yeah, pretty much.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here, Zach, is your next limerick.

KURTIS: My dog marks his world with a damp host. I encourage and say, go on, champ - boast. Courts give you the right to piddle on lights. Old dogs can still pee on a...

SCHULTE: Lamppost?

SAGAL: Yes, a lamppost.

KURTIS: Yes - my goodness.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Good news for British dogs...

KURTIS: Listen to you.

SAGAL: ...A judge in London has ruled that dogs will not get arrested for peeing on lampposts.

HONG: (Laughter).

SAGAL: The Public Spaces Protection Order - also known as the no, no, no, no act...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Anyway, this act came about after lawmakers were emboldened by the success of the No Jumping Act of 2017.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But fortunately for dog walkers everywhere, London's high court overturned the law this week, meaning dogs are now free to go wherever they please with no fear of punishment. But if you think about it, dogs would probably love jail. The room comes with a toilet to drink from.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Were they arresting the dogs or just giving citations to the owner?

SAGAL: I think they were giving citations.

JOBRANI: Yeah, it wasn't, like, freeze - put your hands...

SAGAL: Yeah.

JOBRANI: ...And legs up.

SAGAL: Yeah, exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And the dog is, like, one leg already is, man.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Though I'm clean and I'm smelling like flowers, I am robbing my skin of its powers. It simply can't cope with water and soap. It suffers from too many...

SCHULTE: Hours?

SAGAL: No.

HONG: No.

SAGAL: Clean...

HONG: (Imitating shower).

SAGAL: Skin...

SCHULTE: Showers.

SAGAL: Showers.

KURTIS: Showers it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SCHULTE: Of course.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Research shows frequent showering damages the skin by removing the outer layer more frequently than it can regenerate. This leads to dry, brittle skin. So not showering for days at a time is the best way to get beautiful skin that no one will ever come near.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Zachary do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Zach bounced that third one in there, so we're going to give you a big win - 3-0.

SAGAL: Thank you so much, Zach.

SCHULTE: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations. May this be the first of many successes. Take care, Zach.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SPLISH SPLASH")

BOBBY DARIN: (Singing) Splish, splash, I was taking a bath long about a Saturday night, yeah...

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