JONATHAN COULTON: From NPR and WNYC, coming to you from the historic Balboa Theatre in beautiful San Diego, Calif., it's NPR's hour of puzzles, word games and trivia - ASK ME ANOTHER. I'm Jonathan Coulton. Now here's your host, Ophira Eisenberg.
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OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:
Hello. Wow, this is so great. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Oh, my God, this is amazing. We are super psyched to be here. We are super psyched just to be in San Diego. Let's be honest.
COULTON: (Laughter) That's true.
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EISENBERG: It's a nice change. It's a nice change from New York, I got to tell you. And this is a very special episode. We are calling this a California Christmas.
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EISENBERG: And for our listeners who don't know, a California Christmas is pretty much like a regular Christmas, but you decorate your tree animal-style.
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EISENBERG: Right? Everyone argues over who gets to put the double-double on the top of the tree. (Laughter) And you know it's over when you have that bittersweet moment of just vacuuming grilled onion bits from your rug.
(CHEERING)
EISENBERG: It's all over. So you're - you have kids.
COULTON: Yeah.
EISENBERG: Do a little Christmas?
COULTON: Yeah, we do Christmas.
EISENBERG: You do Christmas with the kids? That's nice.
COULTON: We don't withhold it from them, yeah.
EISENBERG: (Laughter) Do you do the Elf on the Shelf thing?
COULTON: I can't stand the Elf on a shelf.
EISENBERG: Really? Yeah.
COULTON: Somebody sent me the Elf on a Shelf, was like, oh, do this with the kids. It'll be fun.
EISENBERG: Yeah.
COULTON: And then I read about it. I mean, it's - first of all, it's creepy. It's a doll that gets up and walks around your house at night. I don't like that. Also, it just sits there and watches you the whole time.
EISENBERG: That's the idea, right?
COULTON: It's like a spy camera. I don't want my children to be under surveillance at all times.
EISENBERG: Right, and, like, supposed to put them on edge a little bit - are they being nice?
COULTON: Yeah, I don't care for it.
EISENBERG: Yeah. So it's popular, and they don't want Jewish kids to be left out. So they've made a Mensch on a Bench.
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EISENBERG: Seriously, and it's just an old guy - not as cute as an elf. I'm just going to say that right now.
COULTON: (Laughter).
EISENBERG: It's an old guy on a bench that watches you.
COULTON: He's just barely paying attention too.
EISENBERG: (Laughter) Yeah, exactly.
COULTON: He doesn't know what's going on.
EISENBERG: Not at my house. We - at my house, we have an Ativan on an Ottoman. That's...
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EISENBERG: ...How we celebrate. So we have two amazing guests on the show. We have "American Idol" alum Adam Lambert.
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EISENBERG: And we have skateboarding legend Tony Hawk.
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EISENBERG: And I know what you're saying - what a natural combination. Together at last, together at last - both San Diego natives.
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EISENBERG: Yeah, I know. You guys produce a lot of good things - produce a lot of good things. Have you played Tony Hawk - any of Tony Hawk's video games?
COULTON: I have, yeah. I've played one of the skateboarding games, yeah.
EISENBERG: Yeah? How'd you do?
COULTON: Terribly.
EISENBERG: Terribly?
COULTON: Yeah.
EISENBERG: It's hard.
COULTON: It's hard.
EISENBERG: Yeah, the first one...
COULTON: Just like real skateboarding (laughter).
EISENBERG: Just like - really - right, it's super hard. Yeah, the first one is called Tony Hawk: Pro Skater, and it inspired me. I actually have a video game in development. It's called Ophira Eisenberg: Procrastinator. And...
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EISENBERG: ...You get to maneuver your mini Ophira around the streets of New York and collect coins. If you get enough, you get to do a load of laundry. Yeah (laughter).
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EISENBERG: Oh no, you let your Ophira drink four glasses of wine. Oh, try to get those scissors out of her hands before she cuts her own bangs (laughter).
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EISENBERG: All right, let's play some games, everybody.
(SOUNDBITE OF FRANCK FOSSEY'S "CHRISTMAS'N'SOUL")
EISENBERG: Our first game is about gifts. You know what they say - it's the thought that counts. But why do we only say that when the gift sucks (laughter)? Let's meet our contestants. First up, Tyler Parthemer, you're a community outreach coordinator. And you're currently reading your way through Agatha Christie novels.
TYLER PARTHEMER: Yes, so Hercule Poirot - so she's got, I think, 22 novels and then 122 short stories. So it comes out to 44 books. And I just started "Curtain," which is the last one, so...
EISENBERG: And?
PARTHEMER: I love them all.
EISENBERG: Yeah.
PARTHEMER: I always try to guess who the murderer is. And that always just blows me away that these books were written back in the '20s and '30s and '40s, and I always think, oh, I can figure out who this is. And I think I've guessed one out of all the stories, so - yep.
EISENBERG: Yeah, that sounds so fun. When you ring in, we're going to hear this.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
EISENBERG: Your opponent is Annie O'Reilly. You're a high school English teacher.
ANNIE O'REILLY: I am.
EISENBERG: Thank you.
O'REILLY: I am.
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EISENBERG: You're a huge Thomas Pynchon fan. And every time you finish a book, you get a tattoo.
O'REILLY: I do, yes.
EISENBERG: OK, is...
O'REILLY: This is named the Pynchon arm.
EISENBERG: You have an arm that is called (laughter) the Pynchon arm.
O'REILLY: It's the Pynchon arm.
EISENBERG: All right, let's describe one of the tattoos for our listeners.
O'REILLY: OK. On the top of my shoulder, I have a rainbow parabola ending in a V-2 rocket for "Gravity's Rainbow." I've only read that three times. I'm sorry.
EISENBERG: Oh.
O'REILLY: Yeah.
EISENBERG: (Laughter) Good. That's fantastic. Annie, when you ring in, we'll hear this.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
EISENBERG: All right, Tyler and Annie, whoever has more points after two games will go to our final round. This game is called Many Happy Returns. It's gift-giving season, but they all can't be winners. So we will describe a horrible gift that we made up. And your job is to rearrange its letters to turn it into a toy that is in the National Toy Hall of Fame. OK, ring in to answer. Here we go.
Make your rodent a furry hottie with some Hot Rat Pomade, or shuffle the letters to get a Tweakable Tuber, the first toy advertised on TV.
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EISENBERG: Annie.
O'REILLY: Mr. Potato Head.
EISENBERG: Yeah, that's right.
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EISENBERG: My favorite thing about Mr. Potato Head? He carries his wardrobe in his butt.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: Super convenient, right?
O'REILLY: Absolutely.
COULTON: And parts of his face.
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EISENBERG: Parts of his face - right - can change out his eyes. I got you a lemon-flavored Bluetooth gadget. It's a Sour Speaker. Or you could trade it in for this water-shooting toy prototyped by a NASA engineer from a PVC pipe and a soda bottle.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
EISENBERG: Tyler.
PARTHEMER: Super Soaker.
EISENBERG: Yeah, that's right.
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EISENBERG: I've been called a sour speaker...
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EISENBERG: ...On the socials.
COULTON: (Laughter) I made you a meat doll.
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EISENBERG: As you do.
COULTON: (Laughter) He's called Sir Beef. But maybe you would rather toss around this toy, once marketed as the Pluto Platter.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
COULTON: Tyler.
PARTHEMER: Frisbee.
COULTON: Frisbee - you got it.
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EISENBERG: You'll have tons of fun with this action figure of a bewildered grandmother. It's Egad Granny. But just in case, I saved the gift receipt, so you can trade for this doll with yarn hair and a stitched-on face.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
EISENBERG: Annie.
O'REILLY: Raggedy Ann.
EISENBERG: Yeah, that's right.
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COULTON: You loved "Ocean's 8," so I got you this board game called Go Female Thief.
(LAUGHTER)
COULTON: Or you could exchange it for this game about school, work, marriage, children and retirement.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
COULTON: Tyler.
PARTHEMER: The Game of Life.
COULTON: Well done, that's right.
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EISENBERG: Nobody really likes that game, right?
COULTON: (Laughter).
PARTHEMER: I like that game.
EISENBERG: Tyler, what do you like about it?
PARTHEMER: Just that your life follows a trajectory, and...
(LAUGHTER)
PARTHEMER: You get to buy a house at one point.
COULTON: (Laughter).
PARTHEMER: You know, it's all guaranteed.
(LAUGHTER)
PARTHEMER: So I like that security.
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EISENBERG: All right, that was a great game. Tyler is in the lead.
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