Meatless Loaf Tawny Newsome and Jack Quaid join house musician Jonathan Coulton in a game where Meatloaf songs are rewritten to be about vegetarian meat substitutes.

Meatless Loaf

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JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: This is NPR's ASK ME ANOTHER. I'm Jonathan Coulton. Here's your host, Ophira Eisenberg.


Thanks, Jonathan. We're playing games with the stars of the new "Star Trek" animated comedy "Lower Decks" - Tawny Newsome and Jack Quaid. OK, are you ready for another challenge?

JACK QUAID: Let's do it.


EISENBERG: So yeah, our next game is dedicated to our vegetarian listeners. Jonathan Coulton will sing you the clues in this music parody game called Meatless Loaf.

NEWSOME: (Laughter).

COULTON: So we have replaced the lyrics of Meat Loaf's greatest hits with lyrics about popular vegetarian meat substitutes.


EISENBERG: (Laughter).

COULTON: So to earn a point, just tell us the meat substitute that I'm singing about or the song that I'm parodying or just name any meat - is also fine.

NEWSOME: All right, OK.

QUAID: OK, great.

COULTON: So we are going back and forth, starting with Jack.


COULTON: (Singing) Cremini, porcini, portobello stroganoff is somehow very meaty. So don't be sad 'cause dried chanterelles ain't bad.

QUAID: Mushrooms...

COULTON: Mushrooms is correct.


COULTON: That is absolutely right.


QUAID: Sweet.

COULTON: Do you know the song?

QUAID: I actually - oh, man. It's one of those things where I never really know a song until I hear the chorus of it. Maybe that was the chorus. But, Tawny, help me out with this.

COULTON: It was, but it had words about mushrooms. So it's distracting (laughter).

NEWSOME: What if I - I don't remember the fake words, but what if I was just like (vocalizing).

EISENBERG: There you go. Yes, yes (laughter).

QUAID: "Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad."

EISENBERG: That's right.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right. You got it.

QUAID: Yeah.

COULTON: Tawny, I liked that hint method of just singing the vowels of the thing.

QUAID: Yeah. (Vocalizing).

NEWSOME: Try to, yeah. And then just saying the last word in full, just bad.


NEWSOME: (Vocalizing) Bad.

QUAID: I heard ain't bad crystal clear.


COULTON: We're all just helping each other out here. That's all.

QUAID: Yeah. It's fun.

COULTON: All right, Tawny, this one's for you.


COULTON: (Singing) Will you put this soy right into my mouth? Oh, I like it fried with seeds of sesame. So please put that soy right into my mouth. Soft or silken, extra firm, so white and cubey (ph).

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

NEWSOME: That's got to be tofu, and that's got to be "You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth," my man.


COULTON: Yeah, that's right. You got them both. Well done. All right, Jack, this is for you.

QUAID: Oh, man.

COULTON: (Singing) And I would eat Beyond Meat for lunch. Eat boca between the buns for lunch. I'd grill a Doc Praeger's up for lunch. But won't I eat Pat because my cow is named Pat.



EISENBERG: Patricia, right? Pat for short, but Patricia.

COULTON: Yeah, it's short for Patricia.

QUAID: Oh, that's adorable. OK. It's - the song is "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" - sorry, parenthesis, "But I Won't Do That," end parenthesis.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) Nice.

COULTON: Thank you for punctuating.

QUAID: All right. I'm going to say veggie burgers.

COULTON: Yes. Veggie burgers is correct. That's right.

NEWSOME: I like that Doc Praeger got a mention in there. Doc Praeger getting props.


COULTON: Little shoutout to Doc Praeger.

NEWSOME: People sleep on the DP.


EISENBERG: I like a FieldBurger, if you don't know that one.

QUAID: Oh, those are good.

EISENBERG: Jack, did something just fall from the ceiling onto your head?

QUAID: Yes, it did. I have...

COULTON: Please tell me it's a prop from a comedy show.

QUAID: I have little foam pads in here, and sometimes - I didn't really hang them properly.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

QUAID: It's OK. They just kind of lightly fall.


QUAID: It's the best.

COULTON: All right. Tawny, this one's for you.


COULTON: (Singing) Beige legume from long ago, making my falafel dough. In my hummus, on my gyro, chana masala, love you so.

NEWSOME: OK, wait. So it's like a garbanzo, falafel...

COULTON: It is very much like a garbanzo because it is a garbanzo bean.

NEWSOME: OK. I'm struggling with the song, though.

EISENBERG: Oh, yeah.


NEWSOME: Yeah. I guess I don't know that many Meatloaf songs, which I guess I'm not surprised at.


COULTON: And I'll just - I'll tell you what the song is. This song is called "Hot Patootie - Bless My Soul."

QUAID: Oh. (Singing) Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

QUAID: (Singing) I really love that rock 'n' roll.

EISENBERG: (Singing) Rock 'n' roll.

NEWSOME: That's familiar.

COULTON: Yeah. He loves rock 'n' roll.

NEWSOME: Can we do this game with Stevie Wonder songs? Because I would absolutely dominate. I would wipe the floor with everyone.

EISENBERG: Jonathan, shoot - they can give us three minutes, and we'll just come back with that.

COULTON: (Laughter) Yeah. Give me a few minutes, and let me just retool this game.


QUAID: We'll wait. We'll wait.

COULTON: We took Stevie Wonder songs about meat...


NEWSOME: Everyone's like, what's the connection?

QUAID: It's in the same order of, like, meats as well. It's like, we just get them right every time.

COULTON: It's just - yeah (laughter).


EISENBERG: You both did great once again. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you, Tawny Newsome. Thank you so much, Jack Quaid. What a pleasure.

QUAID: Thank you for having us.

NEWSOME: Thank you. This was the best.

EISENBERG: Tawny and Jack started the animated series "Star Trek: Lower Decks," streaming now on CBS All Access.


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