Limericks Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Halitosaurus, Phone Phlesh, Square Meal and Cuts Corners
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Limericks

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Limericks

Limericks

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But, first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And if you want even more WAIT WAIT, try the Wait Wait Quiz for your smart speaker. There are new questions every Wednesday. You could win a prize. Just say open the Wait Wait quiz and, like, magic, Bill and I will be there in your home.

BILL KURTIS: Quick question. Can I use your bathroom?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JEFF SUTTNER: Hi, this is Jeff calling from Queens, N.Y., but I'm actually from Chicago.

SAGAL: You are from Chicago. Why would you ever leave our beautiful city by the lake?

SUTTNER: I know. I'm sorry (laughter).

SAGAL: What do you think?

SUTTNER: I think it's pretty great.

SAGAL: All right. Do you find the pizza suspiciously thin?

SUTTNER: It is suspiciously thin, I agree.

SAGAL: Yeah, and much better, right?

(LAUGHTER)

SUTTNER: I guess. Because my girlfriend's in the other room - is from New York, I would have to say this pizza is great, too.

PETER GROSZ: All right. My God, that was like a hostage...

(LAUGHTER

GROSZ: ...Talking to a camera. Yes, this pizza is also great. And my girlfriend I love.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Jeff. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play.

SUTTNER: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

KURTIS: Like T. rex whose teeth rot from meth, the stench he admits is like death. Though Halitoesaurus (ph) has died out before us, in this room you're smelling his...

SUTTNER: Breath.

SAGAL: Yes, breath.

KURTIS: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: We've all wondered what it would be like to kiss a dinosaur. Now, thanks to The Field Museum in Chicago, amazingly, we know it would be terrible.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Researchers have determined that a T. rex's breath would have smelled really bad due to its unique anatomy, which allowed decaying meat to remain in the mouth months at a time. Now, do not judge. There is no way they could floss with those tiny arms.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Didn't they just rub their mouth on a tree (laughter)?

SAGAL: The museum actually went and made a synthetic version of dinosaur breath, which the exhibition developer describes as, quote, "bad."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's a scientific term.

GROSZ: Its Axe body spray, isn't it?

SAGAL: I believe so, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Remember, even though it seems uncomfortable and awkward, the polite thing to do is always tell the dinosaur when they have a person stuck in their teeth.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here, Jeff...

ROXANNE ROBERTS: (Laughter).

SAGAL: ...Is your next limerick.

KURTIS: This thing that I wrapped my phone in, I poke, prod and press to begin. The screen will refresh when I'm pinching the flesh. My phone case feels like human...

SUTTNER: Skin.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: That's right, and that's so wrong.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It is a new phone case that is designed to feel and look just like human skin. So if you are looking for some way to spend less time with your phone, here it is.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Let's start with your phone and with your friends.

SAGAL: Yes, it's called skin-on technology. The idea is, well, they say is interfacing with skin is a more intuitive way for people to interact with technology. One example of how it works - in order to produce a laughing emoji, you tickle the phone. You see?

ROY BLOUNT JR: This show is getting gross.

SAGAL: It really is.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The skin phone case comes in three styles - simple flesh, super realistic flesh and great-grandma's elbow.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your last limerick.

KURTIS: In pizza tech, changes abound. The progress they serve is profound. I'd say it's a miracle to make the box spherical, a box that is totally...

SUTTNER: Round.

SAGAL: Round, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: If you are the kind of person, sophisticated, who likes to store your pizza vertically on bookshelves...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...You're going to have to find a new way to do it because the classic square cardboard pizza box might soon be replaced with a round one. Pizza Hut is testing out an entirely new round box designed for pizza delivery and also an entirely new method of delivering the pizza - chucking it like a frisbee.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: It seems like maybe it took us too long to come up with, like, a container that is the shape of the item.

SAGAL: Yes.

GROSZ: Like that...

SAGAL: It does seem crazy.

GROSZ: It does seem like I have never thought of that. And now that you said that, I'm like, why are we wasting all of that part of cardboard? Or put something there. Like, well, it's great, like, when you get pizza and they're like get pizza and also our cheesy bread with marinara sauce. And you're like hold on a second. That is pizza. You've just, like, separated it.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: And it made me dunk it in the sauce.

SAGAL: Yes, it's pizza with disassembled pizza on the side.

GROSZ: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jeff do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Jeff did great.

SAGAL: You did.

KURTIS: You got to come home, Jeff.

SUTTNER: (Laughter) That's right. Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you, Jeff. Congratulations.

SUTTNER: Thank you so much. Bye-bye.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "THAT'S AMORE")

DEAN MARTIN: (Singing) When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore.***

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