Limericks Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: DIY Dying, Dogify and Java Confections.
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Limericks

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Limericks

Limericks

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show on March 12 in Atlanta, Ga., at the Fox Theatre. And if you want more WAIT WAIT in your week, check out the WAIT WAIT quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with Bill and me asking you questions all in the comfort of your home. It's just like this radio show, only now we can hear you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

HOLLY: Hello, my name is Holly (ph). I'm calling from Boulder, Colo.

SAGAL: Ah, Boulder's one of my favorite places. How were you lucky enough to end up there?

HOLLY: I just wanted to live here, so I moved.

SAGAL: You just did it. You just got up.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I didn't know that was possible.

AMY DICKINSON: Holly makes it sound very easy.

SAGAL: Right? I mean, so you just picked up your life and just moved to Boulder? Did you have a job - or just went?

HOLLY: I just went. And I rented a place on the fly and slept on the floor. And now things are better (laughter).

HARI KONDABOLU: So you just picked up and moved, and then you went to a place. And you didn't even have a - are you in witness protection?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Holly. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in just two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

HOLLY: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: All right. Let's hear your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Since death doesn't come all that often, its costs our new kit tries to soften. A box and an urn and a hex wrench to turn. Our kits let you build your own...

HOLLY: Coffin.

SAGAL: Yes, there you go.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PETER GROSZ: My God.

SAGAL: DIY projects are all the rage. Although, in this case, DIY is just an alternative spelling for die.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: More and more people are choosing to make their own coffins rather than shell out big bucks to Big Death. Think of it as making a birdhouse. But this time, you're the bird, and you're dead.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A company in Japan is helping people make their own coffins, lowering the cost of funeral planning. But what if you're not handy? What if it falls apart? Just make sure you're buried with an Allen wrench.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Right now the kits are only available in Japan. You have to assume that IKEA will get in on this trend. Build-it-yourself coffins, though pick your burial plot carefully because an IKEA coffin will not survive a move.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: For coffee, we're not depraved schemers. The flavors we crave make us dreamers. Beyond almond and oats, let's try Peeps, root beer floats. We love to explore flavored...

HOLLY: Peanuts?

SAGAL: No. Although, flavored peanuts would be a delightful thing. There is a clue in the first line, which was for coffee, and then it rhymes with schemers.

KURTIS: For coffee, schemers.

GROSZ: Nondairy?

HOLLY: Creamers?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to the Wall Street Journal, sales of flavored liquid coffee creamers rose 9% last year. Much of that can be credited to new, even sweeter flavors, like Reese's peanut butter cup and Funfetti.

DICKINSON: Funfetti?

SAGAL: You know how it is. Don't talk to me in the morning until I've had my diabetes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: By the way, the technical term for these products is oil-based creamers. That's right. They're made with oil, sweet light crude, naturally.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Other flavors include cinnamon roll, Almond Joy and sugar cookie, you know? It's like, I like my coffee like I like my men. Really disappointing. Here, Holly, is your last limerick.

KURTIS: While I might go out for a jog, my furry friend sleeps like a log. I will play him some songs saying, I won't be long from a playlist that's made for my...

HOLLY: Dog.

SAGAL: Yes, dog.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Dog it is.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Spotify is now making music playlists for dogs. But really, why ruin dogs by making them music snobs, too?

DICKINSON: Wait. what? - are the songs like, who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Actually, it is. These playlists have music that dogs are presumed to like. And it also has human voices saying nice pleasant things to them to play, you know, while you're not at home. I mean, it could backfire. It's like, play "Who Let The Dogs Out?". No one. That's who. That's why I peed in the carpet.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: This makes sense. It is called Spotify.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Bill, how did Holly do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Holly got them all right, 3-0.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Holly.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

HOLLY: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?")

BAHA MEN: (Singing) Who let the dogs out? Woof, woof, woof, woof. Who let the dogs out? Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof. Who let the dogs out? Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.

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