Limericks Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: We're Gonna Need a Disco Boat, Surfs Up in SOHO and Hyatt: The Final Frontier.
NPR logo

Limericks

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/974346022/974414902" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript
Limericks

Limericks

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/974346022/974414902" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. Also follow us on Twitter @waitwait or on Instagram @waitwaitnpr, where intern Emma (ph) is slaying. That's the word she told me to say. Slay, Emma.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

STEVE BOUGHTON: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi. Who's this?

BOUGHTON: This is Steve Boughton from East Lansing, Mich.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in East Lansing?

BOUGHTON: Pretty good. Unseasonably warm and then cold and then warm again.

SAGAL: It's like that. It'll just keep happening. What do you do there?

BOUGHTON: I am a digital media producer, which is a fancy way to say videographer at the MSU College of Music.

SAGAL: So you're, like, doing video production for the College of Music, all the musicians there?

BOUGHTON: Yeah.

SAGAL: I guess you're pretty busy since everything has to be online these days, right?

BOUGHTON: Yes, very busy. A lot of people ask me if I'm doing less, but I feel like I'm doing just as much, if not more.

SAGAL: I can imagine. I can imagine. Well, welcome to the show, Steve. You're going to play the Limerick Challenge. That means that Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play?

BOUGHTON: I am.

SAGAL: All right. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: In the depths where we hunters embark, our fins and teeth glow in the dark. Our luminous aura just adds to our horror. Now, Jaws is a great glowing...

BOUGHTON: Shark?

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Glowing sharks were discovered off the coast of New Zealand. And, no, they were not really fun fruit snacks for kids. The phenomenon is called bioluminescence, which is when animals come with utilities included. And it was discovered in three species of sharks now known as the kitefin shark, the blackbelly shark and the lantern shark. They mostly use the light so they can see which person they're eating.

BRIAN BABYLON: That's also called mushrooms at the beach.

SAGAL: Maybe.

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: During the daytime.

SAGAL: One - we just want to wonder about the marine biologist who saw a glowing shark and was like - you know that shark that was glowing? Its fin kind of looks like a kite. I'll call it a kitefin.

BABYLON: You know what I don't like about sharks?

SAGAL: What?

BABYLON: The way they look at you.

SAGAL: How often does a shark look at you, Brian?

BABYLON: At the aquarium when you go to that big - you know, the big tank.

SAGAL: Yeah?

BABYLON: It's that shark that always floats by real slow with the eyes on the side of the face.

GROSZ: Yeah.

BABYLON: Like, what are you looking at? But he won't give you real eye contact but his side-eye eye contact...

SAGAL: Wait a minute. Are you saying you want sharks to be more frank and direct with you?

BABYLON: I mean, give me a little something. I mean...

SAGAL: Let you know that he knows you're there and respects you.

BABYLON: Yeah, I respect you 'cause you'll eat me. But respect me for living my life, man. Let's keep this balance going.

CHARLA LAURISTON: (Laughter).

GROSZ: They should do an "Alone" show where they put someone in the ocean, and they see how they can last down there.

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: 'Cause the shoreline is just past our reach, we New Yorkers all rush, curse and screech. So construction is planned to import tons of sand. What Manhattanites need is a...

BOUGHTON: Beach.

SAGAL: Yes, a beach.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Manhattan is getting a beach, and it's only going to cost $70 million, or about the same price as a one-bedroom apartment in Tribeca. The sandy beach will extend into the Hudson River, you know, the river where all those bodies wrapped in rugs are floating.

GROSZ: Sandy beach?

SAGAL: Sandy beach. They're going to put an artificial beach...

GROSZ: That was - the best they could come up with was the name Sandy Beach?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Sandy Beach. No, they're calling - I don't know what it'll be called.

GROSZ: Water beach.

SAGAL: But it's - the one thing the New Yorkers don't have is, like, a sandy beach. So the new waterfront project will jump right out of Manhattan's Meatpacking District, which...

GROSZ: Oh, God.

SAGAL: ...Is sure to give the beach that fresh slaughterhouse feel we all love to escape to. Oh, wait a minute. Just in, the Meatpacking District is now mostly art galleries and high-end condos. Fine. Instead, the beach will have lots of dog poop from tiny, little fashion dogs.

BABYLON: And that's my biggest fear about that. All those pretentious dog people with those little dogs and those little bags of dog stuff. I'm just really nervous about New York having a beach.

SAGAL: Really? Why?

BABYLON: Why is it going to be - I think it's going to be gross.

LAURISTON: Some places should just accept that they're not beach places.

BABYLON: Yeah, you're not a beach place.

GROSZ: Yeah.

BABYLON: It's going to look like an ashtray at a poker game in two days.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: They should call it Astray Beach and not Sandy Beach.

BABYLON: Astray Beach.

GROSZ: Just go right there.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Very good. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: All the rooms have a view of Earth's face, and its time zones not easy to place. The rates are not subtle, and there's no free shuttle to see the hotel out in...

BOUGHTON: Space.

SAGAL: Space, yes.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. A space hotel. A company called Orbital Assembly has been actively working towards creating a space resort in low-Earth orbit that they think could open as soon as 2027. They, of course, have a few details to work out, like how to get those little mints to sit on pillows in zero G. Apparently, the resort will have plenty of amenities, you know, the same ones we love in our Earth hotels. It'll have spas and bars and ice machines with ice made from recycled urine. The easiest job at the Space Hotel is definitely the concierge, right? Excuse me. Are there any good places to eat nearby? No, we're in space.

GROSZ: Mars is open.

LAURISTON: We should at least pretend that we're trying to keep Earth alive. We're already deciding other planets.

SAGAL: Right.

GROSZ: Right.

SAGAL: Oh, no, it's fine. We can destroy the planet.

LAURISTON: Yeah.

SAGAL: There's a Hyatt in low Earth orbit, yeah.

BABYLON: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Bill, how did Steve do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Steve got the trifecta, three in a row.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

KURTIS: Congratulations.

GROSZ: Congratulations, Steve. Really well done.

BABYLON: Thanks, Steve.

BOUGHTON: Oh, thank you so much.

SAGAL: Bye-bye. Take care.

BOUGHTON: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HOTEL CALIFORNIA")

EAGLES: (Singing) Welcome to the Hotel...

AUTOMATED VOICE: Space.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HOTEL CALIFORNIA")

EAGLES: (Singing) Such a lovely...

AUTOMATED VOICE: Space.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HOTEL CALIFORNIA")

EAGLES: (Singing) Such a lovely...

AUTOMATED VOICE: Space.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HOTEL CALIFORNIA")

EAGLES: (Singing) Such a lovely...

AUTOMATED VOICE: Space.

Copyright © 2021 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.