'Wait Wait' for October 26, 2024: With Not My Job guests Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe
JENNIFER MILLS, BYLINE: The following program was taped in front of an audience of real, live people.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Get out your diaper cream. I am the voice as smooth as a baby's butt.
(LAUGHTER)
KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois - filling in for Peter Sagal - Dulce Sloan.
(CHEERING)
DULCE SLOAN, HOST:
It's a-me. (Imitating trumpet) Hey.
(CHEERING)
SLOAN: Thank you. Thank you, Bill, and thanks, everybody. We have a great show for you today. Now, I know some of y'all are wondering, how did she get this job filling in for Peter Sagal? I mean, well, who knew that a man who runs so much couldn't beat me in a leg-wrestling match?
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Later on, we'll be talking to sports power couple Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe...
(CHEERING)
SLOAN: ...About their new podcast, "A Touch More." But first, it's your turn to touch us more - I'm single - by giving us a call. The number is 888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
KATIE PEEL: Hi. My name is Katie Peel (ph), and I'm calling from Denver, Colorado.
SLOAN: Now, what do you do in this here Denver, Colorado, up there in the mountains where you can't breathe?
PEEL: Well, I am a recently resigned public school teacher, and I manage a small coffee shop in a farm-to-table restaurant.
SLOAN: Ooh, OK.
(APPLAUSE)
ALONZO BODDEN: That's very Colorado. Very.
SLOAN: Yeah.
HELEN HONG: Very NPR.
SLOAN: Well, Katie, hey, girl. Hey. Let me introduce you to our panel. First is a comedian performing soon in Sunnyvale, California and Erie, PA, and host of the trivia podcast "Go Fact Yourself," airing now on LAist Public Radio. It's Helen Hong.
HONG: Hello. Hi, Katie. Hi, everybody.
(CHEERING)
SLOAN: Next, a comedian who'll be part of Kyle Kinane's Kinanesgiving show on November 27 at the Thalia Hall in Chicago. It's Adam Burke.
ADAM BURKE: Hello, Katie.
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: And a comedian who will be at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia, November 9 through the 11. It's Alonzo Bodden.
(APPLAUSE)
BODDEN: Hello, Katie.
PEEL: Hey (ph).
SLOAN: Hey, girl. Welcome to the show, Katie. Now, you're going to play Who's Bill This Time? Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotes from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize - any voice from our show you choose on your voicemail. You ready?
PEEL: Yep.
SLOAN: OK. Here's your first quote.
KURTIS: All the single ladies. All the single ladies. All the single ladies. All the single ladies.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: That was somebody adding her name to the many celebrities endorsing Kamala Harris this week. Who was it?
PEEL: Beyonce?
SLOAN: Beyonce.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: With less than two weeks to Election Day, the celebrity endorsements are rolling in. Harris has now wrapped up Beyonce, Eminem, Taylor Swift and Bruce Springsteen, while Trump has earned the endorsements of Joe Exotic from "Tiger King" and a bunch of people on Jeffrey Epstein's flight dossier.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: And it's not officially an endorsement. You know, Beyonce just appeared at a Kamala Harris rally in Houston yesterday. You know, it's a move that, you know, she said, I support Kamala but not enough to fly to Pennsylvania.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: And that is my Beyonce impression.
HONG: I love that - 'cause they keep saying, oh, it's unofficial. It's unofficial. Like, really? Really, Beyonce is unofficially endorsing Kamala? Come on. I think we're a little bit past coy.
BURKE: What if she was a big RFK person?
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: What if Beyonce was like, I don't know, there's just something about him (laughter)?
BODDEN: That's the question. Where's the surprise? Is anyone surprised that Beyonce is supporting Kamala Harris? The only people who are surprised are the people who still claim to be undecided.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: Right? Those geniuses who are like, oh, well, if Beyonce's involved, maybe I'll...
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: ...Maybe I can make a decision. I mean, what other endorsement? Who - let's see. Who else could there be?
SLOAN: Well, we did have a very - according to my notes, this week we also got the October surprise, the endorsement that could change the race. Now, Kamala Harris, this is true, got the endorsement of - wait for it - the Insane Clown Posse.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: 'Cause, like, you know, things are getting crazy when Shaggy 2 Dope is out here calling for a saner clown posse.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: All right. All right. Dulce, you backed me into a corner. I, Alonzo Bodden, now officially endorse Kamala Harris.
SLOAN: Thank you.
HONG: Oh.
(APPLAUSE)
BODDEN: I'm in.
HONG: Alonzo.
BODDEN: I'm in.
HONG: I'm shocked.
BODDEN: I'm in.
HONG: I was at the edge of my seat...
BODDEN: I know.
HONG: ...The entire time.
BODDEN: I know...
SLOAN: Who knew?
BODDEN: ...Helen, you can relax now.
BURKE: I didn't even know you were a Juggalo, but...
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Didn't - Trump got a huge endorsement this week. Trump was endorsed by E. coli.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Oh, yeah.
BURKE: Yeah.
SLOAN: 'Cause he was pretending to work at that McDonald's.
BURKE: Yeah. And five days after he worked at McDonald's, E. coli was like, well, if you let him in, you've got to let us in.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: All right, Katie, here's our next quote.
KURTIS: Are you sure? Would you like three more months at half price?
SLOAN: Those are questions we may never see again, thanks to a new federal ruling making it easier to do what?
PEEL: I'm not sure. Can I have a hint?
SLOAN: OK, I can give you a hint. Like, say you want to stop the gym. Like, you know how Planet Fitness will con you into thinking you're going to come back.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: This new law will make it easier for you to not have to eat donuts in a gym.
(LAUGHTER)
PEEL: Gym membership?
SLOAN: You know what, Katie? You were close enough. It's cancel subscriptions - cancel subscriptions.
PEEL: Oh.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: The new law is called click-to-cancel. It requires that you be able to cancel a subscription the same way you signed up for it, right? This is the kind of news that is going to have a million Americans going, wait, I subscribe to Peacock?
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: So this works - so this allows you to cancel the same way you signed up. So do I have to be drunk?
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: I think that's between you and your god.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: I don't think - 'cause like, under the rule, like, if you sign up with one click, you have to be able to cancel with one click.
HONG: Ah.
SLOAN: So, you know, you just look for, like, a little button on the screen. There's, like, a little puppy that says, but if you cancel, I'll starve.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: I'm going to - now, do you have to subscribe to click-to-cancel in order to click to cancel?
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: That's going to be the next thing. Are you subscribed to click-to-cancel? No. Well, then you can't click to cancel.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: I don't know if we've hit that rabbit hole yet.
BURKE: I mean, can they just have a button to tell Duolingo just to calm the hell down?
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Like, just - like, I'll learn French in my own time. Just stop yelling at me.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: All right, Katie, here's your last quote.
KURTIS: For fonder farewells, please use the parking lot.
SLOAN: That is a new sign at an airport in New Zealand, the first in the world to institute a rule limiting what to three minutes or less?
PEEL: Like, a goodbye hug?
SLOAN: Yes.
HONG: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: Citing the delays caused by long goodbyes, an airport in New Zealand is now limiting hugs in the drop-off zone to three minutes or less. So get ready to look over from that long hug and see a TSA agent standing there with a stopwatch and a taser.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: They're going to regret the specificity of that language, of that word hug, when people are like, well, technically, we're having sex. I'm not...
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: My arms aren't anywhere near her.
SLOAN: I mean, I...
BODDEN: Which still, you can get done in three minutes if you've got a flight to catch...
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: ...You know? My thing is - and I don't know what airports. I guess it's different in New Zealand. Any airport I've been to, you can't have your car parked in front for three minutes.
HONG: Yeah.
SLOAN: No.
BODDEN: You stop and that cop's like, wait a minute, keep moving...
SLOAN: Yeah.
BODDEN: ...Keep moving, so...
SLOAN: I mean, I would love to meet the bitter, lonely, can't-get-a-ride-to-the-airport-a** person who came up with this law.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: This is from an airport in New Zealand, which I feel like this is so off-brand for New Zealand, that I'm convinced this is one airport official in New Zealand who just has a really clingy mother.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: She's just like, Honey, and he's like, Mom, I know, but the rules. And also...
SLOAN: Aw, Mom.
HONG: ...I can't feel my left shoulder anymore. I'm sorry, I have to go.
SLOAN: Well, it's weird...
BODDEN: It could be the fact that every flight from New Zealand is so long that you got to say goodbye, like, you know, I may never see you again.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: You're about to board this 19-hour flight to civilization.
BURKE: That is true.
SLOAN: Oh, like flying Spirit Airlines. It's like, this hug going to be long...
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: ...'Cause I might not make it out of the bad neighborhood that is this plane.
HONG: A three-minute-long hug is a really long hug.
SLOAN: No, it's not.
HONG: Yes, it is.
SLOAN: What is wrong with y'all? Three minutes is not a long time.
HONG: Dulce, you can microwave two frozen burritos in three minutes.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: Do you know how much you can get done in three minutes? That is an epic hug, three minutes.
SLOAN: All right. Bill, how did Katie do on our quiz?
KURTIS: She's a champion. She got them all right.
SLOAN: Yay.
(APPLAUSE)
HONG: Go, Katie.
KURTIS: Good going, Katie.
SLOAN: Don't worry, Katie. I'll do your voicemail, girl.
PEEL: All right. Thank you so much.
SLOAN: Thank you.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
SLOAN: Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions from this week's news. All right, now, Alonzo, if you work in New York City, a new bill says that you can use a sick day not just when you're sick, but also when your what is sick?
BODDEN: Your dog, your pet.
SLOAN: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
BODDEN: Absolutely.
SLOAN: When your dog is sick.
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: A New York City councilman is introducing a law that would require employers to let people use sick days if their dog is sick. That makes sense because you don't want to be the guy in the office who gave everybody heartworms.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: Well, this is an interesting law in New York because they're New Yorkers. If a New Yorker calls in sick and you say what's wrong with you, you get, none of your business. I'm sick.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: And they go on about, you know, their day.
HONG: Do you have to prove - like, do you have to get on a Zoom call with your boss and hold up, you know, Buddy? And Buddy's just like...
BURKE: And what if it's one of those breeds that always looks sick?
HONG: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: Like a Frenchie or something...
BURKE: Yeah (laughter).
HONG: ...That's just like (imitates labored breathing).
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: And you're like, see? He can't even breathe. Come on.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Also...
BODDEN: I don't know about all these anti-dog people, but if my dog is sick, I ain't showing up.
(CHEERING)
SLOAN: I hear - I...
BURKE: Yeah, all right, all right. We're clapping that 'cause that's the most American nonsense I've ever heard.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: Adam...
BURKE: Like, sick days for dogs, and Amazon employees don't get any? Like...
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: ...If I was an Amazon employee, I would start dressing up like a Shih Tzu, just so I could get a couple of days off.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "ATOMIC DOG")
GEORGE CLINTON: (Singing) May compete, oh, the dog in you. Bow-wow-wow, yippie-yo (ph), yippie-yay (ph). Bow-wow, yippie-yo, yippie-yay. Bow-wow-wow, yippie-yo, yippie-yay. Bow-wow, yippie-yo, yippie-yay. Untied dog in a telematic society. Ain't your average...
SLOAN: Coming up, our panelists send their greetings in our Bluff The Listener game. Call 1888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT, WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.
(CHEERING)
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago. This is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Adam Burke, Alonzo Bodden and Helen Hong. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, filling in for Peter Sagal - it's Dulce Sloan.
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: Thank you. Right now, it's time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page @waitwaitnpr. Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
KRISTEN: Hi. This is Kristen (ph) from Pittsburgh.
SLOAN: Pittsburgh - I've been to Pittsburgh. What you do in Pittsburgh, girl?
KRISTEN: I'm a high school teacher, and in my spare time I volunteer at a cat rescue called Pittsburgh C.A.T.
SLOAN: Yeah.
(APPLAUSE)
KURTIS: All right.
SLOAN: Thank you for helping the kitty cats. It's so nice to have you, Kristen. Now, you're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. What's the topic, Bill?
KURTIS: Greeting cards in the news.
SLOAN: Ooh, greeting cards. The perfect way to tell someone you do care about them, but not enough to send an actual gift.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Our panelists are going to tell you about an incident involving a greeting card that made the news this week. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win our prize, the WAIT WAITer of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play, Kristen?
KRISTEN: I am ready.
SLOAN: Hey. First up, it's Helen Hong.
HONG: Getting laid off is never fun, but getting laid off and not even getting a goodbye card from your coworkers? Well, that's just criminal. That's what a woman claimed in court, when she sued British Airlines for not giving her a farewell card when she left the company. The cardless woman, who happened to be named Karen (ph)...
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: ...Was so offended that she took legal action. Cardless Karen and the obviously not great lawyer who took on her case had a rude awakening in court when a former colleague testified that they did buy a card, but they didn't give it to her because only three people signed it.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: Awkward. Undaunted, Cardless Karen is now preparing lawsuits against a busload of strangers who didn't all say bless you after she sneezed.
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: A greeting card lawsuit from Helen Hong. Your next noteworthy note card comes from Adam Burke.
BURKE: Nothing says you care for someone like a homemade greeting card, and nothing says you really care for them like getting a professional to make it for you. But not everyone can afford their own writers and artists, which is where bespoke greeting card startup Heart Murmurs comes in. The Iowa-based company seeks to automate the process by using AI to write and design cards tailored to your loved ones. Explains founder Hans Bowman (ph), for our initial testing, we wanted to see what we'd get with zero human intervention. It was here the limitations started to show with participant Liza Crowther (ph) having to apologize to her 72-year-old mother after the latter received a gaudily decorated card that read - roses are red, and neither are you. F Patrick Mahomes, you're 72.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: As Bowman explains, the AI scrubs your social media to sound more like you, so if you say a lot of profane things about the Chiefs, that might come up.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Even more bizarre were some of the attempts at festive missives, with one Ellis Hoskins (ph) getting a card reading - happy holidays, Ellis. Santa is coming for you. There is no escape. Ho ho ho.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Clearly, we've got some work to do, says Bowman.
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: All right. AI going a little too far from Adam Burke. And your last story of some paper in the paper comes from Alonzo Bodden.
BODDEN: When MotorWeek Magazine writer Peter Seat (ph) finally met with the famous Airbags Car Club (ph) in Detroit, it wasn't just their collection of old cars that stood out. It was their collection of greeting cards. What's with all the cards? Well, founding Airbags member Gonzo Raymond (ph) isn't just the owner of a 1963 Impala convertible. He's also the owner of some very passionate opinions about e-cards. Turns out he hates them.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: So everyone started sending him cards, not just birthday and Christmas cards, cards for everything. Did you know April 14 is national ex-spouse day?
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: January 21 is squirrel appreciation day. National left-handers day is August 13. They even got him a card for nothing on January 16 because that's national nothing day.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: OK, Kristen.
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: You've got Helen's story about a woman suing for not getting a farewell card, only to realize she had one, it was just too pathetic to give to her. Adam's story about an AI company writing cards that are a little too personal. And from Alonzo Bodden, e-cards turn an old car collector into a greeting card collector. Which story is the real story?
KRISTEN: OK, this is pretty tough, but I think I'm going to go with Adam's story because, as a teacher, I encounter a lot of bad AI sometimes from students who are rushed to get an assignment in.
SLOAN: Oh, OK. Well, to find out the correct answer, we spoke to someone covering the real story.
(SOUNDBITE OF RADIO SHOW, "THE HAMMER AND NIGEL SHOW")
ALLISON LEMONS: They discovered that the company had a card for Karen, but only two or three people were actually willing to sign it.
(OOHING)
SLOAN: That was Allison Lemons from "The Hammer And Nigel Show," talking about the real story of the card no one wanted to sign. I'm sorry, Kristen, but Helen had the real answer.
(APPLAUSE)
KRISTEN: That's OK.
SLOAN: I'm sorry you didn't win, but you did earn a point for Adam.
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: Thanks for playing with us.
BURKE: Thank you.
SLOAN: Goodbye. Thank you.
KRISTEN: Thank you, bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED (I'M YOURS)")
STEVIE WONDER: (Singing) Like a fool I went and stayed too long. Now I'm wondering if your love's still strong. Ooh, baby, here I am. Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours.
SLOAN: And now it's time for a game we call Not My Job. Basketball and soccer legends Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe are a true sports power couple with seven Olympic medals, countless championships and a Presidential Medal of Freedom between them. Oh, where y'all keep all these medals at? They're also the hosts of "A Touch More," a show about women's sports that, given their track record, will probably be the first podcast to win a Nobel Prize.
(CHEERING)
SLOAN: Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe, welcome to WAIT, WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: OK, so since y'all got all these accolades, do you prefer legends or GOATs? Like, how do you like to be referred to?
(LAUGHTER)
SUE BIRD: Legend.
MEGAN RAPINOE: Legend.
SLOAN: OK.
(CHEERING)
SLOAN: That's classy. So I do have a question about y'all's podcast, it's called "A Touch More," correct? Now, I want to know how did you shift the podcast from, like, a tipsy Instagram live to, like, a full podcast?
BIRD: Well, we took out the tipsy part. That helps.
(LAUGHTER)
BIRD: Got a couple of Google Docs going, and that's basically it.
RAPINOE: That's basically it.
BIRD: And we're pretty much doing the same things...
RAPINOE: We have no idea what we're doing...
BIRD: ...Sans the tipsy.
RAPINOE: ...Is really what it is.
BIRD: I know. We're like, who gave us these jobs? We did.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: So Miss Sue, who's a dream guest for the podcast?
BIRD: A dream guest? I mean, we wouldn't mind having Kamala Harris on, so that would be nice.
(CHEERING)
RAPINOE: This is Megan praying for President Harris.
BIRD: Yeah.
HONG: Have you called Beyonce? - because she knows her.
RAPINOE: She's got an in?
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: Yeah.
BIRD: Megan?
RAPINOE: Yeah.
BIRD: Yeah.
RAPINOE: I'll have to - I'll text her when we're done - be like, hey, Beyonce, we need Miss Harris' number.
BIRD: Yeah.
SLOAN: OK, now, I do have some questions since y'all are like, just, like, this, you know, super sports power couple, just the strongest calves of any relationship.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: I do have a question since y'all are just these iconic, like, legends of sports. Do you remember watching each other play? Like, before y'all met each other? Did you all, like - were you all fans of each other before you all met, Megan?
RAPINOE: Megan says yes.
(LAUGHTER)
BIRD: Megan watched me in college. How do we feel about this?
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Yeah, I do wonder, like, are y'all very competitive? - because you are sports - like, so it makes sense, you know, medals and stuff. A family game night, is it better if y'all are on the same team or opposing teams?
BIRD: Megan won't play games, y'all. Like, Megan won't play games.
RAPINOE: I'm not a gamer.
BIRD: It's so frustrating.
HONG: Really?
BIRD: She won't play cards. She won't play anything.
HONG: Scrabble?
RAPINOE: I'll play some cards, but I don't like to be competitive in life.
(LAUGHTER)
RAPINOE: Even on the field, I was like, wow, someone should fix that (ph).
SLOAN: Girl, what?
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: You have medals. They gave you a big-a** shoe.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: I always figured the person who won four World Cups wasn't that competitive.
(LAUGHTER)
RAPINOE: I mean, we were going to win, you know?
(CHEERING)
SLOAN: I like that. So there's seven Olympic medals, there's championships, there's a giant shoe, a Medal of Freedom. Where do y'all put all these awards? Does your living room just look like a high school lobby? Like, is that where y'all...
BIRD: We actually have none of it in the house.
RAPINOE: None of it.
SLOAN: What?
RAPINOE: It's all, like, in storage or in a safe or something.
BIRD: Basically, so one year we decided, let's be smart about this and buy a safe. So we bought, like, one of those...
RAPINOE: Oh, yeah.
BIRD: ...You know, small ones, whatever, you put in, like, a closet. And then we put it in there, but we never got to the part where you have to, like, drill it into the wall. So somebody could just really come and take the safe is really what I'm saying.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: This sounds like the most insane episode of "Storage Wars."
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: I'm just thinking of all the people you two have beaten for championships and medals and honors, and they're like, they don't even care.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: I trained my whole life. They don't even care. The medal's locked away somewhere.
BURKE: I cried when I lost.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: And there's an unsecured safe just floating around somewhere.
BURKE: I could have just waited and got a jackhammer.
(LAUGHTER)
RAPINOE: Basically, yeah.
HONG: It might as well be in a shoe box. Geez.
BIRD: It was, at one point. It was.
(LAUGHTER)
BIRD: Yeah. We - this is the upgrade.
SLOAN: Wow.
HONG: Are you against just being ostentatious? Do you feel like it's too flashy? It's too gaudy? Like, why don't you have these...
RAPINOE: A little bit. Yeah.
HONG: Really?
SLOAN: You earned...
RAPINOE: And I'm like, you're not going to wear them. They're heavy.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: If I won a giant shoe, I would be wearing that thing around my neck every...
BURKE: Yeah.
HONG: ...Single day.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: I would like your podcast to start with the sound of you just taking all your medals off.
SLOAN: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk.
RAPINOE: It's the first 20 minutes of every...
(LAUGHTER)
BIRD: It's actually her.
(APPLAUSE)
BIRD: It's you.
SLOAN: Well, all right, Sue and Megan, we've asked you here today to play a game we're calling...
KURTIS: Partners In Literal Crime.
SLOAN: (Imitating air horn).
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: So you two are a famous power couple. So we decided to ask you about an infamous power couple, Bonnie and Clyde, who also have seven Olympic medals for free climbing.
(LAUGHTER)
BIRD: I want to know where they keep theirs.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: In their coffins.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: 'Cause they dead. Now...
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: ...Answer two of three questions right and you'll win a prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone from our show on their voicemail. Bill, who are Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe playing for?
KURTIS: Wren Hoptiman (ph) of Seattle, Washington.
SLOAN: Hey. Hey.
(APPLAUSE)
RAPINOE: Hey. Hey.
SLOAN: All right, friends, here's your first question. Bonnie and Clyde committed crimes across the U.S. in a stolen car before being gunned down by Texas Rangers. A surprising thing happened after their death - what? - A, the local baseball team decided to change their name from the Texas Bank Robbers to the Texas Rangers; B, their life insurance policy was fully paid out because insurance companies did not yet have an exception for dying while committing a crime spree; or C, the next year, the site of the shootout became the top location for weddings in all of Texas.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: They're conferring. They're conferring.
BURKE: Yeah. I enjoy the whispering.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Why - who gets it?
RAPINOE: OK, we'll go with...
BIRD: Megan thinks it's C.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: OK.
(APPLAUSE)
BURKE: Oh, my...
SLOAN: Wow.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: And, Miss Sue Bird, do you agree with your partner?
BIRD: Yeah. That's my final answer.
SLOAN: Do you agree?
(LAUGHTER)
BIRD: We're going to go B.
KURTIS: B it is.
BIRD: Doing it together - B.
SLOAN: The answer is B...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: ...Their life insurance policy was fully paid.
(APPLAUSE)
RAPINOE: We did it, yo.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Here's your next question. Bonnie and Clyde are two of the most famous criminals of all time. But Frank Hamer, the Texas Ranger who finally caught them, has his own claim to fame - what? He's - A, one of the earliest people on record to use the phrase bust a cap...
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: ...B, he's the Frank that frankfurters are named after; or C, he hit No. 1 on the charts with a song called "I Shot Bonnie And Clyde."
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: He's one of the...
BIRD: OK, A. A.
(LAUGHTER)
RAPINOE: It's B.
SLOAN: You know what? Actually, yeah, it's A.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
KURTIS: (Laughter).
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: After the shootout, Hamer said, quote, "I hate to bust the cap on a woman. However, if it wouldn't have been her, it would have been us." And gangster rap was changed forever.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: What a thing to learn. All right.
BURKE: Yeah. Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Here is your last question. Bonnie and Clyde have a preferred getaway vehicle, the Ford V8 Model B. Apparently, Clyde loved the car so much that he once did what? - A, got a tattoo of one on his arm next to the word zoom...
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: ...B, called the editor of the Dallas Morning News, insisting the paper refer to them as Bonnie and Clyde and their Ford V8 Model B; or C, wrote Henry Ford a letter praising the car, quote, "sustained speed and freedom from trouble."
(LAUGHTER)
RAPINOE: Sue thinks it's A.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: I can read the answer.
(LAUGHTER)
RAPINOE: I think it's...
SUE BIRD AND MEGAN RAPINOE: ...C.
SLOAN: The answer's C.
(CHEERING)
SLOAN: But, sadly for Ford, everyone knows that today, the best getaway car is the Nissan Altima.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Bill, how did Sue and Megan do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Proving they are always winners.
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: (Imitating air horn). Aye, yeah. They got the pose, come on, medals...
BURKE: We would send you a trophy, but what would be the point?
(LAUGHTER)
RAPINOE: It's not worth it.
SLOAN: It's going in a storage unit in Silver Lake anyway. Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe are legends in their respective sports. New episodes of their podcast, "A Touch More," drop every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts. So Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe.
(CHEERING)
SLOAN: Thank you so much for joining us on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "'03 BONNIE & CLYDE")
JAY-Z: (Rapping) Young B, cruisin' down the westside highway, doing what we like to do our way. Eyes behind shades, this necklace the reason all of my dates are blind dates.
SLOAN: In just a minute, we reveal the underground wedding scene in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME from NPR.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Helen Hong, Adam Burke and Alonzo Bodden. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, filling in for Peter Sagal - it's Dulce Sloan.
(APPLAUSE)
BURKE: Yay.
SLOAN: Thank you. In just a minute, Bill has dinner with Busta Rhymes in our Listener Limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, call us at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions from the week's news. Adam.
BURKE: Yep.
SLOAN: Now, you're familiar with tech neck, right?
BURKE: Nope.
SLOAN: OK.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: You're not up on the latest terms. So tech neck, the Quasimodo look you get after staring at your phone all the time...
BURKE: OK.
SLOAN: ...Right? Well, this week, we read about a new way to get rid of it. What is it?
BURKE: Throw your phone into the river.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: Yes.
SLOAN: OK. What about a way to cover it up?
BURKE: Oh. Cover up tech - is it, like, wear, like - wear one of those travel pillows all the time?
SLOAN: You might say not all heroes...
BURKE: Oh, is it - oh, there are special, like, tech neck capes?
SLOAN: Yes. They are...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: ...Telling people...
HONG: What?
SLOAN: ...To wear a cape...
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: ...To cover up your tech neck. If you weren't getting beat up enough.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: So we're all, you know, crumbled over our phones a hundred hours a day, giving our neck that fresh off of a, you know, roller coaster accident look. And it's called tech neck, or as your mother used to call it - (yelling) stand up straight.
HONG: But now you can look like Supergirl doing it.
BURKE: Yeah. Or, like, yeah, the crappiest superhero. It's Instagram Stalker Man.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: No.
HONG: I don't understand how the cape covers up the hunchback. Doesn't it just - doesn't it make you just look like you have a hunchback with a cape on it?
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: No, that's what the pleats are for, Helen - pleats.
BURKE: Yeah.
BODDEN: Well, we also have the increasing intensity of these storms. Now, God forbid you're wearing your cape...
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: ...When a Category 4 blows in. You are gone. What happened to him? Oh, that cape was tied a little too tight - last seen floating over Indiana. I don't know.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: So yeah, when your cape gets caught in a revolving door and you get strangled to death, it'd be like, well, at least he doesn't have tech neck.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: He has no neck.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: But he's fine now. Helen.
HONG: Yes.
SLOAN: Companies are trying a new way to capture buyers' attention in the store. It's packaging their products how?
HONG: Packaging their products - I think I need a hint.
SLOAN: You thought they were - you thought you were getting M&Ms, but surprise, it's paper clips.
HONG: Packaging their products in just the completely wrong packaging?
SLOAN: That is right.
HONG: What?
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: In a trend called chaos packaging...
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: ...Companies are putting perfume in cleaner spray bottles, gin in motor oil containers. And for when you accidentally drink motor oil thinking it's gin, just look for your first aid kit in a nearby soup can.
HONG: What?
SLOAN: Like, companies are doing this for the same consumers that are eating Tide Pods in the correct packaging.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: Isn't this called fraud?
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: I would think so, but also - and this is true - there's an ice cream tub of tampons.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: Oh, man.
SLOAN: It's either brilliant marketing or Ben & Jerry's worst flavor ever.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: This is definitely somebody at the factory quiet quitting...
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: ...Like, quiet quitting really hard and then just being like, you know, just put motor oil in it. I don't know.
BODDEN: Now, does this work both ways? Can I take a can of peas to Nordstrom and say, I'm returning these designer shoes?
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: I'd like my money back.
SLOAN: Ooh, that's good. Or I can take my ex and return him to his mom and be like, hey, you lied to me.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: On the outside, he was a good man, but on the inside, he was trash. I brought a receipt. Here, ma'am. Take him back.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
SLOAN: Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks, including next week, for a fun Halloween show right here at the beautiful Studebaker Theater in Chicago.
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: We'll be back at the Fox Theatre in Detroit on 14 November. You can also join us in New York City at Carnegie Hall in December. For tickets and info, go to nprpresents.org. Also, check out this week's How To Do Everything. Ian and Mike help you optimize your Halloween candy and talk to The Fonz himself about how to be cool.
Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
JOHN BLANKENSHIP: How is everybody? My name is John Blankenship (ph).
SLOAN: And where are you from?
BLANKENSHIP: My family and I live in Franklin, Tennessee, just a few minutes south of Nashville.
SLOAN: I have been through Franklin, Tennessee. It is very nice.
UNIDENTIFIED AUDIENCE MEMBER: Woo.
SLOAN: And what do you do for a living?
BLANKENSHIP: I work at a small marketing - digital marketing agency that my - one of my best friends started a couple of years ago.
SLOAN: I don't know what that job does. Welcome to the show, John.
(LAUGHTER)
BLANKENSHIP: I don't know what the job does half the time, either. It's OK.
SLOAN: We're in the same boat. All right. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you're a winner, baby. Now, here is your first limerick.
KURTIS: On a rail car, don't dress like a schlub, hey, and don't stand in the cheap catered grub's way. Champagne corks will pop as they're calling out stops 'cause our wedding is held on the...
BLANKENSHIP: Subway?
KURTIS: Yes.
SLOAN: That's right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
KURTIS: Good one.
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: In nasty news, there's a growing trend where people are holding weddings and receptions on the subway. It's perfect if your only guests are break dancers, a mariachi band and a tall person coughing directly onto a short person's head.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: Is this in New York City?
SLOAN: Yes. And according to The New York Times, the N train is the most sought-after wedding venue this year, and the wedding DJ is some guy watching YouTube without headphones.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: I wouldn't mind going on a morning commute and suddenly being, like, yeah, I'll have some cake. Sure, yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: Pass me some champagne.
BODDEN: So when the train stops, just randoms jump on the train and like, hey, look, we're at a wedding.
SLOAN: Yeah, you can't hold up - it's Babylon every time you get on a train car, anyway.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: All right, here is your next limerick.
KURTIS: My love for green foods began rockily, but I know that they're good for me, luckily. And that sulfurous smell helps my body feel well. Now, I'll really start eating more...
BLANKENSHIP: Broccoli.
SLOAN: Hey.
KURTIS: Yes.
HONG: Hey.
SLOAN: Broccoli. Jonathan (ph), The New York Times clearly had some extra time this week because, after a thorough investigation, they're reporting that broccoli is healthy.
HONG: What?
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: I mean, of course, it is. Look at it. It's a tiny tree.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: So did they have, like, a guest editor this week that was just every mother from the 1970s?
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Or some type of farm-to-table con job where somebody's like, I got this broccoli I got to push. Call my brother at The New York Times.
BURKE: Yeah, Big Cauliflower couldn't afford it.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: 'Cause it was too busy being pizza.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: All right, Jonathan. Here's your last limerick.
KURTIS: This resort meal is scenic and cool, but I got my eggs wet like a fool. There's chlorine in my drink. Dropped my fork, now it sinks. Still, I love breakfast served in the...
BLANKENSHIP: Pool.
SLOAN: Hey.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: The fun, new way for rich people to be ridiculous is to eat breakfast in the pool.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: The Washington Post reports that this is popular with influencers and other people trying to convince you to eat wet toast.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Also, were The Washington Post and The New York Times having a competition for the dumbest article?
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: Definitely a slow week on the news desk.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Bill, how did John do?
KURTIS: John is a perfect player. Thank you, John.
SLOAN: Hey.
(APPLAUSE)
BLANKENSHIP: Hey.
SLOAN: Thank you, John, for listening.
BLANKENSHIP: Thank you so much. It was great to be on with you all. Thank you.
BURKE: Thanks, Jonathan.
SLOAN: Thank you, friend.
BODDEN: Have a good one, John.
BURKE: Take care.
BLANKENSHIP: Thank you.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BREAKFAST CAN WAIT")
PRINCE: (Singing) Grits and gravy. Grits and gravy. Cheese, eggs and jam. Can't nobody cook it like you, girl. No, ma'am. This here early morning, I need something else on my plate, a little more on my plate. I think I want another bite of you, babe.
SLOAN: Now, onto our final game - Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
KURTIS: Adam and Helen each have three. Alonzo has two.
SLOAN: All right, Alonzo. You're in third place.
BODDEN: Yes.
SLOAN: So you're up first. Fill in the blank - during her CNN town hall on Wednesday, Kamala Harris said she believes that Donald Trump is a what?
BODDEN: Wow.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: We're just going to leave that open like that. I think it was fascist.
SLOAN: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: This week, states reported that over 28 million people had blanked early.
BODDEN: Voted.
SLOAN: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: This week, the U.S. announced that cease-fire talks with blank would resume.
BODDEN: Israel?
SLOAN: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: On Tuesday, the International Monetary Fund said that global blank rates have continued to fall.
BODDEN: Interest.
SLOAN: Inflation rates.
BODDEN: Oops.
SLOAN: Is that the same thing?
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Last week, the BBC apologized after their weather app forecasted blank in London.
BODDEN: Pennies from heaven?
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Thirteen thousand mile-per-hour wind.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: That was my next guess.
BURKE: (Laughter).
SLOAN: Absolutely. On Thursday, the New York Liberty was honored with the ticker-tape parade after winning the blank championship.
BODDEN: WNBA.
SLOAN: Hey.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: This week, it was revealed that the big secret behind a German...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SLOAN: ...Restaurant's best-selling pizza was that it came with a side of...
BODDEN: Pizza from Italy?
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: I know this one. Do you know this one?
HONG: I know this one.
BURKE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SLOAN: Cocaine.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: So police said that anyone who ordered a No. 30, you know, they thought it was weird. It would come with, like, breadsticks, a drink and, like, a bag of cocaine. And weirdly enough, the same thing happened at that Chuck E. Cheese where the animatronic band was really into EDM.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Bill, how did Alonzo do?
KURTIS: Four right. Eight more points. Total of 10 puts him in the lead.
SLOAN: OK, Adam, you're up next. Fill in the blank - after an E. coli outbreak linked to the restaurant, blank said its food is safe to eat.
BURKE: McDonald's.
SLOAN: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: On Thursday, the DA in Los Angeles announced plans to resentence the blank brothers.
BURKE: The Menendez.
SLOAN: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: This week, the White House confirmed that North Korea was sending soldiers to aid blank's war against Ukraine.
BURKE: Russia.
SLOAN: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: On Tuesday, it was ruled that Rudy Giuliani must turn over his Manhattan apartment to the blank workers he defamed.
BURKE: Election workers.
SLOAN: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: Weeks after it was discovered that many zoo pandas were just dogs in disguise...
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: ...A shark at an aquarium in China was found to be a blank.
BURKE: A panda in disguise.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: A robot.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: On Tuesday, LeBron James made history by playing in an NBA game with his blank.
BURKE: Son.
SLOAN: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: On Wednesday, a Polish radio station announced it had replaced all its journalists with blank.
BURKE: AI.
SLOAN: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: This week, it was revealed that a team of hackers...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SLOAN: ...Successfully overwrote robot vacuums around the country and forced them to blank.
BURKE: Rise up against their human oppressors.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Forced them to chase their human oppressors' pets around the house.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: The company that makes the vacuums said not only were the hackers able to remotely control the vacuums to chase pets around, but they were also able to talk through the built-in speakers, which raises the question, why does a vacuum need speakers?
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: If...
SLOAN: No one's ever been like, man, I love my vacuum. I just wish it was louder.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: If my Roomba's chasing my cat, can I call in sick in New York?
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Yes.
BURKE: OK, good.
SLOAN: Bill, how did Adam do?
KURTIS: He got six right, twelve more points. And the total is 15 and the lead.
SLOAN: Ooh.
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: OK. So Bill, how many does Helen need to win?
KURTIS: Six to tie. Seven to win.
SLOAN: Helen, you ready for the game?
HONG: I'm ready.
SLOAN: OK, sis. On Wednesday, striking airplane mechanics again rejected a contract offer from blank.
HONG: Boeing.
SLOAN: Ha. Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: On Monday, aid workers warned of dire conditions for refugees trapped in blank.
HONG: Gaza.
SLOAN: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: On Friday, President Biden formally apologized for the government's role in boarding schools that stripped blank of their culture and language.
HONG: Native Americans.
SLOAN: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: For the first time, Vice President Kamala Harris said she supported raising the blank to $15 an hour.
HONG: Federal minimum wage.
SLOAN: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SLOAN: This week, footage revealed a sheriff in Georgia had called in three deputies for backup when he blanked.
HONG: Clogged a toilet.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: When he got the wrong order at Burger King.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: This week, investigators confirmed...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SLOAN: ...That a newly opened fire station in Germany burned down because the fire department forgot blank.
HONG: Pay the water bill.
SLOAN: They forgot fire alarms.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: Because they were eating pizza with cocaine on it.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Now, the firefighters could have saved it. The problem is they're taught to go down the pole. No one's ever taught them how to go back up.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Bill, did Helen do well enough to win?
KURTIS: Four right, eight more points, total of 11 - means Adam Burke is the winner this week.
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: Congratulations, Adam. You are this week's champion.
BURKE: (Laughter).
SLOAN: Now, coming up, our panelists predict after the three-minute-long hug what will be the next surprising rule at the airport.
Now, panel, what will be the next rule at the airport? Alonzo Bodden.
BODDEN: The don't-you-know-who-I-am people are not allowed to board the airplane because they don't know who they are.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: Helen Hong.
HONG: If you get randomly selected for a pat-down inspection, the TSA officer first has to have a staring contest with you for three minutes.
(LAUGHTER)
SLOAN: And Adam Burke.
BURKE: If your plane is a Boeing, your boarding pass will have a handy last will and testament...
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: ...Printed on the back.
(APPLAUSE)
KURTIS: Well, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it on, WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
SLOAN: Thank you, Bill Kurtis.
(APPLAUSE)
SLOAN: Thanks also to Adam Burke, Helen Hong and Alonzo Bodden. And thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Dulce Sloan, and we'll see you next week.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
SLOAN: This is NPR.
Copyright © 2024 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.
NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by an NPR contractor. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.