Who's Bill This Time Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news: "Debate Club," "What's In a Name," and "Hot and Bothered."
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Who's Bill This Time

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Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

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BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. It's always sunny in Bill-adelphia (ph).

(CHEERING)

KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis. And here again is your host at the Mann Center for the Performing Arts in Philadelphia, Penn., Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Thanks, everybody. Thank you. It is great to be back here in Philadelphia, the city where American liberty was born 243 years ago next week. And can I say, American liberty, you look great.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Have you had some work done?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Later on, we're going to be talking to Jennifer Weiner, proud Philly resident and bestselling novelist. But first, we want to hear your story. The number to call is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

PERRIN JONES: Hi. This is Perrin Jones (ph) calling from the queen city, Charlotte, N.C.

SAGAL: How are things in Charlotte?

JONES: They are rainy right now, but we will take it because it's a break from the heat.

SAGAL: What do you do there?

JONES: I am a music therapist turned mental health counseling grad student.

SAGAL: So you're one of the people who uses music to help people feel better.

JONES: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

SAGAL: I think I'm asking you for our nation, what song would make us all feel better?

(LAUGHTER)

JONES: Oh, boy. I think "This Land Is Your Land" is a great one.

SAGAL: All right. We'll go with that. Thank you.

FAITH SALIE: It's a good message.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a contributor to "CBS Sunday Morning." It's Faith Salie.

SALIE: Hey, Karen.

(APPLAUSE)

JONES: Hi, Faith.

SAGAL: Next, it's the host of the public radio show Live Wire, as well as the daily podcast TBTL, which will be at the THING festival in Port Townsend, Wash., on August 24. It's Luke Burbank.

(APPLAUSE)

LUKE BURBANK: Hey, Karen.

SAGAL: And the comedian you can see August 16 in Hyannis, Mass., at the Cape Cod Melody Tent. She's co-host of the podcast "Nobody Listens To Paula Poundstone." It's Paula Poundstone.

(CHEERING)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Hey, Karen.

SAGAL: So, Perrin, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis, of course, is going to read for you three quotations from this week's news. Your job - identify correctly two of them. Do that, you'll win our prize - any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. You ready to play?

JONES: I sure am.

SAGAL: All right. Your first quote comes from Democratic presidential hopeful Kirsten Gillibrand.

KURTIS: Biden, you suck.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That was reportedly Kirsten Gillibrand practicing for what big event that happened both Wednesday and Thursday evenings this week?

JONES: The Democratic candidate debates.

SAGAL: Exactly right...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The first Democratic debates...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Were held this week in Miami. There were so many candidates they had to do it in two groups over two nights. Many of the candidates did not like that they got split up but not Joe Biden. He's cool with segregation.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: One of the crazy things was how many people were there that you did not know. John Hickenlooper - this is true - he does not have...

SALIE: Which one was that?

SAGAL: I know. Well...

SALIE: (Laughter).

BURBANK: He was the white guy.

SAGAL: He was the middle-aged white guy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: John Hickenlooper, who does not have much name recognition, despite the fact that his name is John Hickenlooper...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He was actually stopped - this is true - on his way into the venue by somebody asking if he had credentials. And he responded, quote, "I'm a candidate." Which, when you think about it, should be the campaign slogan for, like, five of these guys.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: John Delaney, 2020 - I'm a candidate.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: How much minutes did they estimate that each person got to talk?

SAGAL: Not very many.

POUNDSTONE: Well, that's...

SALIE: If you were a man, you got to talk two minutes more than any of the women.

POUNDSTONE: Is that true?

SAGAL: Really?

SALIE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Well...

(APPLAUSE)

SALIE: They did the breakdown. They - well, because the dudes are ready to interrupt.

SAGAL: You know, one guy who was really just...

SALIE: Like Peter just did.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, and by the way, speaking of which, now that you mention it, it is time to declare...

SALIE: It's OK. gracias.

SAGAL: ...My candidacy for the president of the United States.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: During the Wednesday event, the NBC audio failed, and we had about 30 seconds of none of them speaking. And now the leading candidate for the Democratic nomination is blessed silence.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: But when it wasn't silent, there was a lot of Spanish.

SAGAL: There really was. Did that take you by surprise? I was surprised.

BURBANK: It was weird because I'm from Washington state, and Jay Inslee is the governor there, and his whole thing is climate change, which is, like, the most extant threat to anything that happens on this planet. And yet he got, like, kind of no love after the debate, but everyone broke into applause when, like, Beto O'Rourke says, yo quiero Taco Bell.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: It's, like, it's a much more important thing that we are able to live on planet Earth for more than, like, 20 years. But he gets no traction. And...

POUNDSTONE: Don't you think dinosaurs had debates, like, just before...

SAGAL: Really?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I don't think that asteroid approaching is a problem.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SALIE: It's not a man-made - it's not a dinosaur-made problem.

SAGAL: I know, exactly.

BURBANK: Interestingly enough, Joe Biden was also in those debates.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Perrin. It is time - Perrin, are you still there?

JONES: I am.

SAGAL: That's great. I'm both glad and relieved.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Wait a minute - so, wait. Your name is Parent (ph)?

JONES: Yes.

POUNDSTONE: Oh. Well, I called you Karen.

SALIE: I called you Karen, too.

POUNDSTONE: You know why I called you Karen? Because Parent - it never occurred to me that Parent was your name. How did you get that name? Did they just - did...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Was something transposed incorrectly on the birth record?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I believe your name is Perrin. That's what I heard.

JONES: Yes.

SAGAL: Perrin, not Parent.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, I thought it was Parent, and I thought, man, you're so lucky it wasn't Gender or Weight.

(LAUGHTER)

JONES: (Unintelligible).

POUNDSTONE: It was just something - somebody misread that birth record.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Perrin, here's your next quote. It's about a phenomena happening mainly at schools around the country.

KURTIS: We only changed things that had Robert E. and kept the rest.

SAGAL: That was a spokesman for a Texas school - one of many schools around the country that no longer want to be named for whom?

JONES: Robert E. Lee.

SAGAL: Robert E. Lee, exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Many schools around the country...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Not just in the South - were named to honor the Confederate general. And imagine their shock when they discovered what Confederate means. They thought he was just somebody's close friend. You know, the problem is it's really hard and expensive to change a name - you know, to take down all the signs and pictures and reprint the letterhead to say RuPaul Regional High School.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So according to The Wall Street Journal, many of these schools are being sneaky. They will still be called the Lee school, but it's a different Lee. Austin, Texas's Lee Elementary School is now named not for the general but for Russell Lee, a photographer from there. Lee High School in Virginia is now Lee Harvey Oswald High School.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Listen. This is an easy one - Bruce Lee High. I mean, if I was a kid and there was, like, Grover Cleveland or Bruce Lee High, I don't care what the science program is like. I'm going to Bruce Lee High.

SAGAL: Right.

BURBANK: That's the most badass name for a high school of all time.

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: And, of course, the Sheryl Lee cafeteria.

BURBANK: Yeah.

SAGAL: Sure.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Perrin, here's your last quote.

KURTIS: I hate the heat, the humidity and the mosquitos.

SAGAL: That was somebody on Twitter commenting on an article in The Washington Post breaking the news that it turns out what doesn't make everyone happy?

JONES: Summertime.

SAGAL: Summertime, yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Having brought down...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, very good. Having brought down Nixon, The Washington Post is now determined to destroy enjoyment. This week, they published an extensive takedown of summer. What is wrong with these people? How can you hate summer, a season when walking outside feels like walking into a bowl of soup?

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Well, how did they - I mean, was it just an opinion piece, or was there research involved?

SAGAL: Well, there was some research. They reached out, and they talked to a lot of people who said, basically, we don't like summer, and the reasons...

POUNDSTONE: Were they the people just standing in front of the air conditioner at the office?

SAGAL: Probably.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, God.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, who did they reach out to? How many people? I mean, how scientific was this study that comes up with people don't like summer? That's absurd.

SAGAL: Well, I don't know if they're saying, like, nobody likes summer.

SALIE: Maybe overrated.

SAGAL: Yeah.

SALIE: This is an interesting thing to think about, right? Because the expectations are high in the summers.

SAGAL: Well, that's one of the problems.

SALIE: You're supposed to make the most of it. You have so much daylight. And when I get in my Old Navy PJs at 7 p.m., I feel like a loser.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I've got to say one thing.

SAGAL: Yes, Paula.

POUNDSTONE: In terms of The Washington Post railing against summer, there's nothing we can do about it.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: What, we're going going to get rid of summer? We're going to get rid of the whole damn Earth soon.

BURBANK: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: What...

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: If anything, we're getting rid of winter.

SAGAL: (Unintelligible) Summer, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Bill, how did Perrin do?

KURTIS: She did great - 3 and 0.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Perrin. Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

JONES: Thank you.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, congratulations, birth date (ph).

(SOUNDBITE OF ROY AYERS SONG, "EVERYBODY LOVES THE SUNSHINE")

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