JONATHAN COULTON: From NPR and WNYC, coming to you from The Bell House in beautiful Brooklyn, N.Y., it's NPR's hour of puzzles, word games and trivia, ASK ME ANOTHER. I'm Jonathan Coulton. Now here's your host, Ophira Eisenberg.
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OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:
Hello, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome. We have a great show for you. As you may know, we have four brilliant contestants. They are going to be out here playing nerdy games with us. But right now, they are backstage. They're all sharing their hot takes on the movie "Green Book," which none of them have seen.
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EISENBERG: And one of them will become our big winner. And this is our Valentine's Day show, everybody.
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EISENBERG: Yeah. I know. I know. So my husband and I - we've been together 10 years. We met offline - not called real life anymore - offline.
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EISENBERG: But I did a lot of dating when I moved here. I was on JDate. I found it very hard because on JDate at the time - so you had your picture. You wrote your profile. And then you were supposed to put, like, a couple words on your picture - like, a tagline to get people excited to check you out. And I did not know how to describe myself in a couple of words. You know, at the time, I was, like, I'm in my thirties. I've kind of been around the block. You know, like...
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EISENBERG: What do I put? So finally I just put, as is.
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EISENBERG: A real fixer-upper - yeah.
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EISENBERG: Hobbies include depression...
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EISENBERG: ...And making you guess why I'm angry.
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EISENBERG: It's a fun thing. Do you ever have that moment in your relationship where someone's just passive-aggressively angry, and you have to decide...
COULTON: I feel like that's...
EISENBERG: ...What happened (laughter)?
COULTON: ...Most of what a relationship is.
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EISENBERG: That is most of what a relationship is.
COULTON: It's what you do. You think of new ways of expressing but not really expressing your anger.
EISENBERG: No.
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COULTON: And you gradually learn that the other person - what it looks like when they're angry, and you learn to ignore it.
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EISENBERG: Right. Just gloss over it.
COULTON: Yeah.
EISENBERG: On our show - we have two special guests on this show. We have amazing comedian returning to our show, Michael Ian Black.
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EISENBERG: Michael Ian Black also has a podcast called Obscure, where he reads Thomas Hardy's book "Jude The Obscure" out loud and comments on it, which - this is actually the template for the future of American education. This is how people are going to learn about classic literature. They're going to listen to podcasts of classic works read by celebrities. That's how it's going to work. Homework is going to be, like, listen to "Jane Eyre" as read by Post Malone. You know...
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EISENBERG: ...That's going to be the thing. After that, listen to RuPaul's "A Brief History Of Time."
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EISENBERG: We also have relationship expert Esther Perel on the show.
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EISENBERG: Her podcast is called Where Should We Begin? It takes you inside her office where she offers couples therapy. And if you wonder, how could couples actually be OK with airing their problems and arguments publicly - well, then you've never spent a weekend at Ikea...
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EISENBERG: ...Or Costco or Target or in my bathroom while I'm brushing my teeth. My husband and I actually - I think we have the lamest arguments of all time. Do you have the same argument over and over again?
COULTON: (Laughter) Yes.
EISENBERG: What's the topic of your main argument?
COULTON: Mostly, it's hard to have a roommate.
EISENBERG: Yes. It is hard to live with someone.
COULTON: You know what I mean?
EISENBERG: Yep.
COULTON: Whether you're romantically involved with them or not.
EISENBERG: Yeah.
COULTON: It's very difficult to share a space with somebody.
EISENBERG: Super - yeah. I mean...
COULTON: You've got to live and let live.
EISENBERG: Actually, I think back at that. I did it all wrong. I love my husband. But on our first date, I asked him, like, what kind of music do you, like, listen to? What relationship do you have with your mom? Dumb. This is what I should have asked him. Do you put your crap away? That's what I should have asked him.
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EISENBERG: You know, I should have posed thing, like, you walk through the door. You have a jacket, hat and bag.
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EISENBERG: Walk me through what happens next.
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EISENBERG: All right. We're going to have a great show, everybody. You guys are awesome.
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EISENBERG: Our first game is about sick burns from famous figures. Confucius once said, silence is a true friend who never betrays - unlike Marie.
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EISENBERG: Let's meet our contestants. First up, Tatyana Vega (ph). You're a senior analyst at an ad agency, and you've met some pretty amazing celebrities - J-Lo.
TATYANA VEGA: Yes.
EISENBERG: OK, so what were the circumstances that led you to meet J-Lo?
VEGA: I worked downtown, and she was filming "Shades Of Blue." And I had a good friend at work who - we would just have lunches about J-Lo. And he sent me a GChat being, like, J-Lo's filming down the block. And I was, like, F this. I'm leaving work. I'm going to go find J-Lo.
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VEGA: And I text my husband, and he's, like, go back to work. Be a responsible adult. You're not going to meet her. And I said, try me. And I went. I asked the guy who worked at craft services if she was done. He said yes. And I just waited in this little group of two people, and I got a selfie with J-Lo.
EISENBERG: Wow. Very cool. And where is this photo now?
VEGA: On all my social media.
EISENBERG: It's on all your social media.
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EISENBERG: Well done. Well done. Tatyana, when you ring in, we'll hear this.
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EISENBERG: Your opponent is Sarah Favinger (ph). You're a professional musician. Nice. What instrument do you play?
SARAH FAVINGER: I'm a double bassist.
EISENBERG: Awesome.
COULTON: Oh, yeah.
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EISENBERG: Are you one of these people that I've seen on the subway with your double bass bringing it to a gig?
FAVINGER: Oh, yeah.
EISENBERG: Yeah. Do people feel the need to comment when they see you holding that size of an instrument on public transportation?
FAVINGER: Yeah. I have, like, my own personal game of bingo that I play. I know what I'm going to be asked or what the commentary is...
EISENBERG: Yeah.
FAVINGER: ...That I'm going to hear. People always want to know if I wish I played the piccolo.
EISENBERG: Sure.
FAVINGER: Or they tell me, that thing's bigger than you are, which I'm definitely aware of. And then my favorite...
COULTON: (Laughter).
EISENBERG: You - like, you've never noticed that you have this...
FAVINGER: I've never noticed that it's definitely 6 feet tall and I'm not.
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FAVINGER: My favorite, though, is it's always a woman, and they always offer to help. And I really appreciate it. But I am, like, I don't know what you could do, but I really appreciate you offering.
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EISENBERG: Right. She's, like, I'll hold the bow.
FAVINGER: Yeah, yeah. If you want to take that out of the bag, that'd be great.
EISENBERG: (Laughter) That's awesome. All right, Sarah, when you ring in, we'll hear this.
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EISENBERG: Tatyana and Sarah, whoever has more points after two games will go on to the final round. This first trivia game is called Haters Gonna Hate. Jonathan and I will read you some insults, disses and shade thrown by famous people, and you just tell us who delivered these sick burns.
While competing for the World Heavyweight Championship against Sonny Liston in 1964, this boxing legend said of his opponent, he's too ugly to be world champion. The world champs should be pretty like me.
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VEGA: Muhammad Ali.
EISENBERG: That's right, Tatyana. Muhammad Ali is correct.
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COULTON: A German TV reporter asked this pop superstar about Jennifer Lopez, and she said, quote, "I don't know her."
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COULTON: Tatyana.
VEGA: Mariah Carey.
COULTON: Yeah, that's right.
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COULTON: This one is a literal burn. At a costume ball in the 1930s, this iconic French fashion designer set her rival, Elsa Schiaparelli, on fire by backing her into a chandelier lit by candles.
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COULTON: Sarah.
FAVINGER: Coco Chanel.
COULTON: Yeah (laughter), that's right.
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EISENBERG: This British prime minister once said, in politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
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EISENBERG: Sarah.
FAVINGER: Margaret Thatcher.
EISENBERG: That's right.
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COULTON: This is your last clue. We may never know what then-Speaker of the House John Boehner said at a 2013 inauguration luncheon that made this first lady roll her eyes, but the video went viral immediately.
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COULTON: Sarah.
FAVINGER: Michelle Obama.
COULTON: You got it.
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EISENBERG: All right, great game. Sarah is in the lead.
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