Tips For The Jilted: 'He's Just Not That Into You' Last week, NPR broke the BPP's heart. Today, the BPP talks to Liz Tuccillo, co-author of the best-selling book He's Just Not That Into You, about how to cope with the split.
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Tips For The Jilted: 'He's Just Not That Into You'

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Tips For The Jilted: 'He's Just Not That Into You'

Tips For The Jilted: 'He's Just Not That Into You'

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ALISON STEWART, host:

You've heard it before. You know, you've been in a relationship awhile, maybe a year or so. You've been having this really good time, or so you think. You think things are going well, and then one day out of nowhere, your partner dumps you. Boom! Just like that. I mean, you start calling them up afterwards. You're asking, what did I do wrong? Can we get back together? Asking your common friends to help facilitate a meeting, maybe they'll see the light?

It's not happening. "He's Just Not That Into You." And we feel your pain. You might say the BPP and NPR cohabitated. We were in this domestic partnership, but then NPR dumped us and told us to be out of the house by Friday. So, for some help, we turned to Liz Tuccillo. She's a co-author of the bestselling book, "He's Just Not That into You." She wrote for "Sex and the City." She has a new novel called "How to be Single." And Liz, since you're basically a relationship aficionado, we thought we'd ask you some - about some tips for our recent breakup from NPR. How are you?

Ms. LIZ TUCCILLO (Author, "He's Just Not That Into You"): Yeah, I was really sorry to hear about that.

STEWART: Yeah.

Ms. TUCCILLO: I hope you guys are handling it well.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. TUCCILLO: I just hope you're not eating too much or going out drinking too much.

STEWART: Both of those have happened so far, from what I can tell.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. TUCCILLO: Oh, I'm sorry.

STEWART: How do we face up to the fact that NPR just wasn't that into us?

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. TUCCILLO: Well, you know, I think sometimes, you just have to really - you know, you shouldn't make excuses for NPR. You should really just, you know - or, you know, ask what you did wrong. You should just know that sometimes, you know, two people, or two companies, or two entities, just, you know, weren't meant to be. And you have to sort of make peace with that, I think, and just try to move onto the next thing.

STEWART: You know, what's interesting because your book was really about empowerment in a lot of ways. It's something that was referred to as "don't waste the pretty."

Ms. TUCCILLO: Yes.

STEWART: Can you explain that concept and how it might apply to us?

Ms. TUCCILLO: Well, it just means that, you know, all the time that you spend, you know, sitting there wondering what you did wrong, what you could do to get NPR back, what's wrong with you, you could be out there having other people meet you and want you. And so, all that time that you're worrying about this other, you know, worrying about NPR, you're wasting your pretty, or in your guys' case, maybe wasting your smarty.

STEWART: Thank you. Now, the staff submitted questions for you because in your book, you have a lot of Q&A between young women who are writing about, oh, this guy, I really like him,, and now, he doesn't call me. Here's one. This says, we were effectively in a long-distance relationship with NPR. What could we have done to keep the spark alive?

(Soundbite of laughter)

STEWART: We're in New York, and NPR headquarters are in Washington, D.C.

Ms. TUCCILLO: You know, I think that the truth is, is that many long-distance relationships don't work out, because, you know, human beings need to be in contact with each other to remind themselves why they love each other. So, perhaps, you know, it's not that there's anything you did wrong. Again, maybe just it was not meant to be because of distance.

STEWART: This is another one from a staff member. They're all anonymous, by the way.

(Soundbite of laughter)

STEWART: Can we still be friends with our ex's - NPR's - friends, or is that awkward?

Ms. TUCCILLO: I think that for awhile, you should really cut off all communication with NPR and NPR's friends...

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. TUCCILLO: Until you feel that you can truly go back to being friends with them without really underneath it wanting them to ask you back.

STEWART: Now, what if I'm getting mixed messages? Your ex says he'll call. He really wants to see me, but he never does. I guess that would be called freelance work.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. TUCCILLO: Um, I think that - I mean, it's really true, in all seriousness. I have been actually able to use "He's Just Not That Into You" sort of theory in business, in the sense that, you know, it's really true. I mean, it's just the same with business. If they are interested in your idea or your screenplay or whatever it is, they will get back to you very quickly. And if they're just playing around and sort of interested, you know, it's going to take awhile for them to return your phone call. So, it's still - it's the same.

STEWART: What if you're with somebody, and you seem to, you know, be a little bit different? We're a lot younger. We were the young - the young trophy date for awhile. It - even trophy dates hurt when they get dumped.

Ms. TUCCILLO: Yeah. I think, you know, I think you realize that maybe people really do just follow - that they really do usually end up following their old patterns, and again, not to take it, you know, so personally, and just know that they, you know, they just had to go back to their old ways.

STEWART: Your book also talks about not making excuses for being blown off, whether it's in a full-fledged relationship or after a first date. What kind of excuses to people tend to make for being dumped, and why do they do it when it's so obvious?

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. TUCCILLO: He's - he loved me too much. He was afraid of - you know, he was afraid of commitment. I reminded him of his mother.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. TUCCILLO: He hadn't gotten over his ex-girlfriend. He - you know, those are the big ones. You know, people love to go, you know, he's afraid of intimacy...

STEWART: He's afraid of commitment.

Ms. TUCCILLO: Afraid of commitment. He was afraid to get hurt, you know...

STEWART: Those kind of things.

Ms. TUCCILLO: Yeah.

STEWART: And finally, say we still really, really love NPR, you know, kind of like the best friend that became a boyfriend before you hooked up?

Ms. TUCCILLO: Mm-hm. Yeah.

STEWART: Can you keep the friendship?

Ms. TUCCILLO: Yeah, I think in this case, you know, because you don't have to really, you know, be seeing NPR, it doesn't have to be in your face, I think that, perhaps, there is a way to, you know, take from NPR what you still love and try to - and then just sort of, you know, leave the rest.

STEWART: Can you suggest some sort of mantra, something that we can hold onto, as we come to grips with the fact that this place that we all came to work just wasn't that into us?

Ms. TUCCILLO: Oh, my gosh, that's so sad. Um, there'll be a bigger - there will be a better NPR out there waiting for you guys.

STEWART: Liz Tuccillo is the coauthor of the bestselling book, "He's Just Not That Into You." Liz, thanks a lot for your help.

WOMAN: Listen, I really, really - all my good wishes, best wishes, are coming to you guys helping to get through this difficult time.

STEWART: Thank you.

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