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Panel Questions

Panel Questions

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BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Adam Burke, Negin Farsad and Roy Blount Jr. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill makes his souffle in a rhyme-akin in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, though, some more questions for you from the week's news. Adam, this week, Pope Francis issued a call to all Catholics to try to avoid using what?

ADAM BURKE: Juuls.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: (Imitating Italian accent) Do not vape.

BURKE: (Laughter). Lord's name in vain unless it's absolutely necessary.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: That's if you really hurt your toe.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER_

SAGAL: No. I'll give you a hint. Nouns and verbs are all OK.

BURKE: This isn't helping at all.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: I've always thought nouns and verbs are OK.

SAGAL: No.

BURKE: I've been using all sorts of words with abandon. I'm going to hell.

SAGAL: Well, there's a kind of word...

BURKE: I've...

SAGAL: ...That the pope doesn't want you to use.

BURKE: Oh. Oh, man. Is it adjectives?

SAGAL: It is adjectives.

BURKE: (Laughter).

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The pope has...

NEGIN FARSAD: What?

SAGAL: ...Come out against adjectives.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So anyway, yes. Move over, homosexuals. There's a new ban in town.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Speaking to the Vatican's communications staff, Pope Francis says his main issue with adjectives is that he just doesn't love phrases like authentic Christian.

BURKE: Oh.

SAGAL: Because all Christians are authentic. We don't need to qualify it or raise others above others.

BURKE: Ooh.

SAGAL: But really, you know, he's just mad that nobody ever says dead sexy Christian.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The - but it does seem kind of foolish from his perspective. Where would the Bible be without adjectives? You'd have the story of the Samaritan.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And somebody would walk into the manger in Bethlehem and say, Baby Jesus. There are three men who want to see you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Kind of creepy that way, isn't it, you know?

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Yeah. The Holy Trinity is then just the Trinity.

SAGAL: Yeah, exactly.

BURKE: Which sounds like a really crappy emo band group.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: I just think it like - these are times when I'm like, God, guys. As a Muslim, Islam is so much more reasonable. I'd - I - it's like...

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: I don't - I can't eat bacon? Great. But I can call it delicious bacon.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes, true.

(LAUGHTER)

ROY BLOUNT JR: How do you know?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: (Unintelligible).

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Negin, great news for sufferers of an ailment that has been ignored by the medical community for too long. What was officially recognized - legally - as an illness this week?

FARSAD: Oh, dry elbow.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Is that something that you suffer from?

FARSAD: I, like, suffer - guys, who's with me?

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: Dry elbow, guys. Come on. This is America. You can speak out loud.

BURKE: It sounds like a nonalcoholic cocktail.

SAGAL: Dry elbow?

BLOUNT JR: It's a town in Wyoming - Dry Elbow.

SAGAL: Yeah.

FARSAD: Called...

BURKE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Yeah.

FARSAD: ...Dry elbow?

SAGAL: Yeah. It's not dry elbow.

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: Oh, OK.

SAGAL: It's a new disease.

BLOUNT JR: Oh, yeah.

SAGAL: Actually, you know, it's something that has been now finally classified as a real disease. So it's something that people suffer from. But now it's a real disease.

FARSAD: Oh, like...

BURKE: Is it hypochondria?

SAGAL: No.

BURKE: That would be great.

SAGAL: That would be awesome.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. But you can finally - maybe you'll be able to get prescription hair of the dog.

FARSAD: Oh, hangovers.

BURKE: Oh.

SAGAL: Yes, hangovers.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Good news for you functioning alcoholics. According to a court in Germany, they have ruled that hangovers are officially an illness. Now, the ruling came in a case about fake hangover cures. It is illegal in Germany to sell fake cures to real diseases. So good news, bad news - hangovers are a real illness. And there is no cure.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Wait. So all this time, I thought I was just getting a bloody mary. But I was meeting with my health care professional?

SAGAL: Exactly, yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It'll be really exciting to see the Hangover Race for the Cure 5K.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Weird. Usually, all the participants throw up after the race.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT JR: What do you do for dry elbow?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What do you do?

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LAST FRIDAY NIGHT (T.G.I.F)")

KATY PERRY: (Singing) Last Friday night, yeah, we danced on tabletops. And we took too many shots, think we kissed, but I forgot. Last Friday night.

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