MIKE PESCA, host:
Remember "Choose Your Own Adventure" books? There you were, fingers splayed throughout the pages, holding the place of all the choices you made in case you died, and had to go back and decide differently. Ah, those were the days. You chose your own adventure, and you could choose to un-choose, if you so choose.
RACHEL MARTIN, host:
But you know, really, all those endings were already written in them. No matter what you did, you'd end up at one of the 10 or so endings in there, which is really, actually, when you think about it, kind of sad, but what you ultimately learned from "Choose Your Adventure" was that you could actually never really choose, that your destiny was predetermined and any free will you felt was only an illusion.
PESCA: And of course, if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. Anyway, Bob Powers has written a new "Choose Your Own Adventure"-esque tale for grownups, "You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero." That is the name of the book, and Bob Powers joins us now in the studio. Hello, Bob.
Mr. ROBERT POWERS (Author, "You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero"): Hi.
MARTIN: Thanks for coming in. Bob, let's set the scene a little bit by asking you to read from the introduction, so we can get a sense of how this entire adventure is framed.
Mr. POWERS: OK. The introduction is called "A note on being in your 30s and having accomplished very little."
(Reading) In this book, YOU get to be the main character in an exciting kidnapping adventure that YOU WANT NO PART OF. You're a 33-year-old struggling actor with VERY LITTLE HOPE of ever being successful, and you feel like time is running out for you to make something of yourself. With every passing day you are that much closer to giving up, and every choice feels weighted with the possibility that it will send you down a path to FAILURE
Your friends have all settled into lucrative careers that you resent and fruitful marriages that you envy, while you've done everything you can to commit to nothing for fear of limiting your options. For YOU, as long as you choose to do nothing, ANYTHING is possible.
Enter JULIA! She's the pretty girl you went out with last night and she's been KIDNAPPED! It's up to you and you alone to rescue her. The ensuing adventure will force you to make a series of choices that will not only determine the life or death of an innocent girl, but will force you to ADD FOCUS to your career and your love life in ways that you've been avoiding ever since you got out of college.
BE VERY CAREFUL! You're DIRECTING THE STORY and the CHOICES you make can result in MURDER, GRADUATE SCHOOL ENROLLMENT, TORTURE, MARRIAGE, POST-APOCALYPTIC SLAVERY, UNWANTED PREGNANCY, even TEMPING! It's YOUR STORY and YOUR LIFE. All you've got to do is decide which page you want to turn to. JUST MAKE A CHOICE!!!
MARTIN: This cracked me up. Mostly the part about the fact that as long as you don't limit yourself, you have all the choices in the world.
Mr. POWERS: Uh-huh.
MARTIN: Yet you're utterly and completely paralyzed by those choices.
Mr. POWERS: Yup. I think it's how I spent my early 30s, definitely.
MARTIN: So there is some irony in talking about that paralysis of choice, and then putting together a book that seemingly has a lot of choice in it, but do you ever really get anywhere?
Mr. POWERS: Uh-huh. There are a few endings where you end up - you know, you save the girl, and you've become something of a better person, but only if you - most of the time, you just die or you do nothing.
MARTIN: Let's get a sense of this before we go any further. Let's grapple with the first chapter, and then Mike and I will make a choice.
Mr. POWERS: OK.
MARTIN: As they're put to us. So tell us what's going on in the first chapter.
Mr. POWERS: In the first chapter, you just woke up after the date with Julia...
MARTIN: Uh-huh.
Mr. POWERS: And you get the phone call saying she's been kidnapped, and you're the only one who can save her, and you have to turn - you have to give them 50,000 dollars by tomorrow or she's dead. And...
MARTIN: And you're trying to figure out, is she worth it, too, as part of the calculus.
Mr. POWERS: I think if she's worth it, if this responsibility really falls on your shoulders, and you know, you barely - she's - she was a great date, but you know, you barely know her and, you know, isn't there anyone else she can call? But it turns out she's new in town.
MARTIN: So, at the end of this, we are - the reader, is given a couple of choices. Why don't you read those to us?
Mr. POWERS: If you want to go and ask your parents if you can borrow 50,000 dollars from them, go to page 173. If you want to have sex with your ex-girlfriend, consider getting back together with her, and then think better of it, go to page 183.
PESCA: All right. So on three, we'll both say our choice. You're ready?
MARTIN: OK.
PESCA: Borrow money or sex with girlfriend. Here we go, one, two, three.
MARTIN: Borrow money.
PESCA: Sex with girlfriend.
(Soundbite of laughter)
PESCA: I knew it was going to happen.
Mr. POWERS: Yeah.
PESCA: All right, Ian, our producer is going to break the tie. Ian?
IAN CHILLAG: I'm going to go with borrow money.
PESCA: Aw, whipped!
MARTIN: Because Ian is a good person.
PESCA: Really, to ask your parents to borrow money. That's all I was thinking of. So what happens when you go to borrow the money?
Mr. POWERS: That chapter is called "Child of a Broken Home," and you're basically having another horrible lunch with your parents, who decided to divorce several months ago. You ask them for the money, and that immediately makes them start a fight over who ruined you more. And the mother accuses the father of constantly rescuing you, and that's why you've amounted to nothing at 33. The father says he's just trying to, you know, help you out, and make a better life for you than he made for himself, and in the end, the dad gives you the money.
MARTIN: I want to ask you about the title of the book. It's called, "You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero."
Mr. POWERS: Yes.
MARTIN: Are you, Bob Powers, a miserable excuse for a hero?
Mr. POWERS: I've - I'm not sure if I've ever been tested, yeah, no.
MARTIN: Do you crave that test?
Mr. POWERS: Dear God, no!
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. POWERS: Who would?
PESCA: It could lead you to believe you might be a miserable excuse for a hero.
Mr. POWERS: Yeah.
(Soundbite of laughter)
PESCA: So a hero, I think, might want the test.
MARTIN: In the course of doing your research for this, did you dig up some old "Choose Your Own Adventure" books?
Mr. POWERS: Oh yeah, yeah, definitely. I read...
MARTIN: Which ones were your favorites?
Mr. POWERS: I like - what was it called? Like, "Revenge of the Power Master," I think it was called, was one. But I bought about four of them, and was just trying to figure out how they structured it, and what kind of rules they adhered to and everything. They held up, honestly.
MARTIN: Really?
Mr. POWERS: I would be reading them on the subway, which was kind of embarrassing, and you know, have all my fingers all throughout the pages, to hold my place and everything.
MARTIN: Were there any specific challenges about having to put together multiple narratives?
Mr. POWERS: Yes. Like, there's another one coming out next year. This one I just kept writing, and then I had just this pile of options, and just then I started forming the chains, and it was really crazy to keep track of them all. And for the second one I learned, and I ended up doing everything with a big - what? - dry-erase board on - in my office.
PESCA: Does anyone own the rights to the "Choose Your Own Adventure" title? Anyone can - do you have to pay them off?
Mr. POWERS. Yes, yes, Yeah, you can't use - well, I didn't - don't call this a "Choose Your Own Adventure." Mine is the just-make-a-choice adventure series.
(Soundbite of laughter)
PESCA: Ah.
Mr. POWERS. Yeah, there is - the "Choose Your Own Adventures" actually came - were re-released a couple of years ago. Chooseco is the name of the company.
PESCA: From Chooseco, of course.
Mr. POWERS: Yeah. R. A. Montgomery is the author of a lot of those books, and he owns the rights to a ton of the stories, and he re-released them, so...
PESCA: Do you think Victor Hugo's "Les Miserable," or perhaps the Bible would be improved to issue it in a "Choose Your Own Adventure" form?
Mr. POWERS: Definitely, the Bible would be a lot more fun to read, but...
PESCA: But you can always tie me - you want to talk about morals, (unintelligible) to pick up baby, Moses, go to page Deuteronomy 415.
Mr. POWERS: OK.
MARTIN: To eat of the...
PESCA: To eschew the baby Moses, go to Hell. That would always be the other choice in the Bible. Go to Hell.
Mr. POWERS: I'm going to - that's a good - maybe for book three.
PESCA: That could be cool.
Mr. POWERS: And I'll work the Bible into it.
MARTIN: How did you know when it was done? I mean, you could just keep writing these ad nauseam forever.
Mr. POWERS: When I hit my word count.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. POWERS: When I - ,I basically wanted to hit about - yeah. When I figured out it was going to about a 175, 200 pages, I wa - I decided to stop.
MARTIN: Well, it's a really fun read. It's called "You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero." Bob Powers in studio. Thank you for coming in. We appreciate it.
Mr. POWERS: Thank you very much.
MARTIN: In case you were wondering what happened if you choose - chose the alternate selection, if you want to have sex with your ex-girlfriend, and consider getting back with her, then think better of it, go to 183. Well, you have some intercourse, and she tells you go save the girl.
PESCA: Some intercourse.
MARTIN: Some intercourse.
(Soundbite of laughter)
PESCA: Next on the show, the first interracial prom in Charleston, Mississippi. This is a high school that's been desegregated 40 years, but this is the first desegregated prom. This is the Bryant Park Project from NPR News.
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